飘-第148章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　Scarlett’s　heart　beat　wildly。　He　was　regretting　that　he　had　not　run　away　with　her！
　“The　least　I　could　have　done　was　go　out　and　commit　highway　robbery　or　murder　to　get　the　tax　money　for　you　when　you　had　taken　us　in　as　beggars。　Oh；　I　messed　it　up　all　the　way　around！”
　Her　heart　contracted　with　disappointment　and　some　of　the　happiness　went　from　her；　for　these　were　not　the　words　she　hoped　to　hear。
　“I　would　have　gone　anyway；”　she　said　tiredly。　“I　couldn’t　have　let　you　do　anything　like　that。　And　anyway；　it’s　done　now。”
　“Yes；　it’s　done　now；”　he　said　with　slow　bitterness。　“You　wouldn’t　have　let　me　do　anything　dishonorable　but　you　would　sell　yourself　to　a　man　you　didn’t　love—and　bear　his　child；　so　that　my　family　and　I　wouldn’t　starve。　It　was　kind　of　you　to　shelter　my　helplessness。”
　The　edge　in　his　voice　spoke　of　a　raw；　unhealed　wound　that　ached　within　him　and　his　words　brought　shame　to　her　eyes。　He　was　swift　to　see　it　and　his　face　changed　to　gentleness。
　“You　didn’t　think　I　was　blaming　you？　Dear　God；　Scarlett！　No。　You　are　the　bravest　woman　I’ve　ever　known。　It’s　myself　I’m　blaming。”
　He　turned　and　looked　out　of　the　window　again　and　the　shoulders　presented　to　her　gaze　did　not　look　quite　so　square。　Scarlett　waited　a　long　moment　in　silence；　hoping　that　Ashley　would　return　to　the　mood　in　which　he　spoke　of　her　beauty；　hoping　he　would　say　more　words　that　she　could　treasure。　It　had　been　so　long　since　she　had　seen　him　and　she　had　lived　on　memories　until　they　were　worn　thin。　She　knew　he　still　loved　her。　That　fact　was　evident；　in　every　line　of　him；　in　every　bitter；　self…condemnatory　word；　in　his　resentment　at　her　bearing　Frank’s　child。　She　so　longed　to　hear　him　say　it　in　words；　longed　to　speak　words　herself　that　would　provoke　a　confession；　but　she　dared　not。　She　remembered　her　promise　given　last　winter　in　the　orchard；　that　she　would　never　again　throw　herself　at　his　head。　Sadly　she　knew　that　promise　must　be　kept　if　Ashley　were　to　remain　near　her。　One　cry　from　her　of　love　and　longing；　one　look　that　pleaded　for　his　arms；　and　the　matter　would　be　settled　forever。　Ashley　would　surely　go　to　New　York。　And　he　must　not　go　away。
　“Oh；　Ashley；　don’t　blame　yourself！　How　could　it　be　your　fault？　You　will　come　to　Atlanta　and　help　me；　won’t　you？”
　“No。”
　“But；　Ashley；”　her　voice　was　beginning　to　break　with　anguish　and　disappointment；　“But　I’d　counted　on　you。　I　do　need　you　so。　Frank　can’t　help　me。　He’s　so　busy　with　the　store　and　if　you　don’t　come　I　don’t　know　where　I　can　get　a　man！　Everybody　in　Atlanta　who　is　smart　is　busy　with　his　own　affairs　and　the　others　are　so　incompetent　and—”
　“It’s　no　use；　Scarlett。”
　“You　mean　you’d　rather　go　to　New　York　and　live　among　Yankees　than　come　to　Atlanta？”
　“Who　told　you　that？”　He　turned　and　faced　her；　faint　annoyance　wrinkling　his　forehead。
　“Will。”
　“Yes；　I’ve　decided　to　go　North。　An　old　friend　who　made　the　Grand　Tour　with　me　before　the　war　has　offered　me　a　position　in　his　father’s　bank。　It’s　better　so；　Scarlett。　I’d　be　no　good　to　you。　I　know　nothing　of　the　lumber　business。”
　“But　you　know　less　about　banking　and　it’s　much　harder！　And　I　know　I’d　make　far　more　allowances　for　your　inexperience　than　Yankees　would！”
　He　winced　and　she　knew　she　had　said　the　wrong　thing。　He　turned　and　looked　out　of　the　window　again。
　“I　don’t　want　allowances　made　for　me。　I　want　to　stand　on　my　own　feet　for　what　I’m　worth。　What　have　I　done　with　my　life；　up　till　now？　It’s　time　I　made　something　of　myself—or　went　down　through　my　own　fault。　I’ve　been　your　pensioner　too　long　already。”
　“But　I’m　offering　you　a　half…interest　in　the　mill；　Ashley！　You　would　be　standing　on　your　own　feet　because—you　see；　it　would　be　your　own　business。”
