the ragged trousered philanthropists-第71章

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rm　…　the　papers　did　not　mind　giving　the　business　a　free　advertisement；　because　it　was　a　charitable　concern　…　many　persons　withdrew　their　custom　from　those　who　usually　supplied　them　with　firewood；　and　gave　their　orders　to　the　Yard；　and　they　had　the　satisfaction　of　getting　their　fuel　cheaper　than　before　and　of　performing　a　charitable　action　at　the　same　time。

As　a　remedy　for　unemployment　this　scheme　was　on　a　par　with　the　method　of　the　tailor　in　the　fable　who　thought　to　lengthen　his　cloth　by　cutting　a　piece　off　one　end　and　sewing　it　on　to　the　other；　but　there　was　one　thing　about　it　that　recommended　it　to　the　Vicar　…　it　was　self…supporting。　　He　found　that　there　would　be　no　need　to　use　all　the　money　he　had　extracted　from　the　semi…imbecile　old　ladies　for　timber；　so　he　bought　himself　a　Newfoundland　dog；　an　antique　set　of　carved　ivory　chessmen；　and　a　dozen　bottles　of　whisky　with　the　remainder　of　the　cash。

The　reverend　gentleman　hit　upon　yet　another　means　of　helping　the　poor。　He　wrote　a　letter　to　the　Weekly　Chloroform　appealing　for　cast…off　boots　　for　poor　children。　　This　was　considered　such　a　splendid　idea　that　the　　editors　of　all　the　local　papers　referred　to　it　in　leading　articles；　and　several　other　letters　were　written　by　prominent　citizens　extolling　the　wisdom　and　benevolence　of　the　profound　Bosher。　　Most　of　the　boots　that　were　sent　in　response　to　this　appeal　had　been　worn　until　they　needed　repair　…　in　a　very　large　proportion　of　instances；　until　they　were　beyond　repair。　　The　poor　people　to　whom　they　were　given　could　not　afford　to　have　them　mended　before　using　them；　and　the　result　was　that　the　boots　generally　began　to　fall　to　pieces　after　a　few　days'　wear。

This　scheme　amounted　to　very　little。　　It　did　not　increase　the　number　of　cast…off　boots；　and　most　of　the　people　who　‘cast　off'　their　boots　generally　gave　them　to　someone　or　other。　　The　only　difference　It　can　have　made　was　that　possibly　a　few　persons　who　usually　threw　their　boots　away　or　sold　them　to　second…hand　dealers　may　have　been　induced　to　send　them　to　Mr　Bosher　instead。　　But　all　the　same　nearly　everybody　said　it　was　a　splendid　idea：　its　originator　was　applauded　as　a　public　benefactor；　and　the　pettifogging　busybodies　who　amused　themselves　with　what　they　were　pleased　to　term　‘charitable　work'　went　into　imbecile　ecstasies　over　him。



Chapter　36

The　OBS


One　of　the　most　important　agencies　for　the　relief　of　distress　was　the　Organized　Benevolence　Society。　　This　association　received　money　from　many　sources。　　The　proceeds　of　the　fancy…dress　carnival；　the　collections　from　different　churches　and　chapels　which　held　special　services　in　aid　of　the　unemployed；　the　weekly　collections　made　by　the　employees　of　several　local　firms　and　business　houses；　the　proceeds　of　concerts；　bazaars；　and　entertainments；　donations　from　charitable　persons；　and　the　subscriptions　of　the　members。　　The　society　also　received　large　quantities　of　cast…off　clothing　and　boots；　and　tickets　of　admission　to　hospitals；　convalescent　homes　and　dispensaries　from　subscribers　to　those　institutions；　or　from　people　like　Rushton　&　Co。；　who　had　collecting…boxes　in　their　workshops　and　offices。

Altogether　during　the　last　year　the　Society　had　received　from　various　sources　about　three　hundred　pounds　in　hard　cash。　　This　money　was　devoted　to　the　relief　of　cases　of　distress。

The　largest　item　in　the　expenditure　of　the　Society　was　the　salary　of　the　General　Secretary；　Mr　Sawney　Grinder　…　a　most　deserving　case　…　who　was　paid　one　hundred　pounds　a　year。

