the daisy chain, or aspirations-第53章

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really　think　this　is　a　case　for　it；　and　I　don't　think　you　ought　to
let　yourself　be　influenced　by　the　fear　of　any　party…spirit。〃

〃It　is　not　only　that；　papaI　have　been　thinking　a　good　deal　to…day；
and　there　are　other　reasons。　　Of　course　I　should　wish　Dr。　Hoxton　to
know　that　I　spoke　the　truth　about　that　walk；　and　I　hope　you　will　let
him　know；　as　I　appealed　to　you。　　But；　on　cooler　thoughts；　I　don't
believe　Dr。　Hoxton　could　seriously　suspect　me　of　such　a　thing　as
that；　and　it　was　not　on　that　ground　that　I　am　turned　down；　but　that　I
did　not　keep　up　sufficient　discipline；　and　allowed　the　outrage；　as　he
calls　it。　　Now；　you　know；　that　is；　after　a　fashion；　true。　　If　I　had
not　gone　on　like　an　ass　the　other　day；　and　incited　them　to　pull　down
the　fences；　they　would　not　have　done　it　afterwards；　and　perhaps　I
ought　to　have　kept　on　guard　longer。　　It　was　my　fault；　and　we　can't
deny　it。〃

Dr。　May　made　a　restless；　reluctant　movement。　　〃Well；　well；　I　suppose
it　wasbut　it　was　just　as　much　Harvey　Anderson'sand　is　he　to　get
the　scholarship　because　he　has　added　meanness　to　the　rest？〃

〃He　was　not　dux；〃　said　Norman；　with　a　sigh。　　〃It　was　more　shabby　than
I　thought　was　even　in　him。　　But　I　don't　know　that　the　feeling　about
him　is　not　one　reason。　　There　has　always　been　a　rivalry　and
bitterness　between　us　two；　and　if　I　were　to　get　the　upper　hand　now；
by　means　not　in　the　usual　course；　such　as　the　fellows　would　think　ill
of；　it　would　be　worse　than　ever；　and　I　should　always　feel　guilty　and
ashamed　to　look　at　him。〃

〃Over…refining；　Norman；〃　muttered　Dr。　May。

〃Besides；　don't　you　remember；　when　his　father　died；　how　glad　you　and
everyone　were　to　get　him　a　nomination；　and　it　was　said　that　if　he
gained　a　scholarship　it　would　be　such　a　relief　to　poor　Mrs。　Anderson？
Now　he　has　this　chance；　it　does　seem　hard　to　deprive　her　of　it。　　I
should　not　like　to　know　that　I　had　done　so。〃

〃Whew！〃　the　doctor　gave　a　considering　whistle。

〃You　could　not　make　it　straight；　papa；　without　explaining　about　the
dealing　with　Ballhatchet；　and　that　would　be　unfair　to　them　all；　even
the　old　rogue　himself；　for　I　promised　to　say　nothing　about　former
practices；　as　long　as　he　did　not　renew　them。〃

〃Well！　　I　don't　want　to　compromise　you；　Norman。　　You　know　your　own
ground　best；　but　I　don't　like　it　at　all。　　You　don't　know　the
humiliation　of　disgrace。　　Those　who　have　thought　highly　of　you；　now
thinking　you　changedI　don't　know　how　to　bear　it　for　you。〃

〃I　don't　mind　anything　while　you　trust　me；〃　said　Norman；　eagerly；
〃not　much　I　mean；　except　Mr。　Wilmot。　　You　must　judge；　papa；　and　do　as
you　please。〃

〃No；　you　must　judge；　Norman。　　Your　confidence　in　me　ought　not　to　be　a
restraint。　　It　has　always　been　an　understood　thing　that　what　you　say
at　home　is　as　if　it　had　not　been　said；　as　regards　my　dealings　with
the　masters。〃

〃I　know；　papa。　　Well；　I'll　tell　you　what　brought　me　to　this。　　I
tumbled　about　all　night　in　a　rage；　when　I　thought　how　they　had　served
me；　and　of　Hoxton's　believing　it　all；　and　how　he　might　only　half　give
in　to　your　representation；　and　then　I　gloried　in　Anderson's　coming
down　from　his　height；　and　being　seen　in　his　true　colours。　　So　it　went
on　till　morning　came；　and　I　got　up。　　You　know　you　gave　me　my　mother's
little　'Thomas　a　Kempis'。　　I　always　read　a　bit　every　morning。　　To…day
it　was；　'Of　four　things　that　bring　much　inward　peace'。　　And　what　do
you　think　they　were？


　　　　'Be　desirous；　my　son；　to　do　the　will　of　another
　　　　　　　　rather　than　thine　own。
　　　　　Choose　always　to　have　less　rather　than　more。
　　　　　Seek　always　the　lowest　place；　and　to　be　inferior
　　　　　　　　to　everyone。
　　　　　Wish　always　and　pray　that　the　will　of　God　may　be
　　　　　　　　wholly　fulfilled　in　thee。'


