wessex tales-第17章

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entering　the　room　he　closed　the　door　behind　him；　pausing　till　he
heard　the　retreating　footsteps　of　the　child。

He　found　himself　in　an　apartment　which　was　simply　and　neatly；　though
not　poorly　furnished；　everything；　from　the　miniature　chiffonnier　to
the　shining　little　daguerreotype　which　formed　the　central　ornament
of　the　mantelpiece；　being　in　scrupulous　order。　　The　picture　was
enclosed　by　a　frame　of　embroidered　card…boardevidently　the　work　of
feminine　handsand　it　was　the　portrait　of　a　thin　faced；　elderly
lieutenant　in　the　navy。　　From　behind　the　lamp　on　the　table　a　female
form　now　rose　into　view；　that　of　a　young　girl；　and　a　resemblance
between　her　and　the　portrait　was　early　discoverable。　　She　had　been
so　absorbed　in　some　occupation　on　the　other　side　of　the　lamp　as　to
have　barely　found　time　to　realize　her　visitor's　presence。

They　both　remained　standing　for　a　few　seconds　without　speaking。　　The
face　that　confronted　Barnet　had　a　beautiful　outline；　the
Raffaelesque　oval　of　its　contour　was　remarkable　for　an　English
countenance；　and　that　countenance　housed　in　a　remote　country…road　to
an　unheard…of　harbour。　　But　her　features　did　not　do　justice　to　this
splendid　beginning：　　Nature　had　recollected　that　she　was　not　in
Italy；　and　the　young　lady's　lineaments；　though　not　so　inconsistent
as　to　make　her　plain；　would　have　been　accepted　rather　as　pleasing
than　as　correct。　　The　preoccupied　expression　which；　like　images　on
the　retina；　remained　with　her　for　a　moment　after　the　state　that
caused　it　had　ceased；　now　changed　into　a　reserved；　half…proud；　and
slightly　indignant　look；　in　which　the　blood　diffused　itself　quickly
across　her　cheek；　and　additional　brightness　broke　the　shade　of　her
rather　heavy　eyes。

'I　know　I　have　no　business　here；'　he　said；　answering　the　look。　　'But
I　had　a　great　wish　to　see　you；　and　inquire　how　you　were。　　You　can
give　your　hand　to　me；　seeing　how　often　I　have　held　it　in　past　days？'

'I　would　rather　forget　than　remember　all　that；　Mr。　Barnet；'　she
answered；　as　she　coldly　complied　with　the　request。　　'When　I　think　of
the　circumstances　of　our　last　meeting；　I　can　hardly　consider　it　kind
of　you　to　allude　to　such　a　thing　as　our　pastor；　indeed；　to　come
here　at　all。'

'There　was　no　harm　in　it　surely？　　I　don't　trouble　you　often；　Lucy。'

'I　have　not　had　the　honour　of　a　visit　from　you　for　a　very　long　time；
certainly；　and　I　did　not　expect　it　now；'　she　said；　with　the　same
stiffness　in　her　air。　　'I　hope　Mrs。　Barnet　is　very　well？'

'Yes；　yes！'　he　impatiently　returned。　　'At　least　I　suppose　sothough
I　only　speak　from　inference！'

'But　she　is　your　wife；　sir；'　said　the　young　girl　tremulously。

The　unwonted　tones　of　a　man's　voice　in　that　feminine　chamber　had
startled　a　canary　that　was　roosting　in　its　cage　by　the　window；　the
bird　awoke　hastily；　and　fluttered　against　the　bars。　　She　went　and
stilled　it　by　laying　her　face　against　the　cage　and　murmuring　a
coaxing　sound。　　It　might　partly　have　been　done　to　still　herself。

'I　didn't　come　to　talk　of　Mrs。　Barnet；'　he　pursued；　'I　came　to　talk
of　you；　of　yourself　alone；　to　inquire　how　you　are　getting　on　since
your　great　loss。'　　And　he　turned　towards　the　portrait　of　her　father。

'I　am　getting　on　fairly　well；　thank　you。'

The　force　of　her　utterance　was　scarcely　borne　out　by　her　look；　but
Barnet　courteously　reproached　himself　for　not　having　guessed　a　thing
so　natural；　and　to　dissipate　all　embarrassment；　added；　as　he　bent
over　the　table；　'What　were　you　doing　when　I　came？painting　flowers；
and　by　candlelight？'

'O　no；'　she　said；　'not　painting　themonly　sketching　the　outlines。
I　do　that　at　night　to　save　timeI　have　to　get　three　dozen　done　by
the　end　of　the　month。'

