飘-第92章
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ver and over till I could scream： ‘Katie Scarlett； Mrs。 O’Hara is dead。 Your mother is dead；’ and it’s just like I was hearing it again for the first time。 And sometimes； late at night； I hear him calling her and I get out of bed and go to him and tell him she’s down at the quarters with a sick darky。 And he fusses because she’s always tiring herself out nursing people。 And it’s so hard to get him back to bed。 He’s like a child。 Oh； I wish Dr。 Fontaine was here！ I know he could do something for Pa！ And Melanie needs a doctor too。 She isn’t getting over her baby like she should—”
“Melly—a baby？ And she’s with you？”
“Yes。”
“What’s Melly doing with you？ Why isn’t she in Macon with her aunt and her kinfolks？ I never thought you liked her any too well； Miss； for all she was Charles’ sister。 Now； tell me all about it。”
“It’s a long story； Old Miss。 Don’t you want to go back in the house and sit down？”
“I can stand；” said Grandma shortly。 “And if you told your story in front of the others； they’d be bawling and making you feel sorry for yourself。 Now； let’s have it。”
Scarlett began haltingly with the siege and Melanie’s condition； but as her story progressed beneath the sharp old eyes which never faltered in their gaze； she found words； words of power and horror。 It all came back to her； the sickeningly hot day of the baby’s birth； the agony of fear； the flight and Rhett’s desertion。 She spoke of the wild darkness of the night； the blazing camp fires which might be friends or foes； the gaunt chimneys which met her gaze in the morning sun； the dead men and horses along the road； the hunger； the desolation； the fear that Tara had been burned。
“I thought if I could just get home to Mother； she could manage everything and I could lay down the weary load。 On the way home I thought the worst had already happened to me； but when I knew she was dead I knew what the worst really was。”
She dropped her eyes to the ground and waited for Grandma to speak。 The silence was so prolonged she wondered if Grandma could have failed to comprehend her desperate plight。 Finally the old voice spoke and her tones were kind； kinder than Scarlett had ever heard her use in addressing anyone。
“Child； it’s a very bad thing for a woman to face the worst that can happen to her； because after she’s faced the worst she can’t ever really fear anything again。 And it’s very bad for a woman not to be afraid of something。 You think I don’t understand what you’ve told me—what you’ve been through？ Well； I understand very well。 When I was about your age I was in the Creek uprising； right after the Fort Mims massacre—yes；” she said in a far…away voice； “just about your age for that was fifty…odd years ago。 And I managed to get into the bushes and hide and I lay there and saw our house burn and I saw the Indians scalp my brothers and sisters。 And I could only lie there and pray that the light of the flames wouldn’t show up my hiding place。 And they dragged Mother out and killed her about twenty feet from where I was lying。 And scalped her too。 And ever so often one Indian would go back to her and sink his tommyhawk into her skull again。 I—I was my mother’s pet and I lay there and saw it all。 And in the morning I set out for the nearest settlement and it was thirty miles away。 It took me three days to get there； through the swamps and the Indians； and afterward they thought I’d lose my mind。 … That’s where I met Dr。 Fontaine。 He looked after me。 。。。 Ah； well； that’s been fifty years ago； as I said； and since that time I’ve never been afraid of anything or anybody because I’d known the worst that could happen to me。 And that lack of fear has gotten me into a lot of trouble and cost me a lot of happiness。 God intended women to be timid frightened creatures and there’s something unnatural about a woman who isn’t afraid。 。。。 Scarlett； always save something to fear— even as you save something to love。 。。。”
Her voice trailed off and she stood silent with eyes looking back over half a century to the day when she had been afraid。 Scarlett moved impatiently。 She had thought Grandma was going to understand and perhaps show her some way to solve her problems。 But like all old people she’d gotten to talking about things that happened before anyone was born； things no one was interested in。 Scarlett wished she had not confided in her。
“Well； go home； child； or they’ll be worrying about you；” she said suddenly。 “Send Pork with the wagon this afternoon。 。。。 And don’t think you can lay down the load； ever。 Because you can’t。 I know。”
Indian summer lingered into November that year and the warm days were bright days for those at Tara。 The worst was over。 They had a horse now and they could ride instead of walk。 They had fried eggs for breakfast and fried ham for supper to vary the monotony of the yams； peanuts and dried apples； and on one festal occasion they even had roast chicken。 The old sow had finally been captured and she and her brood rooted and grunted happily under the house where they were penned。 Sometimes they squealed so loudly no one in the house could talk but it was a pleasant sound。 It meant fresh pork for the white folks and chitterlings for the negroes when cold weather and hog…killing time should arrive； and it meant food for the winter for all。
