the daisy chain, or aspirations-第129章

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〃Will　you　not　see　her　face？〃　whispered　Dr。　May。

〃I　may　not　touch　her；〃　was　the　answer；　in　the　hollow　voice；　and　with
the　wild　eye　that　had　before　alarmed　him；　but　trusting　to　the
soothing　power　of　the　mute　face　of　the　innocent；　he　drew　back　the
covering。

The　sight　was　such　as　he　anticipated；　sadly　lovely；　smiling　and
tranquilall　oppression　and　suffering　fled　away　for　ever。

It　stilled　the　sounds　of　pain；　and　the　restless　motion；　the
compression　of　the　hands　became　less　tight；　and　he　began　to　hope　that
the　look　was　passing　into　her　heart。　　He　let　her　kneel　on　without
interruption；　only　once　he　said；　〃Of　such　is　the　kingdom　of　Heaven！〃

She　made　no　immediate　answer；　and　he　had　had　time　to　doubt　whether　he
ought　to　let　her　continue　in　that　exhausting　attitude　any　longer；
when　she　looked　up　and　said；　〃You　will　all　be　with　her　there。〃

〃She　has　flown　on　to　point　your　aim　more　steadfastly；〃　said　Dr。　May。

Flora　shuddered；　but　spoke　calmly〃No；　I　shall　not　meet　her。〃

〃My　child！〃　he　exclaimed；　〃do　you　know　what　you　are　saying？〃

〃I　know；　I　am　not　in　the　way；〃　said　Flora；　still　in　the　same
fearfully　quiet；　matter…of…fact　tone。　　〃I　never　have　been〃and　she
bent　over　her　child；　as　if　taking　her　leave　for　eternity。

His　tongue　almost　clave　to　the　roof　of　his　mouth；　as　he　heard　the
wordswords　elicited　by　one　of　those　hours　of　true　reality　that；
like　death；　rend　aside　every　wilful　cloak　of　self…deceit；　and　self…
approbation。　　He　had　no　power　to　speak　at　first；　when　he　recovered
it；　his　reply　was　not　what　his　heart　had；　at　first；　prompted。

〃Flora！　　How　has　this　dear　child　been　saved？〃　he　said。　　〃What　has
released　her　from　the　guilt　she　inherited　through　you；　through　me；
through　all？　　Is　not　the　Fountain　open？〃

〃She　never　wasted　grace；〃　said　Flora。

〃My　child！　my　Flora！〃　he　exclaimed；　losing　the　calmness　he　had　gained
by　such　an　effort；　〃you　must　not　talk　thusit　is　wrong！　　Only　your
own　morbid　feeling　can　treat　thisthisas　a　charge　against　you；　and
if　it　were；　indeed〃he　sank　his　voice〃that　such　consequences
destroyed　hope；　oh；　Flora！　where　should　I　be？〃

〃No；〃　said　Flora；　〃this　is　not　what　I　meant。　　It　is　that　I　have　never
set　my　heart　right。　　I　am　not　like　you　nor　my　sisters。　　I　have　seemed
to　myself；　and　to　you；　to　be　trying　to　do　right；　but　it　was　all
hollow；　for　the　sake　of　praise　and　credit。　　I　know　it；　now　it　is　too
late；　and　He　has　let　me　destroy　my　child　here；　lest　I　should　have
destroyed　her　everlasting　life；　like　my　own。〃

The　most　terrible　part　of　this　sentence　was　to　Dr。　May；　that　Flora
spoke　as　if　she　knew　it　all　as　a　certainty；　and　without　apparent
emotion；　with　all　the　calmness　of　despair。　　What　she　had　never
guessed　before　had　come　clearly　and　fully　upon　her　now；　and　without
apparent　novelty；　or；　perhaps；　there　had　been　misgivings　in　the　midst
of　her　complacent　self…satisfaction。　　She　did　not　even　seem　to
perceive　how　dreadfully　she　was　shocking　her　father；　whose　sole
comfort　was　in　believing　her　language　the　effect　of　exaggerated　self…
reproach。　　His　profession　had　rendered　him　not　new　to　the　sight　of
despondency；　and；　dismayed　as　he　was；　he　was　able　at　once　to　speak　to
the　point。

〃If　it　were　indeed　so；　her　removal　would　be　the　greatest　blessing。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　her　mother；　and　her　assent　was　in　the　same　tone　of
resigned　despair；　owning　it　best　for　her　child　to　be　spared　a　worldly
education；　and　loving　her　truly　enough　to　acquiesce。

〃I　meant　the　greatest　blessing　to　you；〃　continued　Dr。　May；　〃if　it　be
sent　to　open　your　eyes；　and　raise　your　thoughts　upwards。　　Oh；　Flora；
are　not　afflictions　tokens　of　infinite　love？〃

