adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第120章
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But I was so tired； and it was getting towards dark。 And at last； by
the roadside there was a barn—ever such a way off any house—
like the barn in Abbot’s Close； and I thought I could go in there
and hide myself among the hay and straw； and nobody ’ud be
likely to come。 I went in； and it was half full o’ trusses of straw； and
there was some hay too。 And I made myself a bed； ever so far
behind； where nobody could find me； and I was so tired and weak；
I went to sleep 。 。 。 But oh； the baby’s crying kept waking me； and I
thought that man as looked at me so was come and laying hold of
me。 But I must have slept a long while at last； though I didn’t
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know； for when I got up and went out of the barn； I didn’t know
whether it was night or morning。 But it was morning； for it kept
getting lighter； and I turned back the way I’d come。 I couldn’t help
it； Dinah； it was the baby’s crying made me go—and yet I was
frightened to death。 I thought that man in the smock…frock ’ud see
me and know I put the baby there。 But I went on； for all that。 I’d
left off thinking about going home—it had gone out o’ my mind。 I
saw nothing but that place in the wood where I’d buried the baby 。
。 。 I see it now。 Oh Dinah！ shall I allays see it？”
Hetty clung round Dinah and shuddered again。 The silence
seemed long before she went on。
“I met nobody； for it was very early； and I got into the wood 。 。 。
I knew the way to the place 。 。 。 the place against the nut…tree； and
I could hear it crying at every step 。 。 。 I thought it was alive 。 。 。 I
don’t know whether I was frightened or glad 。 。 。 I don’t know what
I felt。 I only know I was in the wood and heard the cry。 I don’t
know what I felt till I saw the baby was gone。 And when I’d put it
there； I thought I should like somebody to find it and save it from
dying； but when I saw it was gone； I was struck like a stone； with
fear。 I never thought o’ stirring； I felt so weak。 I knew I couldn’t
run away； and everybody as saw me ’ud know about the baby。 My
heart went like a stone。 I couldn’t wish or try for anything； it
seemed like as if I should stay there for ever； and nothing ’ud ever
change。 But they came and took me away。”
Hetty was silent； but she shuddered again； as if there was still
something behind； and Dinah waited； for her heart was so full that
tears must come before words。 At last Hetty burst out； with a sob；
“Dinah； do you think God will take away that crying and the place
in the wood； now I’ve told everything？”
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“Let us pray； poor sinner。 Let us fall on our knees again； and
pray to the God of all mercy。”
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Chapter XLVI
The Hours of Suspense
n Sunday morning； when the church bells in Stoniton
were ringing for morning service； Bartle Massey re…
O
entered Adam’s room； after a short absence； and said；
“Adam； here’s a visitor wants to see you。”
Adam was seated with is back towards the door； but he started
up and turned round instantly； with a flushed face and an eager
look。 His face was even thinner and more worn than we have seen
it before； but he was washed and shaven this Sunday morning。
“Is it any news？” he said。
“Keep yourself quiet； my lad；” said Bartle； “keep quiet。 It’s not
what you’re thinking of。 It’s the young Methodist woman come
from the prison。 She’s at the bottom o’ the stairs； and wants to
know if you think well to see her； for she has something to say to
you about that poor castaway； but she wouldn’t come in without
your leave； she said。 She thought you’d perhaps like to go out and
speak to her。 These preaching women are not so back’ard
commonly；” Bartle muttered to himself。
“Ask her to come in；” said Adam。
He was standing with his face towards the door； and as Dinah
entered； lifting up her mild grey eyes towards him； she saw at once
the great change that had come since the day when she had looked
up at the tall man in the cottage。 There was a trembling in her
clear voice as she put her hand into his and said； “Be comforted；
Adam Bede； the Lord has not forsaken her。”
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“Bless you for coming to her；” Adam said。 “Mr。 Massey brought
me word yesterday as you was come。”
