the daisy chain, or aspirations-第5章

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as　she　saw　her　mother　looking　at　her；　she　said　hastily；　〃RitchieI
never　considered　itbut　I　knowit　is　my　great　pleasureoh；　mamma！〃

〃Well；　my　dear；　I　do　not　say　but　that　you　are　the　first　with　Richard；
and　that　you　well　deserve　to　be　so；　but　is　the　seeking　to　be　the
first　even　in　that　way　safe？　　Is　it　not　self…seeking　again？〃

〃Well；　perhaps　it　is。　　I　know　it　is　what　makes　jealousy。〃

〃The　only　plan　is　not　to　think　about　ourselves　at　all；〃　said　Mrs。
May。　　〃Affection　is　round　us　like　sunshine；　and　there　is　no　use　in
measuring　and　comparing。　　We　must　give　it　out　freely　ourselves；
hoping　for　nothing　again。〃

〃Oh；　mamma；　you　don't　mean　that！〃

〃Perhaps　I　should　have　said；　bargaining　for　nothing　again。　　It　will
come　of　itself；　if　we　don't　exact　it；　but　rivalry　is　the　sure　means
of　driving　it　away；　because　that　is　trying　to　get　oneself
worshipped。〃

〃I　suppose；　then；　you　have　never　thought　of　it；〃　said　Margaret；
smiling。

〃Why；　it　would　have　been　rather　absurd；〃　said　Mrs。　May；　laughing；　〃to
begin　to　torment　myself　whether　you　were　all　fond　of　me！　　You　all
have　just　as　much　affection　for　me；　from　beginning　to　end；　as　is
natural；　and　what's　the　use　of　thinking　about　it？　　No；　no；　Margaret；
don't　go　and　protest　that　you　love　me；　more　than　is　natural；〃　as
Margaret　looked　inclined　to　say　something　very　eager；　〃that　would　be
in　the　style　of　Regan　and　Goneril。　　It　will　be　natural　by…and…by　that
you　should；　some　of　you；　love　some　one　else　better；　and　if　I　cared
for　being　first；　what　should　I　do　then？〃

〃Oh；　mamma！　　But；〃　said　Margaret　suddenly；　〃you　are　always　sure　of
papa。〃

〃In　one　way；　yes；〃　said　Mrs。　May；　〃but　how　do　I　know　how　long〃　Calm
as　she　was；　she　could　not　finish　that　sentence。　〃No；　Margaret；　depend
upon　it；　the　only　security　is　not　to　think　about　ourselves　at　all；
and　not　to　fix　our　mind　on　any　affection　on　earth。　　The　least　share
of　the　Love　above　is　the　fullness　of　all　blessing；　and　if　we　seek
that　first；　all　these　things　will　be　added　unto　us；　and　are；〃　she
whispered；　more　to　herself　than　to　Margaret。




CHAPTER　III。



Wee　modest　crimson…tipped　flower；
Thou'st　met　me　in　an　evil　hour；
For　I　maun　crush　amang　the　stoure
　　Thy　slender　stem。
To　spare　thee　now　is　past　my　power；
　　Thou　bonnie　gem。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　BURNS。


〃Is　this　all　the　walking　party？〃　exclaimed　Mr。　Ernescliffe；　as　Miss
Winter；　Flora；　and　Norman　gathered　in　the　hall。

〃Harry　won't　go　because　of　Ethel's　spectacles；〃　answered　Flora；　〃and
Mary　and　he　are　inseparable；　so　they　are　gone　with　Hector　to　have　a
shipwreck　in　the　field。〃

〃And　your　other　sisters？〃

〃Margaret　has　rattedshe　is　going　to　drive　out　with　mamma；〃　said
Norman；　〃as　to　Etheldred　the　Unready；　I'll　run　up　and　hurry　her。〃

In　a　moment　he　was　at　her　door。　〃Oh！　Norman；　come　in。　　Is　it　time？〃

〃I　should　think　so！　You're　keeping　every　one　waiting。〃

〃Oh；　dear！　go　on；　only　just　tell　me　the　past　participle　of　'offero'；
and　I'll　catch　you　up。〃

〃'Oblatus。'〃

〃Oh；　yes；　how　stupid。　　The　'a'　long　or　short？　　Then　that's　right。
I　had　such　a　line　in　my　head；　I　was　forced　to　write　it　down。　　Is　not
it　a　capital　subject　this　time？〃

〃The　devotion　of　Decius？　　Capital。　　Let　me　see！〃　said　Norman；　taking
up　a　paper　scribbled　in　pencil；　with　Latin　verses。　　〃Oh；　you　have
taken　up　quite　a　different　line　from　mine。　　I　began　with　Mount
Vesuvius　spouting　lava　like　anything。〃

〃But　Mount　Vesuvius　didn't　spout　till　it　overthrew　Pompeii。〃

〃Murder！〃　cried　Norman；　〃I　forgot！　　It's　lucky　you　put　me　in　mind。
I　must　make　a　fresh　beginning。　　There　go　my　six　best　lines！　　However；
it　was　an　uncanny　place；　fit　for　hobgoblins；　and　shades；　and　funny
customers；　which　will　do　as　well　for　my　purpose。　　Ha！　that's　grand
about　its　being　so　much　better　than　the　vana　gloria　triumphalisonly
take　care　of　the　scanning　there〃

