飘-第45章
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s。 Merriwether felt that the South was heading for a complete moral collapse and frequently said so。 Other mothers concurred heartily with her and blamed it on the war。
But men who expected to die within a week or a month could not wait a year before they begged to call a girl by her first name； with “Miss；” of course； preceding it。 Nor would they go through the formal and protracted courtships which good manners had prescribed before the war。 They were likely to propose in three or four months。 And girls who knew very well that a lady always refused a gentleman the first three times he proposed rushed headlong to accept the first time。
This informality made the war a lot of fun for Scarlett。 Except for the messy business of nursing and the bore of bandage rolling； she did not care if the war lasted forever。 In fact； she could endure the hospital with equanimity now because it was a perfect happy hunting ground。 The helpless wounded succumbed to her charms without a struggle。 Renew their bandages； wash their faces； pat up their pillows and fan them； and they fell in love。 Oh； it was Heaven after the last dreary year！
Scarlett was back again where she had been before she married Charles and it was as if she had never married him； never felt the shock of his death； never borne Wade。 War and marriage and childbirth had passed over her without touching any deep chord within her and she was unchanged。 She had a child but he was cared for so well by the others in the red brick house she could almost forget him。 In her mind and heart； she was Scarlett O’Hara again； the belle of the County。 Her thoughts and activities were the same as they had been in the old days； but the field of her activities had widened immensely。 Careless of the disapproval of Aunt Pitty’s friends； she behaved as she had behaved before her marriage； went to parties； danced； went riding with soldiers； flirted； did everything she had done as a girl； except stop wearing mourning。 This she knew would be a straw that would break the backs of Pittypat and Melanie。 She was as charming a widow as she had been a girl； pleasant when she had her own way； obliging as long as it did not discommode her； vain of her looks and her popularity。
She was happy now where a few weeks before she had been miserable； happy with her beaux and their reassurances of her charm； as happy as she could be with Ashley married to Melanie and in danger。 But somehow it was easier to bear the thought of Ashley belonging to some one else when he was far away。 With the hundreds of miles stretching between Atlanta and Virginia； he sometimes seemed as much hers as Melanie’s。
So the autumn months of 1862 went swiftly by with nursing； dancing； driving and bandage rolling taking up all the time she did not spend on brief visits to Tara。 These visits were disappointing； for she had little opportunity for the long quiet talks with her mother to which she looked forward while in Atlanta； no time to sit by Ellen while she sewed； smelling the faint fragrance of lemon verbena sachet as her skirts rustled； feeling her soft hands on her cheek in a gentle caress。
Ellen was thin and preoccupied now and on her feet from morning until long after the plantation was asleep。 The demands of the Confederate commissary were growing heavier by the month； and hers was the task of making Tara produce。 Even Gerald was busy； for the first time in many years； for he could get no overseer to take Jonas Wilkerson’s place and he was riding his own acres。 With Ellen too busy for more than a goodnight kiss and Gerald in the fields all day； Scarlett found Tara boring。 Even her sisters were taken up with their own concerns。 Suellen had now come to an “understanding” with Frank Kennedy and sang “When This Cruel War Is Over” with an arch meaning Scarlett found well…nigh unendurable； and Carreen was too wrapped up in dreams of Brent Tarleton to be interesting company。
Though Scarlett always went home to Tara with a happy heart； she was never sorry when the inevitable letters came from Pitty and Melanie； begging her to return。 Ellen always sighed at these times； saddened by the thought of her oldest daughter and her only grandchild leaving her。
“But I mustn’t be selfish and keep you here when you are needed to nurse in Atlanta；” she said。 “Only—only； my darling； it seems that I never get the time to talk to you and to feel that you are my own little girl again before you are gone from me。”
“I’m always your little girl；” Scarlett would say and bury her head upon Ellen’s breast； her guilt rising up to accuse her。 She did not tell her mother that it was the dancing and the beaux which drew her back to Atlanta and not the service of the Confederacy。 There were many things she kept from her mother these days。 But； most of all； she kept secret the fact that Rhett Butler called frequently at Aunt Pittypat’s house。
During the months that followed the bazaar； Rhett called whenever he was in town； taking Scarlett riding in his carriage； escorting her to danceables and bazaars and waiting outside the hospital to drive her home。 She lost her fear of his betraying her secret； but there always lurked in the back of her mind the disquieting memory that he had seen her at her worst and knew the truth about Ashley。 It was this knowledge that checked her tongue when he annoyed her。 And he annoyed her frequently。
