the hungry stones and other stories-第18章

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d's　book；　in　a　moment　became　formless。　The　widow　could　not　remember　whether　the　child；　in　the　sweet　voice　of　love；　called　her　〃　Auntie；〃　as　if　for　the　last　time；　or　not；　she　could　not　remember　whether；　as　she　left　the　world　she　knew　for　death's　endless　unknown　journey；　she　had　received　a　parting　gift　of　affection；　love's　passage…money　for　the　silent　land。　At　first；　I　fancy；　she　thought　the　lonely　dark　place　was　the　House　of　Yama；　where　there　is　nothing　to　see；　nothing　to　hear；　nothing　to　do；　only　an　eternal　watch。　But　when　a　cold　damp　wind　drove　through　the　open　door；　and　she　heard　the　croaking　of　frogs；　she　remembered　vividly　and　in　a　moment　all　the　rains　of　her　short　life；　and　could　feel　her　kinship　with　the　earth。　Then　came　a　flash　of　lightning；　and　she　saw　the　tank；　the　banian；　the　great　plain；　the　far…off　trees。　She　remembered　how　at　full　moon　she　had　sometimes　come　to　bathe　in　this　tank；　and　how　dreadful　death　had　seemed　when　she　saw　a　corpse　on　the　burning…ground。

Her　first　thought　was　to　return　home。　But　then　she　reflected：　〃I　am　dead。　How　can　I　return　home？　That　would　bring　disaster　on　them。　I　have　left　the　kingdom　of　the　living；　I　am　my　own　ghost！〃　If　this　were　not　so；　she　reasoned；　how　could　she　have　got　out　of　Saradasankar's　well…guarded　zenana；　and　come　to　this　distant　burningground　at　midnight？　Also；　if　her　funeral　rites　had　not　been　finished；　where　had　the　men　gone　who　should　burn　her？　Recalling　her　death…moment　in　Saradasankar's　brightly…lit　house；　she　now　found　herself　alone　in　a　distant；　deserted；　dark　burning。　ground。　Surely　she　was　no　member　of　earthly　society！　Surely　she　was　a　creature　of　horror；　of　ill…omen；　her　own　ghost！

At　this　thought；　all　the　bonds　were　snapped　which　bound　her　to　the　world。　She　felt　that　she　had　marvellous　strength；　endless　freedom。　She　could　do　what　she　liked；　go　where　she　pleased。　Mad　with　the　inspiration　of　this　new　idea；　she　rushed　from　the　but　like　a　gust　of　wind；　and　stood　upon　the　burning。　ground。　All　trace　of　shame　or　fear　had　left　her。

But　as　she　walked　on　and　on；　her　feet　grew　tired；　her　body　weak。　The　plain　stretched　on　endlessly；　here　and　there　were　paddy…fields；　sometimes　she　found　herself　standing　knee…deep　in　water。

At　the　first　glimmer　of　dawn　she　heard　one　or　two　birds　cry　from　the　bamboo…clumps　6y　the　distant　houses。　Then　terror　seized　her。　She　could　not　tell　in　what　new　relation　she　stood　to　the　earth　and　to　living　folk。　So　long　as　she　had　been　on　the　plain；　on　the　burning…ground；　covered　by　the　dark　night　of　Sraban；　so　long　she　had　been　fearless；　a　denizen　of　her　own　kingdom。　By　daylight　the　homes　of　men　filled　her　with　fear。　Men　and　ghosts　dread　each　other；　for　their　tribes　inhabit　different　banks　of　the　river　of　death。

III

Her　clothes　were　clotted　in　the　mud；　strange　thoughts　and　walking　by　night　had　given　her　the　aspect　of　a　madwoman；　truly；　her　apparition　was　such　that　folk　might　have　been　afraid　of　her；　and　children　might　have　stoned　her　or　run　away。　Luckily；　the　first　to　catch　sight　of　her　was　a　traveller。　He　came　up；　and　said：　〃Mother；　you　look　a　respectable　woman。　Wherever　are　you　going；　alone　and　in　this　guise？〃

Kadambini；　unable　to　collect　her　thoughts；　stared　at　him　in　silence。　She　could　not　think　that　she　was　still　in　touch　with　the　world；　that　she　looked　like　a　respectable　woman；　that　a　traveller　was　asking　her　questions。

Again　the　min　said：　〃Come；　mother；　I　will　see　you　home。　Tell　me　where　you　live。〃

Kadambini　thought。　To　return　to　her　father…in…law's　house　would　be　absurd；　and　she　had　no　father's　house。　Then　she　remembered　the　friend　of　her　childhood。　She　had　not　seen　Jogmaya　since　the　days　of　her　youth；　but　from　time　to　time　they　had　exchanged　letters。　Occasionally　there　had　been　quarrels　between　them；　as　was　only　right；　since　Kadambini　wished　to　make　it　dear　that　her　love　for　Jogmaya　was　unbounded；　while　her　friend　complained　that　Kadambini　did　not　return　a　love　equal　to　her　own。　They　were　both　sure　that；　if　they　once　met；　they　would　be　inseparable。

