adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第13章
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seemed as passive as a spectator at a diorama： scenes of the sad
past； and probably sad future； floating before him and giving place
one to the other in swift sucession。
He saw how it would be to…morrow morning； when he had
carried the coffin to Broxton and was at home again； having his
breakfast： his father perhaps would come in ashamed to meet his
son’s glance—would sit down； looking older and more tottering
than he had done the morning before； and hang down his head；
examining the floor…quarries； while Lisbeth would ask him how he
supposed the coffin had been got ready； that he had slinked off
and left undone—for Lisbeth was always the first to utter the word
of reproach； although she cried at Adam’s severity towards his
father。
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“So it will go on； worsening and worsening；” thought Adam；
“there’s no slipping uphill again； and no standing still when once
you’ve begun to slip down。” And then the day came back to him
when he was a little fellow and used to run by his father’s side；
proud to be taken out to work； and prouder still to hear his father
boasting to his fellow…workmen how “the little chap had an
uncommon notion o’ carpentering。” What a fine active fellow his
father was then！ When people asked Adam whose little lad he was；
he had a sense of distinction as he answered； “I’m Thias Bede’s
lad。” He was quite sure everybody knew Thias Bede—didn’t he
make the wonderful pigeon…house at Broxton parsonage？ Those
were happy days； especially when Seth； who was three years the
younger； began to go out working too； and Adam began to be a
teacher as well as a learner。 But then came the days of sadness；
when Adam was someway on in his teens； and Thias began to
loiter at the public…houses； and Lisbeth began to cry at home； and
to pour forth her plaints in the hearing of her sons。 Adam
remembered well the night of shame and anguish when he first
saw his father quite wild and foolish； shouting a song out fitfully
among his drunken companions at the “Waggon Overthrown。” He
had run away once when he was only eighteen； making his escape
in the morning twilight with a little blue bundle over his shoulder；
and his “mensuration book” in his pocket； and saying to himself
very decidedly that he could bear the vexations of home no
longer—he would go and seek his fortune； setting up his stick at
the crossways and bending his steps the way it fell。 But by the
time he got to Stoniton； the thought of his mother and Seth； left
behind to endure everything without him； became too
importunate； and his resolution failed him。 He came back the next
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day； but the misery and terror his mother had gone through in
those two days had haunted her ever since。
“No！” Adam said to himself to…night； “that must never happen
again。 It ’ud make a poor balance when my doings are cast up at
the last； if my poor old mother stood o’ the wrong side。 My back’s
broad enough and strong enough； I should be no better than a
coward to go away and leave the troubles to be borne by them as
aren’t half so able。 ‘They that are strong ought to bear the
infirmities of those that are weak； and not to please themselves。’
There’s a text wants no candle to show’t； it shines by its own light。
It’s plain enough you get into the wrong road i’ this life if you run
after this and that only for the sake o’ making things easy and
pleasant to yourself。 A pig may poke his nose into the trough and
think o’ nothing outside it； but if you’ve got a man’s heart and soul
in you； you can’t be easy a…making your own bed an’ leaving the
rest to lie on the stones。 Nay； nay； I’ll never slip my neck out o’ the
yoke； and leave the load to be drawn by the weak uns。 Father’s a
sore cross to me； an’s likely to be for many a long year to come。
What then？ I’ve got th’ health； and the limbs； and the sperrit to
bear it。”
At this moment a smart rap； as if with a willow wand； was given
at the house door； and Gyp； instead of barking； as might have been
expected； gave a loud howl。 Adam； very much startled； went at
once to the door and opened it。 Nothing was there； all was still； as
when he opened it an hour before； the leaves were motionless； and
the light of the stars showed the placid fields on both sides of the
brook quite empty of visible life。 Adam walked round the house；
and still saw nothing except a rat which darted into the woodshed
as he passed。 He went in again； wondering； the sound was so
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peculiar that the moment he heard it it called up the image of the
willow wand striking the door。 He could not help a little shudder；
as he remembered how often his mother had told him of just such
a sound coming as a sign when some one was dying。 Adam was
not a man to be gratuitously superstitious； but he had the blood of
the peasant in him as well as of the artisan； and a peasant can no
more help believing in a traditional superstition than a horse can
help trembling when he sees a camel。 Besides； he had that mental
combination which is at once humble in the region of mystery and
keen in the region of knowledge： it was the depth of his reverence
quite as much as his hard common sense which gave him his
disinclination to doctrinal religion； and he often checked Seth’s
argumentative spiritualism by saying； “Eh； it’s a big mystery； thee
know’st but little about it。” And so it happened that Adam was at
once penetrating and credulous。 If a new building had fallen down
and he had been told that this was a divine judgment； he would
have said； “May be； but the bearing o’ the roof and walls wasn’t
right； else it wouldn’t ha’ come down”； yet he believed in dreams
and prognostics； and to his dying day he bated his breath a little
when he told the story of the stroke with the willow wand。 I tell it
as he told it； not attempting to reduce it to its natural elements—in
our eagerness to explain impressions； we often lose our hold of the
sympathy that comprehends them。
But he had the best antidote against imaginative dread in the
necessity for getting on with the coffin； and for the next ten
minutes his hammer was ringing so uninterruptedly； that other
sounds； if there were any； might well be overpowered。 A pause
came； however； when he had to take up his ruler； and now again
came the strange rap； and again Gyp howled。 Adam was at the
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door without the loss of a moment； but again all was still； and the
starlight showed there was nothing but the dew…laden grass in
front of the cottage。
Adam for a moment thought uncomfortably about his father；
but of late years he had never come home at dark hours from
Treddleston； and there was every reason for believing that he was
then sleeping off his drunkenness at the “Waggon Overthrown。”
Besides； to Adam； the conception of the future was so inseparable
from the painful image of his father that the fear of any fatal
accident to him was excluded by the deeply infixed fear of his
continual degradation。 The next thought that occurred to him was
one that made him slip off his shoes and tread lightly upstairs； to
listen at the bedroom doors。 But both Seth and his mother were
breathing regularly。
Adam came down and set to work again； saying to himself； “I
won’t open the door again。 It’s no use staring about to catch sight
of a sound。 Maybe there’s a world about us as we can’t see； but th’
ear’s quicker than the eye and catches a sound from ’t now and
then。 Some people think they get a sight on ’t too； but they’re
mostly folks whose eyes are not much use to ’em at anything else。
For my part； I think it’s better to see when your perpendicular’s
true than to see a ghost。”
Such thoughts as these are apt to grow stronger and stronger as
daylight quenches the candles and the birds begin to sing。 By the
time the red sunlight shone on the brass nails that formed the
initials on the lid of the coffin； any lingering foreboding from the
sound of the willow wand was merged in satisfaction that the work
was done and the promise redeemed。 There was no need to call
Seth； for he was already moving overhead； and presently came
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downstairs。
“Now； lad；” said Adam； as Seth made his appearance； “the
coffin’s done； and we can take it over to Brox’on； and be back
again before half after six。 I’ll take a mouthful o’ oat…cake； and
then we’ll be off。”
The coffin was soon propped on the tall shoulders of the two
brothers； and they were making their way； followed close by Gyp；
out of the little
