飘-第190章
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dlelight behind him。 He looked huge； larger than she had ever seen him； a terrifying faceless black bulk that swayed slightly on its feet。
“Pray join me； Mrs。 Butler；” he said and his voice was a little thick。
He was drunk and showing it and she had never before seen him show his liquor； no matter how much he drank。 She paused irresolutely； saying nothing and his arm went up in gesture of command。
“Come here； damn you！” he said roughly。
He must be very drunk； she thought with a fluttering heart。 Usually； the more he drank； the more polished became his manners。 He sneered more； his words were apt to be more biting； but the manner that accompanied them was always punctilious—too punctilious。
“I must never let him know I’m afraid to face him；” she thought； and； clutching the wrapper closer to her throat she went down the stairs with her head up and her heels clacking noisily。
He stood aside and bowed her through the door with a mockery that made her wince。 She saw that he was coat…less and his cravat hung down on either side of his open collar。 His shirt was open down to the thick mat of black hair on his chest。 His hair was rumpled and his eyes bloodshot and narrow。 One candle burned on the table； a tiny spark of light that threw monstrous shadows about the high…ceilinged room and made the massive sideboards and buffet look like still； crouching beasts。 On the table on the silver tray stood the decanter with cut…glass stopper out； surrounded by glasses。
“Sit down；” he said curtly； following her into the room。
Now a new kind of fear crept into her； a fear that made her alarm at facing him seem very small。 He looked and talked and acted like a stranger。 This was an ill…mannered Rhett she had never seen before。 Never at any time； even in most intimate moments； had he been other than nonchalant。 Even in anger； he was suave and satirical； and whisky usually served to intensify these qualities。 At first it had annoyed her and she had tried to break down that nonchalance but soon she had come to accept it as a very convenient thing。 For years she had thought that nothing mattered very much to him； that he thought everything in life； including her； an ironic joke。 But as she faced him across the table； she knew with a sinking feeling in her stomach that at last something was mattering to him； mattering very much。
“There is no reason why you should not have your nightcap； even if I am ill bred enough to be at home；” he said。 “Shall I pour it for you？”
“I did not want a drink；” she said stiffly。 “I heard a noise and came—”
“You heard nothing。 You wouldn’t have come down if you’d thought I was home。 I’ve sat here and listened to you racing up and down the floor upstairs。 You must need a drink badly。 Take it。”
“I do not—”
He picked up the decanter and sloshed a glassful； untidily。
“Take it；” he said； shoving it into her hand。 “You are shaking all over。 Oh； don’t give yourself airs。 I know you drink on the quiet and I know how much you drink。 For some time I’ve been intending to tell you to stop your elaborate pretenses and drink openly if you want to。 Do you think I give a damn if you like your brandy？”
She took the wet glass； silently cursing him。 He read her like a book。 He had always read her and he was the one man in the world from whom she would like to hide her real thoughts。
“Drink it； I say。”
She raised the glass and bolted the contents with one abrupt motion of her arm； wrist stiff； just as Gerald had always taken his neat whisky； bolted it before she thought how practiced and unbecoming it looked。 He did not miss the gesture and his mouth went down at the corner。
“Sit down and we will have a pleasant domestic discussion of the elegant reception we have just attended。”
“You are drunk；” she said coldly； “and I am going to bed。”
“I am very drunk and I intend to get still drunker before the evening’s over。 But you aren’t going to bed—not yet。 Sit down。”
His voice still held a remnant of its wonted cool drawl but beneath the words she could feel violence fighting its way to the surface； violence as cruel as the crack of a whip。 She wavered irresolutely and he was at her side； his hand on her arm in a grip that hurt。 He gave it a slight wrench and she hastily sat down with a little cry of pain。 Now； she was afraid； more afraid than she had ever been in her life。 As he leaned over her； she saw that his face was dark and flushed and his eyes still held their frightening glitter。 There was something in their depths she did not recognize； could not understand； something deeper than anger； stronger than pain； something driving him until his eyes glowed redly like twin coals。 He looked down at her for a long time； so long that her defiant gaze wavered and fell； and then he slumped into a chair opposite her and poured himself another drink。 She thought rapidly； trying to lay a line of defenses。 But until he spoke； she would not know what to say for she did not know exactly what accusation he intended to make。
He drank slowly； watching her over the glass and she tightened her nerves； trying to keep from trembling。 For a time his face did not change its expression but finally he laughed； still keeping his eyes on her； and at the sound she could not still her shaking。
“It was an amusing comedy； this evening； wasn’t it？” She said nothing； curling her toes in the loose slippers in an effort at controlling her quivering。