After　the　death　of　the　previous　secretary　there　were　so　many　candidates　for　the　vacant　post　that　the　election　of　the　new　secretary　was　a　rather　exciting　affair。　　The　excitement　was　all　the　more　intense　because　it　was　restrained。　　A　special　meeting　of　the　society　was　held：　the　Mayor；　Alderman　Sweater；　presided；　and　amongst　those　present　were　Councillors　Rushton；　Didlum　and　Grinder；　Mrs　Starvem；　Rev。　Mr　Bosher；　a　number　of　the　rich；　semi…imbecile　old　women　who　had　helped　to　open　the　Labour　Yard；　and　several　other　‘ladies'。　　Some　of　these　were　the　district　visitors　already　alluded　to；　most　of　them　the　wives　of　wealthy　citizens　and　retired　tradesmen；　richly　dressed；　ignorant；　insolent；　overbearing　frumps；　who　…　after　filling　themselves　with　good　things　in　their　own　luxurious　homes　…　went　flouncing　into　the　poverty…stricken　dwellings　of　their　poor　‘sisters'　and　talked　to　them　of　‘religion'；　lectured　them　about　sobriety　and　thrift；　and　…　sometimes　…　gave　them　tickets　for　soup　or　orders　for　shillingsworths　of　groceries　or　coal。　　Some　of　these　overfed　females　…　the　wives　of　tradesmen；　for　instance　…　belonged　to　the　Organized　Benevolence　Society；　and　engaged　in　this　‘work'　for　the　purpose　of　becoming　acquainted　with　people　of　superior　social　position　…　one　of　the　members　was　a　colonel；　and　Sir　Graball　D'Encloseland　…　the　Member　of　Parliament　for　the　borough　…　also　belonged　to　the　Society　and　occasionally　attended　its　meetings。　　Others　took　up　district　visiting　as　a　hobby；　they　had　nothing　to　do；　and　being　densely　ignorant　and　of　inferior　mentality；　they　had　no　desire　or　capacity　for　any　intellectual　pursuit。　　So　they　took　up　this　work　for　the　pleasure　of　playing　the　grand　lady　and　the　superior　person　at　a　very　small　expense。　　Other　of　these　visiting　ladies　were　middle…aged；　unmarried　women　with　small　private　incomes　…　some　of　them　well…meaning；　compassionate；　gentle　creatures　who　did　this　work　because　they　sincerely　desired　to　help　others；　and　they　knew　of　no　better　way。　These　did　not　take　much　part　in　the　business　of　the　meetings；　they　paid　their　subscriptions　and　helped　to　distribute　the　cast…off　clothing　and　boots　to　those　who　needed　them；　and　occasionally　obtained　from　the　secretary　an　order　for　provisions　or　coal　or　bread　for　some　poverty…stricken　family；　but　the　poor；　toil…worn　women　whom　they　visited　welcomed　them　more　for　their　sisterly　sympathy　than　for　the　gifts　they　brought。　　Some　of　the　visiting　ladies　were　of　this　character　…　but　they　were　not　many。　　They　were　as　a　few　fragrant　flowers　amidst　a　dense　accumulation　of　noxious　weeds。　　They　were　examples　of　humility　and　kindness　shining　amidst　a　vile　and　loathsome　mass　of　hypocrisy；　arrogance；　and　cant。

When　the　Chairman　had　opened　the　meeting；　Mr　Rushton　moved　a　vote　of　condolence　with　the　relatives　of　the　late　secretary　whom　he　eulogized　in　the　most　extraordinary　terms。

‘The　poor　of　Mugsborough　had　lost　a　kind　and　sympathetic　friend'；　‘One　who　had　devoted　his　life　to　helping　the　needy'；　and　so　on　and　so　forth。　　（As　a　matter　of　fact；　most　of　the　time　of　the　defunct　had　been　passed　in　helping　himself；　but　Rushton　said　nothing　about　that。）

Mr　Didlum　seconded　the　vote　of　condolence　in　similar　terms；　and　it　was　carried　unanimously。　　Then　the　Chairman　said　that　the　next　business　was　to　elect　a　successor　to　the　departed　paragon；　and　immediately　no　fewer　than　nine　members　rose　to　propose　a　suitable　person　…　they　each　had　a　noble…minded　friend　or　relative　willing　to　sacrifice　himself　for　the　good　of　the　poor。

The　nine　Benevolent　stood　looking　at　each　other　and　at　the　Chairman　with　sickly　smiles　upon　their　hypocritical　faces。　　It　was　a　dramatic　moment。　　No　one　spoke。　　It　was　necessary　to　be　careful。　　It　would　never　do　to　have　a　contest。　　The　Secretary　of　the　OBS　was　usually　regarded　as　a　sort　of　philanthropist　by　the　outside　public；　and　it　was　necessary　to　keep　this　fiction　alive。

For　one　or　two　minutes　an　awkward　silence　reigned。　　Then；　one　after　another　they　all　reluctantly　resumed　their　seats　with　the　exception　of　Mr　Amos　Grinder；　who　said　he　wished　to　propose　his　nephew；　Mr　Sawney　Grinder；　a　young　man　of　a　most　benevolent　disposition　who　was　desirous　of　immolating　himself　upon　the　altar　of　charity　for　the　benefit　of　the　poor　…　or　words　to　that　effect。

