armadale-第71章

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on　probing　her　way　deeper　and　deeper　into　Neelie's　mind；　with　a
warmer　and　warmer　interest　in　Neelie's　secret。

〃Pour　me　out　a　cup　of　tea；〃　she　said；　〃and　don't　excite　yourself；
my　dear。　Why　do　you　speak　to　_me_　about　this？　Why　don't　you　speak
to　your　father？〃

〃I　have　tried　to　speak　to　papa；〃　said　Neelie。　〃But　it's　no　use；
he　is　too　good　to　know　what　a　wretch　she　is。　She　is　always　on　her
best　behavior　with　him；　she　is　always　contriving　to　be　useful　to
him。　I　can't　make　him　understand　why　I　dislike　Miss　Gwilt；　I
can't　make　_you_　understandI　only　understand　it　myself。〃　She
tried　to　pour　out　the　tea；　and　in　trying　upset　the　cup。　〃I'll　go
downstairs　again！〃　exclaimed　Neelie；　with　a　burst　of　tears。　〃I'm
not　fit　for　anything；　I　can't　even　pour　out　a　cup　of　tea！〃

Mrs。　Milroy　seized　her　hand　and　stopped　her。　Trifling　as　it　was；
Neelie's　reference　to　the　relations　between　the　major　and　Miss
Gwilt　had　roused　her　mother's　ready　jealousy。　The　restraints
which　Mrs。　Milroy　had　laid　on　herself　thus　far　vanished　in　a
momentvanished　even　in　the　presence　of　a　girl　of　sixteen；　and
that　girl　her　own　child！

〃Wait　here！〃　she　said；　eagerly。　〃You　have　come　to　the　right　place
and　the　right　person。　Go　on　abusing　Miss　Gwilt。　I　like　to　hear
youI　hate　her；　too！〃

〃You；　mamma！〃　exclaimed　Neelie；　looking　at　her　mother　in
astonishment。

For　a　moment　Mrs。　Milroy　hesitated　before　she　said　more。　Some
last…left　instinct　of　her　married　life　in　its　earlier　and　happier
time　pleaded　hard　with　her　to　respect　the　youth　and　the　sex　of
her　child。　But　jealousy　respects　nothing；　in　the　heaven　above　and
on　the　earth　beneath；　nothing　but　itself。　The　slow　fire　of
self…torment；　burning　night　and　day　in　the　miserable　woman's
breast；　flashed　its　deadly　light　into　her　eyes；　as　the　next　words
dropped　slowly　and　venomously　from　her　lips。

〃If　you　had　had　eyes　in　your　head；　you　would　never　have　gone　to
your　father；〃　she　said。　〃Your　father　has　reasons　of　his　own　for
hearing　nothing　that　you　can　say；　or　that　anybody　can　say；
against　Miss　Gwilt。〃

Many　girls　at　Neelie's　age　would　have　failed　to　see　the　meaning
hidden　under　those　words。　It　was　the　daughter's　misfortune；　in
this　instance；　to　have　had　experience　enough　of　the　mother　to
understand　her。　Neelie　started　back　from　the　bedside；　with　her
face　in　a　glow。　〃Mamma！〃　she　said；　〃you　are　talking　horribly！
Papa　is　the　best；　and　dearest；　and　kindestoh；　I　won't　hear　it！
I　won't　hear　it！〃

Mrs。　Milroy's　fierce　temper　broke　out　in　an　instantbroke　out
all　the　more　violently　from　her　feeling　herself；　in　spite　of
herself；　to　have　been　in　the　wrong。

