the idle thoughts of an idle fellow[1].(一个浪子的随想)-第15章
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attention that was the right of the traveling Briton； and at the end I looked
her full in the face。 Need I say more？
True； immediately after doing so I left the room with what may
possibly have appeared to be precipitation and without waiting for any
refreshment。 But that was because I had changed my mind； not because I
was frightened； you understand。
One consolation that shy folk can take unto themselves is that shyness
is certainly no sign of stupidity。 It is easy enough for bull…headed clowns
to sneer at nerves； but the highest natures are not necessarily those
containing the greatest amount of moral brass。 The horse is not an inferior
animal to the cock…sparrow； nor the deer of the forest to the pig。 Shyness
simply means extreme sensibility； and has nothing whatever to do with
self…consciousness or with conceit； though its relationship to both is
continually insisted upon by the poll…parrot school of philosophy。
Conceit； indeed； is the quickest cure for it。 When it once begins to
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
dawn upon you that you are a good deal cleverer than any one else in this
world； bashfulness becomes shocked and leaves you。 When you can look
round a roomful of people and think that each one is a mere child in
intellect compared with yourself you feel no more shy of them than you
would of a select company of magpies or orang…outangs。 Conceit is the
finest armor that a man can wear。 Upon its smooth； impenetrable surface
the puny dagger…thrusts of spite and envy glance harmlessly aside。
Without that breast…plate the sword of talent cannot force its way through
the battle of life； for blows have to be borne as well as dealt。 I do not； of
course； speak of the conceit that displays itself in an elevated nose and a
falsetto voice。 That is not real conceitthat is only playing at being
conceited； like children play at being kings and queens and go strutting
about with feathers and long trains。 Genuine conceit does not make a man
objectionable。 On the contrary； it tends to make him genial； kind…hearted；
and simple。 He has no need of affectationhe is far too well satisfied with
his own character； and his pride is too deep…seated to appear at all on the
outside。 Careless alike of praise or blame； he can afford to be truthful。 Too
far； in fancy； above the rest of mankind to trouble about their petty
distinctions； he is equally at home with duke or costermonger。 And valuing
no one's standard but his own； he is never tempted to practice that
miserable pretense that less self…reliant people offer up as an hourly
sacrifice to the god of their neighbor's opinion。
The shy man； on the other hand； is humblemodest of his own
judgment and over…anxious concerning that of others。 But this in the case
of a young man is surely right enough。 His character is unformed。 It is
slowly evolving itself out of a chaos of doubt and disbelief。 Before the
growing insight and experience the diffidence recedes。 A man rarely
carries his shyness past the hobbledehoy period。 Even if his own inward
strength does not throw it off； the rubbings of the world generally smooth
it down。 You scarcely ever meet a really shy manexcept in novels or on
the stage； where； by the bye； he is much admired； especially by the
women。
There； in that supernatural land； he appears as a fair…haired and
saintlike young manfair hair and goodness always go together on the
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
stage。 No respectable audience would believe in one without the other。 I
knew an actor who mislaid his wig once and had to rush on to play the
hero in his own hair； which was jet…black； and the gallery howled at all his
noble sentiments under the impression that he was the villain。 Hethe shy
young manloves the heroine； oh so devotedly （but only in asides； for he
dare not tell her of it）； and he is so noble and unselfish； and speaks in such
a low voice； and is so good to his mother； and the bad people in the play；
they laugh at him and jeer at him； but he takes it all so gently； and in the
end it transpires that he is such a clever man； though nobody knew it； and
then the heroine tells him she loves him； and he is so surprised； and oh； so
happy！ and everybody loves him and asks him to forgive them； which he
does in a few well…chosen and sarcastic words； and blesses them； and he
seems to have generally such a good time of it that all the young fellows
who are not shy long to be shy。 But the really shy man knows better。 He
knows that it is not quite so pleasant in reality。 He is not quite so
interesting there as in the fiction。 He is a little more clumsy and stupid and
