the idle thoughts of an idle fellow[1].(一个浪子的随想)-第17章
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point the child itself； who has hitherto been regarding you with an
expression of mingled horror and disgust； puts an end to the nonsense by
beginning to yell at the top of its voice； at which the priestess rushes
forward and snatches it from you with 〃There！ there！ there！ What did ums
do to ums？〃 〃How very extraordinary！〃 you say pleasantly。 〃Whatever
made it go off like that？〃 〃Oh； why； you must have done something to
her！〃 says the mother indignantly； 〃the child wouldn't scream like that for
nothing。〃 It is evident they think you have been running pins into it。
The brat is calmed at last； and would no doubt remain quiet enough；
only some mischievous busybody points you out again with 〃Who's this；
baby？〃 and the intelligent child； recognizing you； howls louder than ever。
Whereupon some fat old lady remarks that 〃it's strange how children
take a dislike to any one。〃 〃Oh； they know；〃 replies another mysteriously。
〃It's a wonderful thing；〃 adds a third； and then everybody looks sideways
at you； convinced you are a scoundrel of the blackest dye； and they glory
in the beautiful idea that your true character； unguessed by your fellow…
men； has been discovered by the untaught instinct of a little child。
Babies； though； with all their crimes and errors； are not without their
usenot without use； surely； when they fill an empty heart； not without use
when； at their call； sunbeams of love break through care…clouded faces；
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
not without use when their little fingers press wrinkles into smiles。
Odd little people！ They are the unconscious comedians of the world's
great stage。 They supply the humor in life's all…too…heavy drama。 Each one；
a small but determined opposition to the order of things in general； is
forever doing the wrong thing at the wrong time； in the wrong place and in
the wrong way。 The nurse…girl who sent Jenny to see what Tommy and
Totty were doing and 〃tell 'em they mustn't〃 knew infantile nature。 Give
an average baby a fair chance； and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to
a doctor should be called in at once。
They have a genius for doing the most ridiculous things； and they do
them in a grave； stoical manner that is irresistible。 The business…like air
with which two of them will join hands and proceed due east at a break…
neck toddle； while an excitable big sister is roaring for them to follow her
in a westerly direction； is most amusingexcept； perhaps； for the big sister。
They walk round a soldier； staring at his legs with the greatest curiosity；
and poke him to see if he is real。 They stoutly maintain； against all
argument and much to the discomfort of the victim； that the bashful young
man at the end of the 'bus is 〃dadda。〃 A crowded street…corner suggests
itself to their minds as a favorable spot for the discussion of family affairs
at a shrill treble。 When in the middle of crossing the road they are seized
with a sudden impulse to dance； and the doorstep of a busy shop is the
place they always select for sitting down and taking off their shoes。
When at home they find the biggest walking…stick in the house or an
umbrellaopen preferred…of much assistance in getting upstairs。 They
discover that they love Mary Ann at the precise moment when that faithful
domestic is blackleading the stove； and nothing will relieve their feelings
but to embrace her then and there。 With regard to food； their favorite
dishes are coke and cat's meat。 They nurse pussy upside down； and they
show their affection for the dog by pulling his tail。
They are a deal of trouble； and they make a place untidy and they cost
a lot of money to keep； but still you would not have the house without
them。 It would not be home without their noisy tongues and their
mischief…making hands。 Would not the rooms seem silent without their
pattering feet； and might not you stray apart if no prattling voices called
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
you together？
It should be so； and yet I have sometimes thought the tiny hand
seemed as a wedge； dividing。 It is a bearish task to quarrel with that purest
of all human affectionsthat perfecting touch to a woman's lifea
mother's love。 It is a holy love； that we coarser…fibered men can hardly
understand； and I would not be deemed to lack reverence for it when I say
that surely it need not swallow up all other affection。 The baby need not
take your whole heart； like the rich man who walled up the desert well。 Is
there not another thirsty traveler standing by？
In your desire to be a good mother； do not forget to be a good wife。 No
