armadale-第127章

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〃I　saw　the　people　in　the　street　again！　I　saw　the　calm　sea；　and
the　masts　of　the　shipping　in　the　harbor　where　the　yacht　lay！　I
could　think；　I　could　breathe　freely　once　more！　The　words　that
saved　me　from　Manuelthe　words　that　might　be　Armadale's　sentence
of　deathhad　been　spoken。　The　yacht　was　to　sail　without
Midwinter；　as　well　as　without　Me！

〃My　first　feeling　of　exultation　was　almost　maddening。　But　it　was
the　feeling　of　a　moment　only。　My　heart　sank　in　me　again　when　I
thought　of　Midwinter　alone　in　the　next　room。

〃I　went　out　into　the　passage　to　listen；　and　heard　nothing。　I
tapped　gently　at　his　door；　and　got　no　answer。　I　opened　the　door
and　looked　in。　He　was　sitting　at　the　table；　with　his　face　hidden
in　his　hands。　I　looked　at　him　in　silence；　and　saw　the　glistening
of　the　tears　as　they　trickled　through　his　fingers。

〃　'Leave　me；'　he　said；　without　moving　his　hands。　'I　must　get　over
it　by　myself。'

〃I　went　back　into　the　sitting…room。　Who　can　understand　women？　we
don't　even　understand　ourselves。　His　sending　me　away　from　him　in
that　manner　cut　me　to　the　heart。　I　don't　believe　the　most
harmless　and　most　gentle　woman　living　could　have　felt　it　more
acutely　than　I　felt　it。　And　this；　after　what　I　have　been　doing！
this；　after　what　I　was　thinking　of；　the　moment　before　I　went　into
his　room！　Who　can　account　for　it？　NobodyI　least　of　all！

〃Half　an　hour　later　his　door　opened；　and　I　heard　him　hurrying
down　the　stairs。　I　ran　on　without　waiting　to　think；　and　asked　if
I　might　go　with　him。　He　neither　stopped　nor　answered。　I　went　back
to　the　window；　and　saw　him　pass；　walking　rapidly　away；　with　his
back　turned　on　Naples　and　the　sea。

〃I　can　understand　now　that　he　might　not　have　heard　me。　At　the
time　I　thought　him　inexcusably　and　brutally　unkind　to　me。　I　put
on　my　bonnet；　in　a　frenzy　of　rage　with　him；　I　sent　out　for　a
carriage；　and　told　the　man　to　take　me　where　he　liked。　He　took　me；
as　he　took　other　strangers；　to　the　Museum　to　see　the　statues　and
the　pictures。　I　flounced　from　room　to　room；　with　my　face　in　a
flame；　and　the　people　all　staring　at　me。　I　came　to　myself　again；
I　don't　know　how。　I　returned　to　the　carriage；　and　made　the　man
drive　me　back　in　a　violent　hurry；　I　don't　know　why。　I　tossed　off
my　cloak　and　bonnet；　and　sat　down　once　more　at　the　window。　The
sight　of　the　sea　cooled　me。　I　forgot　Midwinter；　and　thought　of
Armadale　and　his　yacht。　There　wasn't　a　breath　of　wind；　there
wasn't　a　cloud　in　the　sky；　the　wide　waters　of　the　Bay　were　as
smooth　as　the　surface　of　a　glass。

〃The　sun　sank；　the　short　twilight　came　and　went。　I　had　some　tea；
and　sat　at　the　table　thinking　and　dreaming　over　it。　When　I　roused
myself　and　went　back　to　the　window；　the　moon　was　up；　but　the
quiet　sea　was　as　quiet　as　ever。

〃I　was　still　looking　out；　when　I　saw　Midwinter　in　the　street
below；　coming　back。　I　was　composed　enough　by　this　time　to
remember　his　habits；　and　to　guess　that　he　had　been　trying　to
relieve　the　oppression　on　his　mind　by　one　of　his　long　solitary
walks。　When　I　heard　him　go　into　his　own　room；　I　was　too　prudent
to　disturb　him　again：　I　waited　his　pleasure　where　I　was。

〃Before　long　I　heard　his　window　opened；　and　I　saw　him；　from　my
window；　step　into　the　balcony；　and；　after　a　look　at　the　sea；　hold
up　his　hand　to　the　air。　I　was　too　stupid；　for　the　moment；　to
remember　that　he　had　once　been　a　sailor；　and　to　know　what　this
meant。　I　waited；　and　wondered　what　would　happen　next。

〃He　went　in　again；　and；　after　an　interval；　came　out　once　more；
and　held　up　his　hand　as　before　to　the　air。　This　time　he　waited；
leaning　on　the　balcony　rail；　and　looking　out　steadily；　with　all
his　attention　absorbed　by　the　sea。

