hemingway, ernest - garden of eden-第25章

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t　all。　She's　yours。　She's　what　you　like　and　very　nice　it　is　but　not　for　me。　I'm　not　attracted　to　the　gamin　type。〃

〃Perhaps　I　am　a　gamin；〃　Marita　said。

〃That's　a　very　polite　word　for　that　part。〃

〃But　I'm　also　more　of　a　woman　than　you　are　Catherine。〃

〃Go　ahead　and　show　David　what　sort　of　gamin　you　are。　He'd　like　it。

〃He　knows　what　sort　of　woman　I　am。

〃That's　splendid；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I'm　glad　you　both　found　your　tongues　finally。　I　do　prefer　conversation。

〃You　aren't　really　a　woman　at　all；〃　Marita　said。

〃I　know　it；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I've　tried　to　explain　it　to　David　often　enough。　Isn't　that　true；　David？〃

David　looked　at　her　and　said　nothing。

〃Didn't　I？〃

〃Yes；〃　he　said。

〃I　did　try　and　I　broke　myself　in　pieces　in　Madrid　to　be　a　girl　and　all　it　did　was　break　me　in　pieces；〃　Catherine　said。　〃Now　all　I　am　is　through。　You're　a　girl　and　a　boy　both　and　you　really　are。　You　don't　have　to　change　and　it　doesn't　kill　you　and　I'm　not。　And　now　I'm　nothing。　All　I　wanted　was　for　David　and　you　to　be　happy。　Everything　else　I　invent。〃

Marita　said；　〃I　know　it　and　I　try　to　tell　David。〃

〃I　know　you　do。　But　you　don't　have　to　be　loyal　to　me　or　to　anything。　Don't　do　it。　Nobody　would　anyway　and　you　probably　aren't　really。　But　I　tell　you　not　to　be。　I　want　you　to　be　happy　and　make　him　happy。　You　can　too　and　I　can't　and　I　know　it。〃

〃You're　the　finest　girl　there　is；〃　Marita　said。

〃I'm　not。　I'm　finished　before　I　ever　started。〃

〃No。　I'm　the　one；〃　Marita　said。　〃I　was　stupid　and　awful。〃

〃You　weren't　stupid。　Everything　you　said　was　true。　Let's　stop　talking　and　be　friends。　Can　we？〃

〃Can　we　please？〃　Marita　asked　her。

〃I　want　to；〃　Catherine　said。　〃And　not　be　such　a　tragic　bully。　Please　take　your　time　about　the　book；　David。　You　know　all　I　want　is　for　you　to　write　the　best　you　can。　That's　what　we　started　with。　I'm　over　it　now　whatever　this　one　was。

〃You　were　just　tired；〃　David　said。　〃I　don't　think　you　ate　any　lunch　either。〃

〃Probably　not；〃　Catherine　said。　〃But　I　may　have。　Can　we　forget　it　all　now　though　and　just　be　friends？〃

So　they　were　friends；　whatever　friends　are；　David　thought；　and　tried　not　think　but　talked　and　listened　in　the　unreality　that　reality　had　become。　He　had　heard　each　one　speak　about　the　other　and　he　knew　each　must　know　what　the　other　thought　and　probably　what　they　each　had　told　him。　In　that　way　they　really　were　friends；　understanding　in　their　basic　disagreement；　trusting　in　their　complete　distrust　and　enjoying　one　another's　company。　He　enjoyed　their　company　too　but　tonight　he'd　had　enough　of　it。

Tomorrow　he　must　go　back　into　his　own　country；　the　one　that　Catherine　was　jealous　of　and　that　Marita　loved　and　respected。　He　had　been　happy　in　the　country　of　the　story　and　knew　that　it　was　too　good　to　last　and　now　he　was　back　from　what　he　cared　about　into　the　overpopulated　vacancy　of　madness　that　had　taken；　now　the　new　turn　of　exaggerated　practicality。　He　was　tired　of　it　and　he　was　tired　of　Marita's　collaborating　with　her　enemy。　Catherine　was　not　his　enemy　except　as　she　was　himself　in　the　unfinding　unrealizable　quest　that　is　love　and　so　was　her　own　enemy。　She　needs　an　enemy　so　badly　always　that　she　has　to　keep　one　near　and　she's　the　nearest　and　the　easiest　to　attack　knowing


。

the　weaknesses　and　strengths　and　all　the　faults　of　our　defenses。　She　turns　my　flank　so　skillfully　then　finds　it　is　her　own　and　the　last　fighting　is　always　in　a　swirl　and　the　dust　that　rises　is　our　own　dust。
Catherine　wanted　to　play　backgammon　with　Marita　after　dinner。　They　always　played　it　seriously　and　for　money　and　when　Catherine　went　to　get　the　board　Marita　said　to　David；　〃Please　don't　come　to　my　room　tonight　after　all。〃
〃Good。〃
〃Do　you　understand？〃
〃Let's　skip　that　word；〃　David　said。　His　coldness　had　come　back　as　the　time　for　working　moved　closer。
〃Are　you　angry？〃
〃Yes；〃　David　said。
〃At　me？〃

