armadale-第90章

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〃Believe　me；　dear　madam；　anxiously　and　devotedly　yours；　FELIX
BASHWOOD。〃

4。　_From　Allan　Armadale　to　the　Reverend　Decimus　Brock。_

Thorpe　Ambrose；　Tuesday。

〃MY　DEAR　MR。　BROCKI　am　in　sad　trouble。　Midwinter　has　quarreled
with　me　and　left　me；　and　my　lawyer　has　quarreled　with　me　and　left
me；　and　（except　dear　little　Miss　Milroy；　who　has　forgiven　me）　all
the　neighbors　have　turned　their　backs　on　me。　There　is　a　good　deal
about　'me'　in　this；　but　I　can't　help　it。　I　am　very　miserable
alone　in　my　own　house。　Do　pray　come　and　see　me！　You　are　the　only
old　friend　I　have　left；　and　I　do　long　so　to　tell　you　about　it。

〃N。　B。On　my　word　of　honor　as　a　gentleman；　I　am　not　to　blame。
Yours　affectionately；

〃ALLAN　ARMADALE。

〃P。　S。I　would　come　to　you　（for　this　place　is　grown　quite
hateful　to　me）；　but　I　have　a　reason　for　not　going　too　far　away
from　Miss　Milroy　just　at　present。〃

5。　_From　Robert　Stapleton　to　Allan　Armadale；　Esq。_

〃Bascombe　Rectory；　Thursday　Morning。

〃RESPECTED　SIRI　see　a　letter　in　your　writing；　on　the　table
along　with　the　others；　which　I　am　sorry　to　say　my　master　is　not
well　enough　to　open。　He　is　down　with　a　sort　of　low　fever。　The
doctor　says　it　has　been　brought　on　with　worry　and　anxiety　which
master　was　not　strong　enough　to　bear。　This　seems　likely；　for　I
was　with　him　when　he　went　to　London　last　month；　and　what　with　his
own　business；　and　the　business　of　looking　after　that　person　who
afterward　gave　us　the　slip；　he　was　worried　and　anxious　all　the
time；　and　for　the　matter　of　that；　so　was　I。

〃My　master　was　talking　of　you　a　day　or　two　since。　He　seemed
unwilling　that　you　should　know　of　his　illness；　unless　he　got
worse。　But　I　think　you　ought　to　know　of　it。　At　the　same　time　he
is　not　worse；　perhaps　a　trifle　better。　The　doctor　says　he　must　be
kept　very　quiet；　and　not　agitated　on　any　account。　So　be　pleased
to　take　no　notice　of　thisI　mean　in　the　way　of　coming　to　the
rectory。　I　have　the　doctor's　orders　to　say　it　is　not　needful；　and
it　would　only　upset　my　master　in　the　state　he　is　in　now。

〃I　will　write　again　if　you　wish　it。　Please　accept　of　my　duty；　and
believe　me　to　remain；　sir；　your　humble　servant；

〃ROBERT　STAPLETON。

〃P。　S。The　yacht　has　been　rigged　and　repainted；　waiting　your
orders。　She　looks　beautiful。〃

6。　_From　Mrs。　Oldershaw　to　Miss　Gwilt。_

〃Diana　Street；　July　24th。

〃MISS　GWILTThe　post　hour　has　passed　for　three　mornings
following；　and　has　brought　me　no　answer　to　my　letter。　Are　you
purposely　bent　on　insulting　me？　or　have　you　left　Thorpe　Ambrose？
In　either　case；　I　won't　put　up　with　your　conduct　any　longer。　The
law　shall　bring　you　to　book；　if　I　can't。

〃Your　first　note　of　hand　（for　thirty　pounds）　falls　due　on　Tuesday
next；　the　29th。　If　you　had　behaved　with　common　consideration
toward　me；　I　would　have　let　you　renew　it　with　pleasure。　As　things
are；　I　shall　have　the　note　presented；　and；　if　it　is　not　paid；　I
shall　instruct　my　man　of　business　to　take　the　usual　course。

〃Yours；　MARIA　OLDERSHAW。〃

7。　_From　Miss　Gwilt　to　Mrs。　Oldershaw。_

〃5　Paradise　Place；　Thorpe　Ambrose；　July　25th。

MRS。　OLDERSHAWThe　time　of　your　man　of　business　being；　no　doubt；
of　some　value；　I　write　a　line　to　assist　him　when　he　takes　the
usual　course。　He　will　find　me　waiting　to　be　arrested　in　the
first…floor　apartments；　at　the　above　address。　In　my　present
situation；　and　with　my　present　thoughts；　the　best　service　you　can
possibly　render　me　is　to　lock　me　up。

