the daisy chain, or aspirations-第41章

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depend　upon　it；　it　will　tell　on　her　by…and…by。　　Besides；　she　does　not
attend　to　anything　properly。　　At　one　time　she　was　improving　in
neatness　and　orderly　habits。　　Now；　you　surely　must　have　seen　how　much
less　tidy　her　hair　and　dress　have　been。〃

〃I　have　thought　her　hair　looking　rather　rough；〃　said　Margaret
disconsolately。

〃No　wonder；〃　said　Miss　Winter；　〃for　Flora　and　Mary　tell　me　she　hardly
spends　five　minutes　over　it　in　the　morning；　and　with　a　book　before
her　the　whole　time。　　If　I　send　her　up　to　make　it　fit　to　be　seen；　I
meet　with　looks　of　annoyance。　　She　leaves　her　books　in　all　parts　of
the　school…room　for　Mary　to　put　away；　and　her　table　drawer　is　one
mass　of　confusion。　　Her　lessons　she　does　well　enough；　I　own；　though
what　I　should　call　much　too　fast；　but　have　you　looked　at　her　work
lately？〃

〃She　does　not　work　very　well；〃　said　Margaret；　who　was　at　that　moment；
though　Miss　Winter　did　not　know　it；　re…gathering　a　poor　child's　frock
that　Ethel　had　galloped　through　with　more　haste　than　good　speed。

〃She　works　a　great　deal　worse　than　little　Blanche；〃　said　Miss　Winter；
〃and　though　it　may　not　be　the　fashion　to　say　so　in　these　days；　I
consider　good　needlework　far　more　important　than　accomplishments。
Well；　then；　Margaret；　I　should　wish　you　only　just　to　look　at　her
writing。〃

And　Miss　Winter　opened　a　French　exercise…book；　certainly　containing
anything　but　elegant　specimens　of　penmanship。　　Ethel's　best　writing
was　an　upright；　disjointed　niggle；　looking　more　like　Greek　than
anything　else；　except　where　here　and　there　it　made　insane　efforts　to
become　running…hand；　and　thereby　lost　its　sole　previous　good　quality
of　legibility；　while　the　lines　waved　about　the　sheet　in　almost　any
direction　but　the　horizontal。　　The　necessity　she　believed　herself
under　of　doing　what　Harry　called　writing　with　the　end　of　her　nose；
and　her　always　holding　her　pen　with　her　fingers　almost　in　the　ink；
added　considerably　to　the　difficulty　of　the　performance。　　This　being
at　her　best；　the　worst　may　be　supposed　to　be　indescribable；　when
dashed　off　in　a　violent　hurry；　and　considerably　garnished　with　blots。
Margaret　thought　she　had　seen　the　worst；　and　was　sighing　at　being
able　to　say　nothing　for　it；　when　Miss　Winter　confounded　her　by
turning　a　leaf；　and　showing　it　was　possible　to　make　a　still　wilder
combination　of　scramble；　niggle；　scratch；　and　crookednessand　this
was　supposed　to　be　an　amended　edition！　　Miss　Winter　explained　that
Ethel　had；　in　an　extremely　short　time；　performed　an　exercise　in　which
no　fault　could　be　detected　except　the　writing；　which　was　pronounced
to　be　too　atrocious　to　be　shown　up　to　M。　Ballompre。　　On　being　desired
to　write　it　over　again；　she　had　obeyed　with　a　very　bad　grace；　and
some　murmurs　about　Cocksmoor；　and　produced　the　second　specimen；
which；　in　addition　to　other　defects；　had　some　elisions　from　arrant
carelessness；　depriving　it　of　its　predecessor's　merits　of　being　good
French。

Miss　Winter　had　been　so　provoked　that　she　believed　this　to　be　an
effect　of　ill　temper；　and　declared　that　she　should　certainly　have
kept　Ethel　at　home　to　write　it　over　again；　if　it　had　not　so　happened
that　Dr。　May　had　proposed　to　walk　part　of　the　way　with　her　and
Richard；　and　the　governess　was　unwilling　to　bring　her　into　disgrace
with　him。　　Margaret　was　so　grateful　to　her　for　this　forbearance；　that
it　disposed　her　to　listen　the　more　patiently　to　the　same
representations　put　in；　what　Miss　Winter　fancied；　different　forms。
Margaret　was　much　perplexed。　　She　could　not　but　see　much　truth　in
what　Miss　Winter　said；　and　yet　she　could　not　bear　to　thwart　Ethel；
whom　she　admired　with　her　whole　heart；　and　that　dry　experience；　and
prejudiced　preciseness；　did　not　seem　capable　of　entering　into　her
sister's　thirst　for　learning　and　action。　　When　Miss　Winter　said　Ethel
would　grow　up　odd；　eccentric；　and　blue；　Margaret　was　ready　to　answer
that　she　would　be　superior　to　every　one；　and　when　the　governess　urged
her　to　insist　on　Cocksmoor　being　given　up；　she　felt　impatient　of　that
utter　want　of　sympathy　for　the　good　work。

