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the daisy chain, or aspirations-第82章

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said it was better to detest than to hate; while Blanche coloured up
to the ears; and hid herself behind the arm…chair; and Dr。 May
qualified the censure by saying; he believed there was no great harm
in the youth; but that he was shallow…brained and extravagant; and;
having been born in the days when Mr。 Rivers had been working himself
up in the world; had not had so good an education as his little half…
sister。

〃Well; what are you thinking of?〃 said her father; laying his hand on
Ethel's arm; as she was wearily and pensively putting together the
scattered purchases before going up to bed。

〃I was thinking; papa; that there is a great deal of trouble taken in
this world for a very little pleasure。〃

〃The trouble is the pleasure; in most cases; most misanthropical
miss!〃

〃Yes; that is true; but; if so; why cannot it be taken for some
good?〃

〃They meant it to be good;〃 said Dr。 May。  〃Come; I cannot have you
severe and ungrateful。〃

〃So I have been telling myself; papa; all along; but; now that the
day has come; and I have seen what jealousies; and competitions; and
vanities; and disappointments it has producednot even poor little
Blanche allowed any comfortI am almost sick at heart with thinking
Cocksmoor was the excuse!〃

〃Spectators are more philosophical than actors; Ethel。  Others have
not been tying parcels all day。〃

〃I had rather do that than But that is the 'Fox and the Grapes;'〃
said Ethel; smiling。  〃What I mean is; that the real gladness of life
is not in these great occasions of pleasure; but in the little side
delights that come in the midst of one's work; don't they; papa?  Why
is it worth while to go and search for a day's pleasuring?〃

〃Ethel; my child!  I don't like to hear you talk so;〃 said Dr。 May;
looking anxiously at her。  〃It may be too true; but it is not
youthful nor hopeful。  It is not as your mother or I felt in our
young days; when a treat was a treat to us; and gladdened our hearts
long before and after。  I am afraid you have been too much saddened
with loss and care〃

〃Oh; no; papa!〃 said Ethel; rousing herself; though speaking huskily。
〃You know I am your merry Ethel。  You know I can be happy enough
only at home〃

And Ethel; though she had tried to be cheerful; leaned against his
arm; and shed a few tears。

〃The fact is; she is tired out;〃 said Dr。 May soothingly; yet half
laughing。  〃She is not a beauty or a grace; and she is thoughtful and
quiet; and so she moralises; instead of enjoying; as the world goes
by。  I dare say a night's rest will make all the difference in the
world。〃

〃Ah! but there is more to come。  That Ladies' Committee at
Cocksmoor!〃

〃They are not there yet; Ethel。  Good…night; you tired little cynic。〃




CHAPTER IV。



Back then; complainer。。。
Go; to the world return; nor fear to cast
Thy bread upon the waters; sure at last
   In joy to find it after many days。Christian Year。


The next day Ethel had hoped for a return to reason; but behold; the
world was cross!  The reaction of the long excitement was felt;
Gertrude fretted; and was unwell; Aubrey was pettish at his lessons;
and Mary and Blanche were weary; yawning and inattentive; every straw
was a burden; and Miss Bracy had feelings。

Ethel had been holding an interminable conversation with her in the
schoolroom; interrupted at last by a summons to speak to a Cocksmoor
woman at the back door; and she was returning from the kitchen; when
the doctor called her into his study。

〃Ethel! what is all this?  Mary has found Miss Bracy in floods of
tears in the schoolroom; because she says you told her she was ill…
tempered。〃

〃I am sure you will be quite as much surprised;〃 said Ethel; somewhat
exasperated; 〃when you hear that you lacerated her feelings
yesterday。〃

〃I?  Why; what did I do?〃 exclaimed Dr。 May。

〃You showed your evident want of confidence in her。〃

〃I? What can I have done?〃

〃You met Aubrey and Gertrude in her charge; and you took them away at
once to walk with you。〃

〃Well?〃

〃Well; that was it。  She saw you had no confidence in her。〃

〃Ethel; what on earth can you mean?  I saw the two children dragging
on her; and I thought she would see nothing that was going on; and
would be glad to be released; and I wanted them to go with me and see
Meta's gold pheasants。〃

〃That was the offence。  She has been breaking her heart all this
time; because she was sure; from your manner; that you were
displeased to see them alone with hereating bon…bons; I believe;
and therefore took them away。〃

〃Daisy is the worse for her bon…bons; I believe; but the overdose of
them rests on my shoulders。  I do not know how to believe you; Ethel。
Of course you told her nothing of the kind crossed my mind; poor
thing!〃

〃I told her so; over and over again; as I have done forty times
before but her feelings are always being hurt。〃

〃Poor thing; poor thing! no doubt it is a trying situation; and she
is sensitive。  Surely you are all forbearing with
her?〃

〃I hope we are;〃 said Ethel; 〃but how can we tell what vexes her?〃

〃And what is this; of your telling her she was ill…tempered?〃 asked
Dr。 May incredulously。

〃Well; papa;〃 said Ethel; softened; yet wounded by his thinking it so
impossible。  〃I had often thought I ought to tell her that these
sensitive feelings of hers were nothing but temper; and perhaps
indeed I know I doI partake of the general fractiousness of the
house to…day; and I did not bear it so patiently as usual。  I did say
that I thought it wrong to foster her fancies; for if she looked at
them coolly; she would find they were only a form of pride and
temper。〃

