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第64章

the daisy chain, or aspirations-第64章

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letter of hers showed me what a comfort it would be to papa to have
her here。〃

〃Perhaps she will come。〃

〃No; Uncle Arnott has too much to do。  It was a pretty story
altogether。  He was an officer at Edinburgh; and fell in love with
Aunt Flora; but my grandfather Mackenzie thought him too poor to
marry her; and it was all broken off; and they tried to think no more
of it。  But grandpapa died; and she came to live here; and somehow
Mr。 Arnott turned up again; quartered at Whitford; and papa talked
over my Uncle Mackenzie; and helped themand Mr。 Arnott thought the
best way would be to go out to the colonies。  They went when New
Zealand was very new; and a very funny life they had!  Once they had
their house burned in Heki's rebellionand Aunt Flora saw a Maori
walking about in her best Sunday bonnet; but; in general; everything
has gone on very well; and he has a great farm; besides an office
under government。〃

〃Oh; so he went out as a settler!  I was in hopes it was as a
missionary。〃

〃I fancy Aunt Flora has done a good deal that may be called
missionary work;〃 said Ethel; 〃teaching the Maori women and girls。
They call her mother; and she has quite a doctor's shop for them; and
tries hard to teach them to take proper care of their poor little
children when they are ill; and she cuts out clothes for the whole
pah; that is; the village。〃

〃And are they Christians?〃

〃Oh! to be sure they are now!  They meet in the pah for prayers every
morning and eveningthey used to have a hoe struck against a bit of
metal for a signal; and when papa heard of it; he gave them a bell;
and they were so delighted。  Now there comes a clergyman every fourth
Sunday; and; on the others; Uncle Arnott reads part of the service to
the English near; and the Maori teacher to his people。〃

Meta asked ravenously for more details; and when she had pretty well
exhausted Ethel's stock; she said; 〃How nice it must be!  Ethel; did
you ever read the 'Faithful Little Girl?'〃

〃Yes; it was one of Margaret's old Sunday books。  I often recollected
it before I was allowed to begin Cocksmoor。〃

〃I'm afraid I am very like Lucilla!〃 said Meta。

〃What?  In wishing to be a boy; that you might be a missionary?〃 said
Ethel。  〃Not in being quite so cross at home?〃 she added; laughing。

〃I am not cross; because I have no opportunity;〃 said Meta。

〃No opportunity。  Oh; Meta; if people wish to be cross; it is easy
enough to find grounds for it。  There is always the moon to cry for。〃

〃Really and truly;〃 said Meta thoughtfully; 〃I never do meet with any
reasonable trial of temper; and I am often afraid it cannot be right
or safe to live so entirely at ease; and without contradictions。〃

〃Well; but;〃 said Ethel; 〃it is the state of life in which you are
placed。〃

〃Yes; but are we meant never to have vexations?〃

〃I thought you had them;〃 said Ethel。  〃Margaret told me about your
maid。  That would have worried some people; and made them horridly
cross。〃

〃Oh; no rational person;〃 cried Meta。  〃It was so nice to think of
her being with the poor mother; and I was quite interested in
managing for myself; besides; you know; it was just a proof how one
learns to be selfish; that it had never occurred to me that I ought
to spare her。〃

〃And your school childrenyou were in some trouble about them?〃

〃Oh; that is pleasure。〃

〃I thought you had a class you did not like?〃

〃I like them nowthey are such steady plodding girls; so much in
earnest; and one; that has been neglected; is so pleased and touched
by kindness。  I would not give them up for anything nowthey are
just fit for my capacity。〃

〃Do you mean that nothing ever goes wrong with you; or that you do
not mind anythingwhich?〃

〃Nothing goes wrong enough with me to give me a handsome excuse for
minding it。〃

〃Then it must be all your good temper。〃

〃I don't think so;〃 said Meta; 〃it is that nothing is ever
disagreeable to me。〃

〃Stay;〃 said Ethel; 〃if the ill…temper was in you; you would only be
the crosser for being indulgedat least; so books say。  And I am
sure myself that it is not whether things are disagreeable or not;
but whether one's will is with them; that signifies。〃

〃I don't quite understand。〃

〃WhyI have seen the boys do for play; and done myself; what would
have been a horrid hardship if one had been made to do it。  I never
liked any lessons as well as those I did without being obliged; and
always; when there is a thing I hate very much in itself; I can get
up an interest in it; by resolving that I will do it well; or fast;
or somethingif I can stick my will to it; it is like a lever; and
it is done。  Now; I think it must be the same with you; only your
will is more easily set at it than mine。〃

〃What makes me uncomfortable is; that I feel as if I never followed
anything but my will。〃

Ethel screwed up her face; as if the eyes of her mind were pursuing
some thought almost beyond her。  〃If our will and our duty run the
same;〃 she said; 〃that can't be wrong。  The better people are; the
more they 'love what He commands;' you know。  In heaven they have no
will but His。〃

〃Oh! but Ethel;〃 cried Meta; distressed; 〃that is putting it too
high。  Won't you understand what I mean?  We have learned so much
lately about self…denial; and crossing one's own inclinations; and
enduring hardness。  And here I live with two dear kind people; who
only try to keep every little annoyance from my path。  I can't wish
for a thing without getting itI am waited on all day long; and I
feel like one of the women that are at easeone of the careless
daughters。〃