All　that　evening　Margaret　longed　for　a　quiet　time　to　reflect；　but　it
never　came　till　she　was　in　bed；　and　when　she　had　made　up　her　mind　how
to　speak　to　Ethel；　it　was　five　times　harder　to　secure　her　alone。
Even　when　Margaret　had　her　in　the　room　by　herself；　she　looked　wild
and　eager；　and　said　she　could　not　stay；　she　had　some　Thucydides　to
do。

〃Won't　you　stay　with　me　a　little　while；　quietly？〃　said　Margaret；　〃we
hardly　ever　have　one　of　our　talks。〃

〃I　didn't　mean　to　vex　you；　dear　Margaret；　I　like　nothing　so　well；
only　we　are　never　alone；　and　I've　no　time。〃

〃Pray　do　spare　me　a　minute；　Ethel；　for　I　have　something　that　I　must
say　to　you；　and　I　am　afraid　you　won't　like　itso　do　listen　kindly。〃

〃Oh！〃　said　Ethel；　〃Miss　Winter　has　been　talking　to　you。　　I　know　she
said　she　would　tell　you　that　she　wants　me　to　give　up　Cocksmoor。　　You
aren't　dreaming　of　it；　Margaret？〃

〃Indeed；　dear　Ethel；　I　should　be　very　sorry；　but　one　thing　I　am　sure
of；　that　there　is　something　amiss　in　your　way　of　going　on。〃

〃Did　she　show　you　that　horrid　exercise？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Well；　I　know　it　was　baddish　writing；　but　just　listen；　Margaret。　　We
promised　six　of　the　children　to　print　them　each　a　verse　of　a　hymn　on
a　card　to　learn。　　Ritchie　did　three；　and　then　could　not　go　on；　for
the　book　that　the　others　were　in　was　lost　till　last　evening；　and　then
he　was　writing　for　papa。　　So　I　thought　I　would　do　them　before　we　went
to　Cocksmoor；　and　that　I　should　squeeze　time　out　of　the　morning；　but
I　got　a　bit　of　Sophocles　that　was　so　horridly　hard　it　ate　up　all　my
time；　and　I　don't　understand　it　properly　now；　I　must　get　Norman　to
tell　me。　　And　that　ran　in　my　head　and　made　me　make　a　mistake　in　my
sum；　and　have　to　begin　it　again。　　Then；　just　as　I　thought　I　had　saved
time　over　the　exercise；　comes　Miss　Winter　and　tells　me　I　must　do　it
over　again；　and　scolds　me　besides　about　the　ink　on　my　fingers。　　She
would　send　me　up　at　once　to　get　it　off；　and　I　could　not　find　nurse
and　her　bottle　of　stuff　for　it；　so　that　wasted　ever　so　much　more
time；　and　I　was　so　vexed　that；　really　and　truly；　my　hand　shook　and　I
could　not　write　any　better。〃

〃No；　I　thought　it　looked　as　if　you　had　been　in　one　of　your　agonies。〃

〃And　she　thought　I　did　it　on　purpose；　and　that　made　me　angry；　and　so
we　got　into　a　dispute；　and　away　went　all　the　little　moment　I　might
have　had；　and　I　was　forced　to　go　to　Cocksmoor　as　a　promise　breaker！〃

〃Don't　you　think　you　had　better　have　taken　pains　at　first？〃

〃Well；　so　I　did　with　the　sense；　but　I　hadn't　time　to　look　at　the
writing　much。〃

〃You　would　have　made　better　speed　if　you　had。〃

〃Oh；　yes；　I　know　I　was　wrong；　but　it　is　a　great　plague　altogether。
Really；　Margaret；　I　shan't　get　Thucydides　done。〃

〃You　must　wait　a　little　longer；　please；　Ethel；　for　I　want　to　say　to
you　that　I　am　afraid　you　are　doing　too　much；　and　that　prevents　you
from　doing　things　well；　as　you　were　trying　to　do　last　autumn。〃

〃You　are　not　thinking　of　my　not　going　to　Cocksmoor？〃　cried　Ethel
vehemently。

〃I　want　you　to　consider　what　is　to　be　done；　dear　Ethel。　　You　thought；
last　autumn；　a　great　deal　of　curing　your　careless　habits；　now　you
seem　not　to　have　time　to　attend。　　You　can　do　a　great　deal　very　fast；
I　know；　but　isn't　it　a　pity　to　be　always　in　a　hurry？〃

〃It　isn't　Cocksmoor　that　is　the　reason；〃　said　Ethel。

〃No；　you　did　pretty　well　when　you　began；　but　you　know　that　was　in　the
holidays；　when　you　had　no　Latin　and　Greek　to　do。〃

