miss billy-第19章

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Marie　laughed　suddenly。

〃Do　you　know；　my　dear；　I　have　half　a　mind　to　tell　you　what　I　do
like　to　dojust　to　make　you　stare。〃

〃Well？〃　　Billy's　eyes　were　wide　with　interest。

〃I　like　best　of　anything　todarn　stockings　and　make　puddings。〃

〃Marie！〃

〃Rank　heresy；　isn't　it？〃　smiled　Marie；　tearfully。　　〃But　I　do；
truly。　　I　love　to　weave　the　threads　evenly　in　and　out；　and　see　a
big　hole　close。　　As　for　the　puddings　I　don't　mean　the　common　bread…
and…butter　kind；　but　the　ones　that　have　whites　of　eggs　and　fruit；
and　pretty　quivery　jellies　all　ruby　and　amber　lights；　you　know。〃

〃You　dear　little　piece　of　domesticity；〃　laughed　Billy。　　〃Then　why
in　the　world　don't　you　do　these　things？〃

〃I　can't；　in　my　own　kitchen；　I　can't　afford　a　kitchen　to　do　them
in。　　And　I　just　couldn't　do　themright　alongin　other　people's
kitchens。〃

〃But　why　do　youplay？〃

〃I　was　brought　up　to　it。　　You　know　we　had　money　once；　lots　of　it；〃
sighed　Marie；　as　if　she　were　deploring　a　misfortune。　　〃And　mother
was　determined　to　have　me　musical。　　Even　then；　as　a　little　tot；　I
liked　pudding…making；　and　after　my　mud…pie　days　I　was　always
begging　mother　to　let　me　go　down　into　the　kitchen；　to　cook。　　But
she　wouldn't　allow　it；　ever。　　She　engaged　the　most　expensive
masters　and　set　me　practising；　always　practising。　　I　simply　had　to
learn　music；　and　I　learned　it　like　the　adding　machine。　　Then
afterward；　when　father　died；　and　then　mother；　and　the　money　flew
away；　why；　of　course　I　had　to　do　something；　so　naturally　I　turned
to　the　music。　　It　was　all　I　could　do。　　Butwell；　you　know　how　it
is；　dear。　　I　teach；　and　teach　well；　perhaps；　so　far　as　the
mechanical　part　goes；　but　as　for　the　restI　am　always　longing　for
a　cozy　corner　with　a　basket　of　stockings　to　mend；　or　a　kitchen
where　there　is　a　pudding　waiting　to　be　made。〃

〃You　poor　dear！〃　cried　Billy。　　〃I've　a　pair　of　stockings　now　that
needs　attention；　and　I've　been　just　longing　for　one　of　your
'quivery　jellies　all　ruby　and　amber　lights'　ever　since　you
mentioned　them。　　Butwell；　is　there　anything　I　could　do　to　help？〃

〃Nothing；　thank　you；〃　sighed　Marie；　rising　wearily　to　her　feet；　and
covering　her　eyes　with　her　hand　for　a　moment。　　〃My　head　aches
shockingly；　but　I've　got　to　go　this　minute　and　instruct　little
Jennie　Knowls　how　to　play　the　wonderful　scale　of　G　with　a　black　key
in　it。　　Besides；　you　do　help　me；　you　have　helped　me；　you　are　always
helping　me；　dear；〃　she　added　remorsefully；　〃and　it's　wicked　of　me
to　make　that　shadow　come　to　your　eyes。　　Please　don't　think　of　it；
or　of　me；　any　more。〃　　And　with　a　choking　little　sob　she　hurried
from　the　room；　followed　by　the　amazed；　questioning；　sorrowful　eyes
of　Billy。



CHAPTER　XXVIII

〃I'M　GOING　TO　WIN〃


Nearly　all　of　Billy's　friends　knew　that　Bertram　Henshaw　was　in　love
with　Billy　Neilson　before　Billy　herself　knew　it。　　Not　that　they
regarded　it　as　anything　serious〃it's　only　Bertram〃　was　still　said
of　him　on　almost　all　occasions。　　But　to　Bertram　himself　it　was　very
serious。

The　world　to　Bertram；　indeed；　had　come　to　assume　a　vastly　different
aspect　from　what　it　had　displayed　in　times　past。　　Heretofore　it　had
been　a　plaything　which　like　a　juggler's　tinsel　ball　might　be　tossed
from　hand　to　hand　at　will。　　Now　it　was　no　playthingno　glittering
bauble。　　It　was　something　big　and　serious　and　splendidbecause
Billy　lived　in　it；　something　that　demanded　all　his　powers　to　do；
and　bebecause　Billy　was　watching；　something　that　might　be　a　Hades
of　torment　or　an　Elysium　of　blissaccording　to　whether　Billy　said
〃no〃　or　〃yes。〃

