飘-第15章

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roned　on　Scarlett’s　thoughts　strayed；　in　spite　of　herself。　She　knew　she　should　be　examining　her　conscience。　Ellen　had　taught　her　that　at　the　end　of　each　day　it　was　her　duty　to　examine　her　conscience　thoroughly；　to　admit　her　numerous　faults　and　pray　to　God　for　forgiveness　and　strength　never　to　repeat　them。　But　Scarlett　was　examining　her　heart。
　She　dropped　her　head　upon　her　folded　hands　so　that　her　mother　could　not　see　her　face；　and　her　thoughts　went　sadly　back　to　Ashley。　How　could　he　be　planning　to　marry　Melanie　when　he　really　loved　her；　Scarlett？　And　when　he　knew　how　much　she　loved　him？　How　could　he　deliberately　break　her　heart？
　Then；　suddenly；　an　idea；　shining　and　new；　flashed　like　a　comet　through　her　brain。
　“Why；　Ashley　hasn’t　an　idea　that　I’m　in　love　with　him！”
　She　almost　gasped　aloud　in　the　shock　of　its　unexpectedness。　Her　mind　stood　still　as　if　paralyzed　for　a　long；　breathless　instant；　and　then　raced　forward。
　“How　could　he　know？　I’ve　always　acted　so　prissy　and　ladylike　and　touch…me…not　around　him　he　probably　thinks　I　don’t　care　a　thing　about　him　except　as　a　friend。　Yes；　that’s　why　he’s　never　spoken！　He　thinks　his　love　is　hopeless。　And　that’s　why　he’s　looked　so—”
　Her　mind　went　swiftly　back　to　those　times　when　she　had　caught　him　looking　at　her　in　that　strange　manner；　when　the　gray　eyes　that　were　such　perfect　curtains　for　his　thoughts　had　been　wide　and　naked　and　had　in　them　a　look　of　torment　and　despair。
　“He’s　been　broken　hearted　because　he　thinks　I’m　in　love　with　Brent　or　Stuart　or　Cade。　And　probably　he　thinks　that　if　he　can’t　have　me；　he　might　as　well　please　his　family　and　marry　Melanie。　But　if　he　knew　I　did　love　him—”
　Her　volatile　spirits　shot　up　from　deepest　depression　to　excited　happiness。　This　was　the　answer　to　Ashley’s　reticence；　to　his　strange　conduct。　He　didn’t　know！　Her　vanity　leaped　to　the　aid　of　her　desire　to　believe；　making　belief　a　certainty。　If　he　knew　she　loved　him；　he　would　hasten　to　her　side。　She　had　only　to—
　“Oh！”　she　thought　rapturously；　digging　her　fingers　into　her　lowered　brow。　“What　a　fool　I’ve　been　not　to　think　of　this　till　now！　I　must　think　of　some　way　to　let　him　know。　He　wouldn’t　marry　her　if　he　knew　I　loved　him！　How　could　he？”
　With　a　start；　she　realized　that　Gerald　had　finished　and　her　mother’s　eyes　were　on　her。　Hastily　she　began　her　decade；　telling　off　the　beads　automatically　but　with　a　depth　of　emotion　in　her　voice　that　caused　Mammy　to　open　her　eyes　and　shoot　a　searching　glance　at　her。　As　she　finished　her　prayers　and　Suellen；　then　Carreen；　began　their　decades；　her　mind　was　still　speeding　onward　with　her　entrancing　new　thought。
　Even　now；　it　wasn’t　too　late！　Too　often　the　County　had　been　scandalized　by　elopements　when　one　or　the　other　of　the　participating　parties　was　practically　at　the　altar　with　a　third。　And　Ashley’s　engagement　had　not　even　been　announced　yet！　Yes；　there　was　plenty　of　time！
　If　no　love　lay　between　Ashley　and　Melanie　but　only　a　promise　given　long　ago；　then　why　wasn’t　it　possible　for　him　to　break　that　promise　and　marry　her？　Surely　he　would　do　it；　if　he　knew　that　she；　Scarlett　loved　him。　She　must　find　some　way　to　let　him　know。　She　would　find　some　way！　And　then—
　Scarlett　came　abruptly　out　of　her　dream　of　delight；　for　she　had　neglected　to　make　the　responses　and　her　mother　was　looking　at　her　reprovingly。　As　she　resumed　the　ritual；　she　opened　her　eyes　briefly　and　cast　a　quick　glance　around　the　room。　The　kneeling　figures；　the　soft　glow　of　the　lamp；　the　dim　shadows　where　the　negroes　swayed；　even　the　familiar　objects　that　had　been　so　hateful　to　her　sight　an　hour　ago；　in　an　instant　took　on　the　color　of　her　own　emotions；　and　the　room　seemed　once　more　a　lovely　place。　She　would　never　forget　this　moment　or　this　scene！