“A pleasant comedy with no character missing。 The village assembled to stone the erring woman； the wronged husband supporting his wife as a gentleman should； the wronged wife stepping in with Christian spirit and casting the garments of her spotless reputation over it all。 And the lover—”
“Please。”
“I don’t please。 Not tonight。 It’s too amusing。 And the lover looking like a damned fool and wishing he were dead。 How does it feel； my dear； to have the woman you hate stand by you and cloak your sins for you？ Sit down。”
She sat down。
“You don’t like her any better for it； I imagine。 You are wondering if she knows all about you and Ashley—wondering why she did this if she does know—if she just did it to save her own face。 And you are thinking she’s a fool for doing it； even if it did save your hide but—”
“I will not listen—”
“Yes； you will listen。 And I’ll tell you this to ease your worry。 Miss Melly is a fool but not the kind you think。 It was obvious that someone had told her but she didn’t believe it。 Even if she saw； she wouldn’t believe。 There’s too much honor in her to conceive of dishonor in anyone she loves。 I don’t know what lie Ashley Wilkes told her—but any clumsy one would do； for she loves Ashley and she loves you。 I’m sure I can’t see why she loves you but she does。 Let that be one of your crosses。”
“If you were not so drunk and insulting； I would explain everything；” said Scarlett； recovering some dignity。 “But now—”
“I am not interested in your explanations。 I know the truth better than you do。 By God； if you get up out of that chair just once more—
“And what I find more amusing than even tonight’s comedy is the fact that while you have been so virtuously denying me the pleasures of your bed because of my many sins； you have been lusting in your heart after Ashley Wilkes。 ‘Lusting in your heart。’ That’s a good phrase； isn’t it？ There are a number of good phrases； in that Book； aren’t there？”
“What book？ What book？” her mind ran on； foolishly； irrelevantly as she cast frantic eyes about the room； noting how dully the massive silver gleamed in the dim light； how frighteningly dark the corners were。
“And I was cast out because my coarse ardors were too much for your refinement—because you didn’t want any more children。 How bad that made me feel； dear heart！ How it cut me！ So I went out and found pleasant consolation and left you to your refinements。 And you spent that time tracking the long…suffering Mr。 Wilkes。 God damn him； what ails him？ He can’t be faithful to his wife with his mind or unfaithful with his body。 Why doesn’t he make up his mind？ You wouldn’t object to having his children； would you—and passing them off as mine？”
She sprang to her feet with a cry and he lunged from his seat； laughing that soft laugh that made her blood cold。 He pressed her back into her chair with large brown hands and leaned over her。
“Observe my hands； my dear；” he said； flexing them before her eyes。 “I could tear you to pieces with them with no trouble whatsoever and I would do it if it would take Ashley out of your mind。 But it wouldn’t。 So I think I’ll remove him from your mind forever； this way。 I’ll put my hands； so； on each side of your head and I’ll smash your skull between them like a walnut and that will blot him out。”
His hands were on her head； under her flowing hair； caressing； hard； turning her face up to his。 She was looking into the face of a stranger； a drunken drawling…voiced stranger。 She had never lacked animal courage and in the face of danger it flooded back hotly into her veins； stiffening her spine； narrowing her eyes。
“You drunken fool；” she said。 “Take your hands off me。”
To her surprise； he did so and seating himself on the edge of the table he poured himself another drink。
“I have always admired your spirit； my dear。 Never more than now when you are cornered。”
She drew her wrapper close about her body。 Oh； if she could only reach her room and turn the key in the stout door and be alone。 Somehow； she must stand him off； bully him into submission； this Rhett she had never seen before。 She rose without haste； though her knees shook； tightened the wrapper across her hips and threw back her hair from her face。
“I’m not cornered；” she said cuttingly。 “You’ll never corner me； Rhett Butler； or frighten me。 You are nothing but a drunken beast who’s been with bad women so long that you can’t understand anything else but badness。 You can’t understand Ashley or me。 You’ve lived in dirt too long to know anything else。 You are jealous of something you can’t understand。 Good night。”
She turned casually and started toward the door and a burst of laughter stopped her。 She turned and he swayed across the room toward her。 Name of God； if he would only stop that terrible laugh！ What was there to laugh about in all of this？ As he came toward her； she backed toward the door and found herself against the wall。 He put his hands heavily upon her and pinned her shoulders to the wall。
“Stop laughing。”
“I am laughing because I am so sorry for you。”
“Sorry—for me？ Be sorry for yourself。”
“Yes； by God； I’m sorry for you； my dear； my pretty little fool。 That hurts； doesn’t it？ You can’t stand either laughter or pity； can you？”
He stopped laughing； leaning so heavily against her shoulders that they ached。 His face changed and he leaned so close to her that the heavy whisky smell of his breath made her turn her head。
“Jealous； am I？” he said。 “And why not？ Oh； yes； I’m jealous of Ashley Wilkes。 Why not？ Oh； don’t try to talk and explain。 I know you’ve been physically faithful to me。 Was that what you were trying to say？ Oh； I’ve known that all along。 All these years。 How d
