a simpleton-第14章

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confined　to　Mesdames　Cole　and　Staines。　　The　experienced；　however
wealthy；　do　not　hunt　bargains　in　silk　and　satin。

The　auctioneer　called　〃Lot　7。　　Four　saucepans；　two　trays；　a　kettle；
a　bootjack；　and　a　towel…horse。〃

These　were　put　up　at　two　shillings；　and　speedily　knocked　down　for
five　to　a　fat　old　woman　in　a　greasy　velvet　jacket；　blind　industry
had　sewed　bugles　on　it；　not　artfully；　but　agriculturally。

〃The　lady　on　the　left！〃　said　the　auctioneer　to　his　clerk。　　That
meant　〃Get　the　money。〃

The　old　lady　plunged　a　huge　paw　into　a　huge　pocket；　and　pulled　out
a　huge　handful　of　coincopper；　silver；　and　goldand　paid　for　the
lot；　and　Rosa　surveyed　her　dirty　hands　and　nails　with　innocent
dismay。　　〃Oh；　what　a　dreadful　creature！〃　she　whispered；　〃and　what
can　she　want　with　those　old　rubbishy　things？　　I　saw　a　hole　in　one
from　here。〃　　The　broker　overheard；　and　said；　〃She　is　a　dealer；
ma'am；　and　the　things　were　given　away。　　She'll　sell　them　for　a
guinea；　easy。〃

〃Didn't　I　tell　you？〃　said　Mrs。　Cole。

Soon　after　this　the　superior　lots　came　on；　and　six　very　neat
bedroom　chairs　were　sold　to　all　appearance　for　fifteen　shillings。

The　next　lot　was　identical；　and　Rosa　hazarded　a　bid；〃Sixteen
shillings。〃

Instantly　some　dealer；　one　of　the　hook…nosed　that　gathered　round
each　lot　as　it　came　to　the　foot　of　the　table；　cried　〃Eighteen
shillings。〃

〃Nineteen；〃　said　Rosa。

〃A　guinea；〃　said　the　dealer。

〃Don't　let　it　go；〃　said　the　broker　behind　her。　　〃Don't　let　it　go；
ma'am。〃

She　colored　at　the　intrusion；　and　left　off　bidding　directly；　and
addressed　herself　to　Mrs。　Cole。　　〃Why　should　I　give　so　much；　when
the　last　were　sold　for　fifteen　shillings？〃

The　real　reason　was　that　the　first　lot　was　not　bid　for　at　all；
except　by　the　proprietor。　　However；　the　broker　gave　her　a　very
different　solution；　he　said；　〃The　trade　always　run　up　a　lady　or　a
gentleman。　　Let　me　bid　for　you；　they　won't　run　me　up；　they　know
better。〃

Rosa　did　not　reply；　but　looked　at　Mrs。　Cole。

〃Yes；　dear；〃　said　that　lady；　〃you　had　much　better　let　him　bid　for
you。〃

〃Very　well；〃　said　Rosa；　〃you　can　bid　for　this　chest　of　drawerslot
25。〃

When　lot　25　came　on；　the　broker　bid　in　the　silliest　possible　way；
if　his　object　had　been　to　get　a　bargain。　　He　began　to　bid　early　and
ostentatiously；　the　article　was　protected　by　somebody　or　other
there　present；　who　now　of　course　saw　his　way　clear；　he　ran　it　up
audaciously；　and　it　was　purchased　for　Rosa　at　about　the　price　it
could　have　been　bought　for　at　a　shop。

The　next　thing　she　wanted　was　a　set　of　oak　chairs。

They　went　up　to　twenty…eight　pounds；　then　she　said；　〃I　shall　give
no　more；　sir。〃

〃Better　not　lose　them；〃　said　the　agent；　〃they　are　a　great　bargain；〃
and　bid　another　pound　for　her　on　his　own　responsibility。

They　were　still　run　up；　and　Rosa　peremptorily　refused　to　give　any
more。　　She　lost　them；　accordingly；　by　good　luck。　　Her　faithful
broker　looked　blank；　so　did　the　proprietor。

But；　as　the　sale　proceeded；　she　being　young；　the　competition；
though　most　of　it　sham；　being　artful　and　exciting；　and　the　traitor
she　employed　constantly　puffing　every　article；　she　was　drawn　in　to
wishing　for　things；　and　bidding　by　her　feelings。

Then　her　traitor　played　a　game　that　has　been　played　a　hundred
times；　and　the　perpetrators　never　once　lynched；　as　they　ought　to
be；　on　the　spot。　　He　signalled　a　confederate　with　a　hooked　nose；
the　Jew　rascal　bid　against　the　Christian　scoundrel；　and　so　they　ran
up　the　more　enticing　things　to　twice　their　value　under　the　hammer。

Rosa　got　flushed；　and　her　eye　gleamed　like　a　gambler's；　and　she
bought　away　like　wildfire。　　In　which　sport　she　caught　sight　of　an
old　gentleman；　with　little　black　eyes　that　kept　twinkling　at　her。