　“Virgin　most　faithful；”　her　mother　intoned。　The　Litany　of　the　Virgin　was　beginning；　and　obediently　Scarlett　responded：　“Pray　for　us；”　as　Ellen　praised　in　soft　contralto　the　attributes　of　the　Mother　of　God。
　As　always　since　childhood；　this　was；　for　Scarlett；　a　moment　for　adoration　of　Ellen；　rather　than　the　Virgin。　Sacrilegious　though　it　might　be；　Scarlett　always　saw；　through　her　closed　eyes；　the　upturned　face　of　Ellen　and　not　the　Blessed　Virgin；　as　the　ancient　phrases　were　repeated。　“Health　of　the　Sick；”　“Seat　of　Wisdom；”　“Refuge　of　Sinners；”　“Mystical　Rose”—they　were　beautiful　because　they　were　the　attributes　of　Ellen。　But　tonight　became　of　the　exaltation　of　her　own　spirit；　Scarlett　found　in　the　whole　ceremonial；　the　softly　spoken　words；　the　murmur　of　the　responses；　a　surpassing　beauty　beyond　any　that　she　had　ever　experienced　before。　And　her　heart　went　up　to　God　in　sincere　thankfulness　that　a　pathway　for　her　feet　had　been　opened—out　of　her　misery　and　straight　to　the　arms　of　Ashley。
　When　the　last　“Amen”　sounded；　they　all　rose；　somewhat　stiffly；　Mammy　being　hauled　to　her　feet　by　the　combined　efforts　of　Teena　and　Rosa。　Pork　took　a　long　spiller　from　the　mantelpiece；　lit　it　from　the　lamp　flame　and　went　into　the　hall。　Opposite　the　winding　stair　stood　a　walnut　sideboard；　too　large　for　use　in　the　dining　room；　bearing　on　its　wide　top　several　lamps　and　a　long　row　of　candles　in　candlesticks。　Pork　lit　one　lamp　and　three　candles　and；　with　the　pompous　dignity　of　a　first　chamberlain　of　the　royal　bedchamber　lighting　a　king　and　queen　to　their　rooms；　he　led　the　procession　up　the　stairs；　holding　the　light　high　above　his　head。　Ellen；　on　Gerald’s　arm；　followed　him；　and　the　girls；　each　taking　her　own　candlestick；　mounted　after　them。
　Scarlett　entered　her　room；　set　the　candle　on　the　tall　chest　of　drawers　and　fumbled　in　the　dark　closet　for　the　dancing　dress　that　needed　stitching。　Throwing　it　across　her　arm；　she　crossed　the　hall　quietly。　The　door　of　her　parents’　bedroom　was　slightly　ajar　and；　before　she　could　knock；　Ellen’s　voice；　low　but　stern；　came　to　her　ears。
　“Mr。　O’Hara；　you　must　dismiss　Jonas　Wilkerson。”
　Gerald　exploded；　“And　where　will　I　be　getting　another　overseer　who　wouldn’t　be　cheating　me　out　of　my　eye…teeth？”
　“He　must　be　dismissed；　immediately；　tomorrow　morning。　Big　Sam　is　a　good　foreman　and　he　can　take　over　the　duties　until　you　can　hire　another　overseer。”
　“Ah；　ha！”　came　Gerald’s　voice。　“So；　I　understand！　Then　the　worthy　Jonas　sired　the—”
　“He　must　be　dismissed。”
　“So；　he　is　the　father　of　Emmie　Slattery’s　baby；”　thought　Scarlett　“Oh；　well。　What　else　can　you　expect　from　a　Yankee　man　and　a　white…trash　girl？”
　Then；　after　a　discreet　pause　which　gave　Gerald’s　splutterings　time　to　die　away；　she　knocked　on　the　door　and　handed　the　dress　to　her　mother。
　By　the　time　Scarlett　had　undressed　and　blown　out　the　candle；　her　plan　for　tomorrow　had　worked　itself　out　in　every　detail。　It　was　a　simple　plan；　for；　with　Gerald’s　single…mindedness　of　purpose；　her　eyes　were　centered　on　the　goal　and　she　thought　only　of　the　most　direct　steps　by　which　to　reach　it。
　First；　she　would　be　“prideful；”　as　Gerald　had　commanded。　From　the　moment　she　arrived　at　Twelve　Oaks；　she　would　be　her　gayest；　most　spirited　self。　No　one　would　suspect　that　she　had　ever　been　downhearted　because　of　Ashley　and　Melanie。　And　she　would　flirt　with　every　man　there。　That　would　be　cruel　to　Ashley；　but　it　would　make　him　yearn　for　her　all　the　more。　She　wouldn’t　overlook　a　man　of　marriageable　age；　from　ginger…whiskered　old　Frank　Kennedy；　who　was　Suellen’s　beau；　on　down　to　shy；　quiet；　blushing　Charles　Hamilton；　Melanie’s　brother。　They　would　swarm　around　her　like　bees　around　a　hive；　and　certainly　Ashley　would　be　drawn　from　Melanie　to　join　the　circle　of　her　admirers。　Then　somehow　she　would　maneuver　to　get　a　few　minutes　alone　with　him；　away　from　the　crowd。　She　hoped　everything　would　work　out　that　way；　because　it　would　be　more　difficult　otherwise。　But　if　Ashley　didn’t　make　the　first　move；　she　would　simply　have　to　do　it　herself。
