the daisy chain, or aspirations-第82章

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said　it　was　better　to　detest　than　to　hate；　while　Blanche　coloured　up
to　the　ears；　and　hid　herself　behind　the　arm…chair；　and　Dr。　May
qualified　the　censure　by　saying；　he　believed　there　was　no　great　harm
in　the　youth；　but　that　he　was　shallow…brained　and　extravagant；　and；
having　been　born　in　the　days　when　Mr。　Rivers　had　been　working　himself
up　in　the　world；　had　not　had　so　good　an　education　as　his　little　half…
sister。

〃Well；　what　are　you　thinking　of？〃　said　her　father；　laying　his　hand　on
Ethel's　arm；　as　she　was　wearily　and　pensively　putting　together　the
scattered　purchases　before　going　up　to　bed。

〃I　was　thinking；　papa；　that　there　is　a　great　deal　of　trouble　taken　in
this　world　for　a　very　little　pleasure。〃

〃The　trouble　is　the　pleasure；　in　most　cases；　most　misanthropical
miss！〃

〃Yes；　that　is　true；　but；　if　so；　why　cannot　it　be　taken　for　some
good？〃

〃They　meant　it　to　be　good；〃　said　Dr。　May。　　〃Come；　I　cannot　have　you
severe　and　ungrateful。〃

〃So　I　have　been　telling　myself；　papa；　all　along；　but；　now　that　the
day　has　come；　and　I　have　seen　what　jealousies；　and　competitions；　and
vanities；　and　disappointments　it　has　producednot　even　poor　little
Blanche　allowed　any　comfortI　am　almost　sick　at　heart　with　thinking
Cocksmoor　was　the　excuse！〃

〃Spectators　are　more　philosophical　than　actors；　Ethel。　　Others　have
not　been　tying　parcels　all　day。〃

〃I　had　rather　do　that　than　But　that　is　the　'Fox　and　the　Grapes；'〃
said　Ethel；　smiling。　　〃What　I　mean　is；　that　the　real　gladness　of　life
is　not　in　these　great　occasions　of　pleasure；　but　in　the　little　side
delights　that　come　in　the　midst　of　one's　work；　don't　they；　papa？　　Why
is　it　worth　while　to　go　and　search　for　a　day's　pleasuring？〃

〃Ethel；　my　child！　　I　don't　like　to　hear　you　talk　so；〃　said　Dr。　May；
looking　anxiously　at　her。　　〃It　may　be　too　true；　but　it　is　not
youthful　nor　hopeful。　　It　is　not　as　your　mother　or　I　felt　in　our
young　days；　when　a　treat　was　a　treat　to　us；　and　gladdened　our　hearts
long　before　and　after。　　I　am　afraid　you　have　been　too　much　saddened
with　loss　and　care〃

〃Oh；　no；　papa！〃　said　Ethel；　rousing　herself；　though　speaking　huskily。
〃You　know　I　am　your　merry　Ethel。　　You　know　I　can　be　happy　enough
only　at　home〃

And　Ethel；　though　she　had　tried　to　be　cheerful；　leaned　against　his
arm；　and　shed　a　few　tears。

〃The　fact　is；　she　is　tired　out；〃　said　Dr。　May　soothingly；　yet　half
laughing。　　〃She　is　not　a　beauty　or　a　grace；　and　she　is　thoughtful　and
quiet；　and　so　she　moralises；　instead　of　enjoying；　as　the　world　goes
by。　　I　dare　say　a　night's　rest　will　make　all　the　difference　in　the
world。〃

〃Ah！　but　there　is　more　to　come。　　That　Ladies'　Committee　at
Cocksmoor！〃

〃They　are　not　there　yet；　Ethel。　　Good…night；　you　tired　little　cynic。〃




CHAPTER　IV。



Back　then；　complainer。。。
Go；　to　the　world　return；　nor　fear　to　cast
Thy　bread　upon　the　waters；　sure　at　last
　　　In　joy　to　find　it　after　many　days。Christian　Year。


The　next　day　Ethel　had　hoped　for　a　return　to　reason；　but　behold；　the
world　was　cross！　　The　reaction　of　the　long　excitement　was　felt；
Gertrude　fretted；　and　was　unwell；　Aubrey　was　pettish　at　his　lessons；
and　Mary　and　Blanche　were　weary；　yawning　and　inattentive；　every　straw
was　a　burden；　and　Miss　Bracy　had　feelings。

Ethel　had　been　holding　an　interminable　conversation　with　her　in　the
schoolroom；　interrupted　at　last　by　a　summons　to　speak　to　a　Cocksmoor
woman　at　the　back　door；　and　she　was　returning　from　the　kitchen；　when
the　doctor　called　her　into　his　study。

〃Ethel！　what　is　all　this？　　Mary　has　found　Miss　Bracy　in　floods　of
tears　in　the　schoolroom；　because　she　says　you　told　her　she　was　ill…
tempered。〃

〃I　am　sure　you　will　be　quite　as　much　surprised；〃　said　Ethel；　somewhat
exasperated；　〃when　you　hear　that　you　lacerated　her　feelings
yesterday。〃