〃You　can't　be　angry　with　someone　who's　ill。〃
〃You　haven't　lived　very　long；〃　David　said。　〃That's　exactly　who　everyone　is　always　angry　with。　Get　ill　sometime　yourself　and　see。〃
〃I　wish　you　wouldn't　be　angry。〃
〃I　wish　I'd　never　seen　any　of　you。〃
〃Please　don't；　David。〃
〃You　know　it　isn't　true。　I'm　oniy　getting　ready　to　work。〃　He　went　into　their　bedroom　and　put　on　the　reading　light　on　his　side　of　the　bed　and　made　himself　comfortable　and　read　one　of　the　W。　H。　Hudson　books。　It　was　Nature　in　Downiand　and　he　had　taken　it　to　read　because　it　had　the　most　unpromising　title。　He　knew　enough　to　know　a　time　was　coming　when　he'd　need　all　the　books　and　he　was　saving　the　best　ones。　But　once　past　the　title　of　this　one　nothing　in　it　bored　him。　He　was　happy　to　read　and　he　was　back　out　of　his　life　and　with　Hudson　and　his　brother　riding　their　horses　into　the　tumbled　whiteness　of　breast…high　thisdedown　in　the　moonlight　and　gradually　the　click　of　dice　and



the　iow　sound　of　the　girls'　voices　became　real　again　too　so　that　when；　after　a　time；　he　went　out　to　make　himself　a　whiskey　and　Perrier　to　take　back　to　his　reading　they　seemed；　when　he　saw　them　playing；　to　be　actual　human　beings　doing　something　normal　and　not　figures　in　some　unbelievable　play　he　had　been　brought　unwillingly　to　attend。

He　went　back　to　the　room　and　read　and　drank　his　whiskey　and　Perrier　very　slowly　and　he　had　undressed　and　turned　the　light　off　and　was　almost　asleep　when　he　heard　Catherine　come　in　to　the　bedroom。　It　seemed　to　him　that　she　was　gone　a　long　time　in　the　bathroom　before　he　felt　her　come　to　bed　and　he　lay　still　and　breathed　steadily　and　hoped　he　might　really　go　to　sleep。

〃Are　you　awake；　David？〃　she　asked。

〃I　think　so。〃

〃Don't　wake　up；〃　she　said。　〃Thank　you　for　sleeping　here。〃

〃I　usually　do。〃

〃You　don't　have　to。〃

〃Yes　I　do。〃

〃I'm　glad　you　did。　Good　night。〃

〃Good　night。〃

〃Would　you　kiss　me　good　night？〃

〃Sure；〃　he　said。

He　kissed　her　and　it　was　Catherine　as　she　had　been　before　when　she　had　seemed　to　come　back　to　him　for　a　while。

〃I'm　sorry　I　was　such　a　failure　again。〃

〃Let's　not　talk　about　things。〃

〃Do　you　hate　me？〃

〃Can　we　start　again　the　way　I'd　planned　things？〃

〃I　don't　think　so。

〃Then　why　did　you　come　in　here？〃

〃This　is　where　I　belong。〃

〃No　other　reason？〃

'94　'95
。

〃I　thought　you　might　be　lonely。〃
〃I　was。〃
〃Everybody's　lonely；〃　David　said。
〃It's　terrible　to　be　in　bed　together　and　be　lonely。〃
〃There　isn't　any　solution；〃　David　said。　〃All　your　plans　and　schemes　are　worthless。〃
〃I　didn't　give　it　a　chance。〃
〃It　was　all　crazy　anyway。　I'm　sick　of　crazy　things。　You're　not　the　only　one　gets　broken　up。
〃I　know。　But　can't　we　try　it　again　just　once　more　and　I　really　be　good？　I　can。　I　nearly　was。
〃I'm　sick　of　all　of　it；　Devil。　Sick　all　the　way　through　me。〃
〃Wouldn't　you　try　it　just　once　more　for　her　and　for　me　both？〃
〃It　doesn't　work　and　I'm　sick　of　it。〃
〃She　said　you　had　a　fine　day　and　that　you　were　really　cheerful　and　not　depressed。　Won't　you　try　it　once　more　for　both　of　us？　I　want　it　so　much。〃
〃You　want　everything　so　much　and　when　you　get　it　it's　over　and　you　don't　give　a　damn。〃
〃I　was　just　overconfident　this　time　and　then　I　get　insufferable。　Please　can　we　try　it　again？〃
〃Let's　go　to　sleep；　Devil；　and　not　talk　about　it。
〃Kiss　me　again　please；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I'll　go　to　sleep　because　I　know　you'll　do　it。　You　always　do　everything　I　want　because　you　really　want　to　do　it　too。〃
〃You　only　want　things　for　you；　Devil。〃
〃That's　not　true；　David。　Anyway　I　am　you　and　her。　That's　what　I　did　it　for。　I'm　everybody。　You　know　about　that　don't　you？〃
〃Go　to　sleep；　Devil。〃
〃I　will。　But　would　you　please　kiss　me　again　first　so　that　we　won't　be　lonely？〃
Chapter　Twenty…　four