Kadambini　said　to　the　traveller：　〃I　will　go　to　Sripati's　house　at　Nisindapur。〃

As　he　was　going　to　Calcutta；　Nisindapur；　though　not　near；　was　on　his　way。　So　he　took　Kadambini　to　Sripati　s　house；　and　the　friends　met　again。　At　first　they　did　not　recognise　one　another；　but　gradually　each　recognised　the　features　of　the　other's　childhood。

〃What　luck！〃　said　Jogmaya。　〃I　never　dreamt　that　I　should　see　you　again。　But　how　hate　you　come　here；　sister？　Your　father…in…law's　folk　surely　didn't　let　you　go！〃

Kadambini　remained　silent；　and　at　last　said：　〃Sister；　do　not　ask　about　my　father…in…law。　Give　me　a　corner；　and　treat　me　as　a　servant：　I　will　do　your　work。〃

〃What？〃　cried　Jogmaya。　〃Keep　you　like　a　servant！　Why；　you　are　my　closest　friend；　you　are　my　–〃　and　so　on　and　so　on。

Just　then　Sripati　came　in。　Kadambini　stared　at　him　for　some　time；　and　then　went　out　very　slowly。　She　kept　her　head　uncovered；　and　showed　not　the　slightest　modesty　or　respect。　Jogmaya；　fearing　that　Sripati　would　be　prejudiced　against　her　friend；　began　an　elaborate　explanation。　But　Sripati；　who　readily　agreed　to　anything　Jogmaya　said；　cut　short　her　story；　and　left　his　wife　uneasy　in　her　mind。

Kadambini　had　come；　but　she　was　not　at　one　with　her　friend：　death　was　between　them。　She　could　feel　no　intimacy　for　others　so　long　as　her　existence　perplexed　her　and　consciousness　remained。　Kadambini　would　look　at　Jogmaya；　and　brood。　She　would　think：　〃　She　has　her　husband　and　her　work；　she　lives　in　a　world　far　away　from　mine。　She　shares　affection　and　duty　with　the　people　of　the　world；　I　am　an　empty　shadow。　She　is　among　the　living；　I　am　in　eternity。〃

Jogmaya　also　was　uneasy；　but　could　not　explain　why。　Women　do　not　love　mystery；　because；　though　uncertainty　may　be　transmuted　into　poetry；　into　heroism；　into　scholarship；　it　cannot　be　turned　to　account　in　household　work。　So；　when　a　woman　cannot　understand　a　thing；　she　either　destroys　and　forgets　it；　or　she　shapes　it　anew　for　her　own　use；　if　she　fails　to　deal　with　it　in　one　of　these　ways；　she　loses　her　temper　with　it。　The　greater　Kadambini's　abstraction　became；　the　more　impatient　was　Jogmaya　with　her；　wondering　what　trouble　weighed　upon　her　mind。

Then　a　new　danger　arose。　Kadambini　was　afraid　of　herself；　yet　she　could　not　flee　from　herself。　Those　who　fear　ghosts　fear　those　who　are　behind　them；　wherever　they　cannot　see　there　is　fear。　But　Kadambini's　chief　terror　lay　in　herself；　for　she　dreaded　nothing　external。　At　the　dead　of　night；　when　alone　in　her　room；　she　screamed；　in　the　evening；　when　she　saw　her　shadow　in　the　lamp…light；　her　whole　body　shook。　Watching　her　fearfulness；　the　rest　of　the　house　fell　into　a　sort　of　terror。　The　servants　and　Jogmaya　herself　began　to　see　ghosts。

One　midnight；　Kadambini　came　out　from　her　bedroom　weeping；　and　wailed　at　Jogmaya's　door：　〃Sister；　sister；　let　me　lie　at　your　feet！　Do　not　put　me　by　myself！〃

Jogmaya's　anger　was　no　less　than　her　fear。　She　would　have　liked　to　drive　Kadambini　from　the　house　that　very　second。　The　good…natured　Sripati；　after　much　effort；　succeeded　in　quieting　their　guest；　and　put　her　in　the　next　room。

Next　day　Sripati　was　unexpectedly　summoned　to　his　wife's　apartments。　She　began　to　upbraid　him：　〃　You；　do　you　call　yourself　a　man？　A　woman　runs　away　from　her　father…in…law；　and　enters　your　house；　a　month　passes；　and　you　haven't　hinted　that　she　should　go　away；　nor　have　I　heard　the　slightest　protest　from　you。　I　should　cake　it　as　a　favour　if　you　would　explain　yourself。　You　men　are　all　alike。〃