〃You　impudent　little　fool！〃　she　retorted；　furiously。　〃Do　you
think　I　want　_you_　to　remind　me　of　what　I　owe　to　your　father？　Am
I　to　learn　how　to　speak　of　your　father；　and　how　to　think　of　your
father；　and　how　to　love　and　honor　your　father；　from　a　forward
little　minx　like　you！　I　was　finely　disappointed；　I　can　tell　you；
when　you　were　bornI　wished　for　a　boy；　you　impudent　hussy！　If
you　ever　find　a　man　who　is　fool　enough　to　marry　you；　he　will　be　a
lucky　man　if　you　only　love　him　half　as　well；　a　quarter　as　well；　a
hundred…thousandth　part　as　well；　as　I　loved　your　father。　Ah；　you
can　cry　when　it's　too　late；　you　can　come　creeping　back　to　beg
your　mother's　pardon　after　you　have　insulted　her。　You　little
dowdy；　half…grown　creature！　I　was　handsomer　than　ever　you　will　be
when　I　married　your　father。　I　would　have　gone　through　fire　and
water　to　serve　your　father！　If　he　had　asked　me　to　cut　off　one　of
my　arms；　I　would　have　done　itI　would　have　done　it　to　please
him！〃　She　turned　suddenly　with　her　face　to　the　wall；　forgetting
her　daughter；　forgetting　her　husband；　forgetting　everything　but
the　torturing　remembrance　of　her　lost　beauty。　〃My　arms！〃　she
repeated　to　herself；　faintly。　〃What　arms　I　had　when　I　was　young！〃
She　snatched　up　the　sleeve　of　her　dressing…gown　furtively；　with　a
shudder。　〃Oh；　look　at　it　now！　look　at　it　now！〃

Neelie　fell　on　her　knees　at　the　bedside　and　hid　her　face。　In
sheer　despair　of　finding　comfort　and　help　anywhere　else；　she　had
cast　herself　impulsively　on　her　mother's　mercy；　and　this　was　how
it　had　ended！　〃Oh；　mamma；〃　she　pleaded；　〃you　know　I　didn't　mean
to　offend　you！　I　couldn't　help　it　when　you　spoke　so　of　my　father。
Oh；　do；　do　forgive　me！〃

Mrs。　Milroy　turned　again　on　her　pillow；　and　looked　at　her
daughter　vacantly。　〃Forgive　you？〃　she　repeated；　with　her　mind
still　in　the　past；　groping　its　way　back　darkly　to　the　present。

〃I　beg　your　pardon；　mammaI　beg　your　pardon　on　my　knees。　I　am　so
unhappy；　I　do　so　want　a　little　kindness！　Won't　you　forgive　me？〃

〃Wait　a　little；〃　rejoined　Mrs。　Milroy。　〃Ah；〃　she　said；　after　an
interval；　〃now　I　know！　Forgive　you？　Yes；　I'll　forgive　you　on　one
condition。〃　She　lifted　Neelie's　head；　and　looked　her　searchingly
in　the　face。　〃Tell　me　why　you　hate　Miss　Gwilt！　You've　a　reason　of
your　own　for　hating　her；　and　you　haven't　confessed　it　yet。〃

Neelie's　head　dropped　again。　The　burning　color　that　she　was
hiding　by　hiding　her　face　showed　itself　on　her　neck。　Her　mother
saw　it；　and　gave　her　time。

〃Tell　me；〃　reiterated　Mrs。　Milroy；　more　gently；　〃why　do　you　hate
her？〃

The　answer　came　reluctantly；　a　word　at　a　time；　in　fragments。

〃Because　she　is　trying〃

〃Trying　what？〃

〃Trying　to　make　somebody　who　is　much〃

〃Much　what？〃

〃Much　too　young　for　her〃

〃Marry　her？〃

〃Yes；　mamma。〃

Breathlessly　interested；　Mrs。　Milroy　leaned　forward；　and　twined
her　hand　caressingly　in　her　daughter's　hair。