〃Oh；　but；　Margaret；　they　won't　take　so　much　time　when　I　have　once　got
over　the　difficulties；　and　see　my　way；　but　just　now　they　have　put
Norman　into　such　a　frightfully　difficult　play；　that　I　can　hardly　get
on　at　all　with　it；　and　there's　a　new　kind　of　Greek　verses；　too；　and　I
don't　make　out　from　the　book　how　to　manage　them。　　Norman　showed　me　on
Saturday；　but　mine　won't　be　right。　　When　I've　got　over　that；　I　shan't
be　so　hurried。〃

〃But　Norman　will　go　on　to　something　harder；　I　suppose。〃

〃I　dare　say　I　shall　be　able　to　do　it。〃

〃Perhaps　you　might；　but　I　want　you　to　consider　if　you　are　not　working
beyond　what　can　be　good　for　anybody。　　You　see　Norman　is　much　cleverer
than　most　boys；　and　you　are　a　year　younger；　and　besides　doing　all　his
work　at　the　head　of　the　school；　his　whole　business　of　the　day；　you
have　Cocksmoor　to　attend　to；　and　your　own　lessons；　besides　reading
all　the　books　that　come　into　the　house。　　Now　isn't　that　more　than　is
reasonable　to　expect　any　head　and　hands　to　do　properly？〃

〃But　if　I　can　do　it？〃

〃But　can　you；　dear　Ethel？　　Aren't　you　always　racing　from　one　thing　to
another；　doing　them　by　halves；　feeling　hunted；　and　then　growing
vexed？〃

〃I　know　I　have　been　cross　lately；〃　said　Ethel；　〃but　it's　the　being　so
bothered。〃

〃And　why　are　you　bothered？　　Isn't　it　that　you　undertake　too　much？〃

〃What　would　you　have　me　do？〃　said　Ethel；　in　an　injured；　unconvinced
voice。　　〃Not　give　up　my　children？〃

〃No；〃　said　Margaret；　〃but　don't　think　me　very　unkind　if　I　say；
suppose　you　left　off　trying　to　keep　up　with　Norman。〃

〃Oh；　Margaret！　Margaret！〃　and　her　eyes　filled　with　tears。　　〃We　have
hardly　missed　doing　the　same　every　day　since　the　first　Latin　grammar
was　put　into　his　hands！〃

〃I　know　it　would　be　very　hard；〃　said　Margaret；　but　Ethel　continued；
in　a　piteous　tone；　a　little　sentimental；　〃From　hie　haec　hoc　up　to
Alcaics　and　beta　Thukididou　we　have　gone　on　together；　and　I　can't
bear　to　give　it　up。　　I'm　sure　I　can〃

〃Stop；　Ethel；　I　really　doubt　whether　you　can。　　Do　you　know　that
Norman　was　telling　papa　the　other　day　that　it　was　very　odd　Dr。　Hoxton
gave　them　such　easy　lessons。〃

Ethel　looked　very　much　mortified。

〃You　see；〃　said　Margaret　kindly；　〃we　all　know　that　men　have　more
power　than　women；　and　I　suppose　the　time　has　come　for　Norman　to　pass
beyond　you。　　He　would　not　be　cleverer　than　any　one；　if　he　could　not
do　more　than　a　girl　at　home。〃

〃He　has　so　much　more　time　for　it；〃　said　Ethel。

〃That's　the　very　thing。　　Now　consider；　Ethel。　　His　work；　after　he
goes　to　Oxford；　will　be　doing　his　very　utmostand　you　know　what　an
utmost　that　is。　　If　you　could　keep　up　with　him　at　all；　you　must　give
your　whole　time　and　thoughts　to　it；　and　when　you　had　done　soif　you
could　get　all　the　honours　in　the　Universitywhat　would　it　come　to？
You　can't　take　a　first…class。〃

〃I　don't　want　one；〃　said　Ethel；　〃I　only　can't　bear　not　to　do　as
Norman　does；　and　I　like　Greek　so　much。〃

〃And　for　that　would　you　give　up　being　a　useful；　steady　daughter　and
sister　at　home？　　The　sort　of　woman　that　dear　mamma　wished　to　make
you；　and　a　comfort　to　papa。〃

Ethel　was　silent；　and　large　tears　were　gathering。

〃You　own　that　that　is　the　first　thing？〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Ethel　faintly。

〃And　that　it　is　what　you　fail　in　most？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Then；　Ethel　dearest；　when　you　made　up　your　mind　to　Cocksmoor；　you
knew　those　things　could　not　be　done　without　a　sacrifice？〃

〃Yes；　but　I　didn't　think　it　would　be　this。〃

Margaret　was　wise　enough　not　to　press　her；　and　she　sat　down　and
sighed　pitifully。　　Presently　she　said；　〃Margaret；　if　you　would　only
let　me　leave　off　that　stupid　old　French；　and　horrid　dull　reading　with
Miss　Winter；　I　should　have　plenty　of　time　for　everything；　and　what
does　one　learn　by　hearing　Mary　read　poetr