飘-第192章

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e’s　house。　And　now　he　was　back；　insulting；　sardonic；　out　of　reach。　She　swallowed　her　tears　and　rallied。　He　must　never；　never　know　what　she　had　thought。　How　he　would　laugh　if　he　knew！　Well；　he’d　never　know。　She　looked　up　quickly　at　him　and　caught　that　old；　puzzling；　watchful　glint　in　his　eyes—keen；　eager　as　though　he　hung　on　her　next　words；　hoping　they　would　be—what　was　he　hoping？　That　she’d　make　a　fool　out　of　herself　and　bawl　and　give　him　something　to　laugh　about？　Not　she！　Her　slanting　brows　rushed　together　in　a　cold　frown。
　“I　had　naturally　suspected　what　your　relations　with　that　creature　were。”
　“Only　suspected？　Why　didn’t　you　ask　me　and　satisfy　your　curiosity？　I’d　have　told　you。　I’ve　been　living　with　her　ever　since　the　day　you　and　Ashley　Wilkes　decided　that　we　should　have　separate　bedrooms。”
　“You　have　the　gall　to　stand　there　and　boast　to　me；　your　wife；　that—”
　“Oh；　spare　me　your　moral　indignation。　You　never　gave　a　damn　what　I　did　as　long　as　I　paid　the　bills。　And　you　know　I’ve　been　no　angel　recently。　And　as　for　you　being　my　wife—you　haven’t　been　much　of　a　wife　since　Bonnie　came；　have　you？　You’ve　been　a　poor　investment；　Scarlett。　Belle’s　been　a　better　one。”
　“Investment？　You　mean　you　gave　her—？”
　“　‘Set　her　up　in　business’　is　the　correct　term；　I　believe。　Belle’s　a　smart　woman。　I　wanted　to　see　her　get　ahead　and　all　she　needed　was　money　to　start　a　house　of　her　own。　You　ought　to　know　what　miracles　a　woman　can　perform　when　she　has　a　bit　of　cash。　Look　at　yourself。”
　“You　compare　me—”
　“Well；　you　are　both　hard…headed　business　women　and　both　successful。　Belle’s　got　the　edge　on　you；　of　course；　because　she’s　a　kind…hearted；　good…natured　soul—”
　“Will　you　get　out　of　this　room？”
　He　lounged　toward　the　door；　one　eyebrow　raised　quizzically。　How　could　he　insult　her　so；　she　thought　in　rage　and　pain。　He　was　going　out　of　his　way　to　hurt　and　humiliate　her　and　she　writhed　as　she　thought　how　she　had　longed　for　his　homecoming；　while　all　the　time　he　was　drunk　and　brawling　with　police　in　a　bawdy　house。
　“Get　out　of　this　room　and　don’t　ever　come　back　in　it。　I　told　you　that　once　before　and　you　weren’t　enough　of　a　gentleman　to　understand。　Hereafter　I　will　lock　my　door。”
　“Don’t　bother。”
　“I　will　lock　it　After　the　way　you　acted　the　other　night—so　drunk；　so　disgusting—”
　“Come　now；　darling！　Not　disgusting；　surely！”
　“Get　out。”
　“Don’t　worry。　I’m　going。　And　I　promise　I’ll　never　bother　you　again。　That’s　final。　And　I　just　thought　I’d　tell　you　that　if　my　infamous　conduct　was　too　much　for　you　to　bear；　I’ll　let　you　have　a　divorce。　Just　give　me　Bonnie　and　I　won’t　contest　it。”
　“I　would　not　think　of　disgracing　the　family　with　a　divorce。”
　“You’d　disgrace　it　quick　enough　if　Miss　Melly　was　dead；　wouldn’t　you？　It　makes　my　head　spin　to　think　how　quickly　you’d　divorce　me。”
　“Will　you　go？”
　“Yes；　I’m　going。　That’s　what　I　came　home　to　tell　you。　I’m　going　to　Charleston　and　New　Orleans　and—oh；　well；　a　very　extended　trip。　I’m　leaving　today。”
　“Oh！”
　“And　I’m　taking　Bonnie　with　me。　Get　that　foolish　Prissy　to　pack　her　little　duds。　I’ll　take　Prissy　too。”
　“You’ll　never　take　my　child　out　of　this　house。”
　“My　child　too；　Mrs。　Butler。　Surely　you　do　not　mind　me　taking　her　to　Charleston　to　see　her　grandmother？”
　“Her　grandmother；　my　foot！　Do　you　think　I’ll　let　you　take　that　baby　out　of　here　when　you’ll　be　drunk　every　night　and　most　likely　taking　her　to　houses　like　that　Belle’s—”
　He　threw　down　the　cigar　violently　and　it　smoked　acridly　on　the　carpet；　the　smell　of　scorching　wool　rising　to　their　nostrils。　In　an　instant　he　was　across　the　floor　and　by　her　side；　his　face　black　with　fury。
