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第20章

道林格雷的画像_奥斯卡·王尔德-第20章

小说: 道林格雷的画像_奥斯卡·王尔德 字数: 每页3500字

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。〃

the painter felt strangely moved。 the lad was infinitely dear to him; and his personality had been the great turning point in his art。 he could not bear the idea of reproaching him any more。 after all; his indifference was probably merely a mood that would pass away。 there was so much in him that was good; so much in him that was noble。

〃well; dorian;〃 he said at length; with a sad smile; 〃i wont speak to you again about this horrible thing; after to…day。 i only trust your name wont be mentioned in connection with it。 the inquest is to take place this afternoon。 have they summoned you?〃

dorian shook his head; and a look of annoyance passed over his face at the mention of the word 〃inquest。〃 there was something so crude and vulgar about everything of the kind。 〃they dont know my name;〃 he answered。

〃but surely she did?〃

〃only my christian name; and that i am quite sure she never mentioned to any one。 she told me once that they were all rather curious to learn who i was; and that she invariably told them my name was prince charming。 it was pretty of her。 you must do me a drawing of sibyl; basil。 i should like to have something more of her than the memory of a few kisses and some broken pathetic words。〃

〃i will try and do something; dorian; if it would please you。 but you must e and sit to me yourself again。 i cant get on without you。〃

〃i can never sit to you again; basil。 it is impossible!〃 he exclaimed; starting back。

the painter stared at him。 〃my dear boy; what nonsense!〃 he cried。 〃do you mean to say you dont like what i did of you? where is it? why have you pulled the screen in front of it? let me look at it。 it is the best thing i have ever done。 do take the screen away; dorian。 it is simply disgraceful of your servant hiding my work like that。 i felt the room looked different as i came in。〃

〃my servant has nothing to do with it; basil。 you dont imagine i let him arrange my room for me? he settles my flowers for me sometimes that is all。 no; i did it myself。 the light was too strong on the portrait。〃

〃too strong! surely not; my dear fellow? it is an admirable place for it。 let me see it。〃 and hallward walked towards the corner of the room。

a cry of terror broke from dorian grays lips; and he rushed between the painter and the screen。 〃basil;〃 he said; looking very pale; 〃you must not look at it。 i dont wish you to。〃

〃not look at my own work! you are not serious。 why shouldnt i look at it?〃 exclaimed hallward; laughing。

〃if you try to look at it; basil; on my word of honour i will never speak to you again as long as i live。 i am quite serious。 i dont offer any explanation; and you are not to ask for any。 but; remember; if you touch this screen; everything is over between us。〃

hallward was thunderstruck。 he looked at dorian gray in absolute amazement。 he had never seen him like this before。 the lad was actually pallid with rage。 his hands were clenched; and the pupils of his eyes were like disks of blue fire。 he was trembling all over。

〃dorian!〃

〃dont speak!〃

〃but what is the matter? of course i wont look at it if you dont want me to;〃 he said; rather coldly; turning on his heel and going over towards the window。 〃but; really; it seems rather absurd that i shouldnt see my own work; especially as i am going to exhibit it in paris in the autumn。 i shall probably have to give it another coat of varnish before that; so i must see it some day; and why not to…day?〃

〃to exhibit it! you want to exhibit it?〃 exclaimed dorian gray; a strange sense of terror creeping over him。 was the world going to be shown his secret? were people to gape at the mystery of his life? that was impossible。 somethinghe did not know whathad to be done at once。

〃yes; i dont suppose you will object to that。 georges petit is going to collect all my best pictures for a special exhibition in the rue de seze; which will open the first week in october。 the portrait will only be away a month。 i should think you could easily spare it for that time。 in fact; you are sure to be out of town。 and if you keep it always behind a screen; you cant care much about it。〃

dorian gray passed his hand over his forehead。 there were beads of perspiration there。 he felt that he was on the brink of a horrible danger。 〃you told me a month ago that you would never exhibit it;〃 he cried。 〃why have you changed your mind? you people who go in for being consistent have just as many moods as others have。 the only difference is that your moods are rather meaningless。 you cant have forgotten that you assured me most solemnly that nothing in the world would induce you to send it to any exhibition。 you told harry exactly the same thing。〃 he stopped suddenly; and a gleam of light came into his eyes。 he remembered that lord henry had said to him once; half seriously and half in jest; 〃if you want to have a strange quarter of an hour; get basil to tell you why he wont exhibit your picture。 he told me why he wouldnt; and it was a revelation to me。〃 yes; perhaps basil; too; had his secret。 he would ask him and try。

〃basil;〃 he said; ing over quite close and looking him straight in the face; 〃we have each of us a secret。 let me know yours; and i shall tell you mine。 what was your reason for refusing to exhibit my picture?〃

the painter shuddered in spite of himself。 〃dorian; if i told you; you might like me less than you do; and you would certainly laugh at me。 i could not bear your doing either of those two things。 if you wish me never to look at your picture again; i am content。 i have always you to look at。 if you wish the best work i have ever done to be hidden from the world; i am satisfied。 your friendship is dearer to me than any fame or reputation。〃

