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the daisy chain, or aspirations-第149章

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altogether sound; or the 'quiet conscience' that is meant。〃

〃Oh; Ethel!  Ethel!  I have never told you what I have undergone;
since I knew my former quietness of conscience was but sleep! I have
gone on in agony; with the sense of hypocrisy and despair; because I
was afraid; for George's sake; to do otherwise。〃

Elhel felt herself utterly powerless to advise; and; after a kind
sound of sympathy; sat shocked; pondering on what none could answer;
whether this were; indeed; what poor Flora imagined; or whether it
had been a holding…fast to the thread through the darkness。  The
proud reserve was the true evil; and Ethel prayed and trusted it
might give way。

She went very amiably to Whitford with George; and gained great
credit with him; for admiring the prettiest speckled Hamburgh
present; indeed; George was becoming very fond of 〃poor Ethel;〃 as he
still called her; and sometimes predicted that she would turn out a
fine figure of a woman after all。

Ethel heard; on her return; that Richard had been there; and three
days after; when Flora was making arrangements for going to church; a
moment of confidence came over her; and she said; 〃I did it; Ethel!
I have spoken to Richard。〃

〃I am so glad!〃

〃You were right。  He is as clear as he is kind;〃 said Flora; 〃he
showed me that; for George's sake; I must bear with my present life;
and do the best I can with it; unless some leading comes for an
escape; and that the glare; and weariness; and being spoken well of;
must be taken as punishment for having sought after these things。〃

〃I was afraid he would say so;〃 said Ethel。  〃But you will find
happiness again; Flora dear。〃

〃Scarcelybefore I come to Margaret and to my child;〃 sighed Flora。
〃I suppose it was Mercy that would not let me follow when I wished
it。  I must work till the time of rest comes!〃

〃And your own little Margaret will cheer you!〃 said Ethel; more
hopefully; as she saw Flora bend over her baby with a face that might
one day be bright。

She trusted that patient continuance in well…doing would one day win
peace and joy; even in the dreary world that poor Flora had chosen。

For her own part; Ethel found Flora's practical good sense and
sympathy very useful; in her present need of the counsel she had
always had from Margaret。

The visit to Flora lasted a fortnight; and Ethel was much benefited
by the leisure for reading and the repose after the long nursing;
though; before the end; her refreshed energies began to pine for
Daisy and her hymns; for Aubrey and his Virgil; for Cherry and her
scholars; and; above all; for her father; for; come as often as he
would; it was not papa at home。

On the other hand; Mary was at a loss for Ethel every hour; Richard
was putting off his affairs till Ethel should come home; Miss Bracy
and Blanche longed for her to relieve the schoolroom from the
children; Aubrey could not perform a lesson in comfort with any one
elsenever ended a sum without groaning for Ethel; and sometimes
rode to Abbotstoke for the mere purpose of appealing to her; in
short; no one could get on without her; and the doctor least of all。

Dr。 Spencer; and Mr。 Wilmot; and all his sons and daughters; had done
their best for him; but; in spite of his satisfaction at seeing the
two sisters so happy together; he could not help missing Ethel every
minute; as the very light of his home; and when; at last; Flora
brought her back; she was received with uproarious joy by Aubrey and
Daisy; while the rest of the household felt a revival and refreshment
of spiritsthe first drawing aside of the cloud that had hung over
the winter。  The pearl of their home might be missed every hour; but
they could thankfully rest in the trust that she was a jewel stored
up in safety and peace; to shine as a star for evermore。

A few weeks more; and there were other partings; sad indeed; yet
cheery。  Dr。 May told Mrs。 Arnott that; though he grieved that so
much of sorrow had come to dim her visit; he could not but own that
it was the very time when her coming could be most comforting; and
this; as she truly said; was satisfaction enough for her; besides
that she could not rejoice enough that her arrival had been in time
to see their dear Margaret。  She should carry away most precious
recollections; and she further told Dr。 Spencer that she was far more
comfortable about her brother…in…law; than if she had only known him
in his youthful character; which had seemed so little calculated to
bear sorrow or care。  She looked at him now only to wonder at; and
reverence the change that had been gradually wrought by the
affections placed above。