〃I？　　Why；　what　did　I　do？〃　exclaimed　Dr。　May。

〃You　showed　your　evident　want　of　confidence　in　her。〃

〃I？　What　can　I　have　done？〃

〃You　met　Aubrey　and　Gertrude　in　her　charge；　and　you　took　them　away　at
once　to　walk　with　you。〃

〃Well？〃

〃Well；　that　was　it。　　She　saw　you　had　no　confidence　in　her。〃

〃Ethel；　what　on　earth　can　you　mean？　　I　saw　the　two　children　dragging
on　her；　and　I　thought　she　would　see　nothing　that　was　going　on；　and
would　be　glad　to　be　released；　and　I　wanted　them　to　go　with　me　and　see
Meta's　gold　pheasants。〃

〃That　was　the　offence。　　She　has　been　breaking　her　heart　all　this
time；　because　she　was　sure；　from　your　manner；　that　you　were
displeased　to　see　them　alone　with　hereating　bon…bons；　I　believe；
and　therefore　took　them　away。〃

〃Daisy　is　the　worse　for　her　bon…bons；　I　believe；　but　the　overdose　of
them　rests　on　my　shoulders。　　I　do　not　know　how　to　believe　you；　Ethel。
Of　course　you　told　her　nothing　of　the　kind　crossed　my　mind；　poor
thing！〃

〃I　told　her　so；　over　and　over　again；　as　I　have　done　forty　times
before　but　her　feelings　are　always　being　hurt。〃

〃Poor　thing；　poor　thing！　no　doubt　it　is　a　trying　situation；　and　she
is　sensitive。　　Surely　you　are　all　forbearing　with
her？〃

〃I　hope　we　are；〃　said　Ethel；　〃but　how　can　we　tell　what　vexes　her？〃

〃And　what　is　this；　of　your　telling　her　she　was　ill…tempered？〃　asked
Dr。　May　incredulously。

〃Well；　papa；〃　said　Ethel；　softened；　yet　wounded　by　his　thinking　it　so
impossible。　　〃I　had　often　thought　I　ought　to　tell　her　that　these
sensitive　feelings　of　hers　were　nothing　but　temper；　and　perhaps
indeed　I　know　I　doI　partake　of　the　general　fractiousness　of　the
house　to…day；　and　I　did　not　bear　it　so　patiently　as　usual。　　I　did　say
that　I　thought　it　wrong　to　foster　her　fancies；　for　if　she　looked　at
them　coolly；　she　would　find　they　were　only　a　form　of　pride　and
temper。〃

〃It　did　not　come　well　from　you；　Ethel；〃　said　the　doctor；　looking
vexed。

〃No；　I　know　it　did　not；〃　said　Ethel　meekly；　〃but　oh！　to　have　these
janglings　once　a　week；　and　to　see　no　end　to　them！〃

〃Once　a　week？〃

〃It　is　really　as　often；　or　more　often；〃　said　Ethel。　　〃If　any　of　us
criticise　anything　the　girls　have　done；　if　there　is　a　change　in　any
arrangement；　if　she　thinks　herself　neglectedI　can't　tell　you　what
little　matters　suffice；　she　will　catch　me；　and　argue　with　me；　till
oh；　till　we　are　both　half　dead；　and　yet　cannot　stop　ourselves。〃

〃Why　do　you　argue？〃

〃If　I　could　only　help　it！〃

〃Bad　management；〃　said　the　doctor；　in　a　low；　musing　tone。　　〃You　want
a　head！〃　and　he　sighed。

〃Oh；　papa；　I　did　not　mean　to　distress　you。　　I　would　not　have　told　you
if　I　had　rememberedbut　I　am　worried　to…day；　and　off　my　guard〃

〃Ethel；　I　thought　you　were　the　one　on　whom　I　could　depend　for　bearing
everything。〃

〃These　were　such　nonsense！〃

〃What　may　seem　nonsense　to　you　is　not　the　same　to　her。　　You　must　be
forbearing；　Ethel。　　Remember　that　dependence　is　prone　to　morbid
sensitiveness；　especially　in　those　who　have　a　humble　estimate　of
themselves。〃

〃It　seems　to　me　that　touchiness　is　more　pride　than　humility；〃　said
Ethel；　whose　temper；　already　not　in　the　smoothest　state；　found　it
hard　that；　after　having　long　borne　patiently　with　these　constant
arguments；　she　should　find　Miss　Bracy　made　the　chief　object　of
compassion。

Dr。　May's　chivalrous　feeling　caused　him　to　take　the　part　of　the　weak；
and　he　answered；　〃You　know　nothing　about　it。　　Among　our　own　kith　and
kin　we　can　afford　to　pass　over　slights；　because　we　are　sure　the　heart
is　rightwe　do　not　know　what　it　is　to　be　among　strangers；　uncertain
of　any　claim　to　their　esteem　or　kindness。　　Sad！　sad！〃　he　continued；
as　the　picture　wrought　on　him。　　〃Each　trifle　seems　a　token　one　way　or
the　other！　　I　am　very　sorry　I　grieved　the　poor　thing　yesterday。　　I
must　go　and　tell　her　so　at　once。〃

