the daisy chain, or aspirations-第149章
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altogether sound； or the 'quiet conscience' that is meant。〃
〃Oh； Ethel！ Ethel！ I have never told you what I have undergone；
since I knew my former quietness of conscience was but sleep！ I have
gone on in agony； with the sense of hypocrisy and despair； because I
was afraid； for George's sake； to do otherwise。〃
Elhel felt herself utterly powerless to advise； and； after a kind
sound of sympathy； sat shocked； pondering on what none could answer；
whether this were； indeed； what poor Flora imagined； or whether it
had been a holding…fast to the thread through the darkness。 The
proud reserve was the true evil； and Ethel prayed and trusted it
might give way。
She went very amiably to Whitford with George； and gained great
credit with him； for admiring the prettiest speckled Hamburgh
present； indeed； George was becoming very fond of 〃poor Ethel；〃 as he
still called her； and sometimes predicted that she would turn out a
fine figure of a woman after all。
Ethel heard； on her return； that Richard had been there； and three
days after； when Flora was making arrangements for going to church； a
moment of confidence came over her； and she said； 〃I did it； Ethel！
I have spoken to Richard。〃
〃I am so glad！〃
〃You were right。 He is as clear as he is kind；〃 said Flora； 〃he
showed me that； for George's sake； I must bear with my present life；
and do the best I can with it； unless some leading comes for an
escape； and that the glare； and weariness； and being spoken well of；
must be taken as punishment for having sought after these things。〃
〃I was afraid he would say so；〃 said Ethel。 〃But you will find
happiness again； Flora dear。〃
〃Scarcelybefore I come to Margaret and to my child；〃 sighed Flora。
〃I suppose it was Mercy that would not let me follow when I wished
it。 I must work till the time of rest comes！〃
〃And your own little Margaret will cheer you！〃 said Ethel； more
hopefully； as she saw Flora bend over her baby with a face that might
one day be bright。
She trusted that patient continuance in well…doing would one day win
peace and joy； even in the dreary world that poor Flora had chosen。
For her own part； Ethel found Flora's practical good sense and
sympathy very useful； in her present need of the counsel she had
always had from Margaret。
The visit to Flora lasted a fortnight； and Ethel was much benefited
by the leisure for reading and the repose after the long nursing；
though； before the end； her refreshed energies began to pine for
Daisy and her hymns； for Aubrey and his Virgil； for Cherry and her
scholars； and； above all； for her father； for； come as often as he
would； it was not papa at home。
On the other hand； Mary was at a loss for Ethel every hour； Richard
was putting off his affairs till Ethel should come home； Miss Bracy
and Blanche longed for her to relieve the schoolroom from the
children； Aubrey could not perform a lesson in comfort with any one
elsenever ended a sum without groaning for Ethel； and sometimes
rode to Abbotstoke for the mere purpose of appealing to her； in
short； no one could get on without her； and the doctor least of all。
Dr。 Spencer； and Mr。 Wilmot； and all his sons and daughters； had done
their best for him； but； in spite of his satisfaction at seeing the
two sisters so happy together； he could not help missing Ethel every
minute； as the very light of his home； and when； at last； Flora
brought her back； she was received with uproarious joy by Aubrey and
Daisy； while the rest of the household felt a revival and refreshment
of spiritsthe first drawing aside of the cloud that had hung over
the winter。 The pearl of their home might be missed every hour； but
they could thankfully rest in the trust that she was a jewel stored
up in safety and peace； to shine as a star for evermore。
A few weeks more； and there were other partings； sad indeed； yet
cheery。 Dr。 May told Mrs。 Arnott that； though he grieved that so
much of sorrow had come to dim her visit； he could not but own that
it was the very time when her coming could be most comforting； and
this； as she truly said； was satisfaction enough for her； besides
that she could not rejoice enough that her arrival had been in time
to see their dear Margaret。 She should carry away most precious
recollections； and she further told Dr。 Spencer that she was far more
comfortable about her brother…in…law； than if she had only known him
in his youthful character； which had seemed so little calculated to
bear sorrow or care。 She looked at him now only to wonder at； and