〃no; basil; you must tell me;〃 insisted dorian gray。 〃i think i have a right to know。〃 his feeling of terror had passed away; and curiosity had taken its place。 he was determined to find out basil hallwards mystery。

〃let us sit down; dorian;〃 said the painter; looking troubled。 〃let us sit down。 and just answer me one question。 have you noticed in the picture something curious?something that probably at first did not strike you; but that revealed itself to you suddenly?〃

〃basil!〃 cried the lad; clutching the arms of his chair with trembling hands and gazing at him with wild startled eyes。

〃i see you did。 dont speak。 wait till you hear what i have to say。 dorian; from the moment i met you; your personality had the most extraordinary influence over me。 i was dominated; soul; brain; and power; by you。 you became to me the visible incarnation of that unseen ideal whose memory haunts us artists like an exquisite dream。 i worshipped you。 i grew jealous of every one to whom you spoke。 i wanted to have you all to myself。 i was only happy when i was with you。 when you were away from me; you were still present in my art。。。。 of course; i never let you know anything about this。 it would have been impossible。 you would not have understood it。 i hardly understood it myself。 i only knew that i had seen perfection face to face; and that the world had bee wonderful to my eyes too wonderful; perhaps; for in such mad worships there is peril; the peril of losing them; no less than the peril of keeping them。。。。 weeks and weeks went on; and i grew more and more absorbed in you。 then came a new development。 i had drawn you as paris in dainty armour; and as adonis with huntsmans cloak and polished boar…spear。 crowned with heavy lotus…blossoms you had sat on the prow of adrians barge; gazing across the green turbid nile。 you had leaned over the still pool of some greek woodland and seen in the waters silent silver the marvel of your own face。 and it had all been what art should beunconscious; ideal; and remote。 one day; a fatal day i sometimes think; i determined to paint a wonderful portrait of you as you actually are; not in the costume of dead ages; but in your own dress and in your own time。 whether it was the realism of the method; or the mere wonder of your own personality; thus directly presented to me without mist or veil; i cannot tell。 but i know that as i worked at it; every flake and film of colour seemed to me to reveal my secret。 i grew afraid that others would know of my idolatry。 i felt; dorian; that i had told too much; that i had put too much of myself into it。 then it was that i resolved never to allow the picture to be exhibited。 you were a little annoyed; but then you did not realize all that it meant to me。 harry; to whom i talked about it; laughed at me。 but i did not mind that。 when the picture was finished; and i sat alone with it; i felt that i was right。。。。 well; after a few days the thing left my studio; and as soon as i had got rid of the intolerable fascination of its presence; it seemed to me that i had been foolish in imagining that i had seen anything in it; more than that you were extremely good…looking and that i could paint。 even now i cannot help feeling that it is a mistake to think that the passion one feels in creation is ever really shown in the work one creates。 art is always more abstract than we fancy。 form and colour tell us of form and colourthat is all。 it often seems to me that art conceals the artist far more pletely than it ever reveals him。 and so when i got this offer from paris; i determined to make your portrait the principal thing in my exhibition。 it never occurred to me that you would refuse。 i see now that you were right。 the picture cannot be shown。 you must not be angry with me; dorian; for what i have told you。 as i said to harry; once; you are made to be worshipped。〃

dorian gray drew a long breath。 the colour came back to his cheeks; and a smile played about his lips。 the peril was over。 he was safe for the time。 yet he could not help feeling infinite pity for the painter who had just made this strange confession to him; and wondered if he himself would ever be so dominated by the personality of a friend。 lord henry had the charm of being very dangerous。 but that was all。 he was too clever and too cynical to be really fond of。 would there ever be some one who would fill him with a strange idolatry? was that one of the things that life had in store?

〃it is extraordinary to me; dorian;〃 said hallward; 〃that you should have seen this in the portrait。 did you really see it?〃

〃i saw something in it;〃 he answered; 〃something that seemed to me very curious。〃

〃well; you dont mind my looking at the thing now?〃

dorian shook his head。 〃you must not ask me that; basil。 i could not possibly let you stand in front of that picture。〃

〃you will some day; surely?〃

〃never。〃

〃well; perhaps you are right。 and now good…bye; dorian。 you have been the one person in my life who has really influenced my art。 whatever i have done that is good; i owe to you。 ah! you dont know what it cost me to tell you all that i have told you。〃

〃my dear basil;〃 said dorian; 〃what have you told me? simply that you felt that you admired me too much。 that is not even a pliment。〃

〃it was not intended as a pliment。 it was a confession。 now that i have made it; something seems to have gone out of me。 perhaps one should never put ones worship into words。〃

〃it was a very disappointing confession。〃

〃why; what did you expect; dorian? you didnt see anything else in the

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