She　could　not　accept　the　encouragement；　and　only　formed；　with　her
lips；　the　words；　〃Mercy　to　herwrath　to　me！〃

The　simplicity　and　hearty　piety　which；　with　all　Dr。　May's　faults；　had
always　been　part　of　his　character；　and　had　borne　him；　in　faith　and
trust；　through　all　his　trials；　had　never　belonged　to　her。　　Where　he
had　been　sincere；　erring　only　from　impulsiveness；　she　had　been
double…minded　and　calculating；　and；　now　that　her　delusion　had　been
broken　down；　she　had　nothing　to　rest　upon。　　Her　whole　religious　life
had　been　mechanical；　deceiving　herself　more　than　even　others；　and　all
seemed　now　swept　away；　except　the　sense　of　hypocrisy；　and　of　having
cut　herself　off；　for　ever；　from　her　innocent　child。　　Her　father　saw
that　it　was　vain　to　argue　with　her；　and　only　said；　〃You　will　think
otherwise　by　and　by；　my　dear。　　Now　shall　I　say　a　prayer　before　we　go
down？〃

As　she　made　no　reply；　he　repeated　the　Lord's　Prayer；　but　she　did　not
join；　and　then　he　added　a　broken；　hesitating　intercession　for　the
mourners；　which　caused　her　to　bury　her　face　deeper　in　her　hands；　but
her　dull　wretchedness　altered　not。

Rising；　he　said　authoritatively；　〃Come；　Flora；　you　must　go　to　bed。
See；　it　is　morning。〃

〃You　have　sat　up　all　night　with　me！〃　said　Flora；　with　somewhat　of　her
anxious；　considerate　self。

〃So　has　George。　He　had　just　dropped　asleep　on　the　sofa　when　you
awoke。〃

〃I　thought　he　was　in　anger；〃　said　she。

〃Not　with　you；　dearest。〃

〃No；　I　remember　now；　not　where　it　was　justly　due。　　Papa；〃　she　said；
pausing；　as　to　recall　her　recollection；　〃what　did　I　do？　　I　must　have
done　something　very　unkind　to　make　him　go　away　and　leave　me。〃

〃I　insisted　on　his　leaving　you；　my　dear。　　You　seemed　oppressed；　and
his　affectionate　ways　were　doing　you　harm；　so　I　was　hardhearted；　and
turned　him　out；　sadly　against　his　will。〃

〃Poor　George！〃　said　Flora；　〃has　he　been　left　to　bear　it　alone　all
this　time？　　How　much　distressed　he　must　have　been。　　I　must　have　vexed
him　grievously。　　You　don't　guess　how　fond　he　was　of　her。　　I　must　go
to　him　at　once。〃

〃That　is　right；　my　dear。〃

〃Don't　praise　me；〃　said　she；　as　if　she　could　not　bear　it。　　〃All　that
is　left　for　me　is　to　do　what　I　can　for　him。〃

Dr。　May　felt　cheered。　　He　was　sure　that　hope　must　again　rise　out　of
unselfish　love　and　duty。

Their　return　awoke　George；　who　started；　half　sitting　up；　wondering
why　he　was　spending　the　night　in　so　unusual　a　manner；　and　why　Flora
looked　so　pale；　in　the　morning　light；　with　her　loosened；　drooping
hair。

She　went　straight　to　him；　and；　kneeling　by　his　side；　said；　〃George；
forgive！〃　　The　same　moment　he　had　caught　her　to　his　bosom；　but　so
impressed　was　his　tardy　mind　with　the　peril　of　talking　to　her；　that
he　held　her　in　his　arms　without　a　single　word；　till　Dr。　May　had
unclosed　his　lipsa　sign　would　not　sufficehe　must　have　a　sentence
to　assure　him；　and　then　it　was　such　joy　to　have　her　restored；　and　his
fondness　and　solicitude　were　so　tender　and　eager　in　their　clumsiness；
that　his　father…in…law　was　touched　to　the　heart。

Flora　was　quite　herself　again；　in　presence　of　mind　and　power　of
dealing　with　him；　and　Dr。　May　left　them　to　each　other；　and　went　to
his　own　room；　for　such　rest　as　sorrow；　sympathy；　and　the　wakening
city；　would　permit　him。

When　the　house　was　astir　in　the　morning；　and　the　doctor　had　met　Meta
in　the　breakfast…room；　and　held　with　her　a　sad；　affectionate
conversation；　George　came　down　with　a　fair　report　of　his　wife；　and
took　her　father　to　see　her。