He　put　Ethel　aside；　and　knocked　at　the　schoolroom　door；　while　Ethel
stood；　mortified。　　〃He　thinks　I　have　been　neglecting；　or　speaking
harshly　to　her！　　For　fifty　times　that　I　have　borne　with　her
maundering；　I　have；　at　last；　once　told　her　the　truth；　and　for　that　I
am　accused　of　want　of　forbearance！　　Now　he　will　go　and　make　much　of
her；　and　pity　her；　till　she　will　think　herself　an　injured　heroine；
and　be　worse　than　ever；　and　he　will　do　away　with　all　the　good　of　my
advice；　and　want　me　to　ask　her　pardon　for　itbut　that　I　never　will。
It　was　only　the　truth；　and　I　will　stick　to　it。〃

〃Ethel！〃　cried　Mary；　running　up　to　her；　then　slackening　her　pace；　and
whispering；　〃you　did　not　tell　Miss　Bracy　she　was　ill…tempered。〃

〃Nonot　exactly。　　How　could　you　tell　papa　I　did？〃

〃She　said　so。　　She　was　crying；　and　I　asked　what　was　the　matter；　and
she　said　my　sister　Ethel　said　she　was　ill…tempered。〃

〃She　made　a　great　exaggeration　then；〃　said　Ethel。

〃I　am　sure　she　was　very　cross　all　day；〃　said　Mary。

〃Well；　that　is　no　business　of　yours；〃　said　Ethel　pettishly。　　〃What
now？　　Mary；　don't　look　out　at　the　street　window。〃

〃It　is　Florathe　Grange　carriage；〃　whispered　Mary；　as　the　two
sisters　made　a　precipitate　retreat　into　the　drawing…room。

Meanwhile；　Dr。　May　had　been　in　the　schoolroom。　　Miss　Bracy　had　ceased
her　tears　before　he　camethey　had　been　her　retort　on　Ethel；　and　she
had　not　intended　the　world　to　know　of　them。　　Half　disconcerted；　half
angry；　she　heard　the　doctor　approach。　　She　was　a　gentle；　tearful
woman；　one　of　those　who　are　often　called　meek；　under　an　erroneous
idea　that　meekness　consists　in　making　herself　exceedingly　miserable
under　every　kind　of　grievance；　and　she　now　had　a　sort　of　melancholy
satisfaction　in　believing　that　the　young　ladies　had　fabricated　an
exaggerated　complaint　of　her　temper；　and　that　she　was　going　to　become
injured　innocence。　　To　think　herself　accused　of　a　great　wrong；
excused　her　from　perceiving　herself　guilty　of　a　lesser　one。

〃Miss　Bracy；〃　said　Dr。　May；　entering　with　his　frank；　sweet　look；　〃I
am　concerned　that　I　vexed　you　by　taking　the　children　to　walk　with　me
yesterday。　　I　thought　such　little　brats　would　be　troublesome　to　any
but　their　spoiling　papa；　but　they　would　have　been　in　safer　hands　with
you。　　You　would　not　have　been　as　weak　as　I　was；　in　regard　to　sugar…
plums。〃　　Such　amends　as　these　confused　Miss　Bracy；　who　found　it
pleasanter　to　be　lamentable　with　Ethel；　than　to　receive　a　full
apology　for　her　imagined　offence　from　the　master　of　the　house。
Feeling　both　small　and　absurd；　she　murmured　something　of　〃oh；　no；〃
and　〃being　sure；〃　and　hoped　he　was　going；　so　that　she　might　sit　down
to　pity　herself；　for　those　girls　having　made　her　appear　so
ridiculous。

No　such　thing！　　Dr。　May　put　a　chair　for　her；　and　sat　down　himself；
saying；　with　a　smile；　〃You　see；　you　must　trust　us　sometimes；　and
overlook　it；　if　we　are　less　considerate　than　we　might　be。　　We　have
rough；　careless　habits　with　each　other；　and　forget　that　all　are　not
used　to　them。〃

Miss　Bracy　exclaimed；　〃Oh；　no；　never；　they　were　most　kind。〃

〃We　wish　to　be；〃　said　Dr。　May；　〃but　there　are　little　neglectsor　you
think　there　are。　　I　will　not　say　there　are　none；　for　that　would　be
answering　too　much　for　human　nature；　or　that　they　are　fancifulfor
that　would　be　as　little　comfort　as　to　tell　a　patient　that　the　pain　is
only　nervous〃

Miss　Bracy　smiled；　for　she　could　remember　instances　when；　after
suffering　much　at　the　time；　she　had　found　the　affront　imaginary。

He　was　glad　of　that　smile；　and　proceeded。　　〃You　will　let　me　speak　to
you；　as　to　one　of　my　own　girls？　　To　them；　I　should　say；　use　the　only