　“If　you　were　a　man；　I　would　break　your　neck　for　that。　As　it　is；　all　I　can　say　is　for　you　to　shut　your　God…damn　mouth。　Do　you　think　I　do　not　love　Bonnie；　that　I　would　take　her　where—my　daughter！　Good　God；　you　fool！　And　as　for　you；　giving　yourself　pious　airs　about　your　motherhood；　why；　a　cat’s　a　better　mother　than　you！　What　have　you　ever　done　for　the　children？　Wade　and　Ella　are　frightened　to　death　of　you　and　if　it　wasn’t　for　Melanie　Wilkes；　they’d　never　know　what　love　and　affection　are。　But　Bonnie；　my　Bonnie！　Do　you　think　I　can’t　take　better　care　of　her　than　you？　Do　you　think　I’ll　ever　let　you　bully　her　and　break　her　spirit；　as　you’ve　broken　Wade’s　and　Ella’s？　Hell；　no！　Have　her　packed　up　and　ready　for　me　in　an　hour　or　I　warn　you　what　happened　the　other　night　will　be　mild　beside　what　will　happen。　I’ve　always　thought　a　good　lashing　with　a　buggy　whip　would　benefit　you　immensely。”
　He　turned　on　his　heel　before　she　could　speak　and　went　out　of　the　room　on　swift　feet。　She　heard　him　cross　the　floor　of　the　hall　to　the　children’s　play　room　and　open　the　door。　There　was　a　glad；　quick　treble　of　childish　voices　and　she　heard　Bonnie’s　tones　rise　over　Ella’s。
　“Daddy；　where　you　been？”
　“Hunting　for　a　rabbit’s　skin　to　wrap　my　little　Bonnie　in。　Give　your　best　sweetheart　a　kiss；　Bonnie—and　you　too；　Ella。”
　
　CHAPTER　LV
　“DARLING；　I　don’t　want　any　explanation　from　you　and　I　won’t　listen　to　one；”　said　Melanie　firmly　as　she　gently　laid　a　small　hand　across　Scarlett’s　tortured　lips　and　stilled　her　words。　“You　insult　yourself　and　Ashley　and　me　by　even　thinking　there　could　be　need　of　explanations　between　us。　Why；　we　three　have　been—have　been　like　soldiers　fighting　the　world　together　for　so　many　years　that　I’m　ashamed　of　you　for　thinking　idle　gossip　could　come　between　us。　Do　you　think　I’d　believe　that　you　and　my　Ashley—　Why；　the　idea！　Don’t　you　realize　I　know　you　better　than　anyone　in　the　world　knows　you？　Do　you　think　I’ve　forgotten　all　the　wonderful；　unselfish　things　you’ve　done　for　Ashley　and　Beau　and　me—everything　from　saving　my　life　to　keeping　us　from　starving！　Do　you　think　I　could　remember　you　walking　in　a　furrow　behind　that　Yankee’s　horse　almost　barefooted　and　with　your　hands　blistered—just　so　the　baby　and　I　could　have　something　to　eat—and　then　believe　such　dreadful　things　about　you？　I　don’t　want　to　hear　a　word　out　of　you；　Scarlett　O’Hara。　Not　a　word。”
　“But—”　Scarlett　fumbled　and　stopped。
　Rhett　had　left　town　the　hour　before　with　Bonnie　and　Prissy；　and　desolation　was　added　to　Scarlett’s　shame　and　anger。　The　additional　burden　of　her　guilt　with　Ashley　and　Melanie’s　defense　was　more　than　she　could　bear。　Had　Melanie　believed　India　and　Archie；　cut　her　at　the　reception　or　even　greeted　her　frigidly；　then　she　could　have　held　her　head　high　and　fought　back　with　every　weapon　in　her　armory。　But　now；　with　the　memory　of　Melanie　standing　between　her　and　social　ruin；　standing　like　a　thin；　shining　blade；　with　trust　and　a　fighting　light　in　her　eyes；　there　seemed　nothing　honest　to　do　but　confess。　Yes；　blurt　out　everything　from　that　far…off　beginning　on　the　sunny　porch　at　Tara。
　She　was　driven　by　a　conscience　which；　though　long　suppressed；　could　still　rise　up；　an　active　Catholic　conscience。　“Confess　your　sins　and　do　penance　for　them　in　sorrow　and　contrition；”　Ellen　had　told　her　a　hundred　times　and；　in　this　crisis；　Ellen’s　religious　training　came　back　and　gripped　her。　She　would　confess—yes；　everything；　every　look　and　word；　those　few　caresses—and　then　God　would　ease　her　pain　and　give　her　peace。　And；　for　her　penance；　there　would　be　the　dreadful　sight　of　Melanie’s　face　changing　from　fond　love　and　trust　to　incredulous　horror　and　repulsion。　Oh；　that　was　too　hard　a　penance；　she　thought　in　anguish；　to　have　to　live　out　her　life　remembering　Melanie’s　face；　knowing　that　Melanie　knew　all　the　pettiness；　the　meanness；　the　two…faced　disloyalty　and　the　hypocrisy　that　were　in　her。