That　night　had　been　like　an　illness　to　her；　and；　though　perfectly
composed；　she　was　feeble　and　crushed；　keeping　the　room　darkened；　and
reluctant　to　move　or　speak。　　Indeed；　she　did　not　seem　able　to　give
her　attention　to　any　one's　voice；　except　her　husband's。　　When　Dr。
May；　or　Meta；　spoke　to　her；　she　would　miss　what　they　said；　beg　their
pardon；　and　ask　them　to　repeat　it；　and　sometimes；　even　then；　become
bewildered。　　They　tried　reading　to　her；　but　she　did　not　seem　to
listen；　and　her　half…closed　eye　had　the　expression　of　listless
dejection；　that　her　father　knew　betokened　that；　even　as　last　night；
her　heart　refused　to　accept　promises　of　comfort　as　meant　for　her。

For　George；　however；　her　attention　was　always　ready；　and　was
perpetually　claimed。　　He　was　forlorn　and　at　a　loss　without　her；　every
moment；　and；　in　the　sorrow　which　he　too　felt　most　acutely；　could　not
have　a　minute's　peace　unless　soothed　by　her　presence；　he　was
dependent　on　her　to　a　degree　which　amazed　and　almost　provoked　the
doctor；　who　could　not　bear　to　have　her　continually　harassed　and
disturbed；　and　yet　was　much　affected　by　witnessing　so　much
tenderness；　especially　in　Flora；　always　the　cold　utilitarian　member
of　his　family。

In　the　middle　of　the　day　she　rose　and　dressed；　because　George　was
unhappy　at　having　to　sit　without　her；　though　only　in　the　next　room。
She　sat　in　the　large　arm…chair；　turned　away　from　the　blinded　windows；
never　speaking　nor　moving；　save　when　he　came　to　her；　to　make　her　look
at　his　letters　and　notes；　when　she　would；　with　the　greatest　patience
and　sweetness；　revise　them；　suggest　word　or　sentence；　rouse　herself
to　consider　each　petty　detail；　and　then　sink　back　into　her　attitude
of　listless　dejection。　　To　all　besides；　she　appeared　totally
indifferent；　gently　courteous　to　Meta　and　to　her　father；　when　they
addressed　her；　but　otherwise　showing　little　consciousness　whether
they　were　in　the　room；　and　yet；　when　something　was　passing　about　her
father's　staying　or　returning；　she　rose　from　her　seat；　came　up　to　him
before　he　was　aware；　and　said；　〃Papa！　papa！　you　will　not　leave　me！〃
in　such　an　imploring　tone；　that　if　he　had　ever　thought　of　quitting
her；　he　could　not　have　done　so。

He　longed　to　see　her　left　to　perfect　tranquillity；　but　such　could　not
be　in　London。　　Though　theirs　was　called　a　quiet　house；　the　rushing
stream　of　traffic　wearied　his　country　ears；　the　door　bell　seemed
ceaselessly　ringing；　and　though　Meta　bore　the　brunt　of　the　notes　and
messages；　great　numbers　necessarily　came　up　to　Mr。　Rivers；　and　of
these　Flora　was　not　spared　one。　　Dr。　May　had　his　share　too　of
messages　and　business；　and　friends　and　relations；　the　Rivers'
kindred；　always　ready　to　take　offence　with　their　rich　connections；
and　who　would　not　be　satisfied　with　inquiries；　at　the　door；　but　must
see　Meta；　and　would　have　George　fetched　down　to　themold　aunts；　who
wanted　the　whole　story　of　the　child's　illness；　and　came　imagining
there　was　something　to　be　hushed　up；　Lady　Leonora　extremely　polite；
but　extremely　disgusted　at　the　encounter　with　them；　George　ready　to
be　persuaded　to　take　every　one　up　to　see　his　wife；　and　the
prohibition　to　be　made　by　Dr。　May　over　and　over　againit　was　a　most
tedious；　wearing　afternoon；　and　at　last；　when　the　visitors　had　gone；
and　George　had　hurried　back　to　his　wife；　Dr。　May　threw　himself　into
an　arm…chair　and　said；　〃Oh；　Meta；　sorrow　weighs　more　heavily　in　town
than　in　the　country！〃

〃Yes！〃　said　Meta。　　〃If　one　only　could　go　out　and　look　at　the　flowers；
and　take　poor　Flora　up　a　nosegay！〃

〃I　don't　think　it　would　make　much　difference　to　her；〃　sighed　the
doctor。

〃Yes；　I　think　it　would；〃　said　Meta；　〃it　did　to　me。　　The　sights　there
speak　of　the　better　sights。〃

〃The　power　to　look　must　come　from　within；〃　said　Dr。　May；　thinking　of
his　poor　daughter。

〃Ay；〃　said　Meta；　〃as　Mr。　Ernescliffe　said；　'heaven　is　as　near！'
But　the　skirts　of　heaven　are　more　easily　traced　in　our　mountain　view
than　here；　where；　if　I　looked　out　of　window；　I　should　only　see　that
giddy　string　of　carriages　and　people　pursuing　each　other！〃

〃Well；　we　shall　get　her　home　as　soon　as　she　is　able　to　move；　and　I
hope　i