hemingway, ernest - garden of eden-第19章

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e　leopard　was　after　meat　and　there　was　plenty　of　meat　so　there　was　no　problem。　In　the　morning　before　daylight　sitting　by　the　ashes　of　the　fire　with　his　tea　in　the　chipped　enameled　cup　he　asked　Mob　if　the　leopard　had　taken　meat　and　Mob　said；　〃Ndiyo〃　and　he　said；　〃There's　plenty　where　we　re　going。　Get　them　moving　so　we　can　start　the　climb。〃

They　were　moving　for　the　second　day　through　the　high　wooded　and　park…like　country　above　the　escarpment　when　he　stopped　finally　and　he　was　happy　with　the　country　and　the　day　and　the　distance　they　had　made。　He　had　his　father's　ability　to　forget　now　and　not　dread　anything　that　was　coming。　There　was　another　day　and　another　night　ahead　in　that　new　high　country　when　he　stopped　and　he　had　lived　two　days　and　a　night　today。

Now　that　he　left　that　country　his　father　was　with　him　still　as　he　locked　the　door　and　walked　back　to　the　big　room　and　the　bar。

He　told　the　boy　he　did　not　want　breakfast　and　to　bring　him　a　whiskey　and　Perrier　and　the　morning　paper。　It　was　past　noon　and　he　had　intended　to　drive　the　old　Isotta　into　Cannes　and　see　that　the　repairs　were　made　but　he　knew　the　garages　were　closed　now　and　it　was　too　late。　Instead　he　stood　at　the　bar　because　that's　where　he　would　have　found　his　father　at　that　hour　and；　having　just　come　down　from　the　high　country；　he　missed　him。　The　sky　outside　was　very　much　the　sky　that　he　had　left。　It　was　high　blue　and　the　clouds　white　cumulus　and　he　welcomed　his　father's　presence　at　the　bar　until　he　glanced　in　the　mirror　and　saw　he　was　alone。　He　had　intended　to　ask　his　father　about　two　things。　His　father；　who　ran　his　life　more　disastrously　than　any　man　that


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he　had　ever　known；　gave　marvelous　advice。　He　distilled　it　out　of　the　bitter　mash　of　all　his　previous　mistakes　with　the　freshening　addition　of　the　new　mistakes　he　was　about　to　make　and　he　gave　it　with　an　accuracy　and　precision　that　carried　the　authority　of　a　man　who　had　heard　all　the　more　grisly　provisions　of　his　sentence　and　gave　it　no　more　importance　than　he　had　given　to　the　fine　print　on　a　transatlantic　steamship　ticket。

He　was　sorry　that　his　father　had　not　stayed　but　he　could　hear　the　advice　clearly　enough　and　he　smiled。　His　father　would　have　given　it　more　exactly　but　he；　David；　had　stopped　writing　because　he　was　tired　and；　tired；　he　could　not　do　justice　to　his　father's　style。　No　one　could；　really；　and　sometimes　his　father　could　not　either。　He　knew　now；　more　than　ever；　why　he　had　always　put　off　writing　this　story　and　he　knew　he　must　not　think　about　it　now　that　he　had　left　it　or　he　would　damage　his　ability　to　write　it。

You　must　not　worry　about　it　before　you　start　nor　when　you　stop　he　told　himself。　You're　lucky　to　have　it　and　don't　start　fumbling　with　it　now。　If　you　cannot　respect　the　way　you　handle　your　life　then　certainly　respect　your　trade。　You　know　about　your　trade　at　least。　But　it　was　a　rather　awful　story　really。　By　God　it　was。

He　sipped　the　whiskey　and　Perrier　again　and　looked　out　the　door　at　the　late　summer　day。　He　was　cooling　out　as　he　always　did　and　the　giant　killer　made　things　better。　He　wondered　where　the　girls　were。　They　were　late　again　and　he　hoped　that　this　time　it　would　be　nothing　bad。　He　was　not　a　tragic　character；　having　his　father　and　being　a　writer　barred　him　from　that；　and　as　he　finished　the　whiskey　and　Perrier　he　felt　even　less　of　one。　He　had　never　known　a　morning　when　he　had　not　waked　happily　until　the　enormity　of　the　day　had　touched　him　and　he　had　accepted　this　day　now　as　he　had　accepted　all　the　others　for　himself。　He　had　lost　the　capacity　of　personal　suffering；　or　he　thought　he　had；　and　only　could　be　hurt　truly　by　what　happened　to　others。　He　believed　this；　wrongly　of　course　since　he　did　not　know　then　how　one's　capacities　can　change；　nor　how　the　other

could　change；　and　it　was　a　comfortable　belief。　He　thought　of　the　two　girls　and　wished　that　they　would　turn　up。　It　was　getting　too　late　to　swim　before　lunch　but　he　wanted　to　see　them。　He　thought　about　them　both。　Then　he　went　into　his　and　Catherine's　room　and　took　a　shower　and　shaved。　He　was　shaving　when　he　heard　the　car　come　up　and　he　felt　the　sudden　empty　feeling　in　his　gut。　Then　he　heard　their　voices　and　heard　them　laughing　and　he　found　a　fresh　pair　of　shorts　and　a　shirt　and　pulled　them　on　and　went　out　to　see　how　things　would　be。