〃If　it　was　but　English。　　Something　like　this：


　　　　　　　　〃For　what　is　equal　to　the　fame
　　　　　　　　　Of　forgetting　self　in　the　aim？


That's　not　right；　but〃

〃Ethel；　Norman；　what　are　you　about？　cried　Flora。　　〃Do　you　mean　to　go
to　Cocksmoor　to…day？〃

〃Oh；　yes！〃　cried　Ethel；　flying　into　vehement　activity；　〃only　I've
lost　my　blue…edged　handkerchiefFlora；　have　you　seen　it？〃

〃No；　but　here　is　your　red　scarf。〃

〃Thank　you；　there　is　a　good　Flora。　　And　oh！　I　finished　a　frock　all
but　two　stitches。　　Where　is　it　gone？　　Go　on；　all　of　you；　I'll
overtake　you：


　　　　　　　　〃Purer　than　breath　of　earthly　fame；
　　　　　　　　　Is　losing　self　in　a　glorious　aim。


Is　that　better；　Norman？〃

〃You'll　drive　us　out　of　patience；〃　said　Flora；　tying　the　handkerchief
round　Ethel's　throat；　and　pulling　out　the　fingers　of　her　gloves；
which；　of　course；　were　inside　out；　〃are　you　ready？〃

〃Oh；　my　frock！　my　frock！　　There　'tisthree　stitchesgo　on；　and　I'll
come；〃　said　Ethel；　seizing　a　needle；　and　sewing　vehemently　at　a
little　pink　frock。　　〃Go　on；　Miss　Winter　goes　slowly　up　the　hill；　and
I'll　overtake　you。〃

〃Come；　Norman；　then；　it　is　the　only　way　to　make　her　come　at　all。〃

〃I　shall　wait　for　her；〃　said　Norman。　　〃Go　on；　Flora；　we　shall　catch
you　up　in　no　time；〃　and；　as　Flora　went；　he　continued；　〃Never　mind
your　aims　and　fames　and　trumpery　English　rhymes。　　Your　verses　will　be
much　the　best；　Ethel；　I　only　went　on　a　little　about　Mount　Vesuvius
and　the　landscape；　as　Alan　described　it　the　other　day；　and　Decius
taking　a　last　look；　knowing　he　was　to　die。　　I　made　him　beg　his
horse's　pardon；　and　say　how　they　will　both　be　remembered；　and　their
self…devotion　would　inspire　Romans　to　all　posterity；　and　shout　with　a
noble　voice！〃　said　Norman；　repeating　some　of　his　lines；　correcting
them　as　he　proceeded。

〃Oh！　yes；　but　oh；　dear；　I've　done！　　Come　along；〃　said　Ethel；
crumpling　her　work　into　a　bundle；　and　snatching　up　her　gloves；　then；
as　they　ran　downstairs；　and　emerged　into　the　street；　〃It　is　a　famous
subject。〃

〃Yes；　you　have　made　a　capital　beginning。　　If　you　won't　break　down
somewhere；　as　you　always　do；　with　some　frightful　false　quantity；　that
you　would　get　an　imposition　for；　if　you　were　a　boy。　　I　wish　you　were。
I　should　like　to　see　old　Hoxton's　face；　if　you　were　to　show　him　up
some　of　these　verses。〃

〃I'll　tell　you　what；　Norman；　if　I　was　you；　I　would　not　make　Decius
flatter　himself　with　the　fame　he　was　to　getit　is　too　like　the　stuff
every　one　talks　in　stupid　books。　　I　want　him　to　sayRomemy
countrythe　eaglesmust　win；　if　they　donever　mind　what　becomes　of
me。〃

〃But　why　should　he　not　like　to　get　the　credit　of　it；　as　he　did？　　Fame
and　glorythey　are　the　spirit　of　life；　the　reward　of　such　a　death。〃

〃Oh；　no；　no；〃　said　Ethel。　　〃Fame　is　coarse　and　vulgarblinder　than
ever　they　draw　Love　or　Fortuneshe　is　only　a　personified　newspaper；
trumpeting　out　all　that　is　extraordinary；　without　minding　whether　it
is　good　or　bad。　　She　misses　the　delicate　and　lovelyI　wished　they
would　give　us　a　theme　to　write　about　her。　　I　should　like　to　abuse　her
well。〃

〃It　would　make　a　very　good　theme；　in　a　new　line；〃　said　Norman；　〃but
I　don't　give　into　it；　altogether。　　It　is　the　hope　and　the　thought　of
fame；　that　has　made　men　great；　from　first　to　last。　　It　is　in　every
one　that　is　not　good　for　nothing；　and　always　will　be！　　The　moving
spirit　of　man's　greatness！〃

〃I'm　not　sure；〃　said　Ethel；　〃I　think　looking　for　fame　is　like　wanting
a　reward　at　once。　　I　had　rather　people　forgot　themselves。　　Do　you
think　Arnold　von　Winkelried　thought　about　fame　when　he　threw　himself
on　the　spears？〃