They could neither of them say any more just yet； but stood
before each other in silence； and Bartle Massey； too； who had put
on his spectacles； seemed transfixed； examining Dinah’s face。 But
he recovered himself first； and said； “Sit down； young woman； sit
down；” placing the chair for her and retiring to his old seat on the
bed。
“Thank you； friend； I won’t sit down；” said Dinah； “for I must
hasten back。 She entreated me not to stay long away。 What I came
for； Adam Bede； was to pray you to go and see the poor sinner and
bid her farewell。 She desires to ask your forgiveness； and it is meet
you should see her to…day； rather than in the early morning； when
the time will be short。”
Adam stood trembling； and at last sank down on his chair
again。
“It won’t be；” he said； “it’ll be put off—there’ll perhaps come a
pardon。 Mr。 Irwine said there was hope。 He said； I needn’t quite
give it up。”
“That’s a blessed thought to me；” said Dinah； her eyes filling
with tears。 “It’s a fearful thing hurrying her soul away so fast。”
“But let what will be；” she added presently。 “You will surely
come； and let her speak the words that are in her heart。 Although
her poor soul is very dark and discerns little beyond the things of
the flesh； she is no longer hard。 She is contrite； she has confessed
all to me。 The pride of her heart has given way； and she leans on
me for help and desires to be taught。 This fills me with trust； for I
cannot but think that the brethren sometimes err in measuring
the Divine love by the sinner’s knowledge。 She is going to write a
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letter to the friends at the Hall Farm for me to give them when she
is gone； and when I told her you were here； she said； ‘I should like
to say good…bye to Adam and ask him to forgive me。’ You will
come； Adam？ Perhaps you will even now come back with me。”
“I can’t；” Adam said。 “I can’t say good…bye while there’s any
hope。 I’m listening； and listening—I can’t think o’ nothing but that。
It can’t be as she’ll die that shameful death—I can’t bring my mind
to it。”
He got up from his chair again and looked away out of the
window； while Dinah stood with compassionate patience。 In a
minute or two he turned round and said；
“I will come； Dinah 。 。 。 to…morrow morning 。 。 。 if it must be。 I
may have more strength to bear it； if I know it must be。 Tell her； I
forgive her； tell her I will come—at the very last。”
“I will not urge you against the voice of your own heart；” said
Dinah。 “I must hasten back to her； for it is wonderful how she
clings now； and was not willing to let me out of her sight。 She used
never to make any return to my affection before； but now
tribulation has opened her heart。 Farewell； Adam。 Our heavenly
Father comfort you and strengthen you to bear all things。” Dinah
put out her hand； and Adam pressed it in silence。
Bartle Massey was getting up to lift the stiff latch of the door for
her； but before he could reach it； she had said gently； “Farewell；
friend；” and was gone； with her light step down the stairs。
“Well；” said Bartle； taking off his spectacles and putting them
into his pocket； “if there must be women to make trouble in the
world； it’s but fair there should be women to be comforters under
it； and she’s one—she’s one。 It’s a pity she’s a Methodist； but
there’s no getting a woman without some foolishness or other。”
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Adam never went to bed that night。 The excitement of
suspense； heightening with every hour that brought him nearer
the fatal moment； was too great； and in spite of his entreaties； in
spite of his promises that he would be perfectly quiet； the
schoolmaster watched too。
“What does it matter to me； lad？” Bartle said： “a night’s sleep
more or less？ I shall sleep long enough； by and by； underground。
Let me keep thee company in trouble while I can。”
It was a long and dreary night in that small chamber。 Adam
would sometimes get up and tread backwards and forwards along
the short space from wall to wall； then he would sit down and hide
his face； and no sound would be heard but the ticking of the watch
on the table； or the falling of a cinder from the fire which the
schoolmaster carefully tended。 Sometimes he would burst out into
vehement speech； “If I could ha’ done anything to save her—if my
bearing anything would ha’ done any good 。 。 。 but t’ h