〃For　a　long；　long　time　he　never　moved。　Then；　on　a　sudden；　I　saw
him　start。　The　next　moment　he　sank　on　his　knees；　with　his　clasped
hands　resting　on　the　balcony　rail。　'God　Almighty　bless　and　keep
you；　Allan！'　he　said；　fervently。　'Good…by；　forever！'

〃I　looked　out　to　the　sea。　A　soft；　steady　breeze　was　blowing；　and
the　rippled　surface　of　the　water　was　sparkling　in　the　quiet
moonlight。　I　looked　again；　and　there　passed　slowly；　between　me
and　the　track　of　the　moon；　a　long　black　vessel　with　tall；
shadowy；　ghostlike　sails；　gliding　smooth　and　noiseless　through
the　water；　like　a　snake。

〃The　wind　had　come　fair　with　the　night；　and　Armadale's　yacht　had
sailed　on　the　trial　cruise。

CHAPTER　III。

THE　DIARY　BROKEN　OFF。

〃London；　November　19th。I　am　alone　again　in　the　Great　City；
alone；　for　the　first　time　since　our　marriage。　Nearly　a　week　since
I　started　on　my　homeward　journey；　leaving　Midwinter　behind　me　at
Turin。

〃The　days　have　been　so　full　of　events　since　the　month　began；　and
I　have　been　so　harassed；　in　mind　and　body　both；　for　the　greater
part　of　the　time；　that　my　Diary　has　been　wretchedly　neglected。　A
few　notes；　written　in　such　hurry　and　confusion　that　I　can　hardly
understand　them　myself；　are　all　that　I　possess　to　remind　me　of
what　has　happened　since　the　night　when　Armadale's　yacht　left
Naples。　Let　me　try　if　I　can　set　this　right　without　more　loss　or
time；　let　me　try　if　I　can　recall　the　circumstances　in　their　order
as　they　have　followed　each　other　from　the　beginning　of　the　month。


〃On　the　3d　of　Novemberbeing　then　still　at　NaplesMidwinter
received　a　hurried　letter　from　Armadale；　date　'Messina。'　'The
weather；'　he　said；　'had　been　lovely；　and　the　yacht　had　made　one
of　the　quickest　passages　on　record。　The　crew　were　rather　a　rough
set　to　look　at；　but　Captain　Manuel　and　his　English　mate'　（the
latter　described　as　'the　best　of　good　fellows'）　'managed　them
admirably。'　After　this　prosperous　beginning；　Armadale　had
arranged；　as　a　matter　of　course；　to　prolong　the　cruise；　and；　at
the　sailing…master's　suggestion；　he　had　decided　to　visit　some　of
the　ports　in　the　Adriatic；　which　the　captain　had　described　as
full　of　character；　and　well　worth　seeing。

〃A　postscript　followed；　explaining　that　Armadale　had　written　in　a
hurry　to　catch　the　steamer　to　Naples；　and　that　he　had　opened　his
letter　again；　before　sending　it　off；　to　add　something　that　he　had
forgotten。　On　the　day　before　the　yacht　sailed；　he　had　been　at　the
banker's　to　get　'a　few　hundreds　in　gold；　'　and　he　believed　he　had
left　his　cigar…case　there。　It　was　an　old　friend　of　his；　and　he
begged　that　Midwinter　would　oblige　him　by　endeavoring　to　recover
it；　and　keeping　it　for　him　till　they　met　again。

〃That　was　the　substance　of　the　letter。

〃I　thought　over　it　carefully　when　Midwinter　had　left　me　alone
again；　after　reading　it。　My　idea　was　then　（and　is　still）　that
Manuel　had　not　persuaded　Armadale　to　cruise　in　a　sea　like　the
Adriatic；　so　much　less　frequented　by　ships　than　the
Mediterranean；　for　nothing。　The　terms；　too；　in　which　the　trifling
loss　of　the　cigar…case　was　mentioned　struck　me　as　being　equally
suggestive　of　what　was　coming。　I　concluded　that　Armadale's
circular　notes　had　not　been　transformed　into　those　'few　hundreds
in　gold'　through　any　forethought　or　business　knowledge　of　his
own。　Manuel's　influence；　I　suspected；　had　been　exerted　in　this
matter　also；　and　once　more　not　without　reason。　At　intervals
through　the　wakeful　night　these　considerations　came　back　again
and　again　to　me；　and　time　after　time　they　pointed　obstinately　（so
far　as　my　next　movements　were　concerned）　in　one　and　the　same
waythe　way　back　to　England。

