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the daisy chain, or aspirations-第5章

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as she saw her mother looking at her; she said hastily; 〃RitchieI
never considered itbut I knowit is my great pleasureoh; mamma!〃

〃Well; my dear; I do not say but that you are the first with Richard;
and that you well deserve to be so; but is the seeking to be the
first even in that way safe?  Is it not self…seeking again?〃

〃Well; perhaps it is。  I know it is what makes jealousy。〃

〃The only plan is not to think about ourselves at all;〃 said Mrs。
May。  〃Affection is round us like sunshine; and there is no use in
measuring and comparing。  We must give it out freely ourselves;
hoping for nothing again。〃

〃Oh; mamma; you don't mean that!〃

〃Perhaps I should have said; bargaining for nothing again。  It will
come of itself; if we don't exact it; but rivalry is the sure means
of driving it away; because that is trying to get oneself
worshipped。〃

〃I suppose; then; you have never thought of it;〃 said Margaret;
smiling。

〃Why; it would have been rather absurd;〃 said Mrs。 May; laughing; 〃to
begin to torment myself whether you were all fond of me!  You all
have just as much affection for me; from beginning to end; as is
natural; and what's the use of thinking about it?  No; no; Margaret;
don't go and protest that you love me; more than is natural;〃 as
Margaret looked inclined to say something very eager; 〃that would be
in the style of Regan and Goneril。  It will be natural by…and…by that
you should; some of you; love some one else better; and if I cared
for being first; what should I do then?〃

〃Oh; mamma!  But;〃 said Margaret suddenly; 〃you are always sure of
papa。〃

〃In one way; yes;〃 said Mrs。 May; 〃but how do I know how long〃 Calm
as she was; she could not finish that sentence。 〃No; Margaret; depend
upon it; the only security is not to think about ourselves at all;
and not to fix our mind on any affection on earth。  The least share
of the Love above is the fullness of all blessing; and if we seek
that first; all these things will be added unto us; and are;〃 she
whispered; more to herself than to Margaret。




CHAPTER III。



Wee modest crimson…tipped flower;
Thou'st met me in an evil hour;
For I maun crush amang the stoure
  Thy slender stem。
To spare thee now is past my power;
  Thou bonnie gem。
                          BURNS。


〃Is this all the walking party?〃 exclaimed Mr。 Ernescliffe; as Miss
Winter; Flora; and Norman gathered in the hall。

〃Harry won't go because of Ethel's spectacles;〃 answered Flora; 〃and
Mary and he are inseparable; so they are gone with Hector to have a
shipwreck in the field。〃

〃And your other sisters?〃

〃Margaret has rattedshe is going to drive out with mamma;〃 said
Norman; 〃as to Etheldred the Unready; I'll run up and hurry her。〃

In a moment he was at her door。 〃Oh! Norman; come in。  Is it time?〃

〃I should think so! You're keeping every one waiting。〃

〃Oh; dear! go on; only just tell me the past participle of 'offero';
and I'll catch you up。〃

〃'Oblatus。'〃

〃Oh; yes; how stupid。  The 'a' long or short?  Then that's right。
I had such a line in my head; I was forced to write it down。  Is not
it a capital subject this time?〃

〃The devotion of Decius?  Capital。  Let me see!〃 said Norman; taking
up a paper scribbled in pencil; with Latin verses。  〃Oh; you have
taken up quite a different line from mine。  I began with Mount
Vesuvius spouting lava like anything。〃

〃But Mount Vesuvius didn't spout till it overthrew Pompeii。〃

〃Murder!〃 cried Norman; 〃I forgot!  It's lucky you put me in mind。
I must make a fresh beginning。  There go my six best lines!  However;
it was an uncanny place; fit for hobgoblins; and shades; and funny
customers; which will do as well for my purpose。  Ha! that's grand
about its being so much better than the vana gloria triumphalisonly
take care of the scanning there〃

〃If it was but English。  Something like this:


        〃For what is equal to the fame
         Of forgetting self in the aim?


That's not right; but〃

〃Ethel; Norman; what are you about? cried Flora。  〃Do you mean to go
to Cocksmoor to…day?〃

〃Oh; yes!〃 cried Ethel; flying into vehement activity; 〃only I've
lost my blue…edged handkerchiefFlora; have you seen it?〃

〃No; but here is your red scarf。〃

〃Thank you; there is a good Flora。  And oh! I finished a frock all
but two stitches。  Where is it gone?  Go on; all of you; I'll
overtake you:


        〃Purer than breath of earthly fame;
         Is losing self in a glorious aim。


Is that better; Norman?〃

〃You'll drive us out of patience;〃 said Flora; tying the handkerchief
round Ethel's throat; and pulling out the fingers of her gloves;
which; of course; were inside out; 〃are you ready?〃

〃Oh; my frock! my frock!  There 'tisthree stitchesgo on; and I'll
come;〃 said Ethel; seizing a needle; and sewing vehemently at a
little pink frock。  〃Go on; Miss Winter goes slowly up the hill; and
I'll overtake you。〃

〃Come; Norman; then; it is the only way to make her come at all。〃

〃I shall wait for her;〃 said Norman。  〃Go on; Flora; we shall catch
you up in no time;〃 and; as Flora went; he continued; 〃Never mind
your aims and fames and trumpery English rhymes。  Your verses will be
much the best; Ethel; I only went on a little about Mount Vesuvius
and the landscape; as Alan described it the other day; and Decius
taking a last look; knowing he was to die。  I made him beg his
horse's pardon; and say how they will both be remembered; and their
self…devotion would inspire Romans to all posterity; and shout with a
noble voice!〃 said Norman; repeating some of his lines; correcting
them as he proceeded。

