the ragged trousered philanthropists-第28章

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ver　since　I've　been　a　Christian。'

‘Glory；　glory；　hallelujah！'　shouted　Bundy；　and　nearly　everyone　laughed。

‘〃Christian〃　is　right；'　sneered　Owen。　　‘You've　got　some　title　to　call　yourself　a　Christian；　haven't　you？　　As　for　the　happiness　that　passes　all　understanding；　it　certainly　passes　MY　understanding　how　you　can　be　happy　when　you　believe　that　millions　of　people　are　being　tortured　in　Hell；　and　it　also　passes　my　understanding　why　you　are　not　ashamed　of　yourself　for　being　happy　under　such　circumstances。'

‘Ah；　well；　you'll　find　it　all　out　when　you　come　to　die；　mate；'　replied　Slyme　in　a　threatening　tone。　　‘You'll　think　and　talk　different　then！'

‘That's　just　wot　gets　over　ME；'　observed　Harlow。　　‘It　don't　　seem　right　that　after　living　in　misery　and　poverty　all　our　bloody　lives；　workin'　and　slavin'　all　the　hours　that　Gord　A'mighty　sends；　that　we're　to　be　bloody　well　set　fire　and　burned　in　'ell　for　all　eternity！　　It　don't　seem　feasible　to　me；　you　know。'

‘It's　my　belief；'　said　Philpot；　profoundly；　‘that　when　you're　dead；　you're　done　for。　　That's　the　end　of　you。'

‘That's　what　*I*　say；'　remarked　Easton。　　‘As　for　all　this　religious　business；　it's　just　a　money…making　dodge。　　It's　the　parson's　trade；　just　the　same　as　painting　is　ours；　only　there's　no　work　attached　to　it　and　the　pay's　a　bloody　sight　better　than　ours　is。'

‘It's　their　livin'；　and　a　bloody　good　livin'　too；　if　you　ask　me；'　said　Bundy。

‘Yes；'　said　Harlow；　‘they　lives　on　the　fat　o'　the　land；　and　wears　the　best　of　everything；　and　they　does　nothing　for　it　but　talk　a　lot　of　twaddle　two　or　three　times　a　week。　　The　rest　of　the　time　they　spend　cadgin'　money　orf　silly　old　women　who　thinks　it's　a　sorter　fire　insurance。'

‘It's　an　old　sayin'　and　a　true　one；'　chimed　in　the　man　on　the　upturned　pail。　　‘Parsons　and　publicans　is　the　worst　enemies　the　workin'　man　ever　'ad。　　There　may　be　SOME　good　'uns；　but　they're　few　and　far　between。'

‘If　I　could　only　get　a　job　like　the　Harchbishop　of　Canterbury；'　said　Philpot；　solemnly；　‘I'd　leave　this　firm。'

‘So　would　I；'　said　Harlow；　‘if　I　was　the　Harchbishop　of　Canterbury；　I'd　take　my　pot　and　brushes　down　the　office　and　shy　'em　through　the　bloody　winder　and　tell　ole　Misery　to　go　to　'ell。'

‘Religion　is　a　thing　that　don't　trouble　ME　much；'　remarked　Newman；　‘and　as　for　what　happens　to　you　after　death；　it's　a　thing　I　believe　in　leavin'　till　you　comes　to　it　…　there's　no　sense　in　meetin'　trouble　'arfway。　　All　the　things　they　tells　us　may　be　true　or　they　may　not；　but　it　takes　me　all　my　time　to　look　after　THIS　world。　　I　don't　believe　I've　been　to　church　more　than　arf　a　dozen　times　since　I've　been　married　…　that's　over　fifteen　years　ago　now　…　and　then　it's　been　when　the　kids　'ave　been　christened。　　The　old　woman　goes　sometimes　and　of　course　the　young　'uns　goes；　you've　got　to　tell　'em　something　or　other；　and　they　might　as　well　learn　what　they　teaches　at　the　Sunday　School　as　anything　else。'

A　general　murmur　of　approval　greeted　this。　　It　seemed　to　be　the　almost　unanimous　opinion；　that；　whether　it　were　true　or　not；　‘religion'　was　a　nice　thing　to　teach　children。

‘I've　not　been　even　once　since　I　was　married；'　said　Harlow；　‘and　I　sometimes　wish　to　Christ　I　'adn't　gorn　then。'

‘I　don't　see　as　it　matters　a　dam　wot　a　man　believes；'　said　Philpot；　‘as　long　as　you　don't　do　no　'arm　to　nobody。　　If　you　see　a　poor　br　wot's　down　on　'is　luck；　give　'im　a　'elpin'　'and。　　Even　if　you　ain't　got　no　money　you　can　say　a　kind　word。　　If　a　man　does　'is　work　and　looks　arter　'is　'ome　and　'is　young　'uns；　and　does　a　good　turn　to　a　fellow　creature　when　'e　can；　I　reckon　'e　stands　as　much　chance　of　getting　into　'eaven　…　if　there　IS　sich　a　place　…　as　some　of　there　'ere　Bible…busters；　whether　'e　ever　goes　to　church　or　chapel　or　not。'