　Once；　the　thought　of　flinging　the　truth　tauntingly　in　Melanie’s　face　and　seeing　the　collapse　of　her　fool’s　paradise　had　been　an　intoxicating　one；　a　gesture　worth　everything　she　might　lose　thereby。　But　now；　all　that　had　changed　overnight　and　there　was　nothing　she　desired　less。　Why　this　should　be　she　did　not　know。　There　was　too　great　a　tumult　of　conflicting　ideas　in　her　mind　for　her　to　sort　them　out。　She　only　knew　that　as　she　had　once　desired　to　keep　her　mother　thinking　her　modest；　kind；　pure　of　heart；　so　she　now　passionately　desired　to　keep　Melanie’s　high　opinion。　She　only　knew　that　she　did　not　care　what　the　world　thought　of　her　or　what　Ashley　or　Rhett　thought　of　her；　but　Melanie　must　not　think　her　other　than　she　had　always　thought　her。
　She　dreaded　to　tell　Melanie　the　truth　but　one　of　her　rare　honest　instincts　arose；　an　instinct　that　would　not　let　her　masquerade　in　false　colors　before　the　woman　who　had　fought　her　battles　for　her。　So　she　had　hurried　to　Melanie　that　morning；　as　soon　as　Rhett　and　Bonnie　had　left　the　house。
　But　at　her　first　tumbled…out　words：　“Melly；　I　must　explain　about　the　other　day—”　Melanie　had　imperiously　stopped　her。　Scarlett　looking　shamefaced　into　the　dark　eyes　that　were　flashing　with　love　and　anger；　knew　with　a　sinking　heart　that　the　peace　and　calm　following　confession　could　never　be　hers。　Melanie　had　forever　cut　off　that　line　of　action　by　her　first　words。　With　one　of　the　few　adult　emotions　Scarlett　had　ever　had；　she　realized　that　to　unburden　her　own　tortured　heart　would　be　the　purest　selfishness。　She　would　be　ridding　herself　of　her　burden　and　laying　it　on　the　heart　of　an　innocent　and　trusting　person。　She　owed　Melanie　a　debt　for　her　championship　and　that　debt　could　only　be　paid　with　silence。　What　cruel　payment　it　would　be　to　wreck　Melanie’s　life　with　the　unwelcome　knowledge　that　her　husband　was　unfaithful　to　her；　and　her　beloved　friend　a　party　to　it！
　“I　can’t　tell　her；”　she　thought　miserably。　“Never；　not　even　if　my　conscience　kills　me。”　She　remembered　irrelevantly　Rhett’s　drunken　remark：　“She　can’t　conceive　of　dishonor　in　anyone　she　loves　。。。　let　that　be　your　cross。”
　Yes；　it　would　be　her　cross；　until　she　died；　to　keep　this　torment　silent　within　her；　to　wear　the　hair　shirt　of　shame；　to　feel　it　chafing　her　at　every　tender　look　and　gesture　Melanie　would　make　throughout　the　years；　to　subdue　forever　the　impulse　to　cry：　“Don’t　be　so　kind！　Don’t　fight　for　me！　I’m　not　worth　it！”
　“If　you　only　weren’t　such　a　fool；　such　a　sweet；　trusting；　simple…minded　fool；　it　wouldn’t　be　so　hard；”　she　thought　desperately。　“I’ve　toted　lots　of　weary　loads　but　this　is　going　to　be　the　heaviest　and　most　galling　load　I’ve　ever　toted。”
　Melanie　sat　facing　her；　in　a　low　chair；　her　feet　firmly　planted　on　an　ottoman　so　high　that　her　knees　stuck　up　like　a　child’s；　a　posture　she　would　never　now　assumed　had　not　rage　possessed　her　to　the　point　of　forgetting　proprieties。　She　held　a　line　of　tatting　in　her　hands　and　she　was　driving　the　shining　needle　back　and　forth　as　furiously　as　though　handling　a　rapier　in　a　duel。
　Had　Scarlett　been　possessed　of　such　an　anger；　she　would　have　been　stamping　both　feet　and　roaring　like　Gerald　in　his　finest　days；　calling　on　God　to　witness　the　accursed　duplicity　and　knavishness　of　mankind　and　uttering　blood…curdling　threats　of　retaliation。　But　only　by　the　flashing　needle　and　the　delicate　brows　drawn　down　toward　her　nose　did　Melanie　indicate　that　she　was　inwardly　seething。　Her　voice　was　cool　and　her　words　were　more　close　clipped　than　usual。　But　the　forceful　words　she　uttered　were　foreign　to　Melanie　who　seldom　voiced　an　opini