the daisy chain, or aspirations-第73章

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should　it　now？〃

〃I　tell　you；　Ethel；　you　know　nothing　about　it。　　I　have　not　got　up
half　what　I　meant　to　have　done。　　Here；　do　take　this　booktry　me
whether　I　know　this　properly。〃

So　they　went　on；　Ethel　doing　her　best　to　help　and　encourage；　and
Norman　in　an　excited　state　of　restless　despair；　which　drove　away　half
his　senses　and　recollection；　and　his　ideas　of　the　superior　powers　of
public　schoolboys　magnifying　every　moment。　　They　were　summoned
downstairs　to　prayers；　but　went　up　again　at　once；　and　more　than　an
hour　subsequently；　when　their　father　paid　one　of　his　domiciliary
visits；　there　they　still　were；　with　their　Latin　and　Greek　spread　out；
Norman　trying　to　strengthen　all　doubtful　points；　but　in　a　desperate
desultory　manner；　that　only　confused　him　more　and　more；　till　he　was
obliged　to　lay　his　head　down　on　the　table；　shut　his　eyes；　and　run　his
fingers　through　his　hair；　before　he　could　recollect　the　simplest
matter；　his　renderings　alternated　with　groans；　and；　cold　as　was　the
room；　his　cheeks　and　brow　were　flushed　and　burning。

The　doctor　checked　all　this；　by　saying；　gravely　and　sternly；　〃This　is
not　right；　Norman。　　Where　are　all　your　resolutions？〃

〃I　shall　never　do　it。　　I　ought　never　to　have　thought　of　it！　　I　shall
never　succeed！〃

〃What　if　you　do　not？〃　said　Dr。　May；　laying　his　hand　on　his　shoulder。

〃What？　why；　Tom's　chance　lostyou　will　all　be　mortified；〃　said
Norman；　hesitating　in　some　confusion。

〃I　will　take　care　of　Tom；〃　said　Dr。　May。

〃And　he　will　have　been　foiled！〃　said　Ethel

〃If　he　is？〃

The　boy　and　girl　were　both　silent。

〃Are　you　striving　for　mere　victory's　sake；　Norman？〃　continued　his
father。

〃I　thought　not；〃　murmured　Norman。

〃Successful　or　not；　you　will　have　done　your　utmost　for　us。　　You　would
not　lose　one　jot　of　affection　or　esteem；　and　Tom　shall　not　suffer。
Is　it　worth　this　agony？〃

〃No；　it　is　foolish；〃　said　Norman；　with　trembling　voice；　almost　as　if
he　could　have　burst　into　tears。　　He　was　quite　unnerved　by　the　anxiety
and　toil　with　which　he　had　overtasked　himself；　beyond　his　father's
knowledge。

〃Oh；　papa！〃　pleaded　Ethel；　who　could　not　bear　to　see　him　pained。

〃It　is　foolish；〃　continued　Dr。　May；　who　felt　it　was　the　moment　for
bracing　severity。　　〃It　is　rendering　you　unmanly。　　It　is　wrong。〃

Again　Ethel　made　an　exclamation　of　entreaty。

〃It　is　wrong；　I　know；〃　repeated　Norman；　〃but　you　don't　know　what　it
is　to　get　into　the　spirit　of　the　thing。〃

〃Do　you　think　I　do　not？〃　said　the　doctor；　〃I　can　tell　exactly　what
you　feel　now。　　If　I　had　not　been　an　idle　dog；　I　should　have　gone
through　it　all　many　more　times。〃

〃What　shall　I　do？〃　asked　Norman；　in　a　worn…out　voice。

〃Put　all　this　out　of　your　mind；　sleep　quietly；　and　don't　open　another
book。〃

Norman　moved　his　head；　as　if　sleep　were　beyond　his　power。

〃I　will　read　you　something　to　calm　your　tone；〃　said　Dr。　May；　and　he
took　up　a　Prayer…book。　　〃'Know　ye　not；　that　they　which　run　in　a　race；
run　all；　but　one　receiveth　the　prize？　　So　run　that　ye　may　obtain。
And　every　man　that　striveth　for　the　mastery　is　temperate　in　all
things。　　Now　they　do　it　to　obtain　a　corruptible　crown；　but　we　an
incorruptible。'　　And；　Norman；　that　is　not　the　struggle　where　the　race
is　not　to　the　swift；　nor　the　battle　to　the　strong；　nor　the　contest；
where　the　conqueror　only　wins　vanity　and　vexation　of　spirit。〃