These　sentiments　were　echoed　by　everyone　with　the　solitary　exception　of　Slyme；　who　said　that　Philpot　would　find　out　his　mistake　after　he　was　dead；　when　he　would　have　to　stand　before　the　Great　White　Throne　for　judgement！

‘And　at　the　Last　Day；　when　yer　sees　the　moon　turned　inter　Blood；　you'll　be　cryin'　hout　for　the　mountings　and　the　rocks　to　fall　on　yer　and　'ide　yer　from　the　wrath　of　the　Lamb！'

The　others　laughed　derisively。

‘I'm　a　Bush　Baptist　meself；'　remarked　the　man　on　the　upturned　pail。　This　individual；　Dick　Wantley　by　name；　was　of　what　is　usually　termed　a　‘rugged'　cast　of　countenance。　　He　reminded　one　strongly　of　an　ancient　gargoyle；　or　a　dragon。

Most　of　the　hands　had　by　now　lit　their　pipes；　but　there　were　a　few　who　preferred　chewing　their　tobacco。　　As　they　smoked　or　chewed　they　expectorated　upon　the　floor　or　into　the　fire。　　Wantley　was　one　of　those　who　preferred　chewing　and　he　had　been　spitting　upon　the　floor　to　such　an　extent　that　he　was　by　this　time　partly　surrounded　by　a　kind　of　semicircular　moat　of　dark　brown　spittle。

‘I'm　a　Bush　Baptist！'　he　shouted　across　the　moat；　‘and　you　all　knows　wot　that　is。'

This　confession　of　faith　caused　a　fresh　outburst　of　hilarity；　because　of　course　everyone　knew　what　a　Bush　Baptist　was。

‘If　'evven's　goin'　to　be　full　of　sich　br's　as　Hunter；'　observed　Eaton；　‘I　think　I'd　rather　go　to　the　other　place。'

‘If　ever　ole　Misery　DOES　get　into　'eaven；'　said　Philpot；　‘'e　won't　stop　there　very　long。　　I　reckon　'e'll　be　chucked　out　of　it　before　'e's　been　there　a　week；　because　'e's　sure　to　start　pinchin'　the　jewels　out　of　the　other　saints'　crowns。'

‘Well；　if　they　won't　'ave　'im　in　'eaven；　I'm　sure　I　don't　know　wot's　to　become　of　'im；'　said　Harlow　with　pretended　concern；　‘because　I　don't　believe　'e'd　be　allowed　into　'ell；　now。'

‘Why　not？'　demanded　Bundy。　　‘I　should　think　it's　just　the　bloody　place　for　sich　br's　as　'im。'

‘So　it　used　to　be　at　one　time　o'　day；　but　they've　changed　all　that　now。　　They've　'ad　a　revolution　down　there：　deposed　the　Devil；　elected　a　parson　as　President；　and　started　puttin'　the　fire　out。'

‘From　what　I　hears　of　it；'　continued　Harlow　when　the　laughter　had　ceased；　‘'ell　is　a　bloody　fine　place　to　live　in　just　now。　　There's　underground　railways　and　'lectric　trams；　and　at　the　corner　of　nearly　every　street　there's　a　sort　of　pub　where　you　can　buy　ice…cream；　lemon　squash；　four　ale；　and　American　cold　drinks；　and　you're　allowed　to　sit　in　a　refrigerator　for　two　hours　for　a　tanner。'

Although　they　laughed　and　made　fun　of　these　things　the　reader　must　not　think　that　they　really　doubted　the　truth　of　the　Christian　religion；　because　…　although　they　had　all　been　brought　up　by　‘Christian'　parents　and　had　been　‘educated'　in　‘Christian'　schools　…　none　of　them　knew　enough　about　Christianity　to　either　really　believe　it　or　disbelieve　it。　　The　imposters　who　obtain　a　comfortable　living　by　pretending　to　be　the　ministers　and　disciples　of　the　Workman　of　Nazareth　are　too　cunning　to　encourage　their　dupes　to　acquire　anything　approaching　an　intelligent　understanding　of　the　subject。　　They　do　not　want　people　to　know　or　understand　anything：　they　want　them　to　have　Faith　…　to　believe　without　knowledge；　understanding；　or　evidence。　　For　years　Harlow　and　his　mates　…　when　children　…　had　been　‘taught'　‘Christianity'　in　day　school；　Sunday　School　and　in　church　or　chapel；　and　now　they　knew　practically　nothing　about　it！　　But　they　were　‘Christians'　all　the　same。　　They　believed　that　the　Bible　was　the　word　of　God；　but　they　didn't　know　where　it　came　from；　how　long　it　had　been　in　existence；　who　wrote　it；　who　translated　it　or　how　many　different　versions　there　were。　Most　of　them　were　almost　totally　unacquainted　with　the　contents　of　the　book　itself。　　But　all　the　same；　they　believed　it　…　after　a　fashion。

