hemingway, ernest - garden of eden-第23章

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　they　were　finished　Catherine　asked；　〃Would　you　come　over　with　me　to　Jean's？　It's　the　day　I　go　to　get　my　hair　washed　and　I'm　going　to　have　it　cut。〃

〃I'll　wait　here　for　you。〃

〃Wouldn't　you　please　come？　You　did　it　before　and　it　wasn't　bad　for　anybody。〃

〃No；　Devil。　I　did　once　but　that　was　just　once。　Like　getting　tattooed　or　something。　Don't　ask　me　to。〃

〃It　doesn't　mean　anything　except　to　me。　I　want　us　to　be　just　the　same。

〃We　can't　be　the　same。〃

〃Yes　we　could　if　you'd　let　us。

〃I　really　don't　want　to　do　it。〃

〃Not　if　I　say　it's　all　I　want？〃

〃Why　can't　you　want　something　that　makes　sense？〃

〃I　do。　But　I　want　us　to　be　the　same　and　you　almost　are　and　it　wouldn't　be　any　trouble　to　do。　The　sea's　done　all　the　work。〃

〃Then　let　the　sea　do　it。〃

〃I　want　it　for　today。〃
〃Then　you'll　be　happy　I　suppose。
〃I'm　happy　now　because　you're　going　to　do　it　and　I'll　stay　happy。　You　love　how　I　look。　You　know　you　do。　Think　of　it　that　way。
〃It's　silly。〃
〃No　it　isn't。　Not　when　it's　you　and　you　do　it　to　please　me。〃
〃How　badly　will　you　feel　if　I　don't？〃
〃I　don't　know。　But　very。〃
〃All　right；〃　he　said。　〃It　really　means　all　that　to　you？〃
〃Yes；〃　she　said。　〃Oh；　thank　you。　It　won't　take　very　long　this　time。　I　told　Jean　we'd　be　there　and　he's　staying　open　for　us。〃
〃Are　you　always　that　confident　I'll　do　things？〃
〃I　knew　you　would　if　you　knew　how　much　I　wanted　it。〃
〃I　wanted　very　much　not　to。　You　shouldn't　ask　it。〃
〃You　won't　care。　It's　nothing　and　afterwards　it　will　be　fun。　Don't　worry　about　Marita。〃
〃What　about　her？〃
〃She　said　that　if　you　wouldn't　do　it　for　me　to　ask　you　if　you'd　do　it　for　her。〃
〃Don't　make　things　up。〃
〃No。　She　said　it　this　morning。〃


〃I　wish　you　could　see　yourself；〃　Catherine　said。
〃I'm　glad　I　can't。〃
〃I　wish　you'd　looked　in　the　glass。〃
〃I　couldn't。〃
〃Just　look　at　me。　That's　how　you　are　and　I　did　it　and　there's　nothing　you　can　do　now。　That's　how　you　look。〃
〃We　couldn't　really　have　done　that；〃　David　said。　〃I　couldn't　look　the　way　you　do。〃
'Well；　we　did；〃　Catherine　said。　〃And　you　do。　So　you　better　start　to　like　it。〃　xx
〃We　can't　have　done　that；　Devil。〃

176　'77
。

〃Yes　we　did。　You　knew　it　too。　You　just　wouldn't　look。　And　we　re　damned　now。　I　was　and　now　you　are。　Look　at　me　and　see　how　much　you　like　it。〃
David　looked　at　her　eyes　that　he　loved　and　at　her　dark　face　and　the　incredibly　flat　ivory　color　of　her　hair　and　at　how　happy　she　looked　and　he　began　to　realize　what　a　completely　stupid　thing　he　had　permitted。
Chapter　Twenty…two

HE　DID　NOT　THINK　that　he　could　go　on　with　the　story　that　morning　and　for　a　long　time　he　could　not。　But　he　knew　that　he　must　and　finally　he　had　started　and　they　were　following　the　spoor　of　the　elephant　on　an　old　elephant　trail　that　was　a　hard　packed　worn　road　through　the　forest。　It　looked　as　though　elephants　had　travelled　it　ever　since　the　lava　had　cooled　from　the　mountain　and　the　trees　had　first　grown　tall　and　close。　Juma　was　very　confident　and　they　moved　fast。　Both　his　father　and　Juma　seemed　very　sure　of　themselves　and　the　going　on　the　elephant　road　was　so　easy　that　Juma　gave　him　the　。303　to　carry　as　they　went　on　through　the　broken　light　of　the　forest。　Then　they　lost　the　trail　in　smoking　piles　of　fresh　dung　and　the　flat　round　prints　of　a　herd　of　elephants　that　had　come　onto　the　elephant　road　from　the　heavy　forest　on　the　left　of　the　trail。　Juma　had　taken　the　。303　from　David　angrily。　It　was　afternoon　before　they　had　worked　up　to　the　herd　and　around　it　seeing　the　gray　bulks　through　the　trees　and　the　movement　of　the　big　ears　and　the　searching　trunks　coiling　and　uncoiling；　the　crash　of　branches　broken；　the　crash
I　78　'79
。　。
of　trees　pushed　over　and　the　rumbling　in　the　bellies　of　the　elephants　and　the　slap　and　thud　of　the　dung　falling。

