the daisy chain, or aspirations-第96章

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tried　a　little　mystification；　she　either　entered　merrily　into　the
humour；　or　threw　it　over　with　keen　wit　that　he　kept　constantly　on　the
stretch。　　They　were　always　discovering　odd；　unexpected　bits　of
knowledge　in　each　other；　and　a　great　deal　more　accordance　in　views
and　opinions　than　appealed　on　the　surface；　for　his　enthusiasm　usually
veiled　itself　in　persiflage　on　hers；　though　he　was　too　good　and
serious　to　carry　it　too　far。

At　Blenheim；　perhaps　he　thought　he　had　given　an　overdose　of　nonsense；
and　made　her　believe；　as　Meta　really　did；　that　the　Duchess　Sarah　was
his　model　woman；　for　as　they　walked　in　the　park　in　search　of　Phoebe
Mayflower's　well；　he　gathered　a　fern　leaf；　to　show　her　the
Glenbracken　badge；　and　talked　to　her　of　his　home；　his　mother；　and　his
sister　Marjorie；　and　the　little　church　in　the　rocky　glen。　　He　gave
the　history　of　the　stolen　meetings　of　the　little　knot　of　churchmen
during　the　days　of　persecution；　and　showed　a　heart　descended　straight
from　the
Ogilvie　who　was　〃out　with　Montrose；〃　now　that　the　upper　structure　of
young　England　was　for　a　little　while　put　aside。

After　this；　she　took　his　jokes　much　more　coolly；　and　made　thrusts
beneath　them；　which　he　seemed　to　enjoy；　and　caused　him　to　unfold
himself　the　more。　　She　liked　him　all　the　better　for　finding　that　he
thought　Norman　had　been　a　very　good　friend　to　him；　and　that　he
admired　her　brother　heartily；　watching　tenderly　over　his　tendencies
to　make　himself　unhappy。　　He　confided　to　her　that；　much　as　he
rejoiced　in　the　defeats　of　Anderson；　he　feared　that　the　reading　and
thought　consequent　on　the　discussions；　had　helped　to　overstrain
Norman's　mind；　and　he　was　very　anxious　to　carry　him　away　from　all
study；　and　toil；　and　make　his　brains　rest；　and　his　eyes　delight
themselves　upon　Scottish　mountains。

Thereupon　came　vivid　descriptions　of　the　scenery；　especially　his　own
glen　with　the　ruined　tower；　and　ardent　wishes　that　his　cousin　Ethel
could　see　them　also；　and　know　Marjorie。　　She　could　quite　echo　the
wish；　Edinburgh　and　Loch　Katrine　had　been　the　visions　of　her　life；
and　now　that　she　had　once　taken　the　leap　and　left　home；　absence　did
not　seem　impossible；　and；　with　a　start　of　delight；　she　hailed　her　own
conviction　that　he　intended　his　mother　to　invite　the　party　to
Glenbracken。

After　Norman's　visit；　Mr。　Ogilvie　declared　that　he　must　come　home
with　him　and　pay　his　long…promised　visit　to　Stoneborough。　　He　should
have　come　long　ago。　　He　had　been　coming　last　winter；　but　the　wedding
had　prevented　him；　he　had　always　wished　to　know　Dr。　May；　whom　his
father　well　remembered；　and　now　nothing　should　keep　him　away！

Flora　looked　on　amused　and　pleased　at　Ethel's　developmenther
abruptness　softened　into　piquancy；　and　her　countenance　so
embellished；　that　the　irregularity　only　added　to　the　expressiveness。
There　was　no　saying　what　Ethel　would　come　to！　　She　had　not　said　that
she　would　not　go　to　the　intended　ball；　and　her　grimaces　at　the
mention　of　it　were　growing　fainter　every　day。

The　discussion　about　Harvey　Anderson　was　never　revived；　Flora　sent
the　invitation　without　another　wordhe　came　with　half　a　dozen　other
gentlemenEthel　made　him　a　civil　greeting；　but　her　head　was　full　of
boats　and　the　procession　day；　about　which　Mr。　Ogilvie　was　telling
her；　and　she　thought　of　him　no　more。

〃A　lucky　step！〃　thought　Flora。　　〃A　grand　thing　for　Ethela　capital
connection　for　us　all。　　Lady　Glenbracken　will　not　come　too　much　into
my　sphere　either。　　Yes；　I　am　doing　well　by　my　sisters。〃

It　would　make　stay…at…home　people　giddy　to　record　how　much　pleasure；
how　much　conversation　and　laughter　were　crowded　into　those　ten　days；
and　with　much　thought　and　feeling　beside　them；　for　these　were　not
girls　on　whom　grave　Oxford　could　leave　no　impression　but　one　of
gaiety。

