adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第87章
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trouble。 So I wrote to her a fortnight ago； and told her about thee
having a new employment； and how Mother was more contented；
and last Wednesday； when I called at the post at Treddles’on； I
found a letter from her。 I think thee ’dst perhaps like to read it； but
I didna say anything about it because thee ’dst seemed so full of
other things。 It’s quite easy t’ read—she writes wonderful for a
woman。”
Seth had drawn the letter from his pocket and held it out to
Adam； who said； as he took it； “Aye； lad； I’ve got a tough load to
carry just now—thee mustna take it ill if I’m a bit silenter and
crustier nor usual。 Trouble doesna make me care the less for thee。
I know we shall stick together to the last。”
“I take nought ill o’ thee； Adam。 I know well enough what it
means if thee ’t a bit short wi’ me now and then。”
“There’s Mother opening the door to look out for us；” said
Adam； as they mounted the slope。 “She’s been sitting i’ the dark as
usual。 Well； Gyp； well； art glad to see me？”
Lisbeth went in again quickly and lighted a candle； for she had
heard the welcome rustling of footsteps on the grass； before Gyp’s
joyful bark。
“Eh； my lads！ Th’ hours war ne’er so long sin’ I war born as
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they’n been this blessed Sunday night。 What can ye both ha’ been
doin’ till this time？”
“Thee shouldstna sit i’ the dark； Mother；” said Adam； “that
makes the time seem longer。”
“Eh； what am I to do wi’ burnin’ candle of a Sunday； when
there’s on’y me an’ it’s sin to do a bit o’ knittin’？ The daylight’s
long enough for me to stare i’ the booke as I canna read。 It ’ud be a
fine way o’ shortenin’ the time； to make it waste the good candle。
But which on you’s for ha’in’ supper？ Ye mun ayther be clemmed
or full； I should think； seein’ what time o’ night it is。”
“I’m hungry； Mother；” said Seth； seating himself at the little
table； which had been spread ever since it was light。
“I’ve had my supper；” said Adam。 “Here； Gyp；” he added；
taking some cold potato from the table and rubbing the rough grey
head that looked up towards him。
“Thee needstna be gi’in’ th’ dog；” said Lisbeth； “I’n fed him
well a’ready。 I’m not like to forget him； I reckon； when he’s all o’
thee I can get sight on。”
“Come； then； Gyp；” said Adam； “we’ll go to bed。 Good…night；
Mother； I’m very tired。”
“What ails him； dost know？” Lisbeth said to Seth； when Adam
was gone upstairs。 “He’s like as if he was struck for death this day
or two—he’s so cast down。 I found him i’ the shop this forenoon；
arter thee wast gone； a…sittin’ an’ doin’ nothin’—not so much as a
booke afore him。”
“He’s a deal o’ work upon him just now； Mother；” said Seth；
“and I think he’s a bit troubled in his mind。 Don’t you take notice
of it； because it hurts him when you do。 Be as kind to him as you
can； Mother； and don’t say anything to vex him。”
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“Eh； what dost talk o’ my vexin’ him？ An’ what am I like to be
but kind？ I’ll ma’ him a kettle…cake for breakfast i’ the mornin’。”
Adam； meanwhile； was reading Dinah’s letter by the light of his
dip candle。
DEAR BROTHER SETH—Your letter lay three days beyond my
knowing of it at the post； for I had not money enough by me to pay
the carriage； this being a time of great need and sickness here；
with the rains that have fallen； as if the windows of heaven were
opened again； and to lay by money； from day to day； in such a
time； when there are so many in present need of all things； would
be a want of trust like the laying up of the manna。 I speak of this；
because I would not have you think me slow to answer； or that I
had small joy in your rejoicing at the worldly good that has
befallen your brother Adam。 The honour and love you bear him is
nothing but meet； for God has given him great gifts； and he uses
them as the patriarch Joseph did； who； when he was exalted to a
place of power and trust； yet yearned with tenderness towards his
parent and his younger brother。
“My heart is knit to your aged mother since it was granted me
to be near her in the day of trouble。 Speak to her of me； and tell
her I often bear her in my thoughts at evening time； when I am
sitting in the dim light as I did with her； and we held one another’s