She　complained　of　these　eyes　to　Mrs。　Cole。　　〃Why　does　he　twinkle
so？　　I　can　see　it　is　at　me。　　I　am　doing　something　foolishI　know　I
am。〃

Mrs。　Cole　turned；　and　fixed　a　haughty　stare　on　the　old　gentleman。
Would　you　believe　it？　instead　of　sinking　through　the　floor；　he　sat
his　ground；　and　retorted　with　a　cold；　clear　grin。

But　now；　whenever　Rosa's　agent　bid　for　her；　and　the　other　man　of
straw　against　him；　the　black　eyes　twinkled；　and　Rosa's　courage
began　to　ooze　away。　　At　last　she　said；　〃That　is　enough　for　one　day。
I　shall　go。　　Who　could　bear　those　eyes？〃

The　broker　took　her　address；　so　did　the　auctioneer's　clerk。　　The
auctioneer　asked　her　for　no　deposit；　her　beautiful；　innocent；　and
high…bred　face　was　enough　for　a　man　who　was　always　reading　faces；
and　interpreting　them。

And　so　they　retired。

But　this　charming　sex　is　like　that　same　auctioneer's　hammer；　it
cannot　go　abruptly。　　It　is　always　goinggoinggoinga　long　time
before　it　is　gone。　　I　think　it　would　perhaps　loiter　at　the　door　of
a　jail；　with　the　order　of　release　in　its　hand；　after　six　years'
confinement。　　Getting　up　to　go　quenches　in　it　the　desire　to　go。　　So
these　ladies　having　got　up　to　go；　turned　and　lingered；　and　hung
fire　so　long；　that　at　last　another　set　of　oak　chairs　came　up。　　〃Oh！
I　must　see　what　these　go　for；〃　said　Rosa；　at　the　door。

The　bidding　was　mighty　languid　now　Rosa's　broker　was　not
stimulating　it；　and　the　auctioneer　was　just　knocking　down　twelve
chairsoak　and　leatherand　two　arm…chairs；　for　twenty　pounds；
when；　casting　his　eyes　around；　he　caught　sight　of　Rosa　looking　at
him　rather　excited。　　He　looked　inquiringly　at　her。　　She　nodded
slightly；　he　knocked　them　down　to　her　at　twenty　guineas；　and　they
were　really　a　great　bargain。

〃Twenty…two；〃　cried　the　dealer。

〃Too　late；〃　said　the　auctioneer。

〃I　spoke　with　the　hammer；　sir。〃

〃After　the　hammer；　Isaacs。〃

〃Shelp　me　God；　we　was　together。〃

One　or　two　more　of　his　tribe　confirmed　this　pious　falsehood；　and
clamored　to　have　them　put　up　again。

〃Call　the　next　lot；〃　said　the　auctioneer；　peremptorily。　　〃Make　up
your　mind　a　little　quicker　next　time；　Mr。　Isaacs；　you　have　been
long　enough　at　it　to　know　the　value　of　oak　and　moroccar。〃

Mrs。　Staines　and　her　friend　now　started　for　Morley's　Hotel；　but
went　round　by　Regent　Street；　whereby　they　got　glued　at　Peter
Robinson's　window；　and　nine　other　windows；　and　it　was　nearly　five
o'clock　when　they　reached　Morley's。　　As　they　came　near　the　door　of
their　sitting…room；　Mrs。　Staines　heard　somebody　laughing　and
talking　to　her　husband。　　The　laugh；　to　her　subtle　ears；　did　not
sound　musical　and　genial；　but　keen；　satirical；　unpleasant；　so　it
was　with　some　timidity　she　opened　the　door；　and　there　sat　the　old
chap　with　the　twinkling　eyes。　　Both　parties　stared　at　each　other　a
moment。

〃Why；　it　is　them；〃　cried　the　old　gentleman。　　〃Ha！　ha！　ha！　ha！　ha！〃

Rosa　colored　all　over；　and　felt　guilty　somehow；　and　looked
miserable。

〃Rosa　dear；〃　said　Dr。　Staines；　〃this　is　our　Uncle　Philip。〃

〃Oh！〃　said　Rosa；　and　turned　red　and　pale　by　turns；　for　she　had　a
great　desire　to　propitiate　Uncle　Philip。

〃You　were　in　the　auction…room；　sir？〃　said　Mrs。　Cole；　severely。

〃I　was；　madam。　　He！　he！〃

〃Furnishing　a　house？〃

〃No；　ma'am。　　I　go　to　a　dozen　sales　a　week；　but　it　is　not　to　buyI
enjoy　the　humors。　　Did　you　ever　hear　of　Robert　Burton；　ma'am？〃

〃No。　　Yes；　a　great　traveller；　isn't　he？　　Discovered　the　Nileor
the　Nigeror　SOMETHING？〃

