armadale-第96章

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If　I　was　in　her　place；　I　should　say　to　myself；　'I　will　make　sure
of　him　while　I　can。'　Supposing　it　doesn't　rain　to…morrow　morning；
I　think　I　will　take　another　early　walk　in　the　direction　of　the
park。


〃Midnight。As　I　can't　take　my　drops；　with　a　morning　walk　before
me；　I　may　as　well　give　up　all　hope　of　sleeping；　and　go　on　with　my
diary。　Even　with　my　drops；　I　doubt　if　my　head　would　be　very　quiet
on　my　pillow　to…night。　Since　the　little　excitement　of　the　scene
with　my　'lady…patronesses'　has　worn　off；　I　have　been　troubled
with　misgivings　which　would　leave　me　but　a　poor　chance；　under　any
circumstances；　of　getting　much　rest。

〃I　can't　imagine　why；　but　the　parting　words　spoken　to　Armadale　by
that　old　brute　of　a　lawyer　have　come　back　to　my　mind！　Here　they
are；　as　reported　in　Mr。　Bashwood's　letter：　'Some　other　person's
curiosity　may　go　on　from　the　point　where　you　（and　I）　have
stopped；　and　some　other　person's　hand　may　let　the　broad　daylight
in　yet　on　Miss　Gwilt。'

〃What　does　he　mean　by　that？　And　what　did　he　mean　afterward　when
he　overtook　old　Bashwood　in　the　drive；　by　telling　him　to　gratify
his　curiosity？　Does　this　hateful　Pedgift　actually　suppose　there
is　any　chance　？　Ridiculous！　Why；　I　have　only　to　_look_　at　the
feeble　old　creature；　and　he　daren't　lift　his　little　finger　unless
I　tell　him。　_He_　try　to　pry　into　my　past　life；　indeed！　Why；
people　with　ten　times　his　brains；　and　a　hundred　times　his
courage；　hare　triedand　have　left　off　as　wise　as　they　began。

〃I　don't　know；　though；　it　might　have　been　better　if　I　had　kept　my
temper　when　Bashwood　was　here　the　other　night。　And　it　might　be
better　still　if　I　saw　him　to…morrow；　and　took　him　back　into　my
good　graces　by　giving　him　something　to　do　for　me。　Suppose　I　tell
him　to　look　after　the　two　Pedgifts；　and　to　discover　whether　there
is　any　chance　of　their　attempting　to　renew　their　connection　with
Armadale？　No　such　thing　is　at　all　likely；　but　if　I　gave　old
Bashwood　this　commission；　it　would　flatter　his　sense　of　his　own
importance　to　me；　and　would　at　the　same　time　serve　the　excellent
purpose　of　keeping　him　out　of　my　way。


〃Thursday　morning；　nine　o'clock。I　have　just　got　back　from　the
park。

〃For　once　I　have　proved　a　true　prophet。　There　they　were　together；
at　the　same　early　hour；　in　the　same　secluded　situation　among　the
trees；　and　there　was　miss　in　full　possession　of　the　report　of　my
visit　to　the　great　house；　and　taking　her　tone　accordingly。

〃After　saying　one　or　two　things　about　me；　which　I　promise　him　not
to　forget；　Armadale　took　the　way　to　convince　her　of　his　constancy
which　I　felt　beforehand　he　would　be　driven　to　take。　He　repeated
his　proposal　of　marriage；　with　excellent　effect　this　time。　Tears
and　kisses　and　protestations　followed；　and　my　late　pupil　opened
her　heart　at　last；　in　the　most　innocent　manner。　Home；　she
confessed；　was　getting　so　miserable　to　her　now　that　it　was　only
less　miserable　than　going　to　school。　Her　mother's　temper　was
becoming　more　violent　and　unmanageable　every　day。　The　nurse；　who
was　the　only　person　with　any　influence　over　her；　had　gone　away　in
disgust。　Her　father　was　becoming　more　and　more　immersed　in　his
clock；　and　was　made　more　and　more　resolute　to　send　her　away　from
home　by　the　distressing　scenes　which　now　took　place　with　her
mother　almost　day　by　day。　I　waited　through　these　domestic
disclosures　on　the　chance　of　hearing　any　plans　they　might　have
for　the　future　discussed　between　them；　and　my　patience；　after　no
small　exercise　of　it；　was　rewarded　at　last。

〃The　first　suggestion　（as　was　only　natural　where　such　a　fool　as
Armadale　was　concerned）　came　from　the　girl。