Norman　had　cast　down　his　eyes；　and　hardly　made　answer；　but　the　words
had　evidently　taken　effect。　　The　doctor　only　further　bade　him　good…
night；　with　a　whispered　blessing；　and；　taking　Ethel　by　the　hand；　drew
her　away。　　When　they　met　the　next　morning；　the　excitement　had　passed
from　Norman's　manner；　but　he　looked　dejected　and　resigned。　　He　had
made　up　his　mind　to　lose；　and　was　not　grateful　for　good　wishes；　he
ought　never　to　have　thought；　he　said；　of　competing　with　men　from
public　schools；　and　he　knew　his　return　of　love　of　vain…glory　deserved
that　he　should　fail。　　However；　he　was　now　calm　enough　not　to　be
likely　to　do　himself　injustice　by　nervousness；　and　Margaret　hid　hopes
that　Richard's　steady　equable　mind　would　have　a　salutary　influence。
So；　commending　Tom's　lessons　to　Ethel；　and　hearing；　but　not　marking；
countless　messages　to　Richard；　he　set　forth　upon　his　emprise；　while
his　anxiety　seemed　to　remain　as　a　legacy　for　those　at　home。

Poor　Dr。　May　confessed　that　his　practice　by　no　means　agreed　with　his
precept；　for　he　could　think　of　nothing　else；　and　was　almost　as　bad　as
Norman；　in　his　certainty　that　the　boy　would　fail　from　mere
nervousness。　　Margaret　was　the　better　companion　for　him　now；
attaching　less　intensity　of　interest　to　Norman's　success　than　did
Ethel；　she　was　the　more　able　to　compose　him；　and　cheer　his　hopes。




CHAPTER　XXX。



Weary　soul；　and　burdened　sore；
　　Labouring　with　thy　secret　load；
Fear　not　all　thy　griefs　to　pour
　　In　this　heart；　love's　true　abode。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Lyra　Innocentium。


Tea　had　just　been　brought　in　on　the　eighth　evening　from　Norman's
departure；　when　there　was　a　ring　at　the　bell。　　There　was　a　start；　and
look　of　expectation。　　〃Only　a　patient；〃　said　the　doctor；　but　it
surely　was　not　for　that　reason　that　he　rose　with　so　much　alacrity　and
opened　the　door；　nor　was　〃Well；　old　fellow？〃　the　greeting　for　his
patientsso　everybody　sprang　after　him；　and　beheld　something　tall
taking　off　a　coat；　while　a　voice　said；　〃I　have　got　it。〃

The　mass　of　children　rushed　back　to　Margaret；　screaming；　〃He　has　got
it！〃　and　then　Aubrey　trotted　out　into　the　hall　again　to　see　what
Norman　had　got。

〃A　happy　face　at　least；〃　said　Margaret；　as　he　came　to　her。　　And　that
was　not　peculiar　to　Norman。　　The　radiance　had　shone　out　upon　every
one　in　that　moment；　and　it　was　one　buzz　of　happy　exclamation；　query；
and　answerthe　only　tone　of　regret　when　Mary　spoke　of　Harry；　and　all
at　once　took　up　the　strainhow　glad　poor　Harry　would　be。　　As　to　the
examination；　that　had　been　much　less　difficult　than　Norman　had
expected；　in　fact；　he　said；　it　was　lucky　for　him　that　the　very
subjects　had　been　chosen　in　which　he　was　most　upluck　which；　as　the
doctor　could　not　help　observing；　generally　did　attend　Norman。　　And
Norman　had　been　so　happy　with　Richard；　the　kind；　wise　elder　brother
had　done　exactly　what　was　best　for　him　in　soothing　his　anxiety；　and
had　fully　shared　his　feelings；　and　exulted　in　his　success。　　Margaret
had　a　most　triumphant　letter；　dwelling　on　the　abilities　of　the
candidates　whom　Norman　had　outstripped；　and　the　idea　that　every　one
had　conceived　of　his　talent。　　〃Indeed；〃　wrote　Richard；　〃I　fancy　the
men　had　never　believed　that　I　could　have　a　clever　brother。　　I　am　glad
they　have　seen　what　Norman　can　do。〃

Margaret　could　not　help　reading　this　aloud；　and　it　made　Norman　blush
with　the　compunction　that　Richard's　unselfish　pride　in　him　always
excited。　　He　had　much　to　tell　of　his　ecstasy　with　Oxford。
Stoneborough　Minster　had　been　a　training　in　appreciation　of　its　hoary
beauty；　but　the　essentially　prosaic　Richard　had　never　prepared　him
for　the　impression　that　the　reverend　old　university　made　on　him；　and
he　was　already；　heart　and　soul；　one　of　her　most　loyal　and　loving
sons；　speaking　of　his　college　and　of　the　whole　university　as　one　who
had　a　right　of　property　in　them；　and　looking；　all　the　time；　not
elated；　but　contented；　as　if　he　had　found　his　sphere　and　was
satisfied。　　He　had　seen　Cheviot；　too；　and　had　been　very　happy　in　the
renewed　friendship；　and　had　been　claimed　as　a　cousin　by　a　Balliol
man；　a　certain　Norman　Ogilvie；　a　name　well　known　among　the　Mays。
〃And　how　has　Tom　been　getting　on？〃　he　asked；　when　he　returned　to　home
affairs。

