adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第85章
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that Adam would be very angry with her； and perhaps would tell
her aunt and uncle； but it never entered her mind that he would
dare to say anything to Captain Donnithorne。 It was a relief to her
that he behaved so kindly to her to…day； and wanted to speak to
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her alone； for she had trembled when she found he was going
home with them lest he should mean “to tell。” But； now he wanted
to talk to her by herself； she should learn what he thought and
what he meant to do。 She felt a certain confidence that she could
persuade him not to do anything she did not want him to do； she
could perhaps even make him believe that she didn’t care for
Arthur； and as long as Adam thought there was any hope of her
having him； he would do just what she liked； she knew。 Besides；
she must go on seeming to encourage Adam； lest her uncle and
aunt should be angry and suspect her of having some secret lover。
Hetty’s little brain was busy with this combination as she hung
on Adam’s arm and said “yes” or “no” to some slight observations
of his about the many hawthorn…berries there would be for the
birds this next winter； and the low…hanging clouds that would
hardly hold up till morning。 And when they rejoined her aunt and
uncle； she could pursue her thoughts without interruption； for Mr。
Poyser held that though a young man might like to have the
woman he was courting on his arm； he would nevertheless be glad
of a little reasonable talk about business the while； and； for his
own part； he was curious to heal the most recent news about the
Chase Farm。 So； through the rest of the walk； he claimed Adam’s
conversation for himself； and Hetty laid her small plots and
imagined her little scenes of cunning blandishment； as she walked
along by the hedgerows on honest Adam’s arm； quite as well as if
she had been an elegantly clad coquette alone in her boudoir。 For
if a country beauty in clumsy shoes be only shallow…hearted
enough； it is astonishing how closely her mental processes may
resemble those of a lady in society and crinoline； who applies her
refined intellect to the problem of committing indiscretions
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without compromising herself。 Perhaps the resemblance was not
much the less because Hetty felt very unhappy all the while。 The
parting with Arthur was a double pain to her—mingling with the
tumult of passion and vanity there was a dim undefined fear that
the future might shape itself in some way quite unlike her dream。
She clung to the comforting hopeful words Arthur had uttered in
their last meeting—“I shall come again at Christmas； and then we
will see what can be done。” She clung to the belief that he was so
fond of her； he would never be happy without her； and she still
hugged her secret—that a great gentleman loved her—with
gratified pride； as a superiority over all the girls she knew。 But the
uncertainty of the future； the possibilities to which she could give
no shape； began to press upon her like the invisible weight of air；
she was alone on her little island of dreams； and all around her
was the dark unknown water where Arthur was gone。 She could
gather no elation of spirits now by looking forward； but only by
looking backward to build confidence on past words and caresses。
But occasionally； since Thursday evening； her dim anxieties had
been almost lost behind the more definite fear that Adam might
betray what he knew to her uncle and aunt； and his sudden
proposition to talk with her alone had set her thoughts to work in
a new way。 She was eager not to lose this evening’s opportunity；
and after tea； when the boys were going into the garden and Totty
begged to go with them； Hetty said； with an alacrity that surprised
Mrs。 Poyser；
“I’ll go with her； Aunt。”
It did not seem at all surprising that Adam said he would go too；
and soon he and Hetty were left alone together on the walk by the
filbert…trees； while the boys were busy elsewhere gathering the
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large unripe nuts to play at “cob…nut” with； and Totty was
watching them with a puppy…like air of contemplation。 It was but a
short time—hardly two months—since Adam had had his mind
filled with delicious hopes as he stood by Hetty’s side in this
garden。 The remembrance of that scene had often been with him
since Thursday evening： the sunlight through the apple…tree
boughs； the red bunches； Hetty’s sweet blush。 It came
importunately now； on this sad evening； with the low…hanging
clouds； but he tried to suppress it； lest some emotion should impel
him to say more than was needful for Hetty’s sake。
“After what I saw on Thursday night； Hetty；” he began； “you
won’t think me making too free in what I’m going to say。 If you
was being courted by any man as ’ud make you his wife； and I’d
known you was fond of him and meant to have him； I should have
no right to speak a word to you about it； but when I see you’re
being made love to by a gentleman as can never marry you； and
doesna think o’ marrying you； I feel bound t’ interfere for you。 I
can’t speak about it to them as are i’ the place o’ your parents； for
that might bring worse trouble than’s needful。”
Adam’s words relieved one of Hetty’s fears； but they also
carried a meaning which sickened her with a strengthened
foreboding。 She was pale and trembling； and yet she would have
angrily contradicted Adam； if she had dared to betray her feelings。
But she was silent。
“You’re so young； you know； Hetty；” he went on； almost
tenderly； “and y’ haven’t seen much o’ what goes on in the world。
It’s right for me to do what I can to save you from getting into
trouble for want o’ your knowing where you’re being led to。 If
anybody besides me knew what I know about your meeting a
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gentleman and having fine presents from him； they’d speak light
on you； and you’d lose your character。 And besides that； you’ll
have to suffer in your feelings； wi’ giving your love to a man as can
never marry you； so as he might take care of you all your life。”
Adam paused and looked at Hetty； who was plucking the leaves
from the filbert…trees and tearing them up in her hand。 Her little
plans and preconcerted speeches had all forsaken her； like an ill…
learnt lesson； under the terrible agitation produced by Adam’s
words。 There was a cruel force in their calm certainty which
threatened to grapple and crush her flimsy hopes and fancies。 She
wanted to resist them—she wanted to throw them off with angry
contradiction—but the determination to conceal what she felt still
governed her。 It was nothing more than a blind prompting now；
for she was unable to calculate the effect of her words。
“You’ve no right to say as I love him；” she said； faintly； but
impetuously； plucking another rough leaf and tearing it up。 She
was very beautiful in her paleness and agitation； with her dark
childish eyes dilated and her breath shorter than usual。 Adam’s
heart yearned over her as he looked at her。 Ah； if he could but
comfort her； and soothe her； and save her from this pain； if he had
but some sort of strength that would enable him to rescue her
poor troubled mind； as he would have rescued her body in the face
of all danger！
“I doubt it must be so； Hetty；” he said； tenderly； “for I canna
believe you’d let any man kiss you by yourselves； and give you a
gold box with his hair； and go a…walking i’ the Grove to meet him；
if you didna love him。 I’m not blaming you； for I know it ’ud begin
by little and little； till at last you’d not be able to throw it off。 It’s
him I blame for stealing your love i’ that way； when he knew he
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could never make you the right amends。 He’s been trifling with
you； and making a plaything of you； and caring nothing about you
as a man ought to care。”
“Yes； he does care for me； I know better nor you；” Hetty burst
out。 Everything was forgotten but the pain and anger she felt at
Adam’s words。
“Nay； Hetty；” said Adam； “if he’d cared for you rightly； he’d
never ha’ behaved so。 He told me himself he meant nothing by his
kissing and presents； and he wanted to make me believe as you
thought light of ’em too。 But I know better nor that。 I can’t help
thinking as you’ve been trusting to his loving you well enough to
marry you； for all he’s a gentleman。 And that’s why I must speak to
you about it； Hetty； for fear you should be deceiving yourself。 It’s
never entered his head the thought o’ marrying you。”
“How do you know？ How durst you say so？” said Hetty；
pausing in
