armadale-第85章

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〃How　I　admire　your　earnestness！〃　she　said。　〃How　I　like　your
anxiety　for　your　friend！　Oh；　if　women　could　only　form　such
friendships！　Oh　you　happy；　happy　men！〃　Her　voice　faltered；　and
her　convenient　tea…cup　absorbed　her　for　the　third　time。　〃　I　would
give　all　the　little　beauty　I　possess；〃　she　said；　〃if　I　could　only
find　such　a　friend　as　Mr。　Armadale　has　found　in　_you。_　I　never
shall；　Mr。　MidwinterI　never　shall。　Let　us　go　back　to　what　we
were　talking　about。　I　can　only　tell　you　how　your　friend　is
concerned　in　my　misfortune　by　telling　you　something　first　about
myself。　I　am　like　many　other　governesses；　I　am　the　victim　of　sad
domestic　circumstances。　It　may　be　weak　of　me；　but　I　have　a　horror
of　alluding　to　them　among　strangers。　My　silence　about　my　family
and　my　friends　exposes　me　to　misinterpretation　in　my　dependent
position。　Does　it　do　me　any　harm；　Mr。　Midwinter；　in　your
estimation？〃

〃God　forbid！〃　said　Midwinter；　fervently。　〃There　is　no　man
living；〃　he　went　on；　thinking　of　his　own　family　story；　〃who　has
better　reason　to　understand　and　respect　your　silence　than　I
have。〃

Miss　Gwilt　seized　his　hand　impulsively。　〃Oh；〃　she　said；　〃I　knew
it；　the　first　moment　I　saw　you！　I　knew　that　you；　too；　had
suffered；　that　you；　too；　had　sorrows　which　you　kept　sacred！
Strange；　strange　sympathy！　I　believe　in　mesmerismdo　you？〃　She
suddenly　recollected　herself；　and　shuddered。　〃Oh；　what　have　I
done？　What　must　you　think　of　me？〃　she　exclaimed；　as　he　yielded　to
the　magnetic　fascination　of　her　touch；　and；　forgetting　everything
but　the　hand　that　lay　warm　in　his　own；　bent　over　it　and　kissed
it。　〃Spare　me！〃　she　said；　faintly；　as　she　felt　the　burning　touch
of　his　lips。　〃I　am　so　friendlessI　am　so　completely　at　your
mercy！〃

He　turned　away　from　her；　and　hid　his　face　in　his　hands；　he　was
trembling；　and　she　saw　it。　She　looked　at　him　while　his　face　was
hidden　from　her；　she　looked　at　him　with　a　furtive　interest　and
surprise。　〃How　that　man　loves　me！〃　she　thought。　〃I　wonder　whether
there　was　a　time　when　I　might　have　loved　_him？_〃

The　silence　between　them　remained　unbroken　for　some　minutes。　He
had　felt　her　appeal　to　his　consideration　as　she　had　never
expected　or　intended　him　to　feel　ithe　shrank　from　looking　at
her　or　from　speaking　to　her　again。

〃Shall　I　go　on　with　my　story？〃　she　asked。　〃Shall　we　forget　and
forgive　on　both　sides？〃　A　woman's　inveterate　indulgence　for　every
expression　of　a　man's　admiration　which　keeps　within　the　limits　of
personal　respect　curved　her　lips　gently　into　a　charming　smile。
She　looked　down　meditatively　at　her　dress；　and　brushed　a　crumb
off　her　lap　with　a　little　flattering　sigh。　〃I　was　telling　you；〃
she　went　on；　〃of　my　reluctance　to　speak　to　strangers　of　my　sad
family　story。　It　was　in　that　way；　as　I　afterward　found　out；　that
I　laid　myself　open　to　Miss　Milroy's　malice　and　Miss　Milroy's
suspicion。　Private　inquiries　about　me　were　addressed　to　the　lady
who　was　my　referenceat　Miss　Milroy's　suggestion；　in　the　first
instance；　I　have　no　doubt。　I　am　sorry　to　say；　this　is　not　the
worst　of　it。　By　some　underhand　means；　of　which　I　am　quite
ignorant；　Mr。　Armadale's　simplicity　was　imposed　on；　and；　when
application　was　made　secretly　to　my　reference　in　London；　it　was
made；　Mr。　Midwinter；　through　your　friend。〃

Midwinter　suddenly　rose　from　his　chair　and　looked　at　her。　The
fascination　that　she　exercised　over　him；　powerful　as　it　was；
became　a　suspended　influence；　now　that　the　plain　disclosure　came
plainly　at　last　from　her　lips。　He　looked　at　her；　and　sat　down
again；　like　a　man　bewildered；　without　uttering　a　word。