Men；　as　a　race；　have　a　natural　partiality　for　womankind　in　general；　foe　which　women　themselves　hold　them　accountable。　　　Although　Sripati　was　prepared　to　touch　Jogmaya's　body；　and　swear　that　his　kind　feeling　towards　the　helpless　but　beautiful　Kadambini　was　no　whit　greater　than　it　should　be；　he　could　not　prove　it　by　his　behaviour。　He　thought　that　her　father…in…law's　people　must　have　treated　this　forlorn　widow　abominably；　if　she　could　bear　it　no　longer；　and　was　driven　to　take　refuge　with　him。　As　she　had　neither　father　nor　mother；　how　could　he　desert　her？　So　saying；　he　let　the　matter　drop；　far　he　had　no　mind　to　distress　Kadambini　by　asking　her　unpleasant　questions。

His　wife；　then；　tried　other　means　of　her　sluggish　lord；　until　at　last　he　saw　that　for　the　sake　of　peace　he　must　send　word　to　Kadambini's　father…in…law。　　The　result　of　a　letter；　he　thought；　might　not　be　satisfactory；　so　he　resolved　to　go　to　Ranihat；　and　act　on　what　he　learnt。

So　Sripati　went；　and　Jogmaya　on　her　part　said　to　Kadambini　〃Friend；　it　hardly　seems　proper　for　you　to　stop　here　any　longer。　What　will　people　say？　〃

Kadambini　stared　solemnly　at　Jogmaya；　and　said：　〃What　have　I　to　do　with　people？〃

Jogmaya　was　astounded。　Then　she　said　sharply：　〃If　you　have　nothing　to　do　with　people；　we　have。　How　can　we　explain　the　detention　of　a　woman　belonging　to　another　house？〃

Kadambini　said：　〃Where　is　my　father…in…law's　house？〃

〃Confound　it！〃　thought　Jogmaya。　〃What　will　the　wretched　woman　say　next？〃

Very　slowly　Kadambini　said：　〃What　have　I　to　do　with　you？　Am　I　of　the　earth？　You　laugh；　weep；　love；　each　grips　and　holds　his　own；　I　merely　look。　You　are　human；　I　a　shadow。　I　cannot　understand　why　God　has　kept　me　in　this　world　of　yours。〃

So　strange　were　her　look　and　speech　that　Jogmaya　understood　something　of　her　drift；　though　not　all。　Unable　either　to　dismiss　her；　or　to　ask　her　any　more　questions；　she　went　away；　oppressed　with　thought。

IV

It　was　nearly　ten　o'clock　at　night　when　Sripati　returned　from　Ranihat。　The　earth　was　drowned　in　torrents　of　rain。　It　seemed　that　the　downpour　would　never　stop；　that　the　night　would　never　end。

Jogmaya　asked：　〃Well？〃

〃I've　lots　to　say；　presently。〃

So　saying；　Sripati　changed　his　clothes；　and　sat　down　to　supper；　then　he　lay　dawn　for　a　smoke。　His　mind　was　perplexed。

His　wife　stilled　her　curiosity　for　a　long　time；　then　she　came　to　his　couch　and　demanded：　〃What　did　you　hear？〃

〃That　you　have　certainly　made　a　mistake。〃

Jogmaya　was　nettled。　Women　never　make　mistakes；　or；　if　they　do；　a　sensible　man　never　mentions　them；　it　is　better　to　take　them　on　his　own　shoulders。　Jogmaya　snapped：　〃May　I　be　permitted　to　hear　how？〃

Sripati　replied：　〃The　woman　you　have　taken　into　your　house　is　not　your　Kadambini。〃

Hearing　this；　she　was　greatly　annoyed；　especially　since　it　was　her　husband　who　said　it。　〃What！　I　don't　know　my　own　friend？　I　must　come　to　you　to　recognise　her！　You　are　clever；　indeed！〃

Sripati　explained　that　there　was　no　need　to　quarrel　about　his　cleverness。　He　could　prove　what　he　said。　There　was　no　doubt　that　Jogmaya's　Kadambini　was　dead。

Jogmaya　replied：　〃Listen！　You've　certainly　made　some　huge　mistake。　You've　been　to　the　wrong　house；　or　are　confused　as　to　what　you　have　heard。　Who　told　you　to　go　yourself？　Write　a　letter；　and　everything　will　be　cleared　up。〃

Sripati　was　hurt　by　his　wife's　lack　of　faith　in　his　executive　ability；　he　produced　all　sorts　of　proof；　without　result。　Midnight　found　them　still　asserting　and　contradicting。　Although　they　were　both　agreed　now　that　Kadambini　should　be　got　out　of　the　house；　although　Sripati　believed　that　their　guest　had　deceived　his　wife　all　the　time　by　a　pretended　acquaintance；　and　Jogmaya　that　she　was　a　prostitute；　yet　in　the　present　discussion　neither　would　acknowledge　defeat。　By　degrees