Barnet　looked　as　if　he　regretted　it　deeply。　　'You　will　wear　your
poor　eyes　out；'　he　said；　with　more　sentiment　than　he　had　hitherto
shown。　　'You　ought　not　to　do　it。　　There　was　a　time　when　I　should
have　said　you　must　not。　　WellI　almost　wish　I　had　never　seen　light
with　my　own　eyes　when　I　think　of　that！'

'Is　this　a　time　or　place　for　recalling　such　matters？'　she　asked；
with　dignity。　　'You　used　to　have　a　gentlemanly　respect　for　me；　and
for　yourself。　　Don't　speak　any　more　as　you　have　spoken；　and　don't
come　again。　　I　cannot　think　that　this　visit　is　serious；　or　was
closely　considered　by　you。'

'Considered：　　well；　I　came　to　see　you　as　an　old　and　good　friendnot
to　mince　matters；　to　visit　a　woman　I　loved。　　Don't　be　angry！　　I
could　not　help　doing　it；　so　many　things　brought　you　into　my　mind　。　。
。　This　evening　I　fell　in　with　an　acquaintance；　and　when　I　saw　how
happy　he　was　with　his　wife　and　family　welcoming　him　home；　though
with　only　one…tenth　of　my　income　and　chances；　and　thought　what　might
have　been　in　my　case；　it　fairly　broke　down　my　discretion；　and　off　I
came　here。　　Now　I　am　here　I　feel　that　I　am　wrong　to　some　extent。
But　the　feeling　that　I　should　like　to　see　you；　and　talk　of　those　we
used　to　know　in　common；　was　very　strong。'

'Before　that　can　be　the　case　a　little　more　time　must　pass；'　said
Miss　Savile　quietly；　'a　time　long　enough　for　me　to　regard　with　some
calmness　what　at　present　I　remember　far　too　impatientlythough　it
may　be　you　almost　forget　it。　　Indeed　you　must　have　forgotten　it　long
before　you　acted　as　you　did。'　　Her　voice　grew　stronger　and　more
vivacious　as　she　added：　　'But　I　am　doing　my　best　to　forget　it　too；
and　I　know　I　shall　succeed　from　the　progress　I　have　made　already！'

She　had　remained　standing　till　now；　when　she　turned　and　sat　down；
facing　half　away　from　him。

Barnet　watched　her　moodily。　　'Yes；　it　is　only　what　I　deserve；'　he
said。　　'Ambition　pricked　me　onno；　it　was　not　ambition；　it　was
wrongheadedness！　　Had　I　but　reflected　。　。　。　'　　He　broke　out
vehemently：　　'But　always　remember　this；　Lucy：　　if　you　had　written　to
me　only　one　little　line　after　that　misunderstanding；　I　declare　I
should　have　come　back　to　you。　　That　ruined　me！'　he　slowly　walked　as
far　as　the　little　room　would　allow　him　to　go；　and　remained　with　his
eyes　on　the　skirting。

'But；　Mr。　Barnet；　how　could　I　write　to　you？　　There　was　no　opening
for　my　doing　so。'

'Then　there　ought　to　have　been；'　said　Barnet；　turning。　　'That　was　my
fault！'

'Well；　I　don't　know　anything　about　that；　but　as　there　had　been
nothing　said　by　me　which　required　any　explanation　by　letter；　I　did
not　send　one。　　Everything　was　so　indefinite；　and　feeling　your
position　to　be　so　much　wealthier　than　mine；　I　fancied　I　might　have
mistaken　your　meaning。　　And　when　I　heard　of　the　other　ladya　woman
of　whose　family　even　you　might　be　proudI　thought　how　foolish　I　had
been；　and　said　nothing。'

'Then　I　suppose　it　was　destinyaccidentI　don't　know　what；　that
separated　us；　dear　Lucy。　　Anyhow　you　were　the　woman　I　ought　to　have
made　my　wifeand　I　let　you　slip；　like　the　foolish　man　that　I　was！'

'O；　Mr。　Barnet；'　she　said；　almost　in　tears；　'don't　revive　the
subject　to　me；　I　am　the　wrong　one　to　console　youthink；　sir；you
should　not　be　hereit　would　be　so　bad　for　me　if　it　were　known！'

'It　wouldit　would；　indeed；'　he　said　hastily。　　'I　am　not　right　in
doing　this；　and　I　won't　do　it　again。'

'It　is　a　very　common　folly　of　human　nature；　you　know；　to　think　the
course　you　did　NOT　adopt　must　have　been　the　best；'　she　continued；
with　gentle　solicitude；　as　she　followed　him　to　the　door　of　the　room。
'And　you　don't　know　that　I　should　have　accepted　you；　even　if　you　had
asked　me　to　be　your　wife。'　　At　this　his　eye　met　hers；　and　she
dropped　her　gaze。　　She　knew　that　her　voice　belied　her。　　There　was　a
silence　till　she　looked　up　to　add；　in　a　voice　of　soothing
playfulness；　'My　family　was　so　much　poorer　than　yours；　even　before　I
lost　my　dear　father；　thatperhaps　your　companions　would　have　made
it　unpleasant　for　us　on　account　of　my　deficiencies。'