〃Remember　how　weak　he　is；〃　pleaded　Miss　Gwilt；　gently；　〃and　make
allowances　for　him　as　I　do。　The　trifling　accident　of　his　failing
to　find　my　reference　at　the　address　given　him　seems；　I　can't
imagine　why；　to　have　excited　Mr。　Armadale's　suspicion。　At　any
rate；　he　remained　in　London。　What　he　did　there；　it　is　impossible
for　me　to　say。　I　was　quite　in　the　dark；　I　knew　nothing：　I
distrusted　nobody；　I　was　as　happy　in　my　little　round　of　duties　as
I　could　be　with　a　pupil　whose　affections　I　had　failed　to　win；
when；　one　morning；　to　my　indescribable　astonishment；　Major　Milroy
showed　me　a　correspondence　between　Mr。　Armadale　and　himself。　He
spoke　to　me　in　his　wife's　presence。　Poor
　creature；　I　make　no　complaint　of　her；　such　affliction　as　she
suffers　excuses　everything。　I　wish　I　could　give　you　some　idea　of
the　letters　between　Major　Milroy　and　Mr。　Armadale；　but　my　head　is
only　a　woman's　head；　and　I　was　so　confused　and　distressed　at　the
time！　All　I　can　tell　you　is　that　Mr。　Armadale　chose　to　preserve
silence　about　his　proceedings　in　London；　under　circumstances
which　made　that　silence　a　reflection　on　my　character。　The　major
was　most　kind；　his　confidence　in　me　remained　unshaken；　but　could
his　confidence　protect　me　against　his　wife's　prejudice　and　his
daughter's　ill…will？　Oh；　the　hardness　of　women　to　each　other！　Oh；
the　humiliation　if　men　only　knew　some　of　us　as　we　really　are！
What　could　I　do？　I　couldn't　defend　myself　against　mere
imputations；　and　I　couldn't　remain　in　my　situation　after　a　slur
had　been　cast　on　me。　My　pride　（Heaven　help　me；　I　was　brought　up
like　a　gentlewoman；　and　I　have　sensibilities　that　are　not　blunted
even　yet！）my　pride　got　the　better　of　me；　and　I　left　my　place。
Don't　let　it　distress　you；　Mr。　Midwinter！　There's　a　bright　side
to　the　picture。　The　ladies　in　the　neighborhood　have　overwhelmed
me　with　kindness；　I　have　the　prospect　of　getting　pupils　to　teach；
I　am　spared　the　mortification　of　going　back　to　be　a　burden　on　my
friends。　The　only　complaint　I　have　to　make　is；　I　think；　a　just
one。　Mr。　Armadale　has　been　back　at　Thorpe　Ambrose　for　some　days。
I　have　entreated　him；　by　letter；　to　grant　me　an　interview；　to
tell　me　what　dreadful　suspicions　he　has　of　me；　and　to　let　me　set
myself　right　in　his　estimation。　Would　you　believe　it？　He　has
declined　to　see　meunder　the　influence　of　others；　not　of　his　own
free　will；　I　am　sure！　Cruel；　isn't　it？　But　he　has　even　used　me
more　cruelly　still；　he　persists　in　suspecting　me；　it　is　he　who　is
having　me　watched。　Oh；　Mr。　Midwinter；　don't　hate　me　for　telling
you　what　you　_must_　know！　The　man　you　found　persecuting　me　and
frightening　me　tonight　was　only　earning　his　money；　after　all；　as
Mr。　Armadale's　spy。〃

Once　more　Midwinter　started　to　his　feet；　and　this　time　the
thoughts　that　were　in　him　found　their　way　into　words。

〃I　can't　believe　it；　I　won't　believe　it！〃　he　exclaimed；
indignantly。　〃If　the　man　told　you　that；　the　man　lied。　I　beg　your
pardon；　Miss　Gwilt；　I　beg　your　pardon　from　the　bottom　of　my
heart。　Don't；　pray　don't　think　I　doubt　_you；_　I　only　say　there　is
some　dreadful　mistake。　I　am　not　sure　that　I　understand　as　I　ought
all　that　you　have　told　me。　But　this　last　infamous　meanness　of
which　you　think　Allan　guilty；　I　_do_　understand。　I　swear　to　you；
he　is　incapable　of　it！　Some　scoundrel　has　been　taking　advantage
of　him；　some　scoundrel　has　been　using　his　name。　I'll　prove　it　to
you；　if　you　will　only　give　me　time。　Let　me　go　and　clear　it　up　at
once。　I　can't　rest；　I　can't　bear　to　think　of　it；　I　can't　even
enjoy　the　pleasure　of　being　here。　Oh；〃　he　burst　out　desperately；
〃I'm　sure　you　feel　for　me；　after　what　you　have　saidI　feel　so
for　_you！_〃

He　stopped　in　confusion。　Miss　Gwilt's　eyes　were　looking　at　him
again；　and　Miss　Gwilt's　hand　had　found　its　way　once　more　into　his
own。