Norman and his wife went with herthe one grave but hopeful; the
other trying to wile away the pain of parting; by her tearful mirth
making all sorts of odd promises and touching requests; between jest
and earnest; and clinging to the last to her dear father…in…law; as
if the separation from him were the hardest of all。

〃Well; humming…birds must be let fly!〃 said he at last。  〃Ah! ha!
Meta; are they of no use?〃

〃Stay till you hear!〃 said Meta archlythen turning back once more。
〃Oh! how I have thanked you; Ethel; for those first hints you gave me
how to make my life real。  If I had only sat still and wished;
instead of trying what could be done as I was; how unhappy I should
have been!〃

〃Come; take your sprite away; Norman; if you don't want me to keep
her for good!  God bless you; my dear children!  Good…bye!  Who knows
but when Doctor Tom sets up in my place; Ethel and I may come out and
pay you a visit?〃

It had all been over for some weeks; and the home…party had settled
down again into what was likely to be their usual course; excepting
in the holidays; to which the doctor looked forward with redoubled
interest; as Tom was fast becoming a very agreeable and sensible
companion; for his moodiness had been charmed away by Meta; and
principle was teaching him true command of temper。  He seemed to take
his father as a special charge; bequeathed to him by Norman; and had
already acquired that value and importance at home which comes of the
laying aside of all self…importance。

It was a clear evening in March; full of promise of spring; and Ethel
was standing in the church porch at Cocksmoor; after making some
visits in the parish; waiting for Richard; while the bell was ringing
for the Wednesday evening service; and the pearly tints of a
cloudless sunset were fading into the western sky。

Ethel began to wonder where Norman might be looking at the sun
dipping into the western sea; and thence arose before her the visions
of her girlhood; when she had first dreamt of a church on Cocksmoor;
and of Richard ministering before a willing congregation。  So strange
did the accomplishment seem; that she even touched the stone to
assure herself of the reality; and therewith came intense
thanksgiving that the work had been taken out of her hands; to be the
more fully blessed and accomplishedthat is; as far as the building
went; as to the people; there was far more labour in store; and the
same Hand must be looked to for the increase。

For herself; Ethel looked back and looked on。  Norman Ogilvie's
marriage seemed to her to have fixed her lot in life; and what was
that lot?  Home and Cocksmoor had been her choice; and they were
before her。  Home! but her eyes had been opened to see that earthly
homes may not endure; nor fill the heart。  Her dear father might;
indeed; claim her full…hearted devotion; but; to him; she was only
one of many。  Norman was no longer solely hers; and she had begun to
understand that the unmarried woman must not seek undivided return of
affection; and must not set her love; with exclusive eagerness; on
aught below; but must be ready to cease in turn to be first with any。
Ethel was truly a mother to the younger ones; but she faced the
probability that they would find others to whom she would have the
second place。  To love each heartily; to do her utmost for each in
turn; and to be grateful for their fondness; was her call; but never
to count on their affection as her sole right and inalienable
possession。  She felt that this was the probable course; and that she
might look to becoming comparatively solitary in the course of years…
…then tried to realise what her lonely life might be; but broke off
smiling at herself; 〃What is that to me?  What will it be when it is
over?  My course and aim are straight on; and He will direct my
paths。  I don't know that I shall be alone; and I shall have the
memorythe communion with them; if not their presence。  Some one
there must be to be loved and helped; and the poor for certain。  Only
I must have my treasure above; and when I think what is there; and
of Oh! that bliss of being perfectly able to praisewith no bad
old self to mar the full joy of giving thanks; and blessing; and
honour; and power!  Need I dread a few short years?and they have
not begun yetperhaps they won't Oh! here is actually papa coming
home this way! how delightful!  Papa; are you coming to church here?〃

〃Ay; Ethel。  That weathercock of Spencer's is a magnet; I believe!
It draws me from all parts of the country to hear Richard in St。
Andrew's Church。〃







End 

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