They　had　found　the　trail　of　the　old　bull　finally　and　when　it　turned　off　onto　a　smaller　elephant　road　Juma　had　looked　at　David's　father　and　grinned　showing　his　filed　teeth　and　his　father　had　nodded　his　head。　They　looked　as　though　they　had　a　dirty　secret；　just　as　they　had　looked　when　he　had　found　them　that　night　at　the　shamba。

It　was　not　very　long　before　they　came　on　the　secret。　It　was　off　to　the　right　in　the　forest　and　the　tracks　of　the　old　bull　led　to　it。　It　was　a　skull　as　high　as　David's　chest　and　white　from　the　sun　and　the　rains。　There　was　a　deep　depression　in　the　forehead　and　ridges　ran　from　between　the　bare　white　eye　sockets　and　flared　out　in　empty　broken　holes　where　the　tusks　had　been　chopped　away。　Juma　pointed　out　where　the　great　elephant　they　were　trailing　had　stood　while　he　looked　down　at　the　skull　and　where　his　trunk　had　moved　it　a　little　way　from　the　place　it　had　rested　on　the　ground　and　where　the　points　of　his　tusks　had　touched　the　ground　beside　it。　He　showed　David　the　single　hole　in　the　big　depression　in　the　white　bone　of　forehead　and　then　the　four　holes　close　together　in　the　bone　around　the　ear　hole。　He　grinned　at　David　and　at　his　father　and　took　a　。303　solid　from　his　pocket　and　fitted　the　nose　into　the　hole　in　the　bone　of　the　forehead。

〃Here　is　where　Juma　wounded　the　big　bull；〃　his　father　said。　〃This　was　his　asizari。　His　friend；　really；　because　he　was　a　big　bull　too。　He　charged　and　Juma　knocked　him　down　and　finished　him　in　the　ear。〃

Juma　was　pointing　out　the　scattered　bones　and　how　the　big　bull　had　walked　around　among　them。　Juma　and　David's　father　were　both　very　pleased　with　what　they　had　found。

〃How　long　do　you　suppose　he　and　his　friend　had　been　together？〃　David　asked　his　father。

〃I　haven't　the　faintest　idea；〃　his　father　said。　〃Ask　Juma。〃

〃You　ask　him　please。〃

His　father　and　Juma　spoke　together　and　Juma　had　looked　at　David　and　laughed。

〃Probably　four　or　five　times　your　life　he　says；〃　David's　father　told　him。　〃He　doesn't　know　or　care　really。〃

I　care；　David　thought。　I　saw　him　in　the　moonlight　and　he　was　alone　but　I　had　Kibo。　Kibo　has　me　too。　The　bull　wasn't　doing　anyone　any　harm　and　now　we've　tracked　him　to　where　he　came　to　see　his　dead　friend　and　now　we're　going　to　kill　him。　It's　my　fault。　I　betrayed　him。

Now　Juma　had　worked　out　the　trail　and　motioned　to　his　father　and　they　started　on。

My　father　doesn't　need　to　kill　elephants　to　live；　David　thought。　Juma　would　not　have　found　him　if　I　had　not　seen　him。　He　had　his　chance　at　him　and　all　he　did　was　wound　him　and　kill　his　friend。　Kibo　and　I　found　him　and　I　never　should　have　told　them　and　I　should　have　kept　him　secret　and　had　him　always　and　let　them　stay　drunk　with　their　hi　his　at　the　beer　shamba。　Juma　was　so　drunk　we　could　not　wake　him。　I'm　going　to　keep　everything　a　secret　always。　I'll　never　tell　them　anything　again。　If　they　kill　him　Juma　will　drink　his　share　of　the　ivory　or　just　buy　himself　another　god　damn　wife。　Why　didn't　you　help　the　elephant　when　you　could？　All　you　had　to　do　was　not　go　on　the　second　day。　No；　that　wouldn't　have　stopped　them。　Juma　would　have　gone　on。　You　never　should　have　told　them。　Never；　never　tell　them。　Try　and　remember　that。　Never　tell　anyone　anything　ever。　Never　tell　anyone　anything　again。

His　father　waited　for　him　to　come　up　and　said　very　gently；　〃He　rested　here。　He's　not　travelling　as　he　was。　We'll　be　up　on　him　anytime　now。〃

〃Fuck　elephant　hunting；〃　David　had　said　very　quietly。

〃What's　that？〃　his　father　asked。

〃Fuck　elephant　hunting；〃　David　said　softly。
i8o
。　。


〃Be　careful　you　don't　fuck　it　up；〃　his　father　had　said　to　him　and　looked　at　him　flatly。