〃It did not come well from you; Ethel;〃 said the doctor; looking
vexed。

〃No; I know it did not;〃 said Ethel meekly; 〃but oh! to have these
janglings once a week; and to see no end to them!〃

〃Once a week?〃

〃It is really as often; or more often;〃 said Ethel。  〃If any of us
criticise anything the girls have done; if there is a change in any
arrangement; if she thinks herself neglectedI can't tell you what
little matters suffice; she will catch me; and argue with me; till
oh; till we are both half dead; and yet cannot stop ourselves。〃

〃Why do you argue?〃

〃If I could only help it!〃

〃Bad management;〃 said the doctor; in a low; musing tone。  〃You want
a head!〃 and he sighed。

〃Oh; papa; I did not mean to distress you。  I would not have told you
if I had rememberedbut I am worried to…day; and off my guard〃

〃Ethel; I thought you were the one on whom I could depend for bearing
everything。〃

〃These were such nonsense!〃

〃What may seem nonsense to you is not the same to her。  You must be
forbearing; Ethel。  Remember that dependence is prone to morbid
sensitiveness; especially in those who have a humble estimate of
themselves。〃

〃It seems to me that touchiness is more pride than humility;〃 said
Ethel; whose temper; already not in the smoothest state; found it
hard that; after having long borne patiently with these constant
arguments; she should find Miss Bracy made the chief object of
compassion。

Dr。 May's chivalrous feeling caused him to take the part of the weak;
and he answered; 〃You know nothing about it。  Among our own kith and
kin we can afford to pass over slights; because we are sure the heart
is rightwe do not know what it is to be among strangers; uncertain
of any claim to their esteem or kindness。  Sad! sad!〃 he continued;
as the picture wrought on him。  〃Each trifle seems a token one way or
the other!  I am very sorry I grieved the poor thing yesterday。  I
must go and tell her so at once。〃

He put Ethel aside; and knocked at the schoolroom door; while Ethel
stood; mortified。  〃He thinks I have been neglecting; or speaking
harshly to her!  For fifty times that I have borne with her
maundering; I have; at last; once told her the truth; and for that I
am accused of want of forbearance!  Now he will go and make much of
her; and pity her; till she will think herself an injured heroine;
and be worse than ever; and he will do away with all the good of my
advice; and want me to ask her pardon for itbut that I never will。
It was only the truth; and I will stick to it。〃

〃Ethel!〃 cried Mary; running up to her; then slackening her pace; and
whispering; 〃you did not tell Miss Bracy she was ill…tempered。〃

〃Nonot exactly。  How could you tell papa I did?〃

〃She said so。  She was crying; and I asked what was the matter; and
she said my sister Ethel said she was ill…tempered。〃

〃She made a great exaggeration then;〃 said Ethel。

〃I am sure she was very cross all day;〃 said Mary。

〃Well; that is no business of yours;〃 said Ethel pettishly。  〃What
now?  Mary; don't look out at the street window。〃

〃It is Florathe Grange carriage;〃 whispered Mary; as the two
sisters made a precipitate retreat into the drawing…room。

Meanwhile; Dr。 May had been in the schoolroom。  Miss Bracy had ceased
her tears before he camethey had been her retort on Ethel; and she
had not intended the world to know of them。  Half disconcerted; half
angry; she heard the doctor approach。  She was a gentle; tearful
woman; one of those who are often called meek; under an erroneous
idea that meekness consists in making herself exceedingly miserable
under every kind of grievance; and she now had a sort of melancholy
satisfaction in believing that the young ladies had fabricated an
exaggerated complaint of her temper; and that she was going to become
injured innocence。  To think herself accused of a great wrong;
excused her from perceiving herself guilty of a lesser one。

〃Miss Bracy;〃 said Dr。 May; entering with his frank; sweet look; 〃I
am concerned that I vexed you by taking the children to walk with me
yesterday。  I thought such little brats would be troublesome to any
but their spoiling papa; but they would have been in safer hands with
you。  You would not have been as weak as I was; in regard to sugar…
plums。〃  Such amends as these confused Miss Bracy; who found it
pleasanter to be lamentable with Ethel; than to receive a full
apology for her imagined offence from the master of the house。
Feeling both small and absurd; she murmured something of 〃oh; no;〃
and 〃being sure;〃 and hoped he was going; so that she might sit down
to pity herself; for those girls having made her appear so
ridiculous。

No such thing!  Dr。 May put a chair for her; and sat down himself;
saying; with a smile; 〃You see; you must trust us sometimes; and
overlook it; if we are less considerate than we might be。  We have
rough; careless habits with each other; and forget that all are not
used to them。〃

Miss Bracy exclaimed; 〃Oh; no; never; they were most kind。〃

〃We wish to be;〃 said Dr。 May; 〃but there are little neglectsor you
think there are。  I will not say there are none; for that would be
answering too much for human nature; or that they are fancifulfor
that would be as little comfort as to tell a patient that the pain is
only nervous〃

Miss Bracy smiled; for she could remember instances when; after
suffering much at the time; she had found the affront imaginary。

He was glad of that smile; and proceeded。  〃You will let me speak to
you; as to one of my own girls?  To them; I should say; use the only

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