〃I think still papa would say it was your happy contented temper that
made you find no vexation。〃

〃But that sort of temper is not goodness。  I was born with it; I
never did mind anything; not even being punished; they say; unless I
knew papa was grieved; which always did make me unhappy enough。  I
laughed; and went to play most saucily; whatever they did to me。  If
I had striven for the temper; it would be worth having; but it is my
nature。  And Ethel;〃 she added; in a low voice; as the tears came
into her eyes; 〃don't you remember last Sunday?  I felt myself so
vain and petted a thing! as if I had no share in the Cup of
suffering; and did not deserve to call myself a memberit seemed
ungrateful。〃

Ethel felt ashamed; as she heard of warmer feelings than her own had
been; expressed in that lowered trembling voice; and she sought for
the answer that would only come to her mind in sense; not at first in
words。  〃Discipline;〃 said she; 〃would not that show the willingness
to have the part?  Taking the right times for refusing oneself some
pleasant thing。〃

〃Would not that be only making up something for oneself?〃 said Meta。

〃No; the Church orders it。  It is in the Prayer…book;〃 said Ethel。
〃I mean one can do little secret thingsnot read storybooks on those
days; or keep some tiresome sort of work for them。  It is very
trumpery; but it keeps the remembrance; and it is not so much as if
one did not heed。〃

〃I'll think;〃 said Meta; sighing。  〃If only I felt myself at work;
not to please myself; but to be of use。  Ha!〃 she cried; springing
up; 〃I do believe I see Dr。 May coming!〃

〃Let us run and meet him;〃 said Ethel。

They did so; and he called out his wishes of many happy returns of
blithe days to the little birthday queen; then added; 〃You both look
grave; thoughhave they deserted you?〃

〃No; papa; we have been having a talk;〃 said Ethel。  〃May I tell him;
Meta?  I want to know what he says。〃

Meta had not bargained for this; but she was very much in earnest;
and there was nothing formidable in Dr。 May; so she assented。

〃Meta is longing to be at workshe thinks she is of no use;〃 said
Ethel; 〃she says she never does anything but please herself。〃

〃Pleasing oneself is not the same as trying to please oneself;〃 said
Dr。 May kindly。

〃And she thinks it cannot be safe or right;〃 added Ethel; 〃to live
that happy bright life; as if people without care or trouble could
not be living as Christians are meant to live。  Is that it; Meta?〃

〃Yes; I think it is;〃 said Meta。  〃I seem to be only put here to be
made much of!〃

〃What did David say; Meta?〃 returned Dr。 May。


              〃My Shepherd is the living Lord;
                 Nothing therefore I need;
               In pastures fair; near pleasant streams;
                 He setteth me to feed。〃


〃Then you think;〃 said Meta; much touched; 〃that I ought to look on
this as 'the pastures fair;' and be thankful。  I hope I was not
unthankful。〃

〃Oh; no;〃 said Ethel。  〃It was the wish to bear hardness; and be a
good soldier; was it not?〃

〃Ah! my dear;〃 he said; 〃the rugged path and dark valley will come in
His own fit time。  Depend upon it; the good Shepherd is giving you
what is best for you in the green meadow; and if you lay hold on His
rod and staff in your sunny days〃 He stopped short; and turned to
his daughter。  〃Ethel; they sang that psalm the first Sunday I
brought your mamma home!〃

Meta was much affected; and began to put together what the father and
daughter had said。  Perhaps the little modes of secret discipline; of
which Ethel had spoken; might be the true means of clasping the
staffperhaps she had been impatient; and wanting in humility in
craving for the strife; when her armour was scarce put on。

Dr。 May spoke once again。  〃Don't let any one long for external
trial。  The offering of a free heart is the thing。  To offer praise
is the great object of all creatures in heaven and earth。  If the
happier we are; the more we praise; then all is well。〃

But the serious discussion was suddenly broken off。

Others had seen Dr。 May's approach; and Harry and Mary rushed down in
dismay at their story having; as they thought; been forestalled。
However; they had it all to themselves; and the doctor took up the
subject as keenly as could have been hoped; but the poor boy being
still fast asleep; after; probably; much fatigue; he would not then
waken him to examine him; but came and sat down in the semicircle;
formed by a terraced bank of soft turf; where Mrs。 Larpent; Mrs。
Wilmot; Richard; and Flora; had for some time taken up their abode。
Meta brought him the choice little basket of fruit which she had
saved for him; and all delighted in having him there; evidently
enjoying the rest and sport very much; as he reposed on the fragrant
slope; eating grapes; and making inquiries as to the antiquities
lately discovered。

Norman gave an exceedingly droll account of the great Roman Emperor;
Tiberius V。V。; and Meta correcting it; there was a regular gay
skirmish of words; which entertained every one extremelyabove all;
Meta's indignation when the charge was brought home to her of having
declared the 〃old Duke〃 exactly like in turns to Domitian and
Tiberiushis features quite forbidding。

This lasted till the younger ones; who had been playing and rioting
till they were tired; came up; and throwing themselves down on the
grass; Blanche petitioned for something that every one could play at。

Meta proposed what she called the story play。  One was to be sent out
of earshot; and the rest to agree upon a word; which was then to be
guessed b

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