adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第139章
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story is the same to us after a lapse of time—or rather； we who
read it are no longer the same interpreters—and Adam this
morning brought with him new thoughts through that grey
country； thoughts which gave an altered significance to its story of
the past。
That is a base and selfish； even a blasphemous； spirit which
rejoices and is thankful over the past evil that has blighted or
crushed another； because it has been made a source of unforeseen
good to ourselves。 Adam could never cease to mourn over that
mystery of human sorrow which had been brought so close to him；
he could never thank God for another’s misery。 And if I were
capable of that narrow…sighted joy in Adam’s behalf； I should still
know he was not the man to feel it for himself。 He would have
shaken his head at such a sentiment and said； “Evil’s evil； and
sorrow’s sorrow； and you can’t alter it’s natur by wrapping it up in
other words。 Other folks were not created for my sake； that I
should think all square when things turn out well for me。”
But it is not ignoble to feel that the fuller life which a sad
experience has brought us is worth our own personal share of
pain。 Surely it is not possible to feel otherwise； any more than it
would be possible for a man with cataract to regret the painful
process by which his dim blurred sight of men as trees walking
had been exchanged for clear outline and effulgent day。 The
growth of higher feeling within us is like the growth of faculty；
bringing with it a sense of added strength。 We can no more wish to
return to a narrower sympathy than a painter or a musician can
wish to return to his cruder manner； or a philosopher to his less
complete formula。
Something like this sense of enlarged being was in Adam’s
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mind this Sunday morning； as he rode along in vivid recollection
of the past。 His feeling towards Dinah； the hope of passing his life
with her； had been the distant unseen point towards which that
hard journey from Snowfield eighteen months ago had been
leading him。 Tender and deep as his love for Hetty had been—so
deep that the roots of it would never be torn away—his love for
Dinah was better and more precious to him； for it was the
outgrowth of that fuller life which had come to him from his
acquaintance with deep sorrow。 “It’s like as if it was a new
strength to me；” he said to himself； “to love her and know as she
loves me。 I shall look t’ her to help me to see things right。 For she’s
better than I am—there’s less o’ self in her； and pride。 And it’s a
feeling as gives you a sort o’ liberty； as if you could walk more
fearless； when you’ve more trust in another than y’ have in
yourself。 I’ve always been thinking I knew better than them as
belonged to me； and that’s a poor sort o’ life； when you can’t look
to them nearest to you t’ help you with a bit better thought than
what you’ve got inside you a’ready。”
It was more than two o’clock in the afternoon when Adam came
in sight of the grey town on the hill…side and looked searchingly
towards the green valley below； for the first glimpse of the old
thatched roof near the ugly red mill。 The scene looked less harsh
in the soft October sunshine than it had in the eager time of early
spring； and the one grand charm it possessed in common with all
wide…stretching woodless regions—that it filled you with a new
consciousness of the overarching sky—had a milder； more
soothing influence than usual； on this almost cloudless day。
Adam’s doubts and fears melted under this influence as the
delicate web…like clouds had gradually melted away into the clear
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blue above him。 He seemed to see Dinah’s gentle face assuring
him； with its looks alone； of all he longed to know。
He did not expect Dinah to be at home at this hour； but he got
down from his horse and tied it at the little gate； that he might ask
where she was gone to…day。 He had set his mind on following her
and bringing her home。 She was gone to Sloman’s End； a hamlet
about three miles off； over the hill； the old woman told him—had
set off directly after morning chapel； to preach in a cottage there；
as her habit was。 Anybody at the town would tell him the way to
Sloman’s End。 So Adam got on his horse again and rode to the
town； putting up at the old inn and taking a hasty dinner there in
the company of the too chatty landlord； from whose friendly
questions and reminiscences he was glad to escape as soon as
possible and set out towards Sloman’s End。 With all his haste it
was nearly four o’clock before he could set off； and he thought that
as Dinah had gone so early； she would perhaps already be near
returning。 The little； grey； desolate…looking hamlet； unscreened by
sheltering trees； lay in sight long before he reached it； and as he
came near he could hear the sound of voices singing a hymn。
“Perhaps that’s the last hymn before they come away；” Adam
thought。 “I’ll walk back a bit and turn again to meet her； farther
off the village。” He walked back till he got nearly to the top of the
hill again； and seated himself on a loose stone； against the low
wall； to watch till he should see the little black figure leaving the
hamlet and winding up the hill。 He chose this spot； almost at the
top of the hill； because it was away from all eyes—no house； no
cattle； not even a nibbling sheep near—no presence but the still
lights and shadows and the great embracing sky。
She was much longer coming than he expected。 He waited an
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hour at least watching for her and thinking of her； while the
afternoon shadows lengthened and the light grew softer。 At last he
saw the little black figure coming from between the grey houses
and gradually approaching the foot of the hill。 Slowly； Adam
thought； but Dinah was really walking at her usual pace； with a
light quiet step。 Now she was beginning to wind along the path up
the hill； but Adam would not move yet； he would not meet her too
soon； he had set his heart on meeting her in this assured
loneliness。 And now he began to fear lest he should startle her too
much。 “Yet；” he thought； “she’s not one to be overstartled； she’s
always so calm and quiet； as if she was prepared for anything。”
What was she thinking of as she wound up the hill？ Perhaps
she had found complete repose without him； and had ceased to
feel any need of his love。 On the verge of a decision we all tremble：
hope pauses with fluttering wings。
But now at last she was very near； and Adam rose from the
stone wall。 It happened that just as he walked forward； Dinah had
paused and turned round to look back at the village—who does
not pause and look back in mounting a hill？ Adam was glad； for；
with the fine instinct of a lover； he felt that it would be best for her
to hear his voice before she saw him。 He came within three paces
of her and then said； “Dinah！” She started without looking round；
as if she connected the sound with no place。 “Dinah！” Adam said
again。 He knew quite well what was in her mind。 She was so
accustomed to think of impressions as purely spiritual monitions
that she looked for no material visible accompaniment of the
voice。
But this second time she looked round。 What a look of yearning
love it was that the mild grey eyes turned on the strong dark…eyed
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man！ She did not start again at the sight of him； she said nothing；
but moved towards him so that his arm could clasp her round。
And they walked on so in silence； while the warm tears fell。
Adam was content； and said nothing。 It was Dinah who spoke first。
“Adam；” she said； “it is the Divine Will。 My soul is so knit to
yours that it is but a divided life I live without you。 And this
moment； now you are with me； and I feel that our hearts are filled
with the same love。 I have a fulness of strength to bear and do our
heavenly Father’s Will that I had lost before。”
Adam paused and looked into her sincere eyes。
“Then we’ll never part any more； Dinah； till death parts us。”
And they kissed each other with a deep joy。
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel
that they are joined for life—to strengthen each other in all labour；
to rest on each other in all sorrow； to minister to each other in all
pain； to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at
the moment of the l