The　whole　party　was　very　full　of　merriment。　　Norman　May；　especially；
on　whom　Flora　contrived　to　devolve　that　real　leadership　of
conversation　that　should　rightly　have　belonged　to　George　Rivers；　kept
up　the　ball　with　wit　and　drollery　far　beyond　what　he　usually　put
forth；　enlivened　George　into　being　almost　an　agreeable　man；　and　drew
out　little　Meta's　vivacity　into　sunny　sparkles。

Meta　generally　had　Norman　for　her　share；　and　seemed　highly　contented
with　his　lionisings；　which　were　given　much　more　quietly　and　copiously
than　those　which　his　cousin　bestowed　upon　his　sister。　　Or　if　there
were　anything　enterprising　to　be　done；　any　tower　to　be　mounted；　or
anything　with　the　smallest　spice　of　danger　in　it；　Meta　was　charmed；
and　with　her　lightness　and　airiness　of　foot　and　figure；　and　perfectly
feminine　ways；　showed　a　spirit　of　adventure　that　added　to　the　general
diversion。　　But　if　she　were　to　be　helped　up　or　down　anywhere；　she
certainly　seemed　to　find　greater　security　in　Norman　May's　assistance；
though　it　was　but　a　feather…like　touch　that　she　ever　used　to　aid　her
bounding　step。

Both　as　being　diffident；　and；　in　a　manner　at　home；　Norman　was　not　as
constantly　her　cavalier　as　was　Mr。　Ogilvie　to　his　sister；　and；　when
supplanted；　his　wont　was　either　to　pioneer　for　Flora；　or；　if　she　did
not　need　him；　to　walk　alone；　grave　and　abstracted。　　There　was　a
weight　on　his　brow；　when　nothing　was　going　on　to　drive　it　away；　and
whether　it　were　nervousness　as　to　the　performance　in　store　for　him；
anxiety　about　Harry；　or；　as　Mr。　Ogilvie　said；　too　severe　application；
some　burden　hung　upon　him；　that　was　only　lightened　for　the　time　by
his　participation　in　the　enjoyment　of　the　party。

On　Sunday　evening；　when　they　had　been　entering　into　the　almost
vision…like　delight　of　the　choicest　of　music；　and　other
accompaniments　of　church　service；　they　went　to　walk　in　Christchurch
Meadows。　　They　had　begun　altogether　by　comparing　feelingsEthel
wondering　whether　Stoneborough　Minster　would　ever　be　used　as　it　might
be；　and　whether；　if　so；　they　should　be　practically　the　better　for　it；
and　proceeding　with　metaphysics　on　her　side；　and　satire　on　Norman
Ogilvie's；　to　speculate　whether　that　which　is；　is　best；　and　the
rights　and　wrongs　of　striving　for　change　and　improvements；　what
should　begin　from　above；　and　what　from　beneathwith　illustrations
often　laughter…moving；　though　they　were　much　in　earnest；　as　the　young
heir　of　Glenbracken　looked　into　his　future　life。

Flora　had　diverged　into　wondering　who　would　have　the　living　after
poor　old　Mr。　Ramsden；　and　walked；　keeping　her　husband　amused　with
instances　of　his　blunders。

Meta；　as　with　Norman　she　parted　from　the　rest；　thought　her　own　dear
Abbotstoke　church；　and　Mr　Charles　Wilmot；　great　subjects　for　content
and　thanksgiving；　though　it　was　a　wonderful　treat　to　see　and　hear
such　as　she　had　enjoyed　to…day；　and　she　thought　it　was　a　joy；　to
carry　away　abidingly；　to　know　that　praise　and　worship；　as　near
perfection　as　this　earth　could　render　them；　were　being　offered　up。

Norman　understood　her　thought；　but　responded　by　more　of　a　sigh　than
was　quite　comfortable。

Meta　went　on　with　her　own　thoughts；　on　the　connection　between　worship
and　good　works；　how　the　one　leads　to　the　other；　and　how　praise　with
pure　lips　is；　after　all；　the　great　purpose　of　existence。　Her　last
thought　she　spoke　aloud。

〃I　suppose　everything；　our　own　happiness　and　all；　are　given　to　us　to
turn　into　praise；〃　she　said。

〃Yes〃　echoed　Norman；　but　as　if　his　thoughts　were　not　quite　with
hers；　or　rather　in　another　part　of　the　same　subject；　then　recalling
himself；　〃Happy　such　as　can　do　so。〃

〃If　one　only　could〃　said　Meta。

〃You　candon't　say　otherwise；〃　exclaimed　Norman；　〃I　know；　at　least；
that　you　and　my　father　can。〃

〃Dr。　May　does　so；　more　than　any　one　I　know；〃　said　Meta。

〃Yes；〃　said　Norman　again；　〃it　is　his　secret　of　joy。　　To　him；　it　is
never；　I　am　half　sick　of　shadows。〃