〃You　are　the　most　generous　of　living　men；〃　she　said；　softly。　〃I
will　believe　what　you　tell　me　to　believe。　Go；〃　she　added；　in　a
whisper；　suddenly　releasing　his　hand；　and　turning　away　from　him。
〃For　both　our　sakes；　go！〃

His　heart　beat　fast；　he　looked　at　her　as　she　dropped　into　a　chair
and　put　her　handkerchief　to　her　eyes。　For　one　moment　he
hesitated；　the　next；　he　snatched　up　his　knapsack　from　the　floor；
and　left　her　precipitately；　without　a　backward　look　or　a　parting
word。

She　rose　when　the　door　closed　on　him。　A　change　came　over　her　the
instant　she　was　alone。　The　color　faded　out　of　her　cheeks；　the
beauty　died　out　of　her　eyes；　her　face　hardened　horribly　with　a
silent　despair。　〃It's　even　baser　work　than　I　bargained　for；〃　she
said；　〃to　deceive　_him。_〃　After　pacing　to　and　fro　in　the　room　for
some　minutes；　she　stopped　wearily　before　the　glass　over　the
fire…place。　〃You　strange　creature！〃　she　murmured；　leaning　her
elbows　on　the　mantelpiece；　and　languidly　addressing　the
reflection　of　herself　in　the　glass。　〃Have　you　got　any　conscience
left？　And　has　that　man　roused　it？〃

The　reflection　of　her　face　changed　slowly。　The　color　returned　to
her　cheeks；　the　delicious　languor　began　to　suffuse　her　eyes
again。　Her　lips　parted　gently；　and　her　quickening　breath　began　to
dim　the　surface　of　the　glass。　She　drew　back　from　it；　after　a
moment's　absorption　in　her　own　thoughts；　with　a　start　of　terror。
〃What　am　I　doing？〃　she　asked　herself；　in　a　sudden　panic　of
astonishment。　〃Am　I　mad　enough　to　be　thinking　of　him　in　_that_
way？〃

She　burst　into　a　mocking　laugh；　and　opened　her　desk　on　the　table
recklessly　with　a　bang。　〃It's　high　time　I　had　some　talk　with
Mother　Jezebel；〃　she　said；　and　sat　down　to　write　to　Mrs。
Oldershaw。

〃I　have　met　with　Mr。　Midwinter；〃　she　began；　〃under　very　lucky
circumstances；　and　I　have　made　the　most　of　my　opportunity。　He　has
just　left　me　for　his　friend　Armadale；　and　one　of　two　good　things
will　happen　to…morrow。　If　they　don't　quarrel；　the　doors　of　Thorpe
Ambrose　will　be　opened　to　me　again　at　Mr。　Midwinter's
intercession。　If　they　do　quarrel；　I　shall　be　the　unhappy　cause　of
it；　and　I　shall　find　my　way　in　for　myself；　on　the　purely
Christian　errand　of　reconciling　them。〃

She　hesitated　at　the　next　sentence；　wrote　the　first　few　words　of
it；　scratched　them　out　again；　and　petulantly　tore　the　letter　into
fragments；　and　threw　the　pen　to　the　other　end　of　the　room。
Turning　quickly　on　her　chair；　she　looked　at　the　seat　which
Midwinter　had　occupied；　her　foot　restlessly　tapping　the　floor；
and　her　handkerchief　thrust　like　a　gag　between　her　clinched
teeth。　〃Young　as　you　are；〃　she　thought；　with　her　mind　reviving
the　image　of　him　in　the　empty　chair；　〃there　has　been　something
out　of　the　common　in　_your_　life；　and　I　must　and　will　know　it！〃

The　house　clock　struck　the　hour；　and　roused　her。　She　sighed；　and；
walking　back　to　the　glass；　wearily　loosened　the　fastenings　of　her
dress；　wearily　removed　the　studs　from　the　chemisette　beneath　it；
and　put　them　on　the　chimney…piece。　She　looked　indolently　at　the
reflected　beauties　of　her　neck　and　bosom；　as　she　unplaited　her
hair　and　threw　it　back　in　one　great　mass　over　her　shoulders。
〃Fancy；〃　she　thought；　〃if　he　saw　me　now！〃　She　turned　back　to　the
table；　and　sighed　again　as　she　extinguished　one　of　the　candles
and　took　the　other　in　her　hand。　〃Midwinter？〃　she　said；　as　she
passed　through　the　folding…doors　of　the　room　to　her　bed…chamber。
〃I　don't　believe　in　his　name；　to　begin　with！〃


The　night　had　advanced　by　more　than　an　hour　before　Midwinter　was
back　again　at　the　great　house。

Twice；　well　as　the　homeward　way　was　known　to　him；　he　had　strayed
out　of　the　right　road。　The　events　of　the　eveningthe　interview
with　Miss　Gwilt　herself；　after　his　fortnight's　solitary　thinking
of　her；　the　extraordinary　change　that　had　taken　place　in　her
position　since　he　had　seen　her　last；　and　the　startling　assertion
of