‘But　puttin'　all　jokes　aside；'　said　Philpot；　‘I　can't　believe　there's　sich　a　place　as　'ell。　　There　may　be　some　kind　of　punishment；　but　I　don't　believe　it's　a　real　fire。'

‘Nor　nobody　else；　what's　got　any　sense；'　replied　Harlow；　contemptuously。

‘I　believe　as　THIS　world　is　'ell；'　said　Crass；　looking　around　with　a　philosophic　expression。　　This　opinion　was　echoed　by　most　of　the　others；　although　Slyme　remained　silent　and　Owen　laughed。

‘Wot　the　bloody　'ell　are　YOU　laughin'　at？'　Crass　demanded　in　an　indignant　tone。

‘I　was　laughing　because　you　said　you　think　this　world　is　hell。'

‘Well；　I　don't　see　nothing　to　laugh　at　in　that；'　said　Crass。

‘So　it　IS　a　'ell；'　said　Easton。　　‘There　can't　be　anywheres　much　worse　than　this。'

‘'Ear；　'ear；'　said　the　man　behind　the　moat。

‘What　I　was　laughing　at　is　this；'　said　Owen。　　‘The　present　system　of　managing　the　affairs　of　the　world　is　so　bad　and　has　produced　such　dreadful　results　that　you　are　of　the　opinion　that　the　earth　is　a　hell：　and　yet　you　are　a　Conservative！　　You　wish　to　preserve　the　present　system　…　the　system　which　has　made　the　world　into　a　hell！'

‘I　thought　we　shouldn't　get　through　the　dinner　hour　without　politics　if　Owen　was　'ere；'　growled　Bundy。　　‘Bloody　sickenin'　I　call　it。'

‘Don't　be　'ard　on　'im；'　said　Philpot。　　‘'E's　been　very　quiet　for　the　last　few　days。'

‘We'll　'ave　to　go　through　it　today；　though；'　remarked　Harlow　despairingly。　　‘I　can　see　it　comin'。'

‘I'M　not　goin'　through　it；'　said　Bundy；　‘I'm　orf！'　　And　he　accordingly　drank　the　remainder　of　his　tea；　closed　his　empty　dinner　basket　and；　having　placed　it　on　the　mantelshelf；　made　for　the　door。

‘I'll　leave　you　to　it；'　he　said　as　he　went　out。　　The　others　laughed。

Crass；　remembering　the　cutting　from　the　Obscurer　that　he　had　in　his　pocket；　was　secretly　very　pleased　at　the　turn　the　conversation　was　taking。　　He　turned　roughly　on　Owen：

‘The　other　day；　when　we　was　talkin'　about　the　cause　of　poverty；　you　contradicted　everybody。　　Everyone　else　was　wrong！　　But　you　yourself　couldn't　tell　us　what's　the　cause　of　poverty；　could　you？'

‘I　think　I　could。'

‘Oh；　of　course；　you　think　you　know；'　sneered　Crass；　‘and　of　course　you　think　your　opinion's　right　and　everybody　else's　is　wrong。'

‘Yes；'　replied　Owen。

Several　men　expressed　their　abhorrence　of　this　intolerant　attitude　of　Owen's；　but　the　latter　rejoined：

‘Of　course　I　think　that　my　opinions　are　right　and　that　everyone　who　differs　from　me　is　wrong。　　If　I　didn't　think　their　opinions　were　wrong　I　wouldn't　differ　from　them。　　If　I　didn't　think　my　own　opinions　right　I　wouldn't　hold　them。'

‘But　there's　no　need　to　keep　on　arguin'　about　it　day　after　day；'　said　Crass。　　‘You've　got　your　opinion　and　I've　got　mine。　　Let　everyone　enjoy　his　own　opinion；　I　say。'

A　murmur　of　approbation　from　the　crowd　greeted　these　sentiments；　but　Owen　rejoined：

‘But　we　can't　both　be　right；　if　your　opinions　are　right　and　mine　are　not；　how　am　I　to　find　out　the　truth　if　we　never　talk　about　them？'

‘Well；　wot　do　you　reckon　is　the　cause　of　poverty；　then？'　demanded　Easton。

‘The　present　system　…　competition　…　capitalism。'

‘It's　all　very　well　to　talk　like　that；'　snarled　Crass；　to　whom　this　statement　conveyed　no　meaning　whatever。　　‘But　'ow　do　you　make　it　out？'

‘Well；　I　put　it　like　that　for　the　sake　of　shortness；'　replied　Owen。　‘Suppose　some　people　were　living　in　a　house　…'

‘More　supposin'！'　sneered　Crass。

‘And　suppose　they　were　always　ill；　and　suppose　that　the　house　was　badly　built；　the　walls　so　constructed　that　they　drew　and　retained　moisture；　the　roof　broken　and　leaky；　the　drains　defective；　the　doors　and　windows　ill…fitting　and　the　rooms　badly　shaped　and　draughty。　　If　you　were　asked　to　name；　in　a　word；　the　cause　of　the　ill…health　of　the　people　who　lived　there