〃To　him　they　are　not　shadows；　but　foretastes；〃　said　Meta。　　Silence
again；　and　when　she　spoke；　she　said；　〃I　have　always　thought　it　must
be　such　a　happiness　to　have　power　of　any　kind　that　can　be　used　in
direct　service；　or　actual　doing　good。〃

〃No；〃　said　Norman。　　〃Whatever　becomes　a　profession；　becomes　an
unreality。〃

〃Surely　not；　in　becoming　a　duty；〃　said　Meta。

〃Not　for　all；〃　he　answered；　〃but　where　the　fabric　erected　by
ourselves；　in　the　sight　of　the　world；　is　but　an　outer　case；　a　shell
of　mere　words；　blown　up　for　the　occasion；　strung　together　as　mere
language；　then；　self…convicted；　we　shrink　within　the　husk；　and　feel
our　own　worthlessness　and　hypocrisy。〃

〃As　one　feels　in　reproving　the　school　children　for　behaving　ill　at
church？〃　said　Meta。

〃You　never　felt　anything　approaching　to　it！〃　said　Norman。　　〃To　know
oneself　to　be　such　a　deception；　that　everything　else　seems　a　delusion
too！〃

〃I　don't　know　whether　that　is　metaphysical；〃　said　Meta；　〃but　I　am
sure　I　don't　understand　it。　　One　must　know　oneself　to　be　worse　than
one　knows　any　one　else　to　be。〃

〃I　could　not　wish　you　to　understand；〃　said　Norman；　and　yet　he　seemed
impelled　to　go　on；　for；　after　a　hesitating　silence；　he　added；　〃When
the　wanderer　in　the　desert　fears　that　the　spring　is　but　a　mirage；　or
when　all　that　is　held　dear　is　made　hazy　or　distorted　by　some
enchanter；　what　do　you　think　are　the　feelings；　Meta？〃

〃It　must　be　dreadful；〃　she　said；　rather　bewildered；　〃but　he　may　know
it　is　a　delusion；　if　he　can　but　wake。　　Has　he　not　always　a　spell；　a
charm？〃

〃What　is　the　spell？〃　eagerly　said　Norman；　standing　still。

〃Believe〃　said　Meta；　hardly　knowing　how　she　came　to　choose　the
words。

〃I　believe！〃　he　repeated。　　〃Whatwhen　we　go　beyond　the　province　of
reasonhuman；　a　thing　of　sense　after　all！　　How　often　have　I　so
answered。　　But　Meta；　when　a　man　has　been　drawn；　in　self…sufficient
security；　to　look　into　a　magic　mirror；　and　cannot　detach　his　eyes
from　the　confused；　misty　scenewhere　all　that　had　his　allegiance
appears　shattered；　overthrown；　like　a　broken　image；　or　at　least
unable　to　endure　examination；　then〃

〃Oh；　Norman；　is　that　the　trial　to　any　one　here？　　I　thought　old　Oxford
was　the　great　guardian　nurse　of　truth！　　I　am　sure　she　cannot　deal　in
magic　mirrors　or　such　frightful　things。　　Do　you　know　you　are　talking
like　a　very　horrible　dream？〃

〃I　believe　I　am　in　one；〃　said　Norman。

〃To　be　sure　you　are。　　Wake！〃　said　Meta；　looking　up；　smiling　in　his
face。　　〃You　have　read　yourself　into　a　maze；　that's　allwhat　Mary
calls；　muzzling　your　head；　you　don't　really　think　all　this；　and　when
you　get　into　the　country；　away　from　books；　you　will　forget　it。　　One
look　at　our　dear　old　purple　Welsh　hills　will　blow　away　all　the
mists！〃

〃I　ought　not　to　have　spoken　in　this　manner；〃　said　Norman　sadly。
〃Forget　it；　Meta。〃

〃Forget　it！　　Of　course　I　will。　　It　is　all　nonsense；　and　meant　to　be
forgotten；〃　said　Meta；　laughing。　　〃You　will　own　that　it　is　by…and…
by。〃

He　gave　a　deep　sigh。

〃Don't　think　I　am　unfeeling；〃　she　said；　〃but　I　know　it　is　all　a　fog
up　from　books；　books；　booksI　should　like　to　drive　it　off　with　a
good　fresh　gust　of　wind！　　Oh！　I　wish　those　yellow　lilies　would　grow
in　our　river！〃

Meta　talked　away　gaily　for　the　rest　of　the　walk。　　She　was　anything
but　unfeeling；　but　she　had　a　confidence　in　Norman　that　forbade　her　to
see　anything　here　but　one　of　his　variations　of　spirits；　which　always
sank　in　the　hour　of　triumph。　　She　put　forth　her　brightness　to　enliven
him；　and；　in　their　subsequent　tete…a…tetes；　she　avoided　all　t