〃Oh；　I　don't　know；〃　said　Ethel。　　〃He　will　not　have　my　help。〃

〃Not　let　you　help　him！〃　exclaimed　Norman。

〃No。　　He　says　he　wants　no　girls；〃　said　Ethel；　laughing。

〃Foolish　fellow！〃　said　Norman。　　〃I　wonder　what　sort　of　work　he　has
made！〃

〃Very　funny；　I　should　think；〃　said　Ethel；　〃judging　by　the　verses　I
could　see。〃

The　little；　pale；　rough…haired　Tom；　in　his　perpetual　coating　of　dust；
softly　crept　into　the　room；　as　if　he　only　wanted　to　elude
observation；　but　Mary　and　Blanche　were　at　once　vociferating　their
news　in　his　ears；　though　with　little　encouragementhe　only　shook
them　off　abruptly；　and　would　not　answer　when　they　required　him　to　be
glad。

Norman　stretched　out　his　arm；　intercepting　him　as　he　was　making　for
his　hiding…place　behind　Dr。　May's　arm…chair。

〃Come；　August；　how　have　things　gone　on？〃

〃Oh！　　I　don't　know。〃

〃What's　your　place？〃

〃Thirteenth！〃　muttered　Tom　in　his　throat；　and　well　he　might；　for　two
or　three　voices　cried　out　that　was　too　bad；　and　that　it　was　all　his
own　fault；　for　not　accepting　Ethel's　help。　　He　took　little　heed；　but
crept　to　his　corner　without　another　word；　and　Mary　knew　she　should　be
thumped　if　she　should　torment　him　there。

Norman　left　him　alone；　but　the　coldness　of　the　little　brother　for
whom　he　had　worked　gave　a　greater　chill　to　his　pleasure　than　he　could
have　supposed　possible。　　He　would　rather　have　had　some　cordiality　on
Tom's　part；　than　all　the　congratulations　that　met　him　the　next　day。

He　could　not　rest　contented　while　Tom　continued　to　shrink　from　him；
and　he　was　the　more　uneasy　when；　on　Saturday　morning；　no　calls　from
Mary　availed　to　find　the　little　boy；　and　bring　him　to　the　usual
reading　and　Catechism。

Margaret　decided　that　they　must　begin　without　him；　and　poor　Mary's
verse　was　read；　in　consequence；　with　a　most　dolorous　tone。　　As　soon
as　the　books　were　shut；　she　ran　off；　and　a　few　words　passed　among　the
elder　ones　about　the　truantFlora　opining　that　the　Andersons　had　led
him　away；　Ethel　suggesting　that　his　gloom　must　arise　from　his　not
being　well；　and　Margaret　looking　wistfully　at　Norman；　and　saying　she
feared　they　had　judged　much　amiss　last　spring。　　Norman　heard　in
silence；　and　walked　thoughtfully　into　the　garden。　　Presently　he
caught　Mary's　voice　in　expostulation：　〃How　could　you　not　come　to
read？〃

〃Girls'　work！〃　growled　another　voice；　out　of　sight。

〃But　Norman；　and　Richard；　and　Harry；　always　come　to　the　reading。
Everybody　ought。〃

Norman；　who　was　going　round　the　shrubs　that　concealed　the　speakers
from　him；　here　lost　their　voices；　but；　as　he　emerged　in　front　of　the
old　tool…house；　he　heard　a　little　scream　from　Mary；　and；　at　the　same
moment；　she　darted　back；　and　fell　over　a　heap　of　cabbage…stumps　in
front　of　the　old　tool…house。　　It　was　no　small　surprise　to　her　to　be
raised　by　him；　and　tenderly　asked　whether　she　were　hurt。　　She　was　not
hurt；　but　she　could　not　speak　without　crying；　and　when　Norman　begged
to　hear　what　was　the　matter；　and　where　Tom　was；　she　would　only　plead
for　himthat　he　did　not　intend　to　hurt　her；　and　that　she　had　been
teasing　him。　　What　had　he　done　to　frighten　her？　　Oh！　he　had　only　run
at　her　with　a　hoe；　because　she　was　troublesome；　she　did　not　mind　it；
and　Norman　must　notand　she　clung　to　him　as　if　to　keep　him　back；
while　he　pursued　his　researches　in　the　tool…house；　where；　nearly
concealed　by　a　great　bushel…basket；　lurked　Master　Thomas；　crouching
down；　with　a　volume　of　Gil　Bias　in　his　hand。

〃You　here；　Tom！　　What　have　you　hidden　yourself　here　for？　　What　can
make　you　so　savage　to　Mary？〃

〃She　should　not　bother　me；〃　said　Tom　sulkily。

Norman　sent　Mary　away；　pacifying　her　by　promises　that　he　would　not
revenge　her