I　liked　them　the　more；　because　it　was　just　like　her　last　reading　with
us；　and　like　that　letter。　　Well；　then　I　wondered　as　I　lay　on　the
grass　at　Groveswood；　whether　she　would　have　thought　it　best　for　me　to
be　reinstated；　and　I　found　out　that　I　should　have　been　rather　afraid
of　what　you　might　say　when　she　had　talked　it　over　with　you。〃

Dr。　May　smiled　a　little　at　the　simplicity　with　which　this　last　was
said；　but　his　smile　ended　in　one　of　his　heavy　sighs。　　〃So　you　took
her　for　your　counsellor；　my　boy。　　That　was　the　way　to　find　out　what
was　right。〃

〃Well；　there　was　something　in　the　place　and；　in　watching　poor　Lake's
windows；　that　made　me　not　able　to　dwell　so　much　on　getting　on；　and
having　prizes　and　scholarships。　　I　thought　that　caring　for　those　had
been　driven　out　of　me；　and　you　know　I　never　felt　as　if　it　were　my
right　when　I　was　made　dux；　but　now　I　find　it　is　all　come　back。　　It
does　not　do　for　me　to　be　first；　I　have　been　what　she　called　elated；
and　been　more　peremptory　than　need　with　the　lower　boys；　and　gone　on
in　my　old　way　with　Richard；　and　so　I　suppose　this　disgrace　has　come
to　punish　me。　　I　wish　it　were　not　disgrace；　because　of　our　name　at
school；　and　because　it　will　vex　Harry　so　much；　but　since　it　is　come；
considering　all　things；　I　suppose　I　ought　not　to　struggle　to　justify
myself　at　other　people's　expense。〃

His　eyes　were　so　dazzled　with　tears　that　he　could　hardly　see　to
drive；　nor　did　his　father　speak　at　first。　　〃I　can't　say　anything
against　it；　Norman；　but　I　am　sorry；　and　one　thing　more　you　should
consider。　　If　Dr。　Hoxton　should　view　this　absurd　business　in　the　way
he　seems　to　do；　it　will　stand　in　your　way　for　ever　in　testimonials；
if　you　try　for　anything　else。〃

〃Do　you　think　it　will　interfere　with　my　having　a　Confirmation
ticket？〃

〃Why　no；　I　should　not　thinksuch　a　boyish　escapade　could　be　no
reason　for　refusing　you　one。〃

〃Very　well　then；　it　had　better　rest。　　If　there　should　be　any
difficulty　about　my　being　confirmed；　of　course　we　will　explain　it。〃

〃I　wish　every　one　showed　themselves　as　well　prepared！〃　half　muttered
the　doctor；　then；　after　long　musing；　〃Well；　Norman；　I　give　up　the
scholarship。　　Poor　Mrs。　Anderson　wants　it　more　than　we　do；　and　if　the
boy　is　a　shabby　fellow　the　more　he　wants　a　decent　education。　　But
what　do　you　say　to　this？　　I　make　Hoxton　do　you　full　justice；　and
reinstate　you　in　your　proper　place；　and　then　I　take　you　away　at　once…
…send　you　to　a　tutoranything；　till　the　end　of　the　long　vacation。〃

〃Thank　you；〃　said　Norman；　pausing。　　〃I　don't　know；　papa。　　I　am　very
much　obliged　to　you；　but　I　think　it　would　hardly　do。　　You　would　be
uncomfortable　at　seeming　to　quarrel　with　Dr。　Hoxton；　and　it　would　be
hardly　creditable　for　me　to　go　off　in　anger。〃

〃You　are　right；　I　believe；〃　said　Dr。　May。　　〃You　judge　wisely；　though
I　should　not　have　ventured　to　ask　it　of　you。　　But　what　is　to　become
of　the　discipline　of　the　school？　　Is　that　all　to　go　to　the　dogs？〃

〃I　could　not　do　anything　with　them　if　I　were　restored　in　this　way；
they　would　be　more　set　against　me。　　It　is　bad　enough　as　it　is；　but；
even　for　my　own　peace；　I　believe　it　is　better　to　leave　it　alone。　　All
my　comfort　in　school　is　over；　I　know！〃　and　he　sighed　deeply。

〃It　is　a　most　untoward　business！〃　said　the　doctor。　　〃I　am　very　sorry
your　schooldays　should　be　cloudedbut　it　can't　be　helped；　and　you
will　work　yourself　into　a　character　again。　　You　are　full　young；　and
can　stay　for　the　next　Randall。〃

Norman　felt　as　if；　while　his　father　looked　at　him　as　he　now　did；　the
rest　of　the　world　were　nothing　to　him；　but；　perhaps；　the　driving　past
the　school　brought　him　to　a　different　mind；　for　he　walked　into　the
house　slowly　and　dejectedly。

