michael, brother of jerry-第34章

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e；　arched　his　back　in　the　first　buck　he　had　ever　made。　　It　was　so　prodigious　a　buck　that　Collins　eyes　snapped　with　satisfaction；　while　Sam　landed　a　dozen　feet　away　in　the　sawdust。

〃Make　good　like　that；〃　Collins　approved；　〃and　when　I　sell　the　mule　you'll　go　along　as　part　of　the　turn；　or　I　miss　my　guess。　　And　it　will　be　some　turn。　　There'll　be　at　least　two　more　like　you；　who'll　have　to　be　nervy　and　know　how　to　fall。　　Get　busy。　　Try　him　again。〃

And　Barney　entered　into　the　hell　of　education　that　later　won　his　purchaser　more　time　than　he　could　deliver　over　the　best　vaudeville　circuits　in　Canada　and　the　United　States。　　Day　after　day　Barney　took　his　torture。　　Not　for　long　did　he　carry　the　spiked　saddle。　Instead；　bare…back；　he　received　the　negro　on　his　back；　and　was　spiked　and　set　bucking　just　the　same；　for　the　spike　was　now　attached　to　Sam's　palm　by　means　of　leather　straps。　　In　the　end；　Barney　became　so　〃touchy〃　about　his　back　that　he　almost　began　bucking　if　a　person　as　much　as　looked　at　it。　　Certainly；　aware　of　the　stab　of　pain；　he　started　bucking；　whirling；　and　kicking　whenever　the　first　signal　was　given　of　some　one　trying　to　mount　him。

At　the　end　of　the　fourth　week；　two　other　tumblers；　white　youths；　being　secured；　the　complete；　builded　turn　was　performed　for　the　benefit　of　a　slender；　French…looking　gentleman；　with　waxed　moustaches。　　In　the　end　he　bought　Barney；　without　haggling；　at　Collins's　own　terms　and　engaged　Sammy　and　the　other　two　tumblers　as　well。　　Collins　staged　the　trick　properly；　as　it　would　be　staged　in　the　theatre；　even　had　ready　and　set　up　all　the　necessary　apparatus；　and　himself　acted　as　ringmaster　while　the　prospective　purchaser　looked　on。

Barney；　fat　as　butter；　humorous…looking；　was　led　into　the　square　of　cloth…covered　steel　cables　and　cloth…covered　steel　uprights。　The　halter　was　removed　and　he　was　turned　loose。　　Immediately　he　became　restless；　the　ears　were　laid　back；　and　he　was　a　picture　of　viciousness。

〃Remember　one　thing；〃　Collins　told　the　man　who　might　buy。　　〃If　you　buy　him；　you'll　be　ringmaster；　and　you　must　never；　never　spike　him。　　When　he　comes　to　know　that；　you　can　always　put　your　hands　on　him　any　time　and　control　him。　　He's　good…natured　at　heart；　and　he's　the　gratefullest　mule　I've　ever　seen　in　the　business。　　He's　just　got　to　love　you；　and　hate　the　other　three。　　And　one　warning：　if　he　goes　real　bad　and　starts　biting；　you'll　have　to　pull　out　his　teeth　and　feed　him　soft　mashes　and　crushed　grain　that's　steamed。　I'll　give　you　the　recipe　for　the　digestive　dope　you'll　have　to　put　in。　　Nowwatch！〃

Collins　stopped　into　the　ring　and　caressed　Barney；　who　responded　in　the　best　of　tempers　and　tried　affectionately　to　nudge　and　shove　past　on　the　way　out　of　the　ropes　to　escape　what　he　knew　was　coming。

〃See；〃　Collins　exposited。　　〃He's　got　confidence　in　me。　　He　trusts　me。　　He　knows　I've　never　spiked　him　and　that　I　always　save　him　in　the　end。　　I'm　his　good　Samaritan；　and　you'll　have　to　be　the　same　to　him　if　you　buy　him。Now　I'll　give　you　your　spiel。　　Of　course；　you　can　improve　on　it　to　suit　yourself。〃

The　master…trainer　walked　out　of　the　rope　square；　stepped　forward　to　an　imaginary　line；　and　looked　down　and　out　and　up　as　if　he　were　gazing　at　the　pit　of　the　orchestra　beneath　him；　across　at　the　body　of　the　house；　and　up　into　the　galleries。

〃Ladies　and　gentlemen；〃　he　addressed　the　sawdust　emptiness　before　him　as　if　it　were　a　packed　audience；　〃this　is　Barney　Barnato；　the　biggest　joker　of　a　mule　ever　born。　　He's　as　affectionate　as　a　Newfoundland　puppyjust　watch〃

Stepping　back　to　the　ropes；　Collins　extended　his　hand　across　them；　saying：　　〃Come　here；　Barney；　and　show　all　these　people　who　you　love　best。〃

And　Barney　twinkled　forward　on　his　small　hoofs；　nozzled　the　open　hand；　and　came　closer；　nozzling　up　the　arm；　nudging　Collins's　shoulders　with　his　nose；　half…rearing　as　if　to　get　across　the　ropes　and　embrace　him。　　What　he　was　really　doing　was　begging　and　entreating　Collins　to　take　him　away　out　of　the　squared　ring　from　the　torment　he　knew　awaited　him。

