armadale-第91章

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loving　me；　of　course；　was　easy　enough　to　understand。　But　what　did
he　mean　by　saying　he　had　been　warned？　Why　was　he　never　to　live
under　the　same　roof；　never　to　breathe　the　same　air　again；　with
young　Armadale？　What　sort　of　quarrel　could　it　be　which　obliged
one　man　to　hide　himself　from　another　under　an　assumed　name；　and
to　put　the　mountains　and　the　seas　between　them？　Above　all；　if　he
came　back；　and　let　me　fascinate　him；　why　should　it　be　fatal　to
the　hateful　lout　who　possesses　the　noble　fortune　and　lives　in　the
great　house？

〃I　never　longed　in　my　life　as　I　longed　to　see　him　again　and　put
these　questions　to　him。　I　got　quite　superstitious　about　it　as　the
day　drew　on。　They　gave　me　a　sweet…bread　and　a　cherry　pudding　for
dinner。　I　actually　tried　if　he　would　come　back　by　the　stones　in
the　plate！　He　will；　he　won't；　he　will；　he　won'tand　so　on。　It
ended　in　'He　won't。'　I　rang　the　bell；　and　had　the　things　taken
away。　I　contradicted　Destiny　quite　fiercely。　I　said；　'He　will！'
and　I　waited　at　home　for　him。

〃You　don't　know　what　a　pleasure　it　is　to　me　to　give　you　all　these
little　particulars。　Count　upmy　bosom　friend；　my　second
mothercount　up　the　money　you　have　advanced　on　the　chance　of　my
becoming　Mrs。　Armadale；　and　then　think　of　my　feeling　this
breathless　interest　in　another　man。　Oh；　Mrs。　Oldershaw；　how
intensely　I　enjoy　the　luxury　of　irritating　you！

〃The　day　got　on　toward　evening。　I　rang　again；　and　sent　down　to
borrow　a　railway　time…table。　What　trains　were　there　to　take　him
away　on　Sunday？　The　national　respect　for　the　Sabbath　stood　my
friend。　There　was　only　one　train；　which　had　started　hours　before
he　wrote　to　me。　I　went　and　consulted　my　glass。　It　paid　me　the
compliment　of　contradicting　the　divination　by　cherry…stones。　My
glass　said：　'Get　behind　the　window…curtain；　he　won't　pass　the
long　lonely　evening　without　coming　back　again　to　look　at　the
house。'　I　got　behind　the　window…curtain；　and　waited　with　his
letter　in　my　hand。

〃The　dismal　Sunday　light　faded；　and　the　dismal　Sunday　quietness
in　the　street　grew　quieter　still。　The　dusk　came；　and　I　heard　a
step　coming　with　it　in　the　silence。　My　heart　gave　a　little
jumponly　think　of　my　having　any　heart　left！　I　said　to　myself：
'Midwinter！'　And　Midwinter　it　was。

〃When　he　came　in　sight　he　was　walking　slowly；　stopping　and
hesitating　at　every　two　or　three　steps。　My　ugly　little
drawing…room　window　seemed　to　be　beckoning　him　on　in　spite　of
himself。　After　waiting　till　I　saw　him　come　to　a　standstill；　a
little　aside　from　the　house；　but　still　within　view　of　my
irresistible　window；　I　put　on　my　things　and　slipped　out　by　the
back　way　into　the　garden。　The　landlord　and　his　family　were　at
supper；　and　nobody　saw　me。　I　opened　the　door　in　the　wall；　and　got
round　by　the　lane　into　the　street。　At　that　awkward　moment　I
suddenly　remembered；　what　I　had　forgotten　before；　the　spy　set　to
watch　me；　who　was；　no　doubt；　waiting　somewhere　in　sight　of　the
house。

〃It　was　necessary　to　get　time　to　think；　and　it　was　（in　my　state
of　mind）　impossible　to　let　Midwinter　go　without　speaking　to　him。
In　great　difficulties　you　generally　decide　at　once；　if　you　decide
at　all。　I　decided　to　make　an　appointment　with　him　for　the　next
evening；　and　to　consider　in　the　interval　how　to　manage　the
interview　so　that　it　might　escape　observation。　This；　as　I　felt　at
the　time；　was　leaving　my　own　curiosity　free　to　torment　me　for
four…and…twenty　mortal　hours；　but　what　other　choice　had　I？　It　was
as　good　as　giving　u　p　being　mistress　of　Thorpe　Ambrose
altogether；　to　come　to　a　private　understanding　with　Midwinter　in
the　sight　and　possibly　in　the　hearing　of　Armadale's　spy。