He　told　his　own　story　to　Ethel；　in　the　garden；　not　without　much
difficulty；　so　indignant　were　her　exclamations；　and　it　was　impossible
to　make　her　see　that　his　father's　interference　would　put　him　in　an
awkward　position　among　the　boys。　　She　would　argue　vehemently　that　she
could　not　bear　Mr。　Wilmot　to　think　ill　of　him；　that　it　was　a　great
shame　of　Dr。　Hoxton；　and　that　it　was　dreadful　to　let　such　a　boy　as
Harvey　Anderson　go　unpunished。　　〃I　really　do　think　it　is　quite　wrong
of　you　to　give　up　your　chance　of　doing　good；　and　leave　him　in　his
evil　ways！〃　　That　was　all　the　comfort　she　gave　Norman；　and　she　walked
in　to　pour　out　a　furious　grumbling　upon　Margaret。

Dr。　May　had　been　telling　the　elder　ones；　and　they　were　in
conversation　after　he　had　left　themMargaret　talking　with　animation；
and　Flora　sitting　over　her　drawing；　uttering　reluctant　assents。　　〃Has
he　told　you；　poor　fellow？〃　asked　Margaret。

〃Yes；〃　said　Ethel。　　〃Was　there　ever　such　a　shame？〃

〃That　is　just　what　I　say；〃　observed　Flora。　　〃I　cannot　see　why　the
Andersons　are　to　have　a　triumph　over　all　of　us。〃

〃I　used　to　think　Harvey　the　best　of　the　two；〃　said　Ethel。　　〃Now　I
think　he　is　a　great　deal　the　worst。　　Taking　advantage　of　such　a
mistake　as　this！　　How　will　he　ever　look　Norman　in　the　face！〃

〃Really；〃　said　Margaret；　〃I　see　no　use　in　aggravating　ourselves　by
talking　of　the　Andersons。〃

〃I　can't　think　how　papa　can　consent；〃　proceeded　Flora。　　〃I　am　sure；
if　I　were　in　his　place；　I　should　not！〃

〃Papa　is　so　much　pleased　with　dear　Norman's　behaviour　that　it　quite
makes　up　for　all　the　disappointment；〃　said　Margaret。　　〃Besides；　he　is
very　much　obliged　to　him　in　one　way；　he　would　not　have　liked　to　have
to　battle　the　matter　with　Dr。　Hoxton。　　He　spoke　of　Norman's　great
good　judgment。〃

〃Yes；　Norman　can　persuade　papa　to　anything；〃　said　Flora。

〃Yes；　I　wish　papa　had　not　yielded；〃　said　Ethel。　　〃It　would　have　been
just　as　noble　in　dear　Norman；　and　we　should　not　have　the　apparent
disgrace。〃

〃Perhaps　it　is　best　as　it　is；　after　all；〃　said　Flora。

〃Why；　how　do　you　mean？　〃　said　Ethel。

〃I　think　very　likely　things　might　have　come　out。　　Now　don't　look
furious；　Ethel。　　Indeed；　I　can't　help　it；　but　really　I　don't　think　it
is　explicable　why　Norman　should　wish　to　hush　it　up；　unless　there　were
something　behind！〃

〃Flora！〃　cried　Ethel；　too　much　shocked　to　bring　out　another　word。

〃If　you　are　unfortunate　enough　to　have　such　suspicions；〃　said
Margaret　quietly；　〃I　think　it　would　be　better　to　be　silent。〃

〃As　if　you　did　not　know　Norman！〃　stammered　Ethel。

〃Well；〃　said　Flora；　〃I　don't　wish　to　think　so。　　You　know　I　did　not
hear　Norman　himself；　and　when　papa　gives　his　vehement　accounts　of
things；　it　always　puzzles　us　of　the　cooler…minded　sort。〃

〃It　is　as　great　a　shame　as　ever　I　heard！〃　cried　Ethel；　recovering　her
utterance。　　〃Who　would　you　trust；　if　not　your　own　father　and
brother？〃

〃Yes；　yes；〃　said　Flora；　not　by　any　means　wishing　to　displease　her
sisters。　　〃If　there　is　such　a　thing　as　an　excess　of　generosity；　it　is
sure　to　be　among　ourselves。　　I　only　know　it　does　not　suit　me。　　It
will　make　us　all　uncomfortable　whenever　we　meet　the　Andersons　or　Mr。
Wilmot；　or　any　one　else；　and　as　to　such　tenderness　to　Harvey
Anderson；　I　think　it　is　thrown　away。〃

〃Thrown　away　on　the　object；　perhaps；〃　said　Margaret；　〃but　not　in
Norman。〃

〃To　be　sure；〃　broke　out　Ethel。　　〃Better　be　than　seem！　　Oh；　dear！
I　am　sorry　I　was　vexed　with　dear　old　June　when　he　told　me。　　I　had
rather　have　him　now　than　if　he　had　gained　everything；　and　every　one
was　praising　himthat　I　had！　　Harvey　Anderson　is　welcome　to　be　dux
and　Randall　scholar　for　what　I　care；　while　Norman　iswhile　he　is；
just　what　we　thought　of　the　last　time　we　read　that　Gospelyou　know；
Margaret？〃

〃He　isthat　he　is；〃　said　Margaret；　〃and；　indeed；　it　is　most
beautiful　to　see　how　what　has　happene