〃How　to　get　there；　and　especially　how　to　get　there　unaccompanied
by　Midwinter；　was　more　than　I　had　wit　enough　to　discover　that
night。　I　tried　and　tried　to　meet　the　difficulty；　and　fell　asleep
exhausted　toward　the　morning　without　having　met　it。

〃Some　hours　later；　as　soon　as　I　was　dressed；　Midwinter　came　in；
with　news　received　by　that　morning's　post　from　his　employers　in
London。　The　proprietors　of　the　newspaper　had　received　from　the
editor　so　favorable　a　report　of　his　correspondence　from　Naples
that　they　had　determined　on　advancing　him　to　a　place　of　greater
responsibility　and　greater　emolument　at　Turin。　His　instructions
were　inclosed　in　the　letter；　and　he　was　requested　to　lose　no　time
in　leaving　Naples　for　his　new　post。

〃On　hearing　this；　I　relieved　his　mind；　before　he　could　put　the
question；　of　all　anxiety　about　my　willingness　to　remove。　Turin
had　the　great　attraction；　in　my　eyes；　of　being　on　the　road　to
England。　I　assured　him　at　once　that　I　was　ready　to　travel　as　soon
as　he　pleased。

〃He　thanked　me　for　suiting　myself　to　his　plans；　with　more　of　his
old　gentleness　and　kindness　than　I　had　seen　in　him　for　some　time
past。　The　good　news　from　Armadale　on　the　previous　day　seemed　to
have　roused　him　a　little　from　the　dull　despair　in　which　he　had
been　sunk　since　the　sailing　of　the　yacht。　And　now　the　prospect　of
advancement　in　his　profession；　and；　more　than　that；　the　prospect
of　leaving　the　fatal　place　in　which　the　Third　Vision　of　the　Dream
had　come　true；　had　（as　he　owned　himself）　additionally　cheered　and
relieved　him。　He　asked；　before　he　went　away　to　make　the
arrangements　for　our　journey；　whether　I　expected　to　hear　from　my
'family'　in　England；　and　whether　he　should　give　instructions　for
the　forwarding　of　my　letters　with　his　own　to　the　_poste　restante_
at　Turin。　I　instantly　thanked　him；　and　accepted　the　offer。　His
proposal　had　suggested　to　me；　the　moment　he　made　it；　that　my
fictitious　'family　circumstances'　might　be　turned　to　good　account
once　more；　as　a　reason　for　unexpectedly　summoning　me　from　Italy
to　England。

〃On　the　ninth　of　the　month　we　were　installed　at　Turin。

〃On　the　thirteenth；　Midwinterbeing　then　very　busyasked　if　I
would　save　him　a　loss　of　time　by　applying　for　any　letters　which
might　have　followed　us　from　Naples。　I　had　been　waiting　for　the
opportunity　he　now　offered　me；　and　I　determined　to　snatch　at　it
without　allowing　myself　time　to　hesitate。　There　were　no　letters
at　the　_poste　restante_　for　either　of　us。　But　when　he　put　the
question　on　my　return；　I　told　him　that　there　had　been　a　letter
for　me；　with　alarming　news　from　'home。'　My　'mother'　was
dangerously　ill；　and　I　was　entreated　to　lose　no　time　in　hurrying
back　to　England　to　see　her。

〃It　seems　quite　unaccountablenow　that　I　am　away　from　himbut
it　is　none　the　less　true；　that　I　could　not；　even　yet；　tell　him　a
downright　premeditated　falsehood；　without　a　sense　of　shrinking
and　shame；　which　other　people　would　think；　and　which　I　think
myself；　utterly　inconsistent　with　such　a　character　as　mine。
Inconsistent　or　not；　I　felt　it。　And　what　is　strangerperhaps　I
ought　to　say　madderstill；　if　he　had　persisted　in　his　first
resolution　to　accompany　me　himself　to　England　rather　than　allow
me　to　travel　alone；　I　firmly　believe　I　should　have　turned　my　back
on　temptation　for　the　second　time；　and　have　lulled　myself　to　rest
once　more　in　the　old　dream　of　living　out　my　life　happy　and
harmless　in　my　husband's　love。

〃Am　I　deceiving　myself　in　this？　It　doesn't　matterI　dare　say　I
am。　Never　mind　what　_might_　have　happened。　What　_did_　happen　is
the　only　thing　of　any　importance　now。

〃It　ended　in　Midwinter's　letting　me　persuade　him　that　I　was　old
enough　to　take　care　of　myself　on　the　journey　to　England；　and　that
he　owed　it　to　the　newspaper　people；　who　had　trusted　their
interests　in　his　hands；　not　to　leave　Turin　just　as　he　was
established　there。　He　didn't　suffer　at　taking　leave　of　me　as　he
suffered　when　he　saw　the　last　of　his　friend。　I　sa