〃She　started　an　idea　which　I　own　I　had　not　anticipated。　She
proposed　that　Armadale　should　write　to　her　father；　and；　cleverer
still；　she　prevented　all　fear　of　his　blundering　by　telling　him
what　he　was　to　say。　He　was　to　express　himself　as　deeply
distressed　at　his　estrangement　from　the　major；　and　to　request
permission　to　call　at　the　cottage；　and　say　a　few　words　in　his　own
justification。　That　was　all。　The　letter　was　not　to　be　sent　that
day；　for　the　applicants　for　the　vacant　place　of　Mrs。　Milroy's
nurse　were　coming；　and　seeing　them　and　questioning　them　would　put
her　father；　with　his　dislike　of　such　things；　in　no　humor　to
receive　Armadale's　application　indulgently。　The　Friday　would　be
the　day　to　send　the　letter；　and　on　the　Saturday　morning　if　the
answer　was　unfortunately　not　favorable；　they　might　meet　again；　'I
don't　like　deceiving　my　father；　he　has　always　been　so　kind　to　me。
And　there　will　be　no　need　to　deceive　him；　Allan；　if　we　can　only
make　you　friends　again。'　Those　were　the　last　words　the　little
hypocrite　said；　when　I　left　them。

〃What　will　the　major　do？　Saturday　morning　will　show。　I　won't
think　of　it　till　Saturday　morning　has　come　and　gone。　They　are　not
man　and　wife　yet；　and　again　and　again　I　say　it；　though　my　brains
are　still　as　helpless　as　ever；　man　and　wife　they　shall　never　be。

〃On　my　way　home　again；　I　caught　Bashwood　at　his　breakfast；　with
his　poor　old　black　tea…pot；　and　his　little　penny　loaf；　and　his
one　cheap　morsel　of　oily　butter；　and　his　darned　dirty　tablecloth。
It　sickens　me　to　think　of　it。

〃I　coaxed　and　comforted　the　miserable　old　creature　till　the　tears
stood　in　his　eyes；　and　he　quite　blushed　with　pleasure。　He
undertakes　to　look　after　the　Pedgifts　with　the　utmost　alacrity。
Pedgift　the　elder　he　described；　when　once　roused；　as　the　most
obstinate　man　livin　g；　nothing　will　induce　him　to　give　way；
unless　Armadale　gives　way　also　on　his　side。　Pedgift　the　younger
is　much　the　more　likely　of　the　two　to　make　attempts　at　a
reconciliation。　Such；　at　least；　is　Bashwood's　opinion。　It　is　of
very　little　consequence　now　what　happens　either　way。　The　only
important　thing　is　to　tie　my　elderly　admirer　safely　again　to　my
apron…string。　And　this　is　done。

〃The　post　is　late　this　morning。　It　has　only　just　come　in；　and　has
brought　me　a　letter　from　Midwinter。


〃It　is　a　charming　letter；　it　flatters　me　and　flutters　me　as　if　I
was　a　young　girl　again。　No　reproaches　for　my　never　having　written
to　him；　no　hateful　hurrying　of　me；　in　plain　words；　to　marry　him。
He　only　writes　to　tell　me　a　piece　of　news。　He　has　obtained；
through　his　lawyers；　a　prospect　of　being　employed　as　occasional
correspondent　to　a　newspaper　which　is　about　to　be　started　in
London。　The　employment　will　require　him　to　leave　England　for　the
Continent；　which　would　exactly　meet　his　own　wishes　for　the
future；　but　he　cannot　consider　the　proposal　seriously　until　he
has　first　ascertained　whether　it　would　meet　my　wishes　too。　He
knows　no　will　but　mine；　and　he　leaves　me　to　decide；　after　first
mentioning　the　time　allowed　him　before　his　answer　must　be　sent
in。　It　is　the　time；　of　course　（if　I　agree　to　his　going　abroad）；
in　which　I　must　marry　him。　But　there　is　not　a　word　about　this　in
his　letter。　He　asks　for　nothing　but　a　sight　of　my　handwriting　to
help　him　through　the　interval　while　we　are　separated　from　each
other。