　When　they　were　finally　alone；　he　would　have　fresh　in　his　mind　the　picture　of　the　other　men　thronging　about　her；　he　would　be　newly　impressed　with　the　fact　that　every　one　of　them　wanted　her；　and　that　look　of　sadness　and　despair　would　be　in　his　eyes。　Then　she　would　make　him　happy　again　by　letting　him　discover　that　popular　though　she　was；　she　preferred　him　above　any　other　man　in　all　the　world。　And　when　she　admitted　it；　modestly　and　sweetly；　she　would　look　a　thousand　things　more。　Of　course；　she　would　do　it　all　in　a　ladylike　way。　She　wouldn’t　even　dream　of　saying　to　him　boldly　that　she　loved　him—that　would　never　do。　But　the　manner　of　telling　him　was　a　detail　that　troubled　her　not　at　all。　She　had　managed　such　situations　before　and　she　could　do　it　again。
　Lying　in　the　bed　with　the　moonlight　streaming　dimly　over　her；　she　pictured　the　whole　scene　in　her　mind。　She　saw　the　look　of　surprise　and　happiness　that　would　come　over　his　face　when　he　realized　that　she　really　loved　him；　and　she　heard　the　words　he　would　say　asking　her　to　be　his　wife。
　Naturally；　she　would　have　to　say　then　that　she　simply　couldn’t　think　of　marrying　a　man　when　he　was　engaged　to　another　girl；　but　he　would　insist　and　finally　she　would　let　herself　be　persuaded。　Then　they　would　decide　to　run　off　to　Jonesboro　that　very　afternoon　and—
　Why；　by　this　time　tomorrow　night；　she　might　be　Mrs。　Ashley　Wilkes！
　She　sat　up　in　bed；　hugging　her　knees；　and　for　a　long　happy　moment　she　was　Mrs。　Ashley　Wilkes—Ashley’s　bride！　Then　a　slight　chill　entered　her　heart。　Suppose　it　didn’t　work　out　this　way？　Suppose　Ashley　didn’t　beg　her　to　run　away　with　him？　Resolutely　she　pushed　the　thought　from　her　mind。
　“I　won’t　think　of　that　now；”　she　said　firmly。　“If　I　think　of　it　now；　it　will　upset　me。　There’s　no　reason　why　things　won’t　come　out　the　way　I　want　them—if　he　loves　me。　And　I　know　he　does！”
　She　raised　her　chin　and　her　pale；　black…fringed　eyes　sparkled　in　the　moonlight。　Ellen　had　never　told　her　that　desire　and　attainment　were　two　different　matters；　life　had　not　taught　her　that　the　race　was　not　to　the　swift。　She　lay　in　the　silvery　shadows　with　courage　rising　and　made　the　plans　that　a　sixteen…year…old　makes　when　life　has　been　so　pleasant　that　defeat　is　an　impossibility　and　a　pretty　dress　and　a　clear　complexion　are　weapons　to　vanquish　fate。
　
　CHAPTER　V
　IT　WAS　TEN　O’CLOCK　in　the　morning。　The　day　was　warm　for　April　and　the　golden　sunlight　streamed；　brilliantly　into　Scarlett’s　room　through　the　blue　curtains　of　the　wide　windows。　The　cream…colored　walls　glowed　with　light　and　the　depths　of　the　mahogany　furniture　gleamed　deep　red　like　wine；　while　the　floor　glistened　as　if　it　were　glass；　except　where　the　rag　rugs　covered　it　and　they　were　spots　of　gay　color。
　Already　summer　was　in　the　air；　the　first　hint　of　Georgia　summer　when　the　high　tide　of　spring　gives　way　reluctantly　before　a　fiercer　heat。　A　balmy；　soft　warmth　poured　into　the　room；　heavy　with　velvety　smells；　redolent　of　many　blossoms；　of　newly　fledged　trees　and　of　the　moist；　freshly　turned　red　earth。　Through　the　window　Scarlett　could　see　the　bright　riot　of　the　twin　lanes　of　daffodils　bordering　the　graveled　driveway　and　the　golden　masses　of　yellow　jessamine　spreading　flowery　sprangles　modestly　to　the　earth　like　crinolines。　The　mockingbirds　and　the　jays；　engaged　in　their　old　feud　for　possession　of　the　magnolia　tree　beneath　her　window；　were　bickering；　the　jays　strident；　acrimonious；　the　mockers　swe