reverence the change that had been gradually wrought by the
affections placed above。
Norman and his wife went with herthe one grave but hopeful； the
other trying to wile away the pain of parting； by her tearful mirth
making all sorts of odd promises and touching requests； between jest
and earnest； and clinging to the last to her dear father…in…law； as
if the separation from him were the hardest of all。
〃Well； humming…birds must be let fly！〃 said he at last。 〃Ah！ ha！
Meta； are they of no use？〃
〃Stay till you hear！〃 said Meta archlythen turning back once more。
〃Oh！ how I have thanked you； Ethel； for those first hints you gave me
how to make my life real。 If I had only sat still and wished；
instead of trying what could be done as I was； how unhappy I should
have been！〃
〃Come； take your sprite away； Norman； if you don't want me to keep
her for good！ God bless you； my dear children！ Good…bye！ Who knows
but when Doctor Tom sets up in my place； Ethel and I may come out and
pay you a visit？〃
It had all been over for some weeks； and the home…party had settled
down again into what was likely to be their usual course； excepting
in the holidays； to which the doctor looked forward with redoubled
interest； as Tom was fast becoming a very agreeable and sensible
companion； for his moodiness had been charmed away by Meta； and
principle was teaching him true command of temper。 He seemed to take
his father as a special charge； bequeathed to him by Norman； and had
already acquired that value and importance at home which comes of the
laying aside of all self…importance。
It was a clear evening in March； full of promise of spring； and Ethel
was standing in the church porch at Cocksmoor； after making some
visits in the parish； waiting for Richard； while the bell was ringing
for the Wednesday evening service； and the pearly tints of a
cloudless sunset were fading into the western sky。
Ethel began to wonder where Norman might be looking at the sun
dipping into the western sea； and thence arose before her the visions
of her girlhood； when she had first dreamt of a church on Cocksmoor；
and of Richard ministering before a willing congregation。 So strange
did the accomplishment seem； that she even touched the stone to
assure herself of the reality； and therewith came intense
thanksgiving that the work had been taken out of her hands； to be the
more fully blessed and accomplishedthat is； as far as the building
went； as to the people； there was far more labour in store； and the
same Hand must be looked to for the increase。
For herself； Ethel looked back and looked on。 Norman Ogilvie's
marriage seemed to her to have fixed her lot in life； and what was
that lot？ Home and Cocksmoor had been her choice； and they were
before her。 Home！ but her eyes had been opened to see that earthly
homes may not endure； nor fill the heart。 Her dear father might；
indeed； claim her full…hearted devotion； but； to him； she was only
one of many。 Norman was no longer solely hers； and she had begun to
understand that the unmarried woman must not seek undivided return of
affection； and must not set her love； with exclusive eagerness； on
aught below； but must be ready to cease in turn to be first with any。
Ethel was truly a mother to the younger ones； but she faced the
probability that they would find others to whom she would have the
second place。 To love each heartily； to do her utmost for each in
turn； and to be grateful for their fondness； was her call； but never
to count on their affection as her sole right and inalienable
possession。 She felt that this was the probable course； and that she
might look to becoming comparatively solitary in the course of years…
…then tried to realise what her lonely life might be； but broke off
smiling at herself； 〃What is that to me？ What will it be when it is
over？ My course and aim are straight on； and He will direct my
paths。 I don't know that I shall be alone； and I shall have the
memorythe communion with them； if not their presence。 Some one
there must be to be loved and helped； and the poor for certain。 Only
I must have my treasure above； and when I think what is there； and
of Oh！ that bliss of being perfectly able to praisewith no bad
old self to mar the full joy of giving thanks； and blessing； and
honour； and power！ Need I dread a few short years？and they have
not begun yetperhaps they won't Oh！ here is actually papa coming
home this way！ how delightful！ Papa； are you coming to church here？〃
〃Ay； Ethel。 That weathercock of Spencer's is a magnet； I believe！
It draws me from all parts of the country to hear Richard in St。
Andrew's Church。〃
End