〃That　is　the　letter；　not　very　long；　but　so　prettily　expressed。

〃I　think　I　can　penetrate　the　secret　of　his　fancy　for　going
abroad。　That　wild　idea　of　putting　the　mountains　and　the　seas
between　Armadale　and　himself　is　still　in　his　mind。　As　if　either
he　or　I　could　escape　doing　what　we　are　fated　to　dosupposing　we
really　are　fatedby　putting　a　few　hundred　or　a　few　thousand
miles　between　Armadale　and　ourselves！　What　strange　absurdity　and
inconsistency！　And　yet　how　I　like　him　for　being　absurd　and
inconsistent；　for　don't　I　see　plainly　that　I　am　at　the　bottom　of
it　all？　Who　leads　this　clever　man　astray　in　spite　of　himself？　Who
makes　him　too　blind　to　see　the　contradiction　in　his　own　conduct；
which　he　would　see　plainly　in　the　conduct　of　another　person？　How
interested　I　do　feel　in　him！　How　dangerously　near　I　am　to
shutting　my　eyes　on　the　past；　and　letting　myself　love　him！　Was
Eve　fonder　of　Adam　than　ever；　I　wonder；　after　she　had　coaxed　him
into　eating　the　apple？　I　should　have　quite　doted　on　him　if　I　had
been　in　her　place。　（Memorandum：　To　write　Midwinter　a　charming
little　letter　on　my　side；　with　a　kiss　in　it；　and　as　time　is
allowed　him　before　he　sends　in　his　answer；　to　ask　for　time；　too；
before　I　tell　him　whether　I　will　or　will　not　go　abroad。）


〃Five　o'clock。A　tiresome　visit　from　my　landlady；　eager　for　a
little　gossip；　and　full　of　news　which　she　thinks　will　interest
me。

〃She　is　acquainted；　I　find；　with　Mrs。　Milroy's　late　nurse；　and
she　has　been　seeing　her　friend　off　at　the　station　this　afternoon。
They　talked；　of　course；　of　affairs　at　the　cottage；　and　my　name
found　its　way　into　the　conversation。　I　am　quite　wrong；　it　seems；
if　the　nurse's　authority　is　to　be　trusted；　in　believing　Miss
Milroy　to　be　responsible　for　sending　Mr。　Armadale　to　my　reference
in　London。　Miss　Milroy　really　knew　nothing　about　it；　and　it　all
originated　in　her　mother's　mad　jealousy　of　me。　The　present
wretched　state　of　things　at　the　cottage　is　due　entirely　to　the
same　cause。　Mrs。　Milroy　is　firmly　persuaded　that　my　remaining　at
Thorpe　Ambrose　is　referable　to　my　having　some　private　means　of
communicating　with　the　major　which　it　is　impossible　for　her　to
discover。　With　this　conviction　in　her　mind；　she　has　become　so
unmanageable　that　no　person；　with　any　chance　of　bettering
herself；　could　possibly　remain　in　attendance　an　her；　and　sooner
or　later；　the　major；　object　to　it　as　he　may；　will　be　obliged　to
place　her　under　proper　medical　care。

〃That　is　the　sum　and　substance　of　what　the　wearisome　landlady；
had　to　tell　me。　Unnecessary　to　say　that　I　was　not　in　the　least
interested　by　it。　Even　if　the　nurse's　s　assertion　is　to　be
depended　onwhich　I　persist　in　doubtingit　is　of　no　importance
now。　I　know　that　Miss　Milroy；　and　nobody　but　Miss　Milroy　has
utterly　ruined　my　prospect　of　becoming　Mrs。　Armadale　of　Thorpe
Ambrose；　and　I　care　to　know　nothing　more。　If　her　mother　was
really　alone　in　the　attempt　to　expose　my　false　reference；　her
mother　seems　to　be　suffering　for　it；　at　any　rate。　And　so　good…by
to　Mrs。　Milroy；　and　Heaven　defend　me　from　any　more　last　glimpses
at　the　cottages　seen　through　the　medium　of　my　landlady's
spectacles！


〃Nine　o'clock。Bashwood　has　just　left　me；　having　come　with　news
from　the　great　house。　Pedgift　the　younger　has　made　his　attempt　at
bringing　about　a　reconciliation　this　very　day；　and　has　failed。　I
am　the　sole　cause　of　the　failure。　Armadale　is　quite　willing　to　be
reconciled　if　Pedgift　the　elder　will　avoid　all　future　occasion　of
disagreement　between　them　by　never　recurring　to　the　subject　of
Miss　Gwilt。　This；　however；　happens　to　be　exactly　the　condition
which　Pedgift's　fatherwith　his　opinion　of　me　and　my
doingsshould　consider　it　his　duty　to　Armadale　_not_　to　accept。
So　lawyer　and　client　remain　as　far　apart　as　ever；　and　the
obstacle　of　the　Pedgifts　is　cleared　out　of　my　way。

〃It　might　have　been　a　very　awkward　obstacle；　so　far　as　Pedgift
the　elder　is　concerned；　if　one　of　his　suggestions　had　been
carried　out；　I　mean；　if　an　officer　of　the　London　police　had　been
brought　down　here　to　look　at　me。　It　is　a　question；　even　now；
whether　I　had　better　not　take　to　the　thick　veil　again；　which　I
always　wear　in　London　and　other　large　places。　The　only　difficulty
is　that　it　would　excite　remark　in　this　inquisitive　little　town　to
see　me　wearing　a　thick　veil；