〃Oh! yes; but oh; dear; I've done!  Come along;〃 said Ethel;
crumpling her work into a bundle; and snatching up her gloves; then;
as they ran downstairs; and emerged into the street; 〃It is a famous
subject。〃

〃Yes; you have made a capital beginning。  If you won't break down
somewhere; as you always do; with some frightful false quantity; that
you would get an imposition for; if you were a boy。  I wish you were。
I should like to see old Hoxton's face; if you were to show him up
some of these verses。〃

〃I'll tell you what; Norman; if I was you; I would not make Decius
flatter himself with the fame he was to getit is too like the stuff
every one talks in stupid books。  I want him to sayRomemy
countrythe eaglesmust win; if they donever mind what becomes of
me。〃

〃But why should he not like to get the credit of it; as he did?  Fame
and glorythey are the spirit of life; the reward of such a death。〃

〃Oh; no; no;〃 said Ethel。  〃Fame is coarse and vulgarblinder than
ever they draw Love or Fortuneshe is only a personified newspaper;
trumpeting out all that is extraordinary; without minding whether it
is good or bad。  She misses the delicate and lovelyI wished they
would give us a theme to write about her。  I should like to abuse her
well。〃

〃It would make a very good theme; in a new line;〃 said Norman; 〃but
I don't give into it; altogether。  It is the hope and the thought of
fame; that has made men great; from first to last。  It is in every
one that is not good for nothing; and always will be!  The moving
spirit of man's greatness!〃

〃I'm not sure;〃 said Ethel; 〃I think looking for fame is like wanting
a reward at once。  I had rather people forgot themselves。  Do you
think Arnold von Winkelried thought about fame when he threw himself
on the spears?〃

〃He got it;〃 said Norman。

〃Yes; he got it for the good of other people; not to please himself。
Fame does those that admire it good; not those that win it。〃

〃But!〃 said Norman; and both were silent for some short interval; as
they left the last buildings of the town; and began to mount a steep
hill。  Presently Norman slackened his pace; and driving his stick
vehemently against a stone; exclaimed; 〃It is no use talking; Ethel;
it is all a fight and a race。  One is always to try to be foremost。
That's the spirit of the thingthat's what the great; from first to
last; have struggled; and fought; and lived; and died for。〃

〃I know it is a battle; I know it is a race。  The Bible says so;〃
replied Ethel; 〃but is not there the difference; that here all may
winnot only one?  One may do one's best; not care whether one is
first or last。  That's what our reading to…day said。〃

〃That was against trumpery vanityfalse elevationnot what one has
earned for oneself; but getting into other people's places that one
never deserved。  That every one despises!〃

〃Of course!  That they do。  I say; Norman; didn't you mean Harvey
Anderson?〃

Instead of answering; Norman exclaimed; 〃It is pretension that is
hatefultrue excelling is what one's life is for。  No; no; I'll
never be beat; EthelI never have been beat by any one; except by
you; when you take pains;〃 he added; looking exultingly at his
sister; 〃and I never will be。〃

〃Oh; Norman!〃

〃I mean; of course; while I have senses。  I would not be like Richard
for all the world。〃

〃Oh; no; no; poor Richard!〃

〃He is an excellent fellow in everything else;〃 said Norman; 〃I could
sometimes wish I was more like himbut how he can be so amazingly
slow; I can't imagine。  That examination paper he broke down inI
could have done it as easily as possible。〃

〃I did it all but one question;〃 said Ethel; 〃but so did he; you
know; and we can't tell whether we should have it done well enough。〃

〃I know I must do something respectable when first I go to Oxford; if
I don't wish to be known as the man whose brother was plucked;〃 said
Norman。

〃Yes;〃 said Ethel; 〃if papa will but let you try for the Randall
scholarship next year; but he says it is not good to go to Oxford so
young。〃

〃And I believe I had better not be there with Richard;〃 added Norman。
〃I don't like coming into contrast with him; and I don't think he can
like it; poor fellow; and it isn't his fault。  I had rather stay
another year here; get one of the open scholarships; and leave the
Stoneborough ones for those who can do no better。〃

In justice to Norman; we must observe that this was by no means said
as a boast。  He would scarcely have thus spoken to any one but
Etheldred; to whom; as well as to himself; it seemed mere matter…of…
fact。  The others had in the meantime halted at the top of the hill;
and were looking back at the townthe great old Minster; raising its
twin towers and long roof; close to the river; where rich green
meadows spread over the valley; and the town rising irregularly on
the slope above; plentifully interspersed with trees and gardens; and
one green space on the banks of the river; speckled over with a flock
of little black dots in rapid motion。

〃Here you are!〃 exclaimed Flora。  〃I told them it was of no use to
wait when you and Norman had begun a dissertation。〃

〃Now; Mr。 Ernescliffe; I should like you to say;〃 cried Ethel; 〃which
do you think is the best; the name of it; or the thing?〃  Her
eloquence always broke down with any auditor but her brother; or;
perhaps; Margaret。

〃Ethel!〃 said Norman; 〃how is any one to understand you?  The
argument is this: Ethel wants people to do great deeds; and be
utterly careless of the fame of them; I say; that love of glory is a
mighty spring。〃

〃A mighty one!〃 said 

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