That's　one　thing；　David　had　thought。　He's　not　stupid。　He　knows　all　about　it　now　and　he　will　never　trust　me　again。　That's　good。　I　don't　want　him　to　because　I'll　never　ever　tell　him　or　anybody　anything　again　never　anything　again。　Never　ever　never。

That　was　where　he　stopped　in　the　hunt　that　morning。　He　knew　he　did　not　have　it　right　yet。　He　had　not　gotten　the　enormity　of　the　skull　as　they　had　come　onto　it　in　the　forest　nor　the　tunnels　underneath　it　in　the　earth　that　the　beetles　had　made　and　that　had　been　revealed　like　deserted　galleries　or　catacombs　when　the　elephant　had　moved　the　skull。　He　had　not　made　the　great　length　of　the　whitened　bones　nor　how　the　elephant's　tracks　had　moved　around　the　scene　of　the　killing　and　how　following　them　he　had　been　able　to　see　the　elephant　as　he　had　moved　and　then　had　been　able　to　see　what　the　elephant　had　seen。　He　had　not　gotten　the　great　width　of　the　one　elephant　trail　that　was　a　perfect　road　through　the　forest　nor　the　worn　smooth　rubbing　trees　nor　the　way　other　trails　intersected　so　that　they　were　like　the　map　of　the　Metro　in　Paris。　He　had　not　made　the　light　in　the　forest　where　the　trees　came　together　at　their　tops　and　he　had　not　clarified　certain　things　that　he　must　make　as　they　were　then；　not　as　he　recalled　them　now。　The　distances　did　not　matter　since　all　dis　tances　changed　and　how　you　remembered　them　was　how　they　were。　But　his　change　of　feeling　toward　Juma　and　toward　his　father　and　toward　the　elephant　was　complicated　by　the　exhaustion　that　had　bred　it。　Tiredness　brought　the　beginning　of　under　standing。　The　understanding　was　beginning　and　he　was　realizing　it　as　he　wrote。　But　the　dreadful　true　understanding　was　all　to　come　and　he　must　not　show　it　by　arbitrary　statements　of　rhetoric　but　by　remembering　the　actual　things　that　had　brought　it。　Tomorrow　he　would　get　the　things　right　and　then　go　on。

He　put　the　cahiers　of　manuscript　away　in　the　suitcase　and

locked　it　and　came　out　the　door　of　his　room　and　walked　along　the　front　of　the　hotel　to　where　Marita　was　reading。

〃Do　you　want　breakfast？〃　she　asked。

〃I　think　I'd　like　a　drink。〃

〃Let's　have　it　at　the　bar；〃　she　said。　〃It's　cooler。〃

They　went　in　and　sat　down　on　stools　and　David　poured　from　the　Haig　Pinch　bottle　into　a　glass　and　filled　it　up　with　cold　Perrier。

〃What　became　of　Catherine？〃

〃She　left　very　happy　and　gay。

〃And　how　are　you？〃

〃Happy　and　shy　and　rather　quiet。〃

〃Too　shy　for　me　to　kiss　you？〃

They　held　each　other　and　he　could　feel　himself　start　to　be　whole　again。　He　had　not　known　just　how　greatly　he　had　been　divided　and　separated　because　once　he　started　to　work　he　wrote　from　an　inner　core　which　could　not　be　split　nor　even　marked　nor　scratched。　He　knew　about　this　and　it　was　his　strength　since　all　the　rest　of　him　could　be　riven。

They　sat　at　the　bar　while　the　boy　laid　the　table　and　the　first　coolness　of　fall　was　in　the　breeze　from　the　sea　and　then　sitting　at　the　table　under　the　pines　they　felt　it　again　as　they　ate　and　drank。

〃This　cool　breeze　comes　all　the　way　from　Kurdistan；〃　David　said。　〃The　equinoctial　storms　will　be　coming　soon。〃

〃They　won't　come　today；〃　the　girl　said。　〃We　don't　have　to　worry　about　them　today。〃

〃There　hasn't　been　a　blow　of　any　kind　since　when　we　met　in　Cannes　at　the　cafe。〃

〃Can　you　still　remember　things　that　long　ago？〃

〃It　seems　further　away　than　the　war。〃

〃I　had　the　war　the　last　three　days；〃　the　girl　said。　〃I　just　left　it　this　morning。〃

182　183

。　。
〃I　never　think　about　it；〃　David　said。
〃Now　I've　read　it；〃　Marita　told　him；　〃but　I　don't　understand　about　you。　You　never　made　clear　what　you　believed。〃

He　filled　her　glass　and　then　refilled　his　own。

〃I　didn't　know　until　afterwards；〃　he　said。　〃So　I　didn't　try　to　act　as　though　I　did。　I　suspended　thinking　about　it　while　it　was　happening。　I　only　felt　and　saw　and　acted　and　thought　tactically。　That's　why　it's　not　a　better　book。　Because　I　wasn't　more　intel