〃He　got　it；〃　said　Norman。

〃Yes；　he　got　it　for　the　good　of　other　people；　not　to　please　himself。
Fame　does　those　that　admire　it　good；　not　those　that　win　it。〃

〃But！〃　said　Norman；　and　both　were　silent　for　some　short　interval；　as
they　left　the　last　buildings　of　the　town；　and　began　to　mount　a　steep
hill。　　Presently　Norman　slackened　his　pace；　and　driving　his　stick
vehemently　against　a　stone；　exclaimed；　〃It　is　no　use　talking；　Ethel；
it　is　all　a　fight　and　a　race。　　One　is　always　to　try　to　be　foremost。
That's　the　spirit　of　the　thingthat's　what　the　great；　from　first　to
last；　have　struggled；　and　fought；　and　lived；　and　died　for。〃

〃I　know　it　is　a　battle；　I　know　it　is　a　race。　　The　Bible　says　so；〃
replied　Ethel；　〃but　is　not　there　the　difference；　that　here　all　may
winnot　only　one？　　One　may　do　one's　best；　not　care　whether　one　is
first　or　last。　　That's　what　our　reading　to…day　said。〃

〃That　was　against　trumpery　vanityfalse　elevationnot　what　one　has
earned　for　oneself；　but　getting　into　other　people's　places　that　one
never　deserved。　　That　every　one　despises！〃

〃Of　course！　　That　they　do。　　I　say；　Norman；　didn't　you　mean　Harvey
Anderson？〃

Instead　of　answering；　Norman　exclaimed；　〃It　is　pretension　that　is
hatefultrue　excelling　is　what　one's　life　is　for。　　No；　no；　I'll
never　be　beat；　EthelI　never　have　been　beat　by　any　one；　except　by
you；　when　you　take　pains；〃　he　added；　looking　exultingly　at　his
sister；　〃and　I　never　will　be。〃

〃Oh；　Norman！〃

〃I　mean；　of　course；　while　I　have　senses。　　I　would　not　be　like　Richard
for　all　the　world。〃

〃Oh；　no；　no；　poor　Richard！〃

〃He　is　an　excellent　fellow　in　everything　else；〃　said　Norman；　〃I　could
sometimes　wish　I　was　more　like　himbut　how　he　can　be　so　amazingly
slow；　I　can't　imagine。　　That　examination　paper　he　broke　down　inI
could　have　done　it　as　easily　as　possible。〃

〃I　did　it　all　but　one　question；〃　said　Ethel；　〃but　so　did　he；　you
know；　and　we　can't　tell　whether　we　should　have　it　done　well　enough。〃

〃I　know　I　must　do　something　respectable　when　first　I　go　to　Oxford；　if
I　don't　wish　to　be　known　as　the　man　whose　brother　was　plucked；〃　said
Norman。

〃Yes；〃　said　Ethel；　〃if　papa　will　but　let　you　try　for　the　Randall
scholarship　next　year；　but　he　says　it　is　not　good　to　go　to　Oxford　so
young。〃

〃And　I　believe　I　had　better　not　be　there　with　Richard；〃　added　Norman。
〃I　don't　like　coming　into　contrast　with　him；　and　I　don't　think　he　can
like　it；　poor　fellow；　and　it　isn't　his　fault。　　I　had　rather　stay
another　year　here；　get　one　of　the　open　scholarships；　and　leave　the
Stoneborough　ones　for　those　who　can　do　no　better。〃

In　justice　to　Norman；　we　must　observe　that　this　was　by　no　means　said
as　a　boast。　　He　would　scarcely　have　thus　spoken　to　any　one　but
Etheldred；　to　whom；　as　well　as　to　himself；　it　seemed　mere　matter…of…
fact。　　The　others　had　in　the　meantime　halted　at　the　top　of　the　hill；
and　were　looking　back　at　the　townthe　great　old　Minster；　raising　its
twin　towers　and　long　roof；　close　to　the　river；　where　rich　green
meadows　spread　over　the　valley；　and　the　town　rising　irregularly　on
the　slope　above；　plentifully　interspersed　with　trees　and　gardens；　and
one　green　space　on　the　banks　of　the　river；　speckled　over　with　a　flock
of　little　black　dots　in　rapid　motion。

〃Here　you　are！〃　exclaimed　Flora。　　〃I　told　them　it　was　of　no　use　to
wait　when　you　and　Norman　had　begun　a　dissertation。〃

〃Now；　Mr。　Ernescliffe；　I　should　like　you　to　say；〃　cried　Ethel；　〃which
do　you　think　is　the　best；　the　name　of　it；　or　the　thing？〃　　Her
eloquence　always　broke　down　with　any　auditor　but　her　brother；　or；
perhaps；　Margaret。

〃Ethel！〃　said　Norman；　〃how　is　any　one　to　understand　you？　　The
argument　is　this：　Ethel　wants　people　to　do　great　deeds；　and　be
utterly　careless　of　the　fame　of　them；　I　say；　that　love　of　glory　is　a
mighty　spring。〃

〃A　mighty　one！〃　said