　“It　would　amount　to　the　same　thing。　I’d　not　be　buying　the　half…interest　I’d　be　taking　it　as　a　gift　And　I’ve　taken　too　many　gifts　from　you　already；　Scarlett—food　and　shelter　and　even　clothes　for　myself　and　Melanie　and　the　baby。　And　I’ve　given　you　nothing　in　return。”
　“Oh；　but　you　have！　Will　couldn’t　have—”
　“I　can　split　kindling　very　nicely　now。”
　“Oh；　Ashley！”　she　cried　despairingly；　tears　in　her　eyes　at　the　jeering　note　in　his　voice。　“What　has　happened　to　you　since　I’ve　been　gone？　You　sound　so　hard　and　bitter！　You　didn’t　used　to　be　this　way。”
　“What’s　happened？　A　very　remarkable　thing；　Scarlett。　I’ve　been　thinking。　I　don’t　believe　I　really　thought　from　the　time　of　the　surrender　until　you　went　away　from　here。　I　was　in　a　state　of　suspended　animation　and　it　was　enough　that　I　had　something　to　eat　and　a　bed　to　lie　on。　But　when　you　went　to　Atlanta；　shouldering　a　man’s　burden；　I　saw　myself　as　much　less　than　a　man—much　less；　indeed；　than　a　woman。　Such　thoughts　aren’t　pleasant　to　live　with　and　I　do　not　intend　to　live　with　them　any　longer。　Other　men　came　out　of　the　war　with　less　than　I　had；　and　look　at　them　now。　So　I’m　going　to　New　York。”
　“But—I　don’t　understand！　If　it’s　work　you　want；　why　won’t　Atlanta　do　as　well　as　New　York？　And　my　mill—”
　“No；　Scarlett　This　is　my　last　chance。　I’ll　go　North。　If　I　go　to　Atlanta　and　work　for　you；　I’m　lost　forever。”
　The　word　“lost—lost—lost”　dinged　frighteningly　in　her　heart　like　a　death　bell　sounding。　Her　eyes　went　quickly　to　his　but　they　were　wide　and　crystal　gray　and　they　were　looking　through　her　and　beyond　her　at　some　fate　she　could　not　see；　could　not　understand。
　“Lost？　Do　you　mean—have　you　done　something　the　Atlanta　Yankees　can　get　you　for？　I　mean；　about　helping　Tony　get　away　or—or—　Oh；　Ashley；　you　aren’t　in　the　Ku　Klux；　are　you？”
　His　remote　eyes　came　back　to　her　swiftly　and　he　smiled　a　brief　smile　that　never　reached　his　eyes。
　“I　had　forgotten　you　were　so　literal。　No；　it’s　not　the　Yankees　I’m　afraid　of。　I　mean　if　I　go　to　Atlanta　and　take　help　from　you　again；　I　bury　forever　any　hope　of　ever　standing　alone。”
　“Oh；”　she　sighed　in　quick　relief；　“if　it’s　only　that！
　“Yes；”　and　he　smiled　again；　the　smile　more　wintry　than　before。　“Only　that。　Only　my　masculine　pride；　my　self…respect　and；　if　you　choose　to　so　call　it；　my　immortal　soul。”
　“But；”　she　swung　around　on　another　tack；　“you　could　gradually　buy　the　mill　from　me　and　it　would　be　your　own　and　then—”
　“Scarlett；”　he　interrupted　fiercely；　“I　tell　you；　no！　There　are　other　reasons。”
　“What　reasons？”
　“You　know　my　reasons　better　than　anyone　in　the　world。”
　“Oh—that？　But—that’ll　be　all　right；”　she　assured　swiftly。　“I　promised；　you　know；　out　in　the　orchard；　last　winter　and　I’ll　keep　my　promise　and—”
　“Then　you　are　surer　of　yourself　than　I　am。　I　could　not　count　on　myself　to　keep　such　a　promise。　I　should　not　have　said　that　but　I　had　to　make　you　understand。　Scarlett；　I　will　not　talk　of　this　any　more。　It’s　finished。　When　Will　and　Suellen　marry；　I　am　going　to　New　York。”
　His　eyes；　wide　and　stormy；　met　hers　for　an　instant　and　then　he　went　swiftly　across　the　room。　His　hand　was　on　the　door　knob。　Scarlett　stared　at　him　in　agony。　The　interview　was　ended　and　she　had　lost。　Suddenly　weak　from　the　strain　and　sorrow　of　the　last　day　and　the　present　disappointment；　her　nerves　broke　abruptly　and　she　screamed：　“Oh；　Ashley！”　And；　flinging　herself　down　on　the　sagging　sofa；　she　burst　into　wild　crying。
　She　heard　his　uncertain　footsteps　leaving　the　door　and　his　helpless　voice　saying…　her　name　over　and　over　above　her　head。　There　was　a　swift　pattering　of　feet　racing　up　the　hall　from　the　kitchen　and　Melanie　burst　into　the　room；　her　eyes　wide　with　alarm。
