hemingway, ernest - garden of eden-第29章

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〃No？〃
〃No；　you　can't。　You　can't。　Do　you　hear　me？〃
〃I　hear　you。
〃Then　hear　me　say　you　can't　say　such　things。　You　can't　say　horrible　things　like　that　to　me。〃
〃I　hear　you；〃　David　said。
〃You　can't　say　such　things。　I　won't　stand　for　it。　I'll　divorce　you。
〃That　would　be　very　welcome。〃
〃Then　I'll　stay　married　to　you　and　never　give　you　a　divorce。〃
〃That　would　be　pretty。〃
〃I'll　do　anything　I　want　to　you。
〃You　have。〃
〃I'll　kill　you。
〃I　wouldn't　give　a　shit；〃　David　said。
〃You　can't　even　talk　like　a　gentleman　at　a　time　like　this。〃
〃What　would　a　gentleman　say　at　a　time　like　this？〃
〃That　he　was　sorry。〃


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。　。
〃All　right；〃　David　said。　〃I'm　sorry。　I'm　sorry　I　ever　met　you。　I'm　sorry　I　ever　married　you&mdash；〃
〃So　am　I。〃

〃Shut　up　please。　You　can　tell　it　to　somebody　who　can　write　it　down。　I'm　sorry　your　mother　ever　met　your　father　and　that　they　ever　made　you。　I'm　sorry　you　were　born　and　that　you　grew　up。　I'm　sorry　for　everything　we　ever　did　good　or　bad&mdash；〃

〃You're　not。〃

〃No；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　shut　up。　I　didn't　mean　to　make　a　speech。〃

〃You're　just　really　sorry　for　yourself。〃

〃Possibly；〃　David　said。　〃But　shit；　Devil；　why　did　you　have　to　burn　them？　The　stories？〃

〃I　had　to；　David；〃　she　said。　〃I'm　sorry　if　you　don't　understand。〃


He　had　understood　really　before　he　had　asked　her　the　question　and　the　question　had　been；　he　realized；　a　rhetorical　one。　He　dis　liked　rhetoric　and　distrusted　those　who　used　it　and　he　was　ashamed　to　have　fallen　into　it。　He　drank　the　whiskey　and　Perrier　slowly　while　he　thought　how　untrue　it　was　that　everything　that　was　understood　was　forgiven　and　he　tightened　his　own　discipline　as　conscientiously　as　he　would　have　worked　in　the　old　days　with　the　mechanic　and　the　armorer　going　over　the　plane；　the　engine　and　his　guns。　It　was　not　necessary　then　because　they　did　the　work　perfectly　but　it　was　one　way　of　not　thinking；　and　it　was；　to　use　a　wet　word；　comforting。　Now　it　was　necessary　because　what　he　had　said　to　Catherine　about　killing　her　he　had　said　quite　truly　and　not　rhetorically。　He　was　ashamed　of　the　speech　which　had　followed　the　statement。　But　there　was　nothing　he　could　do　about　the　statement　which　was　truly　made　except　tighten　his　discipline　so　that　he　would　have　it　in　case　he　began　to　lose　control。　He　poured　himself　another　whiskey　and　put　in　Perrier


again　and　watched　the　small　bubbles　form　and　break。　God　damn　her　to　hell；　he　thought。

〃I'm　sorry　to　be　stuffy；〃　he　said。　〃I　understand　of　course。

〃I'm　so　glad；　David；〃　she　said。　〃I'm　going　away　in　the　morning。〃

〃Where？〃

〃To　Hendaye　and　then　to　Paris　to　see　about　artists　for　the　book。〃

〃Really？〃

〃Yes。　I　think　I　should。　We've　wasted　time　as　it　is　and　today　I　made　so　much　progress　that　I　just　need　to　keep　on。〃