This　majestic　vagueness　staggered　old　Crusty　at　first；　but　he
recovered　his　equilibrium；　and　said；　〃Why；　yes；　now　I　think　of　it；
you　are　right；　he　has　travelled　farther　than　most　of　us；　for　about
two　centuries　ago　he　visited　that　bourn　whence　no　traveller
returns。　　Well；　when　he　was　alivehe　was　a　student　of
Christchurchhe　used　to　go　down　to　a　certain　bridge　over　the　Isis
and　enjoy　the　chaff　of　the　bargemen。　　Now　there　are　no　bargemen
left　to　speak　of；　the　mantle　of　Bobby　Burton's　bargees　has　fallen
on　the　Jews　and　demi…semi…Christians　that　buy　and　sell　furniture　at
the　weekly　auctions；　thither　I　repair　to　hear　what　little　coarse
wit　is　left　us。　　Used　to　go　to　the　House　of　Commons；　but　they　are
getting　too　civil　by　half　for　my　money。　　Besides；　characters　come
out　in　an　auction。　　For　instance；　only　this　very　day　I　saw　two
ladies　enter；　in　gorgeous　attire；　like　heifers　decked　for
sacrifice；　and　reduce　their　spoliation　to　a　certainty　by　employing
a　broker　to　bid。　　Now；　what　is　a　broker？　　A　fellow　who　is　to　be
paid　a　shilling　in　the　pound　for　all　articles　purchased。　　What　is
his　interest；　then？　　To　buy　cheap？　　Clearly　not。　　He　is　paid　in
proportion　to　the　dearness　of　the　article。〃

Rosa's　face　began　to　work　piteously。

〃Accordingly；　what　did　the　broker　in　question　do？　　He　winked　to
another　broker；　and　these　two　bid　against　one　another；　over　their
victim's　head；　and　ran　everything　she　wanted　up　at　least　a　hundred
per　cent　above　the　value。　　So　open　and　transparent　a　swindle　I　have
seldom　seen；　even　in　an　auction…room。　　Ha！　ha！　ha！　ha！　ha！〃

His　mirth　was　interrupted　by　Rosa　going　to　her　husband；　hiding　her
head　on　his　shoulder；　and　meekly　crying。

Christopher　comforted　her　like　a　man。　　〃Don't　you　cry；　darling；〃
said　he；　〃how　should　a　pure　creature　like　you　know　the　badness　of
the　world　all　in　a　moment？　　If　it　is　my　wife　you　are　laughing　at；
Uncle　Philip；　let　me　tell　you　this　is　the　wrong　place。　　I'd　rather
a　thousand　times　have　her　as　she　is；　than　armed　with　the　cunning
and　suspicions　of　a　hardened　old　worldling　like　you。〃

〃With　all　my　heart；〃　said　Uncle　Philip；　who；　to　do　him　justice；
could　take　blows　as　well　as　give　them；　〃but　why　employ　a　broker？
Why　pay　a　scoundrel　five　per　cent　to　make　you　pay　a　hundred　per
cent？　　Why　pay　a　noisy　fool　a　farthing　to　open　his　mouth　for　you
when　you　have　taken　the　trouble　to　be　there　yourself；　and　have　got
a　mouth　of　your　own　to　bid　discreetly　with？　　Was　ever　such　an
absurdity？〃　　He　began　to　get　angry。

〃Do　you　want　to　quarrel　with　me；　Uncle　Philip？〃　said　Christopher；
firing　up；　〃because　sneering　at　my　Rosa　is　the　way；　and　the　only
way；　and　the　sure　way。〃

〃Oh；　no；〃　said　Rosa；　interposing。　　〃Uncle　Philip　was　right。　　I　am
very　foolish　and　inexperienced；　but　I　am　not　so　vain　as　to　turn
from　good　advice。　　I　will　never　employ　a　broker　again；　sir。〃

Uncle　Philip　smiled　and　looked　pleased。

Mrs。　Cole　caused　a　diversion　by　taking　leave；　and　Rosa　followed　her
down…stairs。　　On　her　return　she　found　Christopher　telling　his　uncle
all　about　the　Bijou；　and　how　he　had　taken　it　for　a　hundred　and
thirty　pounds　a　year　and　a　hundred　pounds　premium；　and　Uncle　Philip
staring　fearfully。

At　last　he　found　his　tongue。　　〃The　Bijou！〃　said　he。　　〃Why；　that　is
a　name　they　gave　to　a　little　den　in　Dear　Street；　Mayfair。　　You
haven't　ever　been　and　taken　THAT！　　Built　over　a　mews。〃

Christopher　groaned。　　〃That　is　the　place；　I　fear。〃

〃Why　the　owner　is　a　friend　of　mine；　an　old　patient。　　Stables　stunk
him　out。　　Let　it　to　a　man；　I　forget　his　name。　　Stables　stunk　HIM
out。　　He　said；　'I　shall　go。'　　'You　can't；'　said　my　friend；　'you
have　taken　a　lease。'　　'Lease　be　dd；'　said　the　other；　'I　never
took　YOUR　house；　here's　quite　a　large　stench　not　specified　in　your
description　of　the　propertyIT　CAN'T　BE　THE　SAME　PLACE；'　flung　the
lease　at　his　head；　and　cut　like　the　wind　to　foreign　parts　less
odoriferous。　　I'd　have　got　you　the　hole　for　ninety；　but　you　are
like　your　wifeyou　must　go　to　an　agent。　　What！　don't　you　know　that
an　agent　is　a　man　acting　for　you　with　an　interest　opposed