Since　Thanksgiving　Bertram　had　known　that　it　was　lovethis
consuming　fire　within　him；　and　since　Thanksgiving　he　had　known；
too；　that　it　was　jealousythis　fierce　hatred　of　Calderwell。　　He
was　ashamed　of　the　hatred。　　He　told　himself　that　it　was　unmanly；
unkind；　and　unreasonable；　and　he　vowed　that　he　would　overcome　it。
At　times　he　even　fancied　that　he　had　overcome　it；　but　always　the
sight　of　Calderwell　in　Billy's　little　drawing…room　or　of　even　the
man's　card　on　Billy's　silver　tray　was　enough　to　show　him　that　he
had　not。

There　were　others；　too；　who　annoyed　Bertram　not　a　little；　foremost
of　these　being　his　own　brothers。　　Still　he　was　not　really　worried
about　William　and　Cyril；　he　told　himself。　　William　he　did　not
consider　to　be　a　marrying　man；　and　Cyrilevery　one　knew　that　Cyril
was　a　woman…hater。　　He　was　doubtless　attracted　now　only　by　Billy's
music。　　There　was　no　real　rivalry　to　be　feared　from　William　and
Cyril。　　But　there　was　always　Calderwell；　and　Calderwell　was
serious。　　Bertram　decided；　therefore；　after　some　weeks　of　feverish
unrest；　that　the　only　road　to　peace　lay　through　a　frank　avowal　of
his　feelings；　and　a　direct　appeal　to　Billy　to　give　him　the　great
boon　of　her　love。

Just　here；　however；　Bertram　met　with　an　unexpected　difficulty。　　He
could　not　find　words　with　which　to　make　his　avowal　or　to　present
his　appeal。　　He　was　surprised　and　annoyed。　　Never　before　had　he
been　at　a　loss　for　wordsmere　words。　　And　it　was　not　that　he
lacked　opportunity。　　He　walked；　drove；　and　talked　with　Billy；　and
always　she　was　companionable；　attentive　to　what　he　had　to　say。
Never　was　she　cold　or　reserved。　　Never　did　she　fail　to　greet　him
with　a　cheery　smile。

Bertram　concluded；　indeed；　after　a　time；　that　she　was　too
companionable；　too　cheery。　　He　wished　she　would　hesitate；　stammer；
blush；　be　a　little　shy。　　He　wished　that　she　would　display　surprise；
annoyance；　evenanything　but　that　eternal　air　of　comradeship。　　And
then；　one　afternoon　in　the　early　twilight　of　a　January　day；　he
freed　his　mind；　quite　unexpectedly。

〃Billy；　I　wish　you　WOULDN'T　be　soso　friendly！〃　he　exclaimed　in　a
voice　that　was　almost　sharp。

Billy　laughed　at　first；　but　the　next　moment　a　shamed　distress　drove
the　merriment　quite　out　of　her　face。

〃You　mean　that　I　presume　onon　our　friendship？〃　she　stammered。
〃That　you　fear　that　I　will　againshadow　your　footsteps？〃　　It　was
the　first　time　since　the　memorable　night　itself　that　Billy　had　ever
in　Bertram's　presence　referred　to　her　young　guardianship　of　his
welfare。　　She　realized　now；　suddenly；　that　she　had　just　been　giving
the　man　before　her　some　very　〃sisterly　advice；〃　and　the　thought
sent　a　confused　red　to　her　cheeks。

Bertram　turned　quickly。

〃Billy；　that　was　the　dearest　and　loveliest　thing　a　girl　ever　did
only　I　was　too　great　a　chump　to　appreciate　it！〃　finished　Bertram　in
a　voice　that　was　not　quite　steady。

〃Thank　you；〃　smiled　the　girl；　with　a　slow　shake　of　her　head　and　a
relieved　look　in　her　eyes；　〃but　I'm　afraid　I　can't　quite　agree　to
that。〃　　The　next　moment　she　had　demanded　mischievously：　　〃Why；
then；　pray；　this　unflattering　objection　to　myfriendliness　now？〃

〃Because　I　don't　want　you　for　a　friend；　or　a　sister；　or　anything
else　that's　related；〃　stormed　Bertram；　with　sudden　vehemence。　　〃I
don't　want　you　for　anything　buta　wife！　　Billy；　WON'T　you　marry
me？〃

Again　Billy　laughedlaughed　until　she　saw　the　pained　anger　leap　to
the　gray　eyes　before　her；　then　she　became　grave　at　once。

〃Bertram；　forgive　me。　　I　didn't　think　you　couldyou　can't　be
serious！〃

〃But　I　am。〃

Billy　shook　her　head。

〃But　you　don't　love　menot　ME；　Bertram。　　It's　only　the　turn　of　my
head　oror　the　tilt　of　my　chin　that　you　loveto　paint；〃　she
protested；　unconsciously　echoing　the　words　Calderwell　had　said　to
her　weeks　before。　　〃I'm　only　another　'Face　of　a　Girl。'〃

〃You're　the　only　'Face　of　a　girl'　to　me　now；　Billy；〃　declared　the
man；　with　disarming　tenderness。

〃No；　no；　not　that；〃　demurred　Billy；　in　distress。　　〃You　don't　mean
it。　　You　only　think　you　do。　　It　couldn't　be　that。　　It　can't　be！〃