〃L。　G。〃

8。　_From　Mrs。　Oldershaw　to　Miss　Gwilt。_

〃Diana　Street；　July　26th。

〃MY　DARLING　LYDIAThe　longer　I　live　in　this　wicked　world　the
more　plainly　I　see　that　women's　own　tempers　are　the　worst　enemies
women　have　to　contend　with。　What　a　truly　regretful　style　of
correspondence　we　have　fallen　into！　What　a　sad　want　of
self…restraint；　my　dear；　on　your　side　and　on　mine！

〃Let　me；　as　the　oldest　in　years；　be　the　first　to　make　the　needful
excuses；　the　first　to　blush　for　my　own　want　of　self…control。　Your
cruel　neglect；　Lydia；　stung　me　into　writing　as　I　did。　I　am　so
sensitive　to　ill　treatment；　when　it　is　inflicted　on　me　by　a
person　whom　I　love　and　admire；　and；　though　turned　sixty；　I　am
still　（unfortunately　for　myself）　so　young　at　heart。　Accept　my
apologies　for　having　made　use　of　my　pen；　when　I　ought　to　have
been　content　to　take　refuge　in　my　pocket…handkerchief。　Forgive
your　attached　Maria　for　being　still　young　at　heart！

〃But　oh；　my　dearthough　I　own　I　threatened　youhow　hard　of　you
to　take　me　at　my　word！　How　cruel　of　you；　if　your　debt　had　been
ten　times　what　it　is；　to　suppose　me　capable　（whatever　I　might
say）　of　the　odious　inhumanity　of　arresting　my　bosom　friend！
Heavens！　have　I　deserved　to　be　taken　at　my　word　in　this
unmercifully　exact　way；　after　the　years　of　tender　intimacy　that
have　united　us？　But　I　don't　complain；　I　only　mourn　over　the
frailty　of　our　common　human　nature。　Let　us　expect　as　little　of
each　other　as　possible；　my　dear；　we　are　both　women；　and　we　can't
help　it。　I　declare；　when　I　reflect　on　the　origin　of　our
unfortunate　sexwhen　I　remember　that　we　were　all　originally　made
of　no　better　material　than　the　rib　of　a　man　（and　that　rib　of　so
little　importance　to　its　possessor　that　he　never　appears　to　have
missed　it　afterward）；　I　am　quite　astonished　at　our　virtues；　and
not　in　the　least　surprised　at　our　faults。

〃I　am　wandering　a　little；　I　am　losing　myself　in　serious　thought；
like　that　sweet　character　in　Shakespeare　who　was　'fancy　free。'
One　last　word；　dearest；　to　say　that　my　longing　for　an　answer　to
this　proceeds　entirely　from　my　wish　to　hear　from　you　again　in
your　old　friendly　tone；　and　is　quite　unconnected　with　any
curiosity　to　know　what　you　are　doing　at　Thorpe　Ambroseexcept
such　curiosity　as　you　yourself　might　approve。　Need　I　add　that　I
beg　you　as　a　favor　to　_me_　to　renew；　on　the　customary　terms？　I
refer　to　the　little　bill　due　on　Tuesday　next；　and　I　venture　to
suggest　that　day　six　weeks。

〃Yours；　with　a　truly　motherly　feeling；

〃MARIA　OLDERSHAW。〃

9。　_From　Miss　Gwilt　to　Mrs。　Oldershaw。_

〃Paradise　Place；　July　27th。

〃I　HAVE　just　got　your　last　letter。　The　brazen　impudence　of　it　has
roused　me。　I　am　to　be　treated　like　a　child；　am　I？to　be
threatened　first；　and　then；　if　threatening　fails；　to　be　coaxed
afterward？　You　_　shall_　coax　me；　you　shall　know；　my　motherly
friend；　the　sort　of　child　you　have　to　deal　with。

〃I　had　a　reason；　Mrs。　Oldershaw；　for　the　silence　which　has　so
seriously　offended　yo　u。　I　was　afraidactually　afraidto　let
you　into　the　secret　of　my　thoughts。　No　such　fear　troubles　me　now。
My　only　anxiety　this　morning　is　to　make　you　my　best
acknowledgments　for　the　manner　in　which　you　have　written　to　me。
After　carefully　considering　it；　I　think　the　worst　turn　I　can
possibly　do　you　is　to　tell　you　what　you　are　burning　to　know。　So
here　I　am　at　my　desk；　bent　on　telling　it。　If　you　don't　bitterly
repent；　when　you　are　at　the　end　of　this　letter；　not　having　held
to　your　first　resolution；　and　locked　me　up　out　of　harm's　way
while　you　had　the　chance；　my　name　is　not　Lydia　Gwilt。

〃Where　did　my　last　letter　end？　I　don't　remember；　and　don't　care。
Make　it　out　as　you　canI　am　not　going　back　any　further　than　this
day　week。　That　is　to　say；　Sunday　last。

