adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第94章
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because she’s had her first heartache。 But she’s got a spirit to bear
up under it。 Thank God for that。”
As the weeks went by； and he saw her always looking pleased to
see him—turning up her lovely face towards him as if she meant
him to understand that she was glad for him to come—and going
about her work in the same equable way； making no sign of
sorrow； he began to believe that her feeling towards Arthur must
have been much slighter than he had imagined in his first
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indignation and alarm； and that she had been able to think of her
girlish fancy that Arthur was in love with her and would marry her
as a folly of which she was timely cured。 And it perhaps was； as he
had sometimes in his more cheerful moments hoped it would be—
her heart was really turning with all the more warmth towards the
man she knew to have a serious love for her。
Possibly you think that Adam was not at all sagacious in his
interpretations； and that it was altogether extremely unbecoming
in a sensible man to behave as he did—falling in love with a girl
who really had nothing more than her beauty to recommend her；
attributing imaginary virtues to her； and even condescending to
cleave to her after she had fallen in love with another man； waiting
for her kind looks as a patient trembling dog waits for his master’s
eye to be turned upon him。 But in so complex a thing as human
nature； we must consider； it is hard to find rules without
exceptions。 Of course； I know that； as a rule； sensible men fall in
love with the most sensible women of their acquaintance； see
through all the pretty deceits of coquettish beauty； never imagine
themselves loved when they are not loved； cease loving on all
proper occasions； and marry the woman most fitted for them in
every respect—indeed； so as to compel the approbation of all the
maiden ladies in their neighbourhood。 But even to this rule an
exception will occur now and then in the lapse of centuries； and
my friend Adam was one。 For my own part； however； I respect him
none the less—nay； I think the deep love he had for that sweet；
rounded； blossom…like； dark…eyed Hetty； of whose inward self he
was really very ignorant； came out of the very strength of his
nature and not out of any inconsistent weakness。 Is it any
weakness； pray； to be wrought on by exquisite music？ To feel its
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wondrous harmonies searching the subtlest windings of your soul；
the delicate fibres of life where no memory can penetrate； and
binding together your whole being past and present in one
unspeakable vibration； melting you in one moment with all the
tenderness； all the love that has been scattered through the
toilsome years； concentrating in one emotion of heroic courage or
resignation all the hard…learnt lessons of self…renouncing
sympathy； blending your present joy with past sorrow and your
present sorrow with all your past joy？ If not； then neither is it a
weakness to be so wrought upon by the exquisite curves of a
woman’s cheek and neck and arms； by the liquid depths of her
beseeching eyes； or the sweet childish pout of her lips。 For the
beauty of a lovely woman is like music： what can one say more？
Beauty has an expression beyond and far above the one woman’s
soul that it clothes； as the words of genius have a wider meaning
than the thought that prompted them。 It is more than a woman’s
love that moves us in a woman’s eyes—it seems to be a far…off
mighty love that has come near to us； and made speech for itself
there； the rounded neck； the dimpled arm； move us by something
more than their prettiness—by their close kinship with all we have
known of tenderness and peace。 The noblest nature sees the most
of this impersonal expression in beauty （it is needless to say that
there are gentlemen with whiskers dyed and undyed who see none
of it whatever）； and for this reason； the noblest nature is often the
most blinded to the character of the one woman’s soul that the
beauty clothes。 Whence； I fear； the tragedy of human life is likely
to continue for a long time to come； in spite of mental philosophers
who are ready with the best receipts for avoiding all mistakes of
the kind。
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Our good Adam had no fine words into which he could put his
feeling for Hetty： he could not disguise mystery in this way with
the appearance of knowledge； he called his love frankly a mystery；
as you have heard him。 He only knew that the sight and memory
of her moved him deeply； touching the spring of all love and
tenderness； all faith and courage within him。 How could he
imagine narrowness； selfishness； hardness in her？ He created the
mind he believed in out of his own； which was large； unselfish；
tender。
The hopes he felt about Hetty softened a little his feeling
towards Arthur。 Surely his attentions to Hetty must have been of a
slight kind； they were altogether wrong； and such as no man in
Arthur’s position ought to have allowed himself； but they must
have had an air of playfulness about them； which had probably
blinded him to their danger and had prevented them from laying
any strong hold on Hetty’s heart。 As the new promise of happiness
rose for Adam； his indignation and jealousy began to die out。 Hetty
was not made unhappy； he almost believed that she liked him
best； and the thought sometimes crossed his mind that the
friendship which had once seemed dead for ever might revive in
the days to come； and he would not have to say “good…bye” to the
grand old woods； but would like them better because they were
Arthur’s。 For this new promise of happiness following so quickly
on the shock of pain had an intoxicating effect on the sober Adam；
who had all his life been used to much hardship and moderate
hope。 Was he really going to have an easy lot after all？ It seemed
so； for at the beginning of November； Jonathan Burge； finding it
impossible to replace Adam； had at last made up his mind to offer
him a share in the business； without further condition than that he
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should continue to give his energies to it and renounce all thought
of having a separate business of his own。 Son…in…law or no son…in…
law； Adam had made himself too necessary to be parted with； and
his headwork was so much more important to Burge than his skill
in handicraft that his having the management of the woods made
little difference in the value of his services； and as to the bargains
about the squire’s timber； it would be easy to call in a third person。
Adam saw here an opening into a broadening path of prosperous
work such as he had thought of with ambitious longing ever since
he was a lad： he might come to build a bridge； or a town hall； or a
factory； for he had always said to himself that Jonathan Burge’s
building business was like an acorn； which might be the mother of
a great tree。 So he gave his hand to Burge on that bargain； and
went home with his mind full of happy visions； in which （my
refined reader will perhaps be shocked when I say it） the image of
Hetty hovered； and smiled over plans for seasoning timber at a
trifling expense； calculations as to the cheapening of bricks per
thousand by water…carriage； and a favourite scheme for the
strengthening of roofs and walls with a peculiar form of iron
girder。 What then？ Adam’s enthusiasm lay in these things； and
our love is inwrought in our enthusiasm as electricity is inwrought
in the air； exalting its power by a subtle presence。
Adam would be able to take a separate house now； and provide
for his mother in the old one； his prospects would justify his
marrying very soon； and if Dinah consented to have Seth； their
mother would perhaps be more contented to live apart from
Adam。 But he told himself that he would not be hasty—he would
not try Hetty’s feeling for him until it had had time to grow strong
and firm。 However； tomorrow； after church； he would go to the
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Hall Farm and tell them the news。 Mr。 Poyser； he knew； would like
it better than a five…pound note； and he should see if Hetty’s eyes
brightened at it。 The months would be short with all he had to fill
his mind； and this foolish eagerness which had come over him of
late must not hurry him into any premature words。 Yet when he
got home and told his mother the good news； and ate his supper；
while she sat by almost crying for joy and wanting him to eat twice
as much as usual because of this good…luck； he could not help
preparing her gently for the coming change by talking of the old
house being too small for them all to go on living in it always。
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