〃Who　is　it；　Neelie？〃　she　asked；　in　a　whisper。

〃You　will　never　say　I　told　you；　mamma？〃

〃Never！　Who　is　it？〃

〃Mr。　Armadale。〃

Mrs。　Milroy　leaned　back　on　her　pillow　in　dead　silence。　The　plain
betrayal　of　her　daughter's　first　love；　by　her　daughter's　own
lips；　which　would　have　absorbed　the　whole　attention　of　other
mothers；　failed　to　occupy　her　for　a　moment。　Her　jealousy；
distorting　all　things　to　fit　its　own　conclusions；　was　busied　in
distorting　what　she　had　just　heard。　〃A　blind；〃　she　thought；
〃which　has　deceived　my　girl。　It　doesn't　deceive　_me。_　Is　Miss
Gwilt　likely　to　succeed？〃　she　asked；　aloud。　〃Does　Mr。　Armadale
show　any　sort　of　interest　in　her？〃

Neelie　looked　up　at　her　mother　for　the　first　time。　The　hardest
part　of　the　confession　was　over　now。　She　had　revealed　the　truth
about　Miss　Gwilt；　and　she　had　openly　mentioned　Allan's　name。

〃He　shows　the　most　unaccountable　interest；〃　she　said。　〃It's
impossible　to　understand　it。　It's　downright　infatuation。　I
haven't　patience　to　talk　about　it！〃

〃How　do　_you_　come　to　be　in　Mr。　Armadale's　secrets？〃　inquired
Mrs。　Milroy。　〃Has　he　informed　_you；_　of　all　the　people　in　the
world；　of　his　interest　in　Miss　Gwilt？〃

〃Me！〃　exclaimed　Neelie；　indignantly。　〃It's　quite　bad　enough　that
he　should　have　told　papa。〃

At　the　re…appearance　of　the　major　in　the　narrative；　Mrs。　Milroy's
interest　in　the　conversation　rose　to　its　climax。　She　raised
herself　again　from　the　pillow。　〃Get　a　chair；〃　she　said。　〃Sit
down；　child；　and　tell　me　all　about　it。　Every　word；　mindevery
word！〃

〃I　can　only　tell　you；　mamma；　what　papa　told　me。〃

〃When？〃

〃Saturday。　I　went　in　with　papa's　lunch　to　the　workshop；　and　he
said；　'I　have　just　had　a　visit　from　Mr。　Armadale；　and　I　want　to
give　you　a　caution　while　I　think　of　it。'　I　didn't　say　anything；
mamma；　I　only　waited。　Papa　went　on；　and　told　me　that　Mr。　Armadale
had　been　speaking　to　him　on　the　subject　of　Miss　Gwilt；　and　that
he　had　been　asking　a　question　about　her　which　nobody　in　his
position　had　a　right　to　ask。　Papa　said　he　had　been　obliged；
good…humoredly；　to　warn　Mr。　Armadale　to　be　a　little　more
delicate；　and　a　little　more　careful　next　time。　I　didn't　feel　much
interested；　mamma；　it　didn't　matter　to　_me_　what　Mr。　Armadale
said　or　did。　Why　should　I　care　about　it？〃

〃Never　mind　yourself；〃　interposed　Mrs。　Milroy；　sharply。　〃Go　on
with　what　your　father　said。　What　was　he　doing　when　he　was　talking
about　Miss　Gwilt？　How　did　he　look？〃

〃Much　as　usual；　mamma。　He　was　walking　up　and　down　the　workshop；
and　I　took　his　arm　and　walked　up　and　down　with　him。〃

〃I　don't　care　what　_you_　were　doing；〃　said　Mrs。　Milroy；　more　and
more　irritably。　〃Did　your　father　tell　you　what　Mr。　Armadale's
question　was；　or　did　he　not？〃

〃Yes；　mamma。　He　said　Mr。　Armadale　began　by　mentioning　that　he　was
very　much　interested　in　Miss　Gwilt；　and　he　then　went　on　to　ask
whether　papa　could　tell　him　anything　about　her　family
misfortunes〃