'Your　disposition　would　soon　have　won　them　round；'　said　Barnet。

She　archly　expostulated：　　'Now；　never　mind　my　disposition；　try　to
make　it　up　with　your　wife！　　Those　are　my　commands　to　you。　　And　now
you　are　to　leave　me　at　once。'

'I　will。　　I　must　make　the　best　of　it　all；　I　suppose；'　he　replied；
more　cheerfully　than　he　had　as　yet　spoken。　　'But　I　shall　never　again
meet　with　such　a　dear　girl　as　you！'　　And　he　suddenly　opened　the
door；　and　left　her　alone。　　When　his　glance　again　fell　on　the　lamps
that　were　sparsely　ranged　along　the　dreary　level　road；　his　eyes　were
in　a　state　which　showed　straw…like　motes　of　light　radiating　from
each　flame　into　the　surrounding　air。

On　the　other　side　of　the　way　Barnet　observed　a　man　under　an
umbrella；　walking　parallel　with　himself。　　Presently　this　man　left
the　footway；　and　gradually　converged　on　Barnet's　course。　　The　latter
then　saw　that　it　was　Charlson；　a　surgeon　of　the　town；　who　owed　him
money。　　Charlson　was　a　man　not　without　ability；　yet　he　did　not
prosper。　　Sundry　circumstances　stood　in　his　way　as　a　medical
practitioner：　　he　was　needy；　he　was　not　a　coddle；　he　gossiped　with
men　instead　of　with　women；　he　had　married　a　stranger　instead　of　one
of　the　town　young　ladies；　and　he　was　given　to　conversational
buffoonery。　　Moreover；　his　look　was　quite　erroneous。　　Those　only
proper　features　in　the　family　doctor；　the　quiet　eye；　and　the　thin
straight　passionless　lips　which　never　curl　in　public　either　for
laughter　or　for　scorn；　were　not　his；　he　had　a　full…curved　mouth；　and
a　bold　black　eye　that　made　timid　people　nervous。　　His　companions
were　what　in　old　times　would　have　been　called　boon　companionsan
expression　which；　though　of　irreproachable　root；　suggests
fraternization　carried　to　the　point　of　unscrupulousness。　　All　this
was　against　him　in　the　little　town　of　his　adoption。

Charlson　had　been　in　difficulties；　and　to　oblige　him　Barnet　had　put
his　name　to　a　bill；　and；　as　he　had　expected；　was　called　upon　to　meet
it　when　it　fell　due。　　It　had　been　only　a　matter　of　fifty　pounds；
which　Barnet　could　well　afford　to　lose；　and　he　bore　no　ill…will　to
the　thriftless　surgeon　on　account　of　it。　　But　Charlson　had　a　little
too　much　brazen　indifferentism　in　his　composition　to　be　altogether　a
desirable　acquaintance。

'I　hope　to　be　able　to　make　that　little　bill…business　right　with　you
in　the　course　of　three　weeks；　Mr。　Barnet；'　said　Charlson　with　hail…
fellow　friendliness。

Barnet　replied　good…naturedly　that　there　was　no　hurry。

This　particular　three　weeks　had　moved　on　in　advance　of　Charlson's
present　with　the　precision　of　a　shadow　for　some　considerable　time。

'I've　had　a　dream；'　Charlson　continued。　　Barnet　knew　from　his　tone
that　the　surgeon　was　going　to　begin　his　characteristic　nonsense；　and
did　not　encourage　him。　　'I've　had　a　dream；'　repeated　Charlson；　who
required　no　encouragement。　　'I　dreamed　that　a　gentleman；　who　has
been　very　kind　to　me；　married　a　haughty　lady　in　haste；　before　he　had
quite　forgotten　a　nice　little　girl　he　knew　before；　and　that　one　wet
evening；　like　the　present；　as　I　was　walking　up　the　harbour…road；　I
saw　him　come　out　of　that　dear　little　girl's　present　abode。'

Barnet　glanced　towards　the　speaker。　　The　rays　from　a　neighbouring
lamp　struck　through　the　drizzle　under　Charlson's　umbrella；　so　as
just　to　illumine　his　face　against　the　shade　behind；　and　show　that
his　eye　was　turned　up　under　the　outer　corner　of　its　lid；　whence　it
leered　with　impish　jocoseness　as　he　thrust　his　tongue　into　his
cheek。

'Come；'　said　Barnet　gravely；　'we'll　have　no