Mr　Didlum　seconded；　and　there　being　no　other　nomination　…　for　they　all　knew　that　it　would　give　the　game　away　to　have　a　contest　…　the　Chairman　put　Mr　Grinder's　proposal　to　the　meeting　and　declared　it　carried　unanimously。

Another　considerable　item　in　the　expenditure　of　the　society　was　the　rent　of　the　offices　…　a　house　in　a　back　street。　　The　landlord　of　this　place　was　another　very　deserving　case。

There　were　numerous　other　expenses：　stationery　and　stamps；　printing；　and　so　on；　and　what　was　left　of　the　money　was　used　for　the　purpose　for　which　it　had　been　given　…　a　reasonable　amount　being　kept　in　hand　for　future　expenses。　　All　the　details　were　of　course　duly　set　forth　in　the　Report　and　Balance　Sheet　at　the　annual　meetings。　　No　copy　of　this　document　was　ever　handed　to　the　reporters　for　publication；　it　was　read　to　the　meeting　by　the　Secretary；　the　representatives　of　the　Press　took　notes；　and　in　the　reports　of　the　meeting　that　subsequently　appeared　in　the　local　papers　the　thing　was　so　mixed　up　and　garbled　together　that　the　few　people　who　read　it　could　not　make　head　or　tail　of　it。　　The　only　thing　that　was　clear　was　that　the　society　had　been　doing　a　great　deal　of　good　to　someone　or　other；　and　that　more　money　was　urgently　needed　to　carry　on　the　work。　　It　usually　appeared　something　like　this：

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　HELPING　THE　NEEDY　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Mugsborough　Organized　Benevolence　Society　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Annual　Meeting　at　the　Town　Hall

　　　　　　　　　　　A　Splendid　record　of　Miscellaneous　and　Valuable　Work。

　　　　The　annual　meeting　of　the　above　Society　was　held　yesterday　at　the　　　　　Town　Hall。　　The　Mayor；　Alderman　Sweater；　presided；　and　amongst　　　　　those　present　were　Sir　Graball　D'Encloseland；　Lady　D'Encloseland；　　　　　Lady　Slumrent。　　Rev。　Mr　Bosher；　Mr　Cheeseman；　Mrs　Bilder；　Mrs　　　　　Grosare；　Mrs　Daree；　Mrs　Butcher；　Mrs　Taylor；　Mrs　Baker；　Mrs　　　　　Starvem；　Mrs　Slodging；　Mrs　M。　B。　Sile；　Mrs　Knobrane；　Mrs　M。　T。　　　　　Head；　Mr　Rushton；　Mr　Didlum；　Mr　Grinder　and　（here　followed　about　a　　　　　quarter　of　a　column　of　names　of　other　charitable　persons；　all　　　　　subscribers　to　the　Society）。

　　　　The　Secretary　read　the　annual　report　which　contained　the　following　　　　　amongst　other　interesting　items：


　　　　During　the　year；　1；972　applications　for　assistance　have　been　　　　　received；　and　of　this　number　1；302　have　been　assisted　as　follows：　　　　　Bread　or　grocery　orders；　273。　　Coal　or　coke　orders；　57。　　　　　Nourishment　579。　　（Applause。）　　Pairs　of　boots　granted；　29。　　　　　Clothing；　105。　　Crutch　granted　to　poor　man；　1。　　Nurses　provided；　　　　　2。　　　Hospital　tickets；　26。　　　Sent　to　Consumption　Sanatorium；　1。　　　　　Twenty…nine　persons；　whose　cases　being　chronic；　were　referred　to　　　　　the　Poor　Law　Guardians。　　Work　found　for　19　persons。　　（Cheers。）　　　　　Pedlar's　licences；　4。　　Dispensary　tickets；　24。　　Bedding　redeemed；　　　　　1。　Loans　granted　to　people　to　enable　them　to　pay　their　rent；　8。　　　　　（Loud　cheers。）　　Dental　tickets；　2。　　Railway　fares　for　men　who　were　　　　　going　away　from　the　town　to　employment　elsewhere；　12。　　（Great　　　　　cheering。）　　Loans　granted；　5。　　Advertisements　for　employment；　4　…　　　　　and　so　on。

There　was　about　another　quarter　of　a　column　of　these　details；　the　reading　of　which　was　punctuated　with　applause　and　concluded　with：　‘Leaving　670　cases　which　for　various　reasons　the　Society　was　unable　to　assist'。　　The　report　then　went　on　to　explain　that　the　work　of　inquiring　into　the　genuineness　of　the　applications　entailed　a　lot　of　labour　on　the　part　of　the　Secretary；　some　cases　taking　several　days。　No　fewer　than　6