〃But　it　is；　dear。　　I　think　I　have　loved　you　ever　since　that　night
long　ago　when　I　saw　your　dear；　startled　face　appealing　to　me　from
beyond　Seaver's　hateful　smile。　　And；　Billy；　I　never　went　once　with
Seaver　againanywhere。　　Did　you　know　that？〃

〃No；　butI'm　gladso　glad！〃

〃And　I'm　glad；　too。　　So　you　see；　I　must　have　loved　you　then；　though
unconsciously；　perhaps；　and　I　love　you　now。〃

〃No；　no；　please　don't　say　that。　　It　can't　beit　really　can't　be。
II　don't　love　youthat　way；　Bertram。〃

The　man　paled　a　little。

〃Billyforgive　me　for　asking；　but　it's　so　much　to　meis　it　that
there　issome　one　else？〃　　His　voice　shook。

〃No；　no；　indeed！　　There　is　no　one。〃

〃It's　notCalderwell？〃

Billy's　forehead　grew　pink。　　She　laughed　nervous1y。

〃No；　no；　never！〃

〃But　there　are　others；　so　many　others！〃

〃Nonsense；　Bertram；　there's　no　oneno　one；　I　assure　you！〃

〃It's　not　William；　of　course；　nor　Cyril。　　Cyril　hates　women。〃

A　deeper　flush　came　to　Billy's　face。　　Her　chin　rose　a　little；　and
an　odd　defiance　flashed　from　her　eyes。　　But　almost　instantly　it　was
gone；　and　a　slow　smile　had　come　to　her　lips。

〃Yes；　I　know。　　Every　onesays　that　Cyril　hates　women；〃　she
observed　demurely。

〃Then；　Billy；　I　sha'n't　give　up！〃　vowed　Bertram；　softly。　　〃Sometime
you　WILL　love　me！〃

〃No；　no；　I　couldn't。　　That　is；　I'm　not　going　toto　marry；〃
stammered　Billy。

〃Not　going　to　marry！〃

〃No。　　There's　my　musicyou　know　how　I　love　that；　and　how　much　it
is　to　me。　　I　don't　think　there'll　ever　be　a　manthat　I'll　love
better。〃

Bertram　lifted　his　head。　　Very　slowly　he　rose　till　his　splendid　six
feet　of　clean…limbed　strength　and　manly　beauty　towered　away　above
the　low　chair　in　which　Billy　sat。　　His　mouth　showed　new　lines　about
the　corners；　and　his　eyes　looked　down　very　tenderly　at　the　girl
beside　him；　but　his　voice；　when　he　spoke；　had　a　light　whimsicality
that　deceived　even　Billy's　ears。

〃And　so　it's　musica　cold；　senseless　thing　of　spidery　marks　on
clean　white　paperthat　is　my　only　rival；〃　he　cried。　　〃Then　I'll
warn　you；　Billy；　I'll　warn　you。　　I'm　going　to　win！〃　　And　with　that
he　was　gone。



CHAPTER　XXIX

〃I'M　NOT　GOING　TO　MARRY〃


Billy　did　not　know　whether　to　be　more　amazed　or　amused　at　Bertram's
proposal　of　marriage。　　She　was　vexed；　she　was　very　sure　of　that。
To　marry　Bertram？　　Absurd！　。　。　。　　Then　she　reflected　that；　after
all；　it　was　only　Bertram；　so　she　calmed　herself。

Still；　it　was　annoying。　　She　liked　Bertram；　she　had　always　liked
him。　　He　was　a　nice　boy；　and　a　most　congenial　companion。　　He　never
bored　her；　as　did　some　others；　and　he　was　always　thoughtful　of
cushions　and　footstools　and　cups　of　tea　when　one　was　tired。　　He
was；　in　fact；　an　ideal　friend；　just　the　sort　she　wanted；　and　it　was
such　a　pity　that　he　must　spoil　it　all　now　with　this　silly
sentimentality！　　And　of　course　he　had　spoiled　it　all。　　There　was　no
going　back　now　to　their　old　friendliness。　　He　would　be　morose　or
silly　by　turns；　according　to　whether　she　frowned　or　smiled；　or　else
he　would　take　himself　off　in　a　tragic　sort　of　way　that　was　very
disturbing。　　He　had　said；　to　be　sure；　that　he　would　〃win。〃　　Win；
indeed！　　As　if　she　could　marry　Bertram！　　When　she　married；　her
choice　would　fall　upon　a　man；　not　a　boy；　a　big；　grave；　earnest　man
to　whom　the　world　meant　something；　a　man　who　loved　music；　of
course；　a　man　who　would　single　her　out　from　all　the　world；　and　show
to　her；　and　to　her　only；　the　depth　and　tenderness　of　his　love；　a
man　whobut　she　was　not　going　to　marry；　anyway；　remembered　Billy；
suddenly。　　And　with　that　she　began　to　cry。　　The　whole　thing　was　so
〃tiresome；〃　she　declared；　and　so　〃absurd。〃

Billy　rather　dreaded