IN　THE　MORNING　he　was　on　the　far　slope　of　the　mountain　again。　The　elephant　was　no　longer　travelling　as　he　had　been　but　was　moving　aimlessly　now；　feeding　occasionally　and　David　had　known　they　were　getting　dose　to　him。　He　tried　to　remember　how　he　had　felt。　He　had　no　love　for　the　elephant　yet。　He　must　remember　that。　He　had　only　a　sorrow　that　had　come　from　his　own　tiredness　that　had　brought　an　understanding　of　age。　Though　being　too　young；　he　had　learned　how　it　must　be　to　be　too　old。　He　was　lonesome　for　Kibo　and　thinking　of　Juma　killing　the　elephant's　friend　had　turned　him　against　Juma　and　made　the　elephant　his　brother。　He　knew　then　how　much　it　meant　to　him　to　have　seen　the　elephant　in　the　moonlight　and　for　him　to　have　followed　him　with　Kibo　and　come　close　to　him　in　the　clearing　so　that　he　had　seen　both　of　the　great　tusks。　But　he　did　not　know　that　nothing　would　ever　be　as　good　as　that　again。　Now　he　knew　they　would　kill　the　elephant　and　there　was　nothing　he　could　do　about　it。　He　had　betrayed　the　elephant　when　he　had　gone　back　to　tell　them　at　the　shamba。　They　would　kill　me　and　they　would　kill　Kibo　too

196　'97
。　。


if　we　had　ivory；　he　had　thought　and　known　it　was　untrue。　Prob　ably　the　elephant　is　going　to　find　where　he　was　born　now　and　they'll　kill　him　there。　That's　all　they'd　need　to　make　it　perfect。　They'd　like　to　have　killed　him　where　they　killed　his　friend。　That　would　be　a　big　joke。　That　would　have　pleased　them。　The　god　damned　friend　killers。

They　had　moved　to　the　edge　of　thick　cover　now　and　the　elephant　was　close　ahead。　David　could　smell　him　and　they　could　all　hear　him　pulling　down　branches　and　the　snapping　that　they　made。　His　father　put　his　hand　on　David's　shoulder　to　move　him　back　and　have　him　wait　outside　and　then　he　took　a　big　pinch　of　ashes　from　the　pouch　in　his　pocket　and　tossed　it　in　the　air。　The　ash　barely　slanted　toward　them　as　it　fell　and　his　father　nodded　at　Juma　and　bent　down　to　follow　him　into　the　thick　cover。　David　watched　their　backs　and　their　asses　go　in　and　out　of　sight。　He　could　not　hear　them　move。

David　had　stood　still　and　listened　to　the　elephant　feeding。　He　could　smell　him　as　strongly　as　he　had　the　night　in　the　moonlight　when　he　had　worked　up　close　to　him　and　had　seen　his　wonderful　tusks。　Then　as　he　stood　there　it　was　silent　and　he　could　not　smell　the　elephant。　Then　there　had　been　a　high　squealing　and　smash　ing　and　a　shot　by　the　。303　then　the　heavy　rocking　double　report　of　his　father's　。4　50；　then　the　smashing　and　crashing　had　gone　on　going　steadily　away　and　he　had　gone　into　the　heavy　growth　and　found　Juma　standing　shaken　and　bleeding　from　his　forehead　all　down　over　his　face　and　his　father　white　and　angry。

〃He　went　for　Juma　and　knocked　him　over；〃　his　father　had　said。　〃Juma　hit　him　in　the　head。〃

〃Where　did　you　hit　him？〃

〃Where　I　fucking　well　could；〃　his　father　had　said。　〃Get　on　the　fucking　blood　spoor。〃

There　was　plenty　of　blood。　One　stream　as　high　as　David's　head　that　had　squirted　bright　on　trunks　and　leaves　and　vines　and　another　much　lower　that　was　dark　and　foul　with　stomach　content。

〃Lung　and　gut　shot；〃　his　father　said。　〃We'll　find　him　down　or　anchored&mdash；I　hope　the　hell；〃　he　added。

They　found　him　anchored；　in　such　suffering　and　despair　that　he　could　no　longer　move。　He　had　crashed　through　the　heavy　cover　where　he　had　been　feeding　and　crossed　a　path　of　open　forest　and　David　and　his　father　had　run　along　the　heavily　splashed　blood　trail。　Then　the　elephant　had　gone　on　into　thick　forest　and　David　had　seen　him　ahead　standing　gray　and　huge　against　the　trunk　of　a　tree。　David　could　only　see　his　stern　and　then　his　father　moved　ahead　of　him　and　he　followed　and　they　came　alongside　the　elep