hands； and I spoke the words of comfort that were given to me。
Ah； that is a blessed time； isn’t it； Seth； when the outward light is
fading； and the body is a little wearied with its work and its labour。
Then the inward light shines the brighter； and we have a deeper
sense of resting on the Divine strength。 I sit on my chair in the
dark room and close my eyes； and it is as if I was out of the body
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and could feel no want for evermore。 For then； the very hardship；
and the sorrow； and the blindness； and the sin I have beheld and
been ready to weep over—yea； all the anguish of the children of
men； which sometimes wraps me round like sudden darkness—I
can bear with a willing pain； as if I was sharing the Redeemer’s
cross。 For I feel it； I feel it—infinite love is suffering too—yea； in
the fulness of knowledge it suffers； it yearns； it mourns； and that is
a blind self…seeking which wants to be freed from the sorrow
wherewith the whole creation groaneth and travaileth。 Surely it is
not true blessedness to be free from sorrow； while there is sorrow
and sin in the world： sorrow is then a part of love； and love does
not seek to throw it off。 It is not the spirit only that tells me this—I
see it in the whole work and word of the Gospel。 Is there not
pleading in heaven？ Is not the Man of Sorrows there in that
crucified body wherewith he ascended？ And is He not one with
the Infinite Love itself—as our love is one with our sorrow？
“These thoughts have been much borne in on me of late； and I
have seen with new clearness the meaning of those words； ‘If any
man love me； let him take up my cross。’ I have heard this enlarged
on as if it meant the troubles and persecutions we bring on
ourselves by confessing Jesus。 But surely that is a narrow thought。
The true cross of the Redeemer was the sin and sorrow of this
world—that was what lay heavy on his heart—and that is the cross
we shall share with him； that is the cup we must drink of with him；
if we would have any part in that Divine Love which is one with
his sorrow。
“In my outward lot； which you ask about； I have all things and
abound。 I have had constant work in the mill； though some of the
other hands have been turned off for a time； and my body is
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greatly strengthened； so that I feel little weariness after long
walking and speaking。 What you say about staying in your own
country with your mother and brother shows me that you have a
true guidance； your lot is appointed there by a clear showing； and
to seek a greater blessing elsewhere would be like laying a false
offering on the altar and expecting the fire from heaven to kindle
it。 My work and my joy are here among the hills； and I sometimes
think I cling too much to my life among the people here； and
should be rebellious if I was called away。
“I was thankful for your tidings about the dear friends at the
Hall Farm； for though I sent them a letter； by my aunt’s desire；
after I came back from my sojourn among them； I have had no
word from them。 My aunt has not the pen of a ready writer； and
the work of the house is sufficient for the day； for she is weak in
body。 My heart cleaves to her and her children as the nearest of all
to me in the flesh—yea； and to all in that house。 I am carried away
to them continually in my sleep； and often in the midst of work；
and even of speech； the thought of them is borne in on me as if
they were in need and trouble； which yet is dark to me。 There may
be some leading here； but I wait to be taught。 You say they are all
well。
“We shall see each other again in the body； I trust； though； it
may be； not for a long while； for the brethren and sisters at Leeds
are desirous to have me for a short space among them； when I
have a door opened me again to leave Snowfield。
“Farewell； dear brother—and yet not farewell。 For those
children of God whom it has been granted to see each other face to
face； and to hold communion together； and to feel the same spirit
working in both can never more be sundered though the hills may
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lie between。 For their souls are enlarged for evermore by that
union； and they bear one another about in their thoughts
continually as it were a new strength。—Your faithful Sister and
fellow…worker in Christ；
DINAH MORRIS。”
“I ha
