adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第103章
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last suggestion that she looked like a wild woman。 As she followed
him out of the hovel she thought she would give him a sixpence for
telling her the way； and then he would not suppose she was wild。
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As he stopped to point out the road to her； she put her hand in her
pocket to get the six…pence ready； and when he was turning away；
without saying good…morning； she held it out to him and said；
“Thank you； will you please to take something for your trouble？”
He looked slowly at the sixpence； and then said； “I want none o’
your money。 You’d better take care on ’t； else you’ll get it stool
from yer； if you go trapesin’ about the fields like a mad woman a…
that’n。”
The man left her without further speech； and Hetty held on her
way。 Another day had risen； and she must wander on。 It was no
use to think of drowning herself—she could not do it； at least while
she had money left to buy food and strength to journey on。 But the
incident on her waking this morning heightened her dread of that
time when her money would be all gone； she would have to sell
her basket and clothes then； and she would really look like a
beggar or a wild woman； as the man had said。 The passionate joy
in life she had felt in the night； after escaping from the brink of the
black cold death in the pool； was gone now。 Life now； by the
morning light； with the impression of that man’s hard wondering
look at her； was as full of dread as death—it was worse； it was a
dread to which she felt chained； from which she shrank and
shrank as she did from the black pool； and yet could find no refuge
from it。
She took out her money from her purse； and looked at it。 She
had still two…and…twenty shillings； it would serve her for many
days more； or it would help her to get on faster to Stonyshire；
within reach of Dinah。 The thought of Dinah urged itself more
strongly now； since the experience of the night had driven her
shuddering imagination away from the pool。 If it had been only
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going to Dinah—if nobody besides Dinah would ever know—Hetty
could have made up her mind to go to her。 The soft voice； the
pitying eyes； would have drawn her。 But afterwards the other
people must know； and she could no more rush on that shame
than she could rush on death。
She must wander on and on； and wait for a lower depth of
despair to give her courage。 Perhaps death would come to her； for
she was getting less and less able to bear the day’s weariness。 And
yet—such is the strange action of our souls； drawing us by a
lurking desire towards the very ends we dread—Hetty； when she
set out again from Norton； asked the straightest road northwards
towards Stonyshire； and kept it all that day。
Poor wandering Hetty； with the rounded childish face and the
hard； unloving； despairing soul looking out of it—with the narrow
heart and narrow thoughts； no room in them for any sorrows but
her own； and tasting that sorrow with the more intense bitterness！
My heart bleeds for her as I see her toiling along on her weary
feet； or seated in a cart； with her eyes fixed vacantly on the road
before her； never thinking or caring whither it tends； till hunger
comes and makes her desire that a village may be near。
What will be the end； the end of her objectless wandering； apart
from all love； caring for human beings only through her pride；
clinging to life only as the hunted wounded brute clings to it？
God preserve you and me from being the beginners of such
misery！
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Chapter XXXVIII
The Quest
he first ten days after Hetty’s departure passed as quietly
as any other days with the family at the Hall Farm； and
T
with Adam at his daily work。 They had expected Hetty to
stay away a week or ten days at least； perhaps a little longer if
Dinah came back with her； because there might then be
something to detain them at Snowfield。 But when a fortnight had
passed they began to feel a little surprise that Hetty did not return；
she must surely have found it pleasanter to be with Dinah than
any one could have supposed。 Adam； for his part； was getting very
impatient to see her； and he resolved that； if she did not appear
the next day （Saturday）； he would set out on Sunday morning to
fetch her。 There was no coach on a Sunday； but by setting out
before it was light； and perhaps getting a lift in a cart by the way；
he would arrive pretty early at Snowfield； and bring back Hetty
the next day—Dinah too； if she were coming。 It was quite time
Hetty came home； and he would afford to lose his Monday for the
sake of bringing her。
His project was quite approved at the Farm when he went there
on Saturday evening。 Mrs。 Poyser desired him emphatically not to
come back without Hetty； for she had been quite too long away；
considering the things she had to get ready by the middle of
March； and a week was surely enough for any one to go out for
their health。 As for Dinah； Mrs。 Poyser had small hope of their
bringing her； unless they could make her believe the folks at
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Hayslope were twice as miserable as the folks at Snowfield。
“Though；” said Mrs。 Poyser； by way of conclusion； “you might tell
her she’s got but one aunt left； and she’s wasted pretty nigh to a
shadder； and we shall p’rhaps all be gone twenty mile farther off
her next Michaelmas； and shall die o’ broken hearts among
strange folks； and leave the children fatherless and motherless。”
“Nay； nay；” said Mr。 Poyser； who certainly had the air of a man
perfectly heart…whole； “it isna so bad as that。 Thee ’t looking rarely
now； and getting flesh every day。 But I’d be glad for Dinah t’ come；
for she’d help thee wi’ the little uns： they took t’ her wonderful。”
So at daybreak； on Sunday； Adam set off。 Seth went with him
the first mile or two； for the thought of Snowfield and the
possibility that Dinah might come again made him restless； and
the walk with Adam in the cold morning air； both in their best
clothes； helped to give him a sense of Sunday calm。 It was the last
morning in February； with a low grey sky； and a slight hoar…frost
on the green border of the road and on the black hedges。 They
heard the gurgling of the full brooklet hurrying down the hill； and
the faint twittering of the early birds。 For they walked in silence；
though with a pleased sense of companionship。
“Good…bye； lad；” said Adam； laying his hand on Seth’s shoulder
and looking at him affectionately as they were about to part。 “I
wish thee wast going all the way wi’ me； and as happy as I am。”
“I’m content； Addy； I’m content；” said Seth cheerfully。 “I’ll be
an old bachelor； belike； and make a fuss wi’ thy children。”
They turned away from each other； and Seth walked leisurely
homeward； mentally repeating one of his favourite hymns—he was
very fond of hymns：
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Dark and cheerless is the morn
Unaccompanied by thee：
Joyless is the day’s return
Till thy mercy’s beams I see：
Till thou inward light impart；
Glad my eyes and warm my heart。
Visit； then； this soul of mine；
Pierce the gloom of sin and grief—
Fill me； Radiancy Divine；
Scatter all my unbelief。
More and more thyself display；
Shining to the perfect day。
Adam walked much faster； and any one coming along the
Oakbourne road at sunrise that morning must have had a pleasant
sight in this tall broad…chested man； striding along with a carriage
as upright and firm as any soldier’s； glancing with keen glad eyes
at the dark…blue hills as they began to show themselves on his way。
Seldom in Adam’s life had his face been so free from any cloud of
anxiety as it was this morning； and this freedom from care； as is
usual with constructive practical minds like his； made him all the
more observant of the objects round him and all the more ready to
gather suggestions from them towards his own favourite plans and
ingenious contrivances。 His happy love—the knowledge that his
steps were carrying him nearer and nearer to Hetty； who was so
soon to be his—was to his thoughts what the sweet morning air
was to his sensations： it gave him a consciousness of well…being
that made activity delightful。 Every now and then there was a rush
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of more intense feeling towards her； which chased away other
ima