Scarlett’s visit to the Fontaines had heartened her more than she realized。 Just the knowledge that she had neighbors； that some of the family friends and old homes had survived； drove out the terrible loss and alone feeling which had oppressed her in her first weeks at Tara。 And the Fontaines and Tarletons； whose plantations had not been in the path of the army； were most generous in sharing what little they had。 It was the tradition of the County that neighbor helped neighbor and they refused to accept a penny from Scarlett； telling her that she would do the same for them and she could pay them back； in kind； next year when Tara was again producing。
Scarlett now had food for her household； she had a horse； she had the money and jewelry taken from the Yankee straggler； and the greatest need was new clothing。 She knew it would be risky business sending Pork south to buy clothes； when the horse might be captured by either Yankees or Confederates。 But； at least； she had the money with which to buy the clothes； a horse and wagon for the trip； and perhaps Pork could make the trip without getting caught。 Yes； the worst was over。
Every morning when Scarlett arose she thanked God for the pale…blue sky and the warm sun； for each day of good weather put off the inevitable time when warm clothing would be needed。 And each warm day saw more and more cotton piling up in the empty slave quarters； the only storage place left on the plantation。 There was more cotton in the fields than she or Pork had estimated； probably four bales； and soon the cabins would be full。
Scarlett had not intended to do any cotton picking herself； even after Grandma Fontaine’s tart remark。 It was unthinkable that she； an O’Hara lady； now the mistress of Tara； should work in the fields。 It put her on the same level with the snarly haired Mrs。 Slattery and Emmie。 She had intended that the negroes should do the field work； while she and the convalescent girls attended to the house； but here she was confronted with a caste feeling even stronger than her own。 Pork； Mammy and Prissy set up outcries at the idea of working in the fields。 They reiterated that they were house niggers； not field hands。 Mammy； in particular； declared vehemently that she had never even been a yard nigger。 She had been born in the Robillard great house； not in the quarters； and had been raised in Ole Miss’ bedroom； sleeping on a pallet at the foot of the bed。 Dilcey alone said nothing and she fixed her Prissy with an unwinking eye that made her squirm。
Scarlett refused to listen to the protests and drove them all into the cotton rows。 But Mammy and Pork worked so slowly and with so many lamentations that Scarlett sent Mammy back to the kitchen to cook and Pork to the woods and the river with snares for rabbits and possums and lines for fish。 Cotton picking was beneath Pork’s dignity but hunting and fishing were not。
Scarlett next had tried her sisters and Melanie in the fields； but that had worked no better。 Melanie had picked neatly； quickly and willingly for an hour in the hot sun and then fainted quietly and had to stay in bed for a week。 Suellen； sullen and tearful； pretended to faint too； but came back to consciousness spitting like an angry cat when Scarlett poured a gourdful of water in her face。 Finally she refused point…blank。
“I won’t work in the fields like a darky！ You can’t make me。 What if any of our friends ever heard of it？ What if—if Mr。 Kennedy ever knew？ Oh； if Mother knew about this—”
“You just mention Mother’s name once more； Suellen O’Hara； and I’ll slap you flat；” cried Scarlett。 “Mother worked harder than any darky on this place and you know it； Miss Fine Airs！”
“She did not！ At least； not in the fields。 And you can’t make me。 I’ll tell Papa on you and he won’t make me work！”
“Don’t you dare go bothering Pa with any of our troubles！” cried Scarlett； distracted between indignation at her sister and fear for Gerald。
“I’ll help you； Sissy；” interposed Carreen docilely。 “I’ll work for Sue and me too。 She isn’t well yet and she shouldn’t be out in the sun。”
Scarlett said gratefully： “Thank you； Sugarbaby；” but looked worriedly at her younger sister。 Carreen； who had always been as delicately pink and white as the orchard blossoms that are scattered by the spring wind； was no longer pink but still conveyed in her sweet thoughtful face a blossomlike quality。 She had been silent； a little dazed since she came back to consciousness and found Ellen gone； Scarlett a termagant； the world changed and unceasing labor the order of the new day。 It was not in Carreen’s delicate nature to adjust herself to change。 She simply could not comprehend what had happened and she went about Tara like a sleepwalker； doing exactly what she was told。 She looked； and was； frail but she was willing； obedient and obliging。 When she was not doing Scarlett’s bidding； her rosary beads were always in her hands and her lips moving in prayers for her mother and for Brent Tarleton。 It did not occur to Scarlett that Carreen had taken Brent’s death so seriously and that her grief was unhealed。 To Scarlett； Carreen was still “baby sister；” far too young to have had a really serious love affair。
Scarlett； standing in the sun in the cotton rows； her back breaking from the eternal bending and her hands roughened by the dry bolls； wished she had a sister who combined Suellen’s energy and strength with Carreen’s sweet disposition。 For Carreen picked diligently and earnestly。 But； after she had labored for an hour it was obvious that she； and not Suellen； was the one not yet well enough for such work。 So Scarlett sent Carreen back to the house too。
There remained with her now in the long rows only Dilcey and Prissy。 Prissy picked lazily； spasmodically； complaining of her feet； her back； her internal miseries； her complete weariness； until her mother took