The　three　of　them　had　quiet　drinks　and　then　a　lunch　that　was　good　but　light　and　they　drank　Tavel　and　when　they　were　eating　cheese　and　fruit　Catherine　said；　〃Should　I　tell　him？〃

〃If　you　want；〃　the　girl　said。　She　picked　up　her　wine　and　drank　part　of　it　down。

〃I　forgot　how　to　say　it；〃　Catherine　said。　〃We　waited　too　long。〃

〃Can't　you　remember　it？〃　the　girl　said。

〃No；　I've　forgotten　it　and　it　was　wonderful。　We　had　it　all　worked　out　and　it　was　really　wonderful。〃

David　poured　himself　another　glass　of　Tavel。

〃Do　you　want　to　try　for　just　the　factual　content？〃　he　asked。

〃I　know　the　factual　content；〃　Catherine　said。　〃It's　that　yester　day　you　made　siesta　with　me　and　then　you　went　to　Marita's　room　but　today　you　can　just　go　there。　But　I've　spoiled　it　now　and　what　I　wish　is　we　could　all　just　make　siesta　together。〃

〃Not　siesta；〃　David　heard　himself　say。

〃I　suppose　not；〃　Catherine　said。　〃Well　I'm　sorry　I　said　it　all　wrong　and　I　couldn't　help　saying　what　I　wished。〃


In　the　room　he　said　to　Catherine；　〃To　hell　with　her。〃

〃No；　David。　She　wanted　to　do　what　I　asked　her。　Maybe　she　can　tell　you。〃

〃Fuck　her。〃

'Well　you　have；〃　she　said。　〃That's　not　the　point。　Go　and　talk

with　her　David。　And　if　you　want　to　fuck　her　then　fuck　her　good　for　me。〃
〃Don't　talk　rough。〃
〃You　used　it。　I　just　knocked　it　back。　Like　tennis。
〃All　right；〃　David　said。　〃What's　she　supposed　to　say　to　me？〃
〃My　speech；〃　Catherine　said。　〃The　one　I　forgot。　Don't　look　so　serious　or　I　won't　let　you　go。　You're　awfully　appealing　when　you're　serious。　You'd　better　go　before　she　forgets　the　speech。〃
〃The　hell　with　you　too。〃
〃That's　good。　Now　you're　reacting　better。　I　like　you　when　you　are　more　careless。　Kiss　me　goodbye。　I　mean　good　afternoon。　You　really　better　go　or　she　really　will　forget　the　speech。　Don't　you　see　how　reasonable　and　good　I　am？〃
〃You're　not　reasonable　and　good。〃
〃You　like　me　though。〃
〃Sure。〃
〃Do　you　want　me　to　tell　you　a　secret？〃
〃A　new　one？〃
〃An　old　one。
〃All　right。〃
〃You　aren't　very　hard　to　corrupt　and　you're　an　awful　lot　of　fun　to　corrupt。〃
〃You　ought　to　know。〃
〃It　was　just　a　joke　secret。　There　isn't　any　corruption。　We　just　have　fun。　Go　on　in　and　have　her　make　my　speech　before　she　forgets　it　too。　Go　on　and　be　a　good　boy　David。〃


In　the　room　at　the　far　end　of　the　hotel　David　lay　on　the　bed　and　said；　〃What's　it　all　about　really？〃
〃It's　just　what　she　said　last　night；〃　the　girl　said。　〃She　really　means　it。　You　don't　know　how　much　she　means　it。
〃Did　you　tell　her　we'd　made　love？〃
〃No。〃

〃She　knew　it。〃

〃Does　it　matter？〃

〃It　didn't　seem　to。〃

〃Take　a　glass　of　wine；　David；　and　be　comfortable。　I'm　not　indifferent；〃　she　said。　〃I　hope　you　know　that。〃

〃I'm　not　either；〃　he　said。

Then　their　lips　were　together　and　he　felt　her　body　against　his　and　her　breasts　against　his　chest　and　her　lips　tight　against　his　and　then　open；　her　head　moving　from　side　to　side　and　her　breathing　and　the　feel　of　his　belt　buckle　against　his　belly　and　in　his　hands。


They　lay　on　the　beach　and　David　watched　the　sky　and　the　movement　of　the　clouds　and　did　not　think　at　all。　Thinking　did　no　good　and　when　he　lay　down　he　had　thought　that　if　he　did　not　think　then　everything　that　was　wrong　might　go　away。　The　girls　were　talking　but　he　did　not　listen　to　them。　He　lay　and　watched　the　September　sky　and　when　the　girls　had　fallen　silent　he　started　to　think　and　without　looking　at　the　girl　he　asked；　〃What　are　you　thinking？〃