〃How　are　you　going？〃

〃With　the　Bug。〃

〃You　shouldn't　drive　alone。〃

〃I　want　to。〃

〃You　shouldn't；　Devil。　Really。　I　couldn't　let　you。〃

〃Can　I　go　on　the　train？　There's　one　to　Bayonne。　I　can　rent　a　car　there　or　in　Biarritz。〃

〃Can　we　talk　about　it　in　the　morning？〃

〃I　want　to　talk　about　it　now。〃

〃You　shouldn't　go；　Devil。〃

〃I'm　going；〃　she　said。　〃You're　not　going　to　stop　me。

〃I'm　only　thinking　about　the　best　way。〃

〃No；　you're　not。　You're　trying　to　stop　me。

〃If　you　wait　we'll　go　together。〃

〃I　don't　want　to　go　together。　I　want　to　go　tomorrow　and　in　the　Bug。　If　you　don't　agree　I'll　go　by　train。　You　can't　stop　anyone　from　going　on　the　train。　I'm　of　age　and　because　I'm　married　to　you　doesn't　make　me　your　slave　or　your　chattel。　I'm　going　and　you　can't　stop　me。

〃Will　you　be　coming　back？〃

〃I　plan　to。〃


225
。　。

〃I　see。
〃You　don't　see　but　it　doesn't　make　any　difference。　This　is　a　reasoned　and　coordinated　project。　These　things　aren't　just　tossed　off&mdash；〃
〃Into　a　wastebasket；〃　David　said　and　remembered　the　discipline　and　sipped　the　whiskey　and　Perrier。
〃Are　you　going　to　see　your　lawyers　in　Paris？〃　he　asked。
〃If　I　have　any　business　with　them。　I　usually　see　my　lawyers。　Just　because　you　don't　have　any　lawyers　doesn't　mean　everyone　else　doesn't　have　to　see　their　lawyers。　Do　you　want　my　lawyers　to　do　anything　for　you？〃
〃No；〃　David　said。　〃Fuck　your　lawyers。〃
〃Do　you　have　plenty　of　money？〃
〃I'm　quite　all　right　on　money。
〃Really；　David？　Weren't　the　stories　worth　a　lot？　It's　bothered　me　terribly　and　I　know　my　responsibility。　I'll　find　out　and　do　exactly　what　I　should。〃
〃You'll　what？〃
〃Do　exactly　what　I　should。〃
〃Just　what　is　it　you　propose　to　do？〃
〃I'll　have　their　value　determined　and　I'll　have　twice　that　paid　into　your　bank。〃
〃Sounds　very　generous；〃　David　said。　〃You　were　always　generous。
〃I　want　to　be　just；　David；　and　it's　possible　that　they　were　worth；　financially；　much　more　than　they　would　be　appraised　at。〃
〃Who　appraises　these　things？〃
〃There　must　be　people　who　do。　There　are　people　who　appraise　everything。〃
'What　sort　of　people？〃
〃I　wouldn't　know；　David。　But　I　can　imagine　such　people　as　the　editor　of　the　Atlantic　Monthly；　Harper's；　La　Nouvelle　Revue　Francaise。〃

〃I'm　going　out　for　a　while；〃　David　said。　〃Do　you　feel　all　right？〃

〃Except　for　the　fact　that　I　feel　I've　probably　done　a　great　wrong　to　you　that　I　must　try　to　set　right　I　feel　very　well；〃　Catherine　said。　〃That　was　one　reason　I　was　going　to　Paris。　I　didn't　want　to　tell　you。〃

〃Let's　not　discuss　casualties；〃　David　said。　〃So　you　want　to　go　on　the　train？〃

〃No。　I　want　to　go　in　the　Bug。〃

〃All　right。　Go　in　the　Bug。　Just　drive　carefully　and　don't　pass　on　hills。〃

〃I'll　drive　the　way　you　taught　me　and　I'll　pretend　you're　with　me　all　the　time　and　talk　to　you　and　tell　us　stories　and　make　up　stories　about　how　I　saved　your　life。　I　always　make　those　up。　And　with　you　it　will　all　seem　so　much　shorter　and　effortless　and　the　speed　won't　seem　fast。　I'm　going　to　have　fun。〃