need for all the thought and care to be only for one。 Do not； whenever
poor Edwin wants you to come out； answer indignantly； 〃What； and leave
baby！〃 Do not spend all your evenings upstairs； and do not confine your
conversation exclusively to whooping…cough and measles。 My dear little
woman； the child is not going to die every time it sneezes； the house is not
bound to get burned down and the nurse run away with a soldier every
time you go outside the front door； nor the cat sure to come and sit on the
precious child's chest the moment you leave the bedside。 You worry
yourself a good deal too much about that solitary chick； and you worry
everybody else too。 Try and think of your other duties； and your pretty
face will not be always puckered into wrinkles； and there will be
cheerfulness in the parlor as well as in the nursery。 Think of your big baby
a little。 Dance him about a bit； call him pretty names； laugh at him now
and then。 It is only the first baby that takes up the whole of a woman's
time。 Five or six do not require nearly so much attention as one。 But
before then the mischief has been done。 A house where there seems no
room for him and a wife too busy to think of him have lost their hold on
that so unreasonable husband of yours； and he has learned to look
elsewhere for comfort and companionship。
But there； there； there！ I shall get myself the character of a baby…hater
if I talk any more in this strain。 And Heaven knows I am not one。 Who
could be； to look into the little innocent faces clustered in timid
helplessness round those great gates that open down into the world？
The worldthe small round world！ what a vast mysterious place it
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
must seem to baby eyes！ What a trackless continent the back garden
appears！ What marvelous explorations they make in the cellar under the
stairs！ With what awe they gaze down the long street； wondering； like us
bigger babies when we gaze up at the stars； where it all ends！
And down that longest street of allthat long； dim street of life that
stretches out before themwhat grave； old…fashioned looks they seem to
cast！ What pitiful； frightened looks sometimes！ I saw a little mite sitting
on a doorstep in a Soho slum one night； and I shall never forget the look
that the gas…lamp showed me on its wizen facea look of dull despair； as if
from the squalid court the vista of its own squalid life had risen； ghostlike；
and struck its heart dead with horror。
Poor little feet； just commencing the stony journey！ We old travelers；
far down the road； can only pause to wave a hand to you。 You come out of
the dark mist； and we； looking back； see you； so tiny in the distance；
standing on the brow of the hill； your arms stretched out toward us。 God
speed you！ We would stay and take your little hands in ours； but the
murmur of the great sea is in our ears and we may not linger。 We must
hasten down； for the shadowy ships are waiting to spread their sable sails。
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
ON EATING AND DRINKING。
I always was fond of eating and drinking； even as a childespecially
eating； in those early days。 I had an appetite then； also a digestion。 I
remember a dull…eyed； livid…complexioned gentleman coming to dine at
our house once。 He watched me eating for about five minutes； quite
fascinated seemingly； and then he turned to my father with
〃Does your boy ever suffer from dyspepsia？〃
〃I never heard him complain of anything of that kind；〃 replied my
father。 〃Do you ever suffer from dyspepsia； Colly wobbles？〃 （They called
me Colly wobbles； but it was not my real name。）
〃No； pa；〃 I answered。 After which I added：
〃What is dyspepsia； pa？〃
My livid…complexioned friend regarded me with a look of mingled
amazement and envy。 Then in a tone of infinite pity he slowly said：
〃You will knowsome day。〃
My poor； dear mother used to say she liked to see me eat； and it has
always been a pleasant reflection to me since that I must have given her
much gratification in that direction。 A growing； healthy lad； taking plenty
of exercise and careful to restrain himself from indulging in too much
study； can generally satisfy the most exacting expectations as regards his
feeding powers。
It is amusing to see boys eat when you have not got to pay for it。 Their
idea of a square meal is a pound and a half of roast beef with five or six
good…sized potatoes （soapy ones preferred as being more substantial）；
plenty of greens； and four thick slices of Yorkshire pudding； followed by a
couple of currant dumplings； a few green apples； a pen'orth of nuts； half a
dozen jumbles； and a bottle of ginger…beer。 After that they play at horses。
How they must desp