〃What！〃　cried　Mrs。　Milroy。　The　word　burst　from　her　almost　in　a
scream；　and　the　white　enamel　on　her　face　cracked　in　all
directions。　〃Mr。　Armadale　said　_that？_〃　she　went　on；　leaning　out
further　and　further　over　the　side　of　the　bed。

Neelie　started　up；　and　tried　to　put　her　mother　back　on　the
pillow。

〃Mamma！〃　she　exclaimed；　〃are　you　in　pain？　Are　you　ill？　You
frighten　me！〃

〃Nothing；　nothing；　nothing；〃　said　Mrs。　Milroy。　She　was　too
violently　agitated　to　make　any　other　than　the　commonest　excuse。
〃My　nerves　are　bad　this　morning；　don't　notice　it。　I'll　try　the
other　side　of　the　pillow。　Go　on！　go　on！。　I'm　listening；　though
I'm　not　looking　at　you。〃　She　turned　her　face　to　the　wall；　and
clinched　her　trembling　hands　convulsively　beneath　the　bedclothes。
〃I've　got　her！〃　she　whispered　to　herself；　under　her　breath。　〃I've
got　her　at　last！〃

〃I'm　afraid　I've　been　talking　too　much；〃　said　Neelie。　〃I'm　afraid
I've　been　stopping　here　too　long。　Shall　I　go　downstairs；　mamma；
and　come　back　later　in　the　day？〃

〃Go　on；〃　repeated　Mrs。　Milroy；　mechanically。　〃What　did　your
father　say　next？　Anything　more　about　Mr。　Armadale？〃

〃Nothing　more；　except　how　papa　answered　him；〃　replied　Neelie。
〃Papa　repeated　his　own　words　when　he　told　me　about　it。　He　said；
'In　the　absence　of　any　confidence　volunteered　by　the　lady
herself；　Mr。　Armadale；　all　I　know　or　wish　to　knowand　you　must
excuse　me　for　saying；　all　any　one　else　need　know　or　wish　to
knowis　that　Miss　Gwilt　gave　me　a　perfectly　satisfactory
reference　before　she　entered　my　house。'　Severe；　mamma；　wasn't　it？
I　don't　pity　him　in　the　least；　he　richly　deserved　it。　The　next
thing　was　papa's　caution　to　_me。_　He　told　me　to　check　Mr。
Armadale's　curiosity　if　he　applied　to　me　next。　As　if　he　was
likely　to　apply　to　me！　And　as　if　I　should　listen　to　him　if　he
did！　That's　all；　mamma。　You　won't　suppose；　will　you；　that　I　have
told　you　this　because　I　want　to　hinder　Mr。　Armadale　from　marrying
Miss　Gwilt？　Let　him　marry　her　if　he　pleases；　I　don't　care！〃　said
Neelie；　in　a　voice　that　faltered　a　little；　and　with　a　face　which
was　hardly　composed　enough　to　be　in　perfect　harmony　with　a
declaration　of　indifference。　〃All　I　want　is　to　be　relieved　from
the　misery　of　having　Miss　Gwilt　for　my　governess。　I'd　rather　go
to　school。　I　should　like　to　go　to　school。　My　mind's　quite　changed
about　all　that；　only　I　haven't　the　heart　to　tell　papa。　I　don't
know　what's　come　to　me；　I　don't　seem　to　have　heart　enough　for
anything　now；　and　when　papa　takes　me　on　his　knee　in　the　evening；
and　says；　'Let's　have　a　talk；　Neelie；'　he　makes　me　cry。　Would　you
mind　breaking　it　to　him；　mamma；　that　I've　changed　my　mind；　and　I
want　to　go　to　school？〃　The　tears　rose　thickly　in　her　eyes；　and
she　failed　to　see　that　her　mother　never　even　turned　on　the　pillow
to　look　round　at　her。

〃Yes；　yes；〃　said　Mrs。　Milroy；　vac