〃Good；〃　said　David。　〃Take　it　as　easy　as　you　can。　Sleep　at　Nimes　the　first　night　unless　you　get　off　early。　They　know　us　at　the　Imperator。〃

〃I　thought　I'd　get　to　Carcassonne。〃

〃No；　Devil；　please。〃

〃Perhaps　I　can　get　off　early　and　make　Carcassonne。　I'd　go　by　Aries　and　Montpellier　and　not　lose　time　by　Nimes。〃

〃If　you　get　off　late　stop　at　Nimes。〃

〃It　seems　so　babyish；〃　she　said。

〃I'll　drive　with　you；〃　he　said。　〃I　should。〃

〃No；　please。　It's　important　that　I　do　this　by　myself。　It　really　is。　I　wouldn't　have　you。〃

〃All　right；〃　he　said。　〃But　I　ought　to　go。〃

〃Please　don't。　You　must　have　confidence　in　me；　David。　I'll　drive　carefully　and　I'll　drive　it　right　straight　through。〃

〃You　couldn't；　Devil。　It　gets　dark　early　now。

〃You　mustn't　worry。　You're　sweet　to　let　me　go；〃　Catherine　said。　〃But　you　always　did。　If　I　did　anything　I　shouldn't　I　hope

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。

you　can　forgive　me。　I'll　miss　you　terribly。　I　miss　you　already。　Next　time　we'll　drive　it　together。〃
〃You've　had　a　very　busy　day；〃　David　said。　〃You're　tired。　At　least　let　me　run　your　Bugatti　down　to　town　and　back　and　give　it　a　check。〃
He　stopped　at　Marita's　door　and　said；　〃Do　you　want　to　go　for　a　ride？〃
〃Yes；〃　she　said。
〃Come　on　then；〃　he　told　her。



Chapter　Twenty　…　seven　DAVID　GOT　INTO　THE　CAR　and　Marita　climbed　in　beside　him　and　he　put　the　car　at　a　stretch　of　road　where　the　sand　drifted　across　from　the　beach　and　then　throttled　back　and　held　it　in；　watching　the　papyrus　grass　ahead　on　his　left　and　the　empty　beach　and　the　sea　on　his　right　as　he　saw　the　black　road　ahead。　He　put　the　car　at　the　road　again　until　he　saw　the　white　painted　bridge　coming　at　him　fast　then　held　his　speed　as　he　calculated　the　distance；　raised　his　foot　from　the　throttle　and　pumped　the　brakes　gently。　She　was　steady　and　lost　momentum　at　each　pump　with　no　devia　tion　and　no　binding。　He　brought　the　car　to　a　stop　before　the　bridge；　downshifted　and　then　put　her　at　the　road　again　in　a　rising　disciplined　snarl　along　the　N。6　to　Cannes。　〃She　burned　them　all；〃　he　said。　〃Oh　David；〃　Marita　said　and　they　drove　on　into　Cannes　where　the　lights　were　on　now　and　David　stopped　the　car　under　the　trees　in　front　of　the　cafe　where　they　had　first　met。　〃Wouldn't　you　rather　go　somewhere　else？〃　Marita　asked。　〃I　don't　care；〃　David　said。　〃It　doesn't　make　a　hell　of　a　lot　of　difference。〃
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。　。