〃Nothing；〃　she　said。

〃Ask　me；〃　Catherine　said。

〃I　can　guess　what　you're　thinking。〃

〃No　you　can't。　I　was　thinking　about　the　Prado。〃

〃Have　you　been　there？〃　David　asked　the　girl。

〃Not　yet；〃　she　said。

〃We'll　go；〃　Catherine　said。　〃When　can　we　go；　David？〃

〃Anytime；〃　David　said。　〃I　want　to　finish　this　story　first。〃

〃Will　you　work　hard　on　the　story？〃

〃That's　what　I'm　doing。　I　can't　work　any　harder。〃

〃I　didn't　mean　to　hurry　it。〃

〃I　won't；〃　he　said。　〃If　you're　getting　bored　here　you　two　go　on　ahead　and　I'll　find　you　there。〃

〃I　don't　want　to　do　that；〃　Marita　said。

〃Don't　be　silly；〃　Catherine　said。　〃He's　just　being　noble。〃
〃No。　You　can　go。
〃It　wouldn't　be　any　fun　without　you；〃　Catherine　said。　〃You　know　that。　We　two　in　Spain　wouldn't　be　fun。〃
〃He's　working；　Catherine；〃　Marita　said。
〃He　could　work　in　Spain；〃　Catherine　said。　〃Plenty　of　Spanish　writers　must　have　worked　in　Spain。　I'll　bet　I　could　write　well　in　Spain　if　I　was　a　writer。〃
〃I　can　write　in　Spain；〃　David　said。　〃When　do　you　want　to　go？〃
〃Damn　you；　Catherine；〃　Marita　said。　〃He's　in　the　middle　of　a　story。〃
〃He's　been　writing　for　over　six　weeks；〃　Catherine　said。　〃Why　can't　we　go　to　Madrid？〃
〃I　said　we　could；〃　David　said。
〃Don't　you　dare　do　that；〃　the　girl　said　to　Catherine。　〃Don't　you　dare　to　try　to　do　that。　Haven't　you　any　conscience　at　all？〃
〃You're　a　fine　one　to　talk　about　conscience；〃　Catherine　said。
〃I　have　a　conscience　about　some　things。〃
〃That's　fine。　I'm　happy　to　know　it。　Now　will　you　try　to　be　polite　and　not　interfere　when　someone　is　trying　to　work　out　what's　best　for　everyone？〃
〃I'm　going　to　swim；〃　David　said。
The　girl　got　up　and　followed　him　and　outside　the　cove　while　they　treaded　water　she　said；　〃She's　crazy。
〃So　don't　blame　her。〃
〃But　what　are　you　going　to　do？〃
〃Finish　the　story　and　start　another。〃
〃So　what　do　you　and　I　do？〃
〃What　we　can。
Chapter　Eighteen




HE　FINISHED　THE　STORY　in　four　days。　He　had　in　it　all　the　pressure　that　had　built　while　he　was　writing　it　and　the　modest　part　of　him　was　afraid　that　it　could　not　possibly　be　as　good　as　he　believed　it　to　be。　The　cold；　hard　part　knew　it　was　better。
〃How　was　it　today？〃　the　girl　asked　him。
〃I　finished。〃　〃Can　I　read　it？〃　〃If　you　want
〃You　wouldn't　mind　truly？〃
〃It's　in　those　two　cahiers　in　the　top　of　the　suitcase。〃　He　handed　her　the　key　and　then　sat　at　the　bar　and　drank　a　whiskey　and　Perrier　and　read　the　morning　paper。　She　came　back　and　sat　on　a　stool　a　little　way　down　from　him　and　read　the　story。
When　she　finished　it　she　started　to　read　it　over　again　and　he　made　himself　a　second　whiskey　and　soda　and　watched　her　read。　When　she　finished　it　the　second　time　he　said；　〃Do　you　like　it？〃
〃It's　not　a　thing　you　like　or　not　like；〃　she　said。　〃It's　your　father　isn't　it？〃
〃Sure。〃

〃Was　this　when　you　stopped　loving　him？〃
〃No。　I　always　loved　him。　This　was　when　I　got　to　know　him。〃
〃It's　a　terrible　story　and　it's　wonderful。〃
〃I'm　glad　you　like　it；〃　he　said。
〃I'll　put　it　back　now；〃　she　said。　〃I　like　going　in　the　room　when　the　door　is　locked。〃
〃We　have　that；〃　David　said。


When　they　came　back　from　the　beach　they　found　Catherine　in　the　garden。
〃So　you　got　back；〃　she　said。
〃Yes；〃　David　said。　〃We　had　a　good　swim。　I　wish　you'd　been　there。〃
〃Well；　I　wasn't；〃　she　said。　〃If　it's　of　any　interest　to　you。
〃Where　did　you　go？〃　David　asked。
〃I　was　in　Cannes　on　my　own　business；〃　she　said。　〃You're　both　late　for　lunch。〃
〃I'm　sorry；〃　David　said。　〃Do　you　want　to　have　anything　before　lunch？〃
〃Please　excuse　me；　Catherine；〃　Marita　said。　〃I'll　be　back　in　a　moment