　“Scarlett　。。。　the　baby　isn’t　。。。　？”
　Scarlett　burrowed　her　head　in　the　dusty　upholstery　and　screamed　again。
　“Ashley—he’s　so　mean！　So　doggoned　mean—so　hateful！”
　“Oh；　Ashley；　what　have　you　done　to　her？”　Melanie　threw　herself　on　the　floor　beside　the　sofa　and　gathered　Scarlett　into　her　arms。　“What　have　you　said？　How　could　you！　You　might　bring　on　the　baby！　There；　my　darling；　put　your　head　on　Melanie’s　shoulder！　What　is　wrong？”
　“Ashley—he’s　so—so　bullheaded　and　hateful！”
　“Ashley；　I’m　surprised　at　you！　Upsetting　her　so　much　and　in　her　condition　and　Mr。　O’Hara　hardly　in　his　grave！”
　“Don’t　you　fuss　at　him！”　cried　Scarlett　illogically；　raising　her　head　abruptly　from　Melanie’s　shoulder；　her　coarse　black　hair　tumbling　out　from　its　net　and　her　face　streaked　with　tears。　“He’s　got　a　right　to　do　as　he　pleases！”
　“Melanie；”　said　Ashley；　his　face　white；　“let　me　explain。　Scarlett　was　kind　enough　to　offer　me　a　position　in　Atlanta　as　manager　of　one　of　her　mills—”
　“Manager！”　cried　Scarlett　indignantly。　I　offered　him　a　half…interest　and　he—”
　“And　I　told　her　I　had　already　made　arrangements　for　us　to　go　North　and　she—”
　“Oh；”　cried　Scarlett；　beginning　to　sob　again；　“I　told　him　and　told　him　how　much　I　needed　him—how　I　couldn’t　get　anybody　to　manage　the　mill—how　I　was　going　to　have　this　baby—and　he　refused　to　come！　And　now—now；　I’ll　have　to　sell　the　mill　and　I　know　I　can’t　get　anything　like　a　good　price　for　it　and　I’ll　lose　money　and　I　guess　maybe　we’ll　starve；　but　he　won’t　care。　He’s　so　mean！”
　She　burrowed　her　head　back　into　Melanie’s　thin　shoulder　and　some　of　the　real　anguish　went　from　her　as　a　flicker　of　hope　woke　in　her。　She　could　sense　that　in　Melanie’s　devoted　heart　she　had　an　ally；　feel　Melanie’s　indignation　that　anyone；　even　her　beloved　husband；　should　make　Scarlett　cry。　Melanie　flew　at　Ashley　like　a　small　determined　dove　and　pecked　him　for　the　first　time　in　her　life。
　“Ashley；　how　could　you　refuse　her？　And　after　all　she’s　done　for　us！　How　ungrateful　you　make　us　appear！　And　she　so　helpless　now　with　the　bab—　How　unchivalrous　of　you！　She　helped　us　when　we　needed　help　and　now　you　deny　her　when　she　needs　you！”
　Scarlett　peeped　slyly　at　Ashley　and　saw　surprise　and　uncertainty　plain　in　his　face　as　he　looked　into　Melanie’s　dark　indignant　eyes。　Scarlett　was　surprised；　too；　at　the　vigor　of　Melanie’s　attack；　for　she　knew　Melanie　considered　her　husband　beyond　wifely　reproaches　and　thought　his　decisions　second　only　to　God’s。
　“Melanie　。。。”　he　began　and　then　threw　out　his　hands　helplessly。
　“Ashley；　how　can　you　hesitate？　Think　what　she’s　done　for　us—for　me！　I’d　have　died　in　Atlanta　when　Beau　came　if　it　hadn’t　been　for　her！　And　she—yes；　she　killed　a　Yankee；　defending　us。　Did　you　know　that？　She　killed　a　man　for　us。　And　she　worked　and　slaved　before　you　and　Will　came　home；　just　to　keep　food　in　our　mouths。　And　when　I　think　of　her　plowing　and　picking　cotton；　I　could　just—　Oh；　my　darling！”　And　she　swooped　her　head　and　kissed　Scarlett’s　tumbled　hair　in　fierce　loyalty。　“And　now　the　first　time　she　asks　us　to　do　something　for　her—”
　“You　don’t　need　to　tell　me　what　she　has　done　for　us。”
　“And　Ashley；　just　think！　Besides　helping　her；　just　think　what　it’ll　mean　for　us　to　live　in　Atlanta　among　our　own　people　and　not　have　to　live　with　Yankees！　There’ll　be　Auntie　and　Uncle　Henry　and　all　our　friends；　and　Beau　can　have　lots　of　playmates　and　go　to　school。　If　we　went　North；　we　couldn’t　let　him　go　to　school　and　associate　with　Yankee　children　and　have　pickaninnies　in　his　class！　We’d　have　to　have　a　governess　and　I　don’t　see　how　we’d　afford—”
　“Melanie；”　said　Ashley　and　his　voice　was　deadly　quiet；　“do　you　really　want　to　go　to　Atla