〃Finding　an　old　letter　of　yours　in　my　pocket；　I　drew　back　into
the　lane；　and　wrote　on　the　blank　leaf；　with　the　little　pencil
that　hangs　at　my　watch…chain：　'I　must　and　will　speak　to　you。　It
is　impossible　tonight；　but　be　in　the　street　tomorrow　at　this
time；　and　leave　me　afterward　forever；　if　you　like。　When　you　have
read　this；　overtake　me；　and　say　as　you　pass；　without　stopping　or
looking　round；　〃Yes；　I　promise。〃　'

〃I　folded　up　the　paper；　and　came　on　him　suddenly　from　behind。　As
he　started　and　turned　round；　I　put　the　note　into　his　hand；
pressed　his　hand；　and　passed　on。　Before　I　had　taken　ten　steps　I
heard　him　behind　me。　I　can't　say　he　didn't　look　roundI　saw　his
big　black　eyes；　bright　and　glittering　in　the　dusk；　devour　me　from
head　to　foot　in　a　moment；　but　otherwise　he　did　what　I　told　him。
'I　can　deny　you　nothing；'　he　whispered；　'I　promise。'　He　went　on
and　left　me。　I　couldn't　help　thinking　at　the　time　how　that　brute
and　booby　Armadale　would　have　spoiled　everything　in　the　same
situation。

〃I　tried　hard　all　night　to　think　of　a　way　of　making　our　interview
of　the　next　evening　safe　from　discovery；　and　tried　in　vain。　Even
as　early　as　this；　I　began　to　feel　as　if　Midwinter's　letter　had；
in　some　unaccountable　manner；　stupefied　me。

〃Monday　morning　made　matters　worse。　News　came　from　my　faithful
ally；　Mr。　Bashwood；　that　Miss　Milroy　and　Armadale　had　met　and
become　friends　again。　You　may　fancy　the　state　I　was　in！　An　hour
or　two　later　there　came　more　news　from　Mr。　Bashwoodgood　news
this　time。　The　mischievous　idiot　at　Thorpe　Ambrose　had　shown
sense　enough　at　last　to　be　ashamed　of　himself。　He　had　decided　on
withdrawing　the　spy　that　very　day；　and　he　and　his　lawyer　had
quarreled　in　consequence。

〃So　here　was　the　obstacle　which　I　was　too　stupid　to　remove　for
myself　obligingly　removed　for　me！　No　more　need　to　fret　about　the
coming　interview　with　Midwinter；　and　plenty　of　time　to　consider
my　next　proceedings；　now　that　Miss　Milroy　and　her　precious　swain
had　come　together　again。　Would　you　believe　it；　the　letter；　or　the
man　himself　（I　don't　know　which）；　had　taken　such　a　hold　on　me
that；　though　I　tried　and　tried；　I　could　think　of　nothing　else；
and　this　when　I　had　every　reason　to　fear　that　Miss　Milroy　was　in
a　fair　way　of　changing　her　name　to　Armadale；　and　when　I　knew　that
my　heavy　debt　of　obligation　to　her　was　not　paid　yet？　Was　there
ever　such　perversity？　I　can't　account　for　it；　can　you？

〃The　dusk　of　the　evening　came　at　last。　I　looked　out　of　the
windowand　there　he　was！

〃I　joined　him　at　once；　the　people　of　the　house；　as　before；　being
too　much　absorbed　in　their　eating　and　drinking　to　notice　anything
else。　'We　mustn't　be　seen　together　here；'　I　whispered。　'I　must　go
on　first；　and　you　must　follow　me。'

〃He　said　nothing　in　the　way　of　reply。　What　was　going　on　in　his
mind　I　can't　pretend　to　guess；　but；　after　coming　to　his
appointment；　he　actually　hung　back　as　if　he　was　half　inclined　to
go　away　again。

〃　'You　look　as　if　you　were　afraid　of　me；'　I　said。

〃　'I　_am_　afraid　of　you；'　he　answered'of　you；　and　of　myself。'

〃It　was　not　encouraging；　it　was　not　complimentary。　But　I　was　in
such　a　frenzy　of　curiosity　by　this　time　that；　if　he　had　been
ruder　still；　I　should　have　taken　no　notice　of　it。　I　led　the　way　a
few　steps　toward　the　new　buildings；　and　stopped　and　looked　round
after　him。

〃　'Must　I　ask　it　of　you　as　a　favor；'　I　said；　'after　your　giving
me　your　promise；　and　after　such　a　letter　as　you　have　written　to
me？'

〃Something　suddenly　changed　him；　he　was　at　my　side　in　an　instant。
'I　beg　your　pardon；　Miss　Gwilt；　lead　the　way　where　you　please。'
He　dropped　back　a　little　after　that　answer；　and　I　heard　him　say
to　himself；　'What　_is_　to　be　_will_　be。　What　have　I　to　do　with
it；　and　what　has　she？'