a little less devoted and gentle； and his hair is much darker； which； taken
altogether； considerably alters the aspect of the case。
The point where he does resemble his ideal is in his faithfulness。 I am
fully prepared to allow the shy young man that virtue： he is constant in his
love。 But the reason is not far to seek。 The fact is it exhausts all his stock
of courage to look one woman in the face； and it would be simply
impossible for him to go through the ordeal with a second。 He stands in far
too much dread of the whole female sex to want to go gadding about with
many of them。 One is quite enough for him。
Now； it is different with the young man who is not shy。 He has
temptations which his bashful brother never encounters。 He looks around
and everywhere sees roguish eyes and laughing lips。 What more natural
than that amid so many roguish ayes and laughing lips he should become
confused and； forgetting for the moment which particular pair of roguish
ayes and laughing lips it is that he belongs to； go off making love to the
wrong set。 The shy man； who never looks at anything but his own boots；
sees not and is not tempted。 Happy shy man！
Not but what the shy man himself would much rather not be happy in
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that way。 He longs to 〃go it〃 with the others； and curses himself every day
for not being able to。 He will now and again； screwing up his courage by a
tremendous effort； plunge into roguishness。 But it is always a terrible
_fiasco_； and after one or two feeble flounders he crawls out again； limp
and pitiable。
I say 〃pitiable；〃 though I am afraid he never is pitied。 There are certain
misfortunes which； while inflicting a vast amount of suffering upon their
victims； gain for them no sympathy。 Losing an umbrella； falling in love；
toothache； black eyes； and having your hat sat upon may be mentioned as
a few examples； but the chief of them all is shyness。 The shy man is
regarded as an animate joke。 His tortures are the sport of the drawing…
room arena and are pointed out and discussed with much gusto。
〃Look；〃 cry his tittering audience to each other； 〃he's blushing！〃
〃Just watch his legs；〃 says one。
〃Do you notice how he is sitting？〃 adds another： 〃right on the edge of
the chair。〃
〃Seems to have plenty of color；〃 sneers a military…looking gentleman。
〃Pity he's got so many hands；〃 murmurs an elderly lady； with her own
calmly folded on her lap。 〃They quite confuse him。〃
〃A yard or two off his feet wouldn't be a disadvantage；〃 chimes in the
comic man； 〃especially as he seems so anxious to hide them。〃
And then another suggests that with such a voice he ought to have
been a sea…captain。 Some draw attention to the desperate way in which he
is grasping his hat。 Some comment upon his limited powers of
conversation。 Others remark upon the troublesome nature of his cough。
And so on； until his peculiarities and the company are both thoroughly
exhausted。
His friends and relations make matters still more unpleasant for the
poor boy （friends and relations are privileged to be more disagreeable than
other people）。 Not content with making fun of him among themselves；
they insist on his seeing the joke。 They mimic and caricature him for his
own edification。 One； pretending to imitate him； goes outside and comes
in again in a ludicrously nervous manner； explaining to him afterward that
that is the way hemeaning the shy fellowwalks into a room； or； turning
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
to him with 〃This is the way you shake hands；〃 proceeds to go through a
comic pantomime with the rest of the room； taking hold of every one's
hand as if it were a hot plate and flabbily dropping it again。 And then they
ask him why he blushes； and why he stammers； and why he always speaks
in an almost inaudible tone； as if they thought he did it on purpose。 Then
one of them； sticking out his chest and strutting about the room like a
pouter…pigeon； suggests quite seriously that that is the style he should
adopt。 The old man slaps him on the back and says： 〃Be bold； my boy。
Don't be afraid of any one。〃 The mother says； 〃Never do anything that you
need be ashamed of； Algernon； and then you never need be ashamed of
anything you do；〃 and； beaming mildly at him； seems surprised at the
clearness of her own logic。 The boys tell him that he's 〃worse than a girl；〃
and the girls repudiate the implied slur upon their sex by indignantly
exclaiming that they are sure no girl would be half as bad。
They are quite right； no girl would be。 There is no such thing as a shy
woman； or； at all events； I have never come across one； and until I do I
shall not believe in them。 I know that the generally accepted belief is quite
the reverse。 All wo