〃There　was　a　thunder…storm　in　the　morning。　It　began　to　clear　off
toward　noon。　I　didn't　go　out：　I　waited　to　see　Midwinter　or　to
hear　from　him。　（Are　you　surprised　at　my　not　writing　'Mr。'　before
his　name？　We　have　got　so　familiar；　my　dear；　that　'Mr。'　would　be
quite　out　of　place。）　He　had　left　me　the　evening　before；　under
very　interesting　circumstances。　I　had　told　him　that　his　friend
Armadale　was　persecuting　me　by　means　of　a　hired　spy。　He　had
declined　to　believe　it；　and　had　gone　straight　to　Thorpe　Ambrose
to　clear　the　thing　up。　I　let　him　kiss　my　hand　before　he　went。　He
promised　to　come　back　the　next　day　（the　Sunday）。　I　felt　I　had
secured　my　influence　over　him；　and　I　believed　he　would　keep　his
word。

〃Well；　the　thunder　passed　away　as　I　told　you。　The　weather　cleared
up；　the　people　walked　out　in　their　best　clothes；　the　dinners　came
in　from　the　bakers；　I　sat　dreaming　at　my　wretched　little　hired
piano；　nicely　dressed　and　looking　my　bestand　still　no　Midwinter
appeared。　It　was　late　in　the　afternoon；　and　I　was　beginning　to
feel　offended；　when　a　letter　was　brought　to　me。　It　had　been　left
by　a　strange　messenger　who　went　away　again　immediately。　I　looked
at　the　letter。　Midwinter　at　lastin　writing；　instead　of　in
person。　I　began　to　feel　more　offended　than　ever；　for；　as　I　told
you；　I　thought　I　had　used　my　influence　over　him　to　better
purpose。

〃The　letter；　when　I　read　it；　set　my　mind　off　in　a　new　direction。
It　surprised；　it　puzzled；　it　interested　me。　I　thought；　and
thought；　and　thought　of　him；　all　the　rest　of　the　day。

〃He　began　by　asking　my　pardon　for　having　doubted　what　I　told　him。
Mr。　Armadale's　own　lips　had　confirmed　me。　They　had　quarreled　（as
I　had　anticipated　they　would）；　and　he；　and　the　man　who　had　once
been　his　dearest　friend　on　earth；　had　parted　forever。　So　far；　I
was　not　surprised。　I　was　amused　by　his　telling　me　in　his
extravagant　way　that　he　and　his　friend　were　parted　forever；　and　I
rather　wondered　what　he　would　think　when　I　carried　out　my　plan；
and　found　my　way　into　the　great　house　on　pretense　of　reconciling
them。

〃But　the　second　part　of　the　letter　set　me　thinking。　Here　it　is；
in　his　own　words。


〃　'It　is　only　by　struggling　against　myself　（and　no　language　can
say　how　hard　the　struggle　has　been）　that　I　have　decided　on
writing；　instead　of　speaking　to　you。　A　merciless　necessity　claims
my　future　life。　I　must　leave　Thorpe　Ambrose；　I　must　leave
England；　without　hesitating；　without　stopping　to　look　back。　There
are　reasonsterrible　reasons；　which　I　have　madly　trifled
withfor　my　never　letting　Mr。　Armadale　set　eyes　on　me；　or　hear
of　me　again；　after　what　has　happened　between　us。　I　must　go；　never
more　to　live　under　the　same　roof；　never　more　to　breathe　the　same
air　with　that　man。　I　must　hide　myself　from　him　under　an　assumed
name；　I　must　put　the　mountains　and　the　seas　between　us。　I　have
been　warned　as　no　human　creature　was　ever　warned　before。　I
believeI　dare　not　tell　you　whyI　believe　that；　if　the
fascination　you　have　for　me　draws　me　back　to　you；　fatal
consequences　will　come　of　it　to　the　man　whose　life　has　been　so
strangely　mingled　with　your　life　and　minethe　man　who　was　once
_your_　admirer　and　_my_　friend。　And　yet；　feeling　this；　seeing　it
in　my　mind　as　plainly　as　I　see　the　sky　above　my　head；　there　is　a
weakness　in　me　that　still　shrinks　from　the　one　imperative
sacrifice　of　never　seeing　you　again。　I　am　fighting　with　it　as　a
man　fights　with　the　strength　of　his　despair。　I　have　been　near
enough；　not　an　hour　since；　to　see　the　house　where　you　live；　and
have　forced　myself　away　again　out　of　sight　of　it。　Can　I　force
myself　away　further　still；　now　that　my　letter　is　writtennow；
when　the　useless　confession　escapes　me；　and　I　own　to　loving　you
with　the　first　love　I　have　ever　known；　with　the　last　love　I　shall
ever　feel？　Let　the　coming　time　answer　the　question；　I　dare　not
write　of　it　or　think　of　it　more。'


〃Those　were　the　last　words。　In　that　strange　way　the　letter　ended。

〃I　felt　a　perfect　fever　of　curiosity　to　know　what　he　meant。　His
loving　me；　of　course；　was　easy　enough　to　understand。　But　what　did
he　mean　by　saying　he　h