He was in his mid…thirties； older than any beau she had ever had； and she was as helpless as a child to control and handle him as she had handled beaux nearer her own age。 He always looked as if nothing had ever surprised him and much had amused him and； when he had gotten her into a speechless temper； she felt that she amused him more than anything in the world。 Frequently she flared into open wrath under his expert baiting； for she had Gerald’s Irish temper along with the deceptive sweetness of face she had inherited from Ellen。 Heretofore she had never bothered to control her temper except in Ellen’s presence。 Now it was painful to have to choke back words for fear of his amused grin。 If only he would ever lose his temper too； then she would not feel at such a disadvantage。
After tilts with him from which she seldom emerged the victor she vowed he was impossible； ill…bred and no gentleman and she would have nothing more to do with him。 But sooner or later； he returned to Atlanta； called； presumably on Aunt Pitty； and presented Scarlett； with overdone gallantry； a box of bonbons he had brought her from Nassau。 Or preempted a seat by her at a musicale or claimed her at a dance； and she was usually so amused by his bland impudence that she laughed and overlooked his past misdeeds until the next occurred。
For all his exasperating qualities； she grew to look forward to his calls。 There was something exciting about him that she could not analyze； something different from any man she had ever known。 There was something breathtaking in the grace of his big body which made his very entrance into a room like an abrupt physical impact； something in the impertinence and bland mockery of his dark eyes that challenged her spirit to subdue him。
“It’s almost like I was in love with him！” she thought； bewildered。 “But I’m not and I just can’t understand it。”
But the exciting feeling persisted。 When he came to call； his complete masculinity made Aunt Pitty’s well…bred and ladylike house seem small； pale and a trifle fusty。 Scarlett was not the only member of the household who reacted strangely and unwillingly to his presence； for her kept Aunt Pitty in a flutter and a ferment。
While Pitty knew Ellen would disapprove of his calls on her daughter； and knew also that the edict of Charleston banning him from polite society was not one to be lightly disregarded； she could no more resist his elaborate compliments and hand kissing than a fly can resist a honey pot。 Moreover； he usually brought her some little gift from Nassau which he assured her he had purchased especially for her and blockaded in at risk of his life—papers of pins and needles； buttons； spools of silk thread and hairpins。 It was almost impossible to obtain these small luxuries now—ladies were wearing hand…whittled wooden hairpins and covering acrons with cloth for buttons—and Pitty lacked the moral stamina to refuse them。 Besides； she had a childish love of surprise packages and could not resist opening his gifts。 And； having once opened them； she did not feel that she could refuse them。 Then； having accepted his gifts； she could not summon courage enough to tell him his reputation made it improper for him to call on three lone women who had no male protector。 Aunt Pitty always felt that she needed a male protector when Rhett Butler was in the house。
“I don’t know what it is about him；” she would sigh helplessly。 “But—well； I think he’d be a nice； attractive man if I could just feel that—well； that deep down in his heart he respected women。”
Since the return of her wedding ring； Melanie had felt that Rhett was a gentleman of rare refinement and delicacy and she was shocked at this remark。 He was unfailingly courteous to her； but she was a little timid with him； largely because she was shy with any man she had not known from childhood。 Secretly she was very sorry for him； a feeling which would have amused him had he been aware of it。 She was certain that some romantic sorrow had blighted his life and made him hard and bitter； and she felt that what he needed was the love of a good woman。 In all her sheltered life she had never seen evil and could scarcely credit its existence； and when gossip whispered things about Rhett and the girl in Charleston she was shocked and unbelieving。 And； instead of turning her against him； it only made her more timidly gracious toward him because of her indignation at what she fancied was a gross injustice done him。
Scarlett silently agreed with Aunt Pitty。 She； too； felt that he had no respect for any woman； unless perhaps for Melanie。 She still felt unclothed every time his eyes ran up and down her figure。 It was not that he ever said anything。 Then she could have scorched him with hot words。 It was the bold way his eyes looked out of his swarthy face with a displeasing air of insolence； as if all women were his property to be enjoyed in his own good time。 Only with Melanie was this look absent。 There was never that cool look of appraisal； never mockery in his eyes； when he looked at Melanie； and there was an especial note in his voice when he spoke to her； courteous； respectful； anxious to be of service。
“I don’t see why you’re so much nicer to her than to me；” said Scarlett petulantly； one afternoon when Melanie and Pitty had retired to take their naps and she was alone with him。
For an hour she had watched Rhett hold the yarn Melanie was winding for knitting； had noted the blank inscrutable expression when Melanie talked at length and with pride of Ashley and his promotion。 Scarlett knew Rhett had no exalted opinion of Ashley and cared nothing at all about the fact that he had been made a major。 Yet he made polite replies and murmured the correct things about Ashley’s gallantry。
And if I so much as mention Ashley’s name； she had thought irritably； he cocks his eyebrow up a