〃If　you'd　rather　just　drive；〃　Marita　offered。
〃No。　I'd　rather　cool　out；〃　David　said。　〃I　just　wanted　to　see　if　the　car　was　in　shape　for　her　to　drive　it。〃
〃She's　going？〃
〃She　says　so。〃
They　were　sitting　at　the　table　on　the　terrace　in　the　dappled　shadow　of　the　leaves　of　the　trees。　The　waiter　had　brought　Marita　a　Tio　Pepe　and　David　a　whiskey　and　Perrier。
〃Do　you　want　me　to　go　with　her？〃　Marita　said。
〃You　don't　really　think　anything　will　happen　to　her？〃
〃No；　David。　I　think　she's　done　her　damage　for　a　while。〃
〃Could　be；〃　David　said。　〃She　burned　every　fucking　thing　except　the　narrative。　The　stuff　about　her。〃
〃It's　a　wonderful　narrative；〃　Marita　said。
〃Don't　buck　me　up；〃　David　said。　〃I　wrote　it　and　I　wrote　what　she　burned。　Don't　give　me　the　stuff　they　feed　the　troops。〃
〃You　can　write　them　again。〃
〃No；〃　David　told　her。　〃When　it's　right　you　can't　remember。　Every　time　you　read　it　again　it　comes　as　a　great　and　unbelievable　surprise。　You　can't　believe　you　did　it。　When　it's　once　right　you　never　can　do　it　again。　You　only　do　it　once　for　each　thing。　And　you're　only　allowed　so　many　in　your　life。〃
〃So　many　what？〃
〃So　many　good　ones。〃
〃But　you　can　remember　them。　You　must。〃
〃Not　me　and　not　you　and　not　anybody。　They're　gone。　Once　I　get　them　right　they're　gone。〃
〃She　was　wicked　to　you。〃
〃No；〃　David　said。
〃What　then？〃
〃Hurried；〃　David　said。　〃Everything　today　was　because　she　was　hurried　really。〃
〃I　hope　you'll　be　as　kind　to　me。〃
〃You　just　stay　around　and　help　me　not　to　kill　her。　You　know　what　she's　going　to　do　don't　you？　She's　going　to　pay　me　for　the　stories　so　that　I　won't　lose　anything。〃
〃No。〃
〃Yes　she　is。　She's　going　to　have　her　lawyers　have　them　appraised　in　some　fantastic　Rube　Goldberg　manner　and　then　she's　going　to　pay　me　double　the　appraisal　price。〃
〃Truly；　David；　she　didn't　say　that。〃
〃She　said　it　and　it's　infinitely　sound。　Only　the　details　need　working　out　and　what's　more　the　doubling　of　the　appraisal　or　whatever　makes　it　generous　and　gives　her　pleasure。〃
〃You　can't　let　her　drive　alone；　David。〃
〃I　know　it。〃
〃What　are　you　going　to　do？〃
〃I　don't　know。　But　let's　sit　here　for　a　little　while；〃　David　said。　〃There　isn't　any　hurry　now。　I　think　she's　probably　tired　and　gone　to　sleep。　I'd　like　to　go　to　sleep　too；　with　you；　and　wake　up　and　find　the　stuff　all　there　and　not　gone　and　go　to　work　again。〃
〃We　will　sleep　and　someday　when　you　wake　up　you'll　work　as　wonderfully　as　you　did　this　morning。〃
〃You're　awfully　good；〃　David　said。　〃But　you　certainly　got　into　a　fine　lot　of　trouble　when　you　came　in　here　that　night；　didn't
you？〃

〃Don't　try　to　put　me　outside；〃　Marita　said。　〃I　know　what　I　got　into。〃
〃Sure；〃　said　David。　〃We　both　know。　Do　you　want　another　drink？〃
〃If　you　do；〃　Marita　said　and　then；　〃I　didn't　know　it　was　a　battle　when　I　came。〃
〃Neither　did　I。〃
〃With　you　it's　really　only　you　against　time。
〃Not　the　time　that's　Catherine's。〃
〃Only　because　her　time　is　different。　She's　panicked　by　it。　You

said　tonight　that　all　of　today　was　only　hurry。　That　wasn't　true　but　it　was　perceptive。　And　you　won　so　well　over　time　for　so　long。〃

Very　much　later　he　called　for　the　waiter　and　paid　for　the　drinks　and　left　a　good　tip　and　he　h