〃It　could　hardly　have　been　the　words；　for　I　didn't　understand
themit　must　have　been　the　tone　he　spoke　in；　I　suppose；　that
made　me　feel　a　momentary　tremor。　I　was　half　inclined；　without　the
ghost　of　a　reason　for　it；　to　wish　him　good…night；　and　go　in
again。　Not　much　like　me；　you　will　say。　Not　much；　indeed！　It
didn't　last　a　moment。　Your　darling　Lydia　soon　came　to　her　senses
again。

〃I　led　the　way　toward　the　unfinished　cottages；　and　the　country
beyond。　It　would　have　been　much　more　to　my　taste　to　have　had　him
into　the　house；　and　have　talked　to　him　in　the　light　of　the
candles。　But　I　had　risked　it　once　already；　and　in　this
scandal…mongering　place；　and　in　my　critical　position；　I　was
afraid　to　risk　it　again。　The　garden　was　not　to　be　thought　of
either；　for　the　landlord　smokes　his　pipe　there　after　his　supper。
There　was　no　alternative　but　to　take　him　away　from　the　town。

〃From　time　to　time；　I　looked　back　as　I　went　on。　There　he　was；
always　at　the　same　distance；　dim　and　ghost…like　in　the　dusk；
silently　following　me。

〃I　must　leave　off　for　a　little　while。　The　church　bells　have
broken　out；　and　the　jangling　of　them　drives　me　mad。　In　these
days；　when　we　have　all　got　watches　and　clocks；　why　are　bells
wanted　to　remind　us　when　the　service　begins？　We　don't　require　to
be　rung　into　the　theater。　How　excessively　discreditable　to　the
clergy　to　be　obliged　to　ring　us　into　the　church！

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

〃They　have　rung　the　congregation　in　at　last；　and　1　can　take　up　my
pen；　and　go　on　again。

〃I　was　a　little　in　doubt　where　to　lead　him　to。　The　high…road　was
on　one　side　of　me；　but；　empty　as　it　looked；　somebody　might　be
passing　when　we　least　expected　It。　The　other　way　was　through　the
coppice。　I　led　him　through　the　coppice。

〃At　the　outskirts　of　the　trees；　on　the　other　side；　there　was　a
dip　in　the　ground　with　some　felled　timber　lying　on　it；　and　a
little　pool　beyond；　still　and　white　and　shining　in　the　twilight。
The　long　grazing…grounds　rose　over　its　further　shore；　with　the
mist　thickening　on　them；　and　a　dim　black　line　far　away　of　cattle
in　slow　procession　going　home。　There　wasn't　a　living　creature
near；　there　wasn't　a　sound　to　be　heard。　I　sat　down　on　one　of　the
felled　trees　and　looked　back　for　him。　'Come；'　I　said；
softly'come　and　sit　by　me　here。'

〃Why　am　I　so　particular　about　all　this？　I　hardly　know。　The　place
made　an　unaccountably　vivid　impression　on　me；　and　I　can't　help
writing　about　it。　If　I　end　badlysuppose　we　say　on　the
scaffold？I　believe　the　last　thing　I　shall　see；　before　the
hangman　pulls　the　drop；　will　be　the　little　shining　pool；　and　the
long；　misty　grazing…grounds；　and　the　cattle　winding　dimly　home　in
the　thickening　night。　Don't　be　alarmed；　you　worthy　creature！　My
fancies　play　me　strange　tricks　sometimes；　and　there　is　a　little
of　last　night's　laudanum；　I　dare　say；　in　this　part　of　my　letter。

〃He　camein　the　strangest　silent　way；　like　a　man　walking　in　his
sleephe　came　and　sat　down　by　me。　Either　the　night　was　very
close；　or　I　was　by　this　time　literally　in　a　fever：　I　couldn't
bear　my　bonnet　on；　I　couldn't　bear　my　gloves。　The　want　to　look　at
him；　and　see　what　his　singular　silence　meant；　and　the
impossibility　of　doing　it　in　the　darkening　light；　irritated　my
nerves；　till　I　thought　I　should　have　screamed。　I　took　his　hand；
to　try　if　that　would　help　me。　It　was　burning　hot；　and　it　closed
instantly　on　mineyou　know　how。　Silence；　after　_that；_　was　not
to　be　thought　of。　The　one　safe　way　was　to　begin　talking　to　him　at
once。

〃　'Don't　despise　me；'　I　said。　'I　am　obliged　to　bring　you　to　this
lonely　place；　I　should　lose　my　character　if　we　were　seen
together。'

〃I　waited　a　little。　His　hand　warned　me　once　more　not　to　let　the
silence　continue。　I　determined　to　_make_　him　speak　to　me　this
time。

〃　'You　have　interested　me；　and　frightened　me；'　I　went　on。　'You
have　written　me　a　very　strange　letter。　I