〃That's　what　it　means　by　never　spiking　him；〃　Collins　shot　at　the　man　with　the　waxed　moustaches；　as　he　stepped　forward　to　the　imaginary　line　in　the　sawdust；　above　the　imaginary　pit　of　the　orchestra；　and　addressed　the　imaginary　house。

〃Ladies　and　gentlemen；　Barney　Barnato　is　a　josher。　　He's　got　forty　tricks　up　each　of　his　four　legs；　and　the　man　don't　live　that　he'll　let　stick　on　big　back　for　sixty　seconds。　　I'm　telling　you　this　in　fair　warning；　before　I　make　my　proposition。　　Looks　easy；　doesn't　it？one　minute；　the　sixtieth　part　of　an　hour；　to　be　precise；　sixty　seconds；　to　stick　on　the　back　of　an　affectionate　josher　mule　like　Barney。　　Well；　come　on　you　boys　and　broncho　riders。　　To　anybody　who　sticks　on　for　one　minute　I　shall　immediately　pay　the　sum　of　fifty　dollars；　for　two　whole；　entire　minutes；　the　sum　of　five　hundred　dollars。〃

This　was　the　cue　for　Samuel　Bacon；　who　advanced　across　the　sawdust；　awkward　and　grinning　and　embarrassed；　and　apparently　was　helped　up　to　the　stage　by　the　extended　hand　of　Collins。

〃Is　your　life　insured？〃　Collins　demanded。

Sam　shook　his　head　and　grinned。

〃Then　what　are　you　tackling　this　for？〃

〃For　the　money；〃　said　Sam。　　〃I　jes'　naturally　needs　it　in　my　business。〃

〃What　is　your　business？〃

〃None　of　your　business；　mister。〃　　Here　Sam　grinned　ingratiating　apology　for　his　impertinence　and　shuffled　on　his　legs。　　〃I　might　be　investin'　in　lottery　tickets；　only　I　ain't。　　Do　I　get　the　money？that's　OUR　business。〃

〃Sure　you　do；〃　Collins　replied。　　〃When　you　earn　it。　　Stand　over　there　to　one　side　and　wait　a　moment。Ladies　and　gentlemen；　if　you　will　forgive　the　delay；　I　must　ask　for　more　volunteers。Any　more　takers？　　Fifty　dollars　for　sixty　seconds。　　Almost　a　dollar　a　second　。　。　。　if　you　win。　　Better！　　I'll　make　it　a　dollar　a　second。　Sixty　dollars　to　the　boy；　man；　woman；　or　girl　who　sticks　on　Barney's　back　for　one　minute。　　Come　on；　ladies。　　Remember　this　is　the　day　of　equal　suffrage。　　Here's　where　you　put　it　over　on　your　husbands；　brothers；　sons；　fathers；　and　grandfathers。　　Age　is　no　limit。Grandma；　do　I　get　you？〃　he　uttered　directly　to　what　must　have　been　a　very　elderly　lady　in　a　near　front　row。〃You　see；〃　（to　the　prospective　buyer）；　〃I've　got　the　entire　patter　for　you。　　You　could　do　it　with　two　rehearsals；　and　you　can　do　them　right　here；　free　of　charge；　part　of　the　purchase。〃

The　next　two　tumblers　crossed　the　sawdust　and　were　helped　by　Collins　up　to　the　imaginary　stage。

〃You　can　change　the　patter　according　to　the　cities　you're　in；〃　he　explained　to　the　Frenchman。　　〃It's　easy　to　find　out　the　names　of　the　most　despised　and　toughest　neighbourhoods　or　villages；　and　have　the　boys　hail　from　them。〃

Continuing　the　patter；　Collins　put　the　performance　on。　　Sam's　first　attempt　was　brief。　　He　was　not　half　on　when　he　was　flung　to　the　ground。　　Half　a　dozen　attempts；　quickly　repeated；　were　scarcely　better；　the　last　one　permitting　him　to　remain　on　Barney's　back　nearly　ten　seconds；　and　culminating　in　a　ludicrous　fall　over　Barney's　head。　　Sam　withdrew　from　the　ring；　shaking　his　head　dubiously　and　holding　his　side　as　if　in　pain。　　The　other　lads　followed。　　Expert　tumblers；　they　executed　most　amazing　and　side…　splitting　fails。　　Sam　recovered　and　came　back。　　Toward　the　last；　all　three　made　a　combined　attack　on　Barney；　striving　to　mount　him　simultaneously　from　different　slants　of　approach。　　They　were　scattered　and　flung　like　chaff；　sometimes　falling　heaped　together。　Once；　the　two　white　boys；　standing　apart　as　if　recovering　breath；　were　mowed　down　by　Sam's　flying　body。

〃Remember；　this　is　a　real　mule；〃　Collins　told　the　man　with　the　waxed　moustaches。　　〃If　any　outsiders　butt　in　for　a　hack　at　the　money；　all　the　better。　　They'll　get　theirs　quick。　　The　man　don't　live　who　can　stay　on　his　back　a　minute　。　。　。　if　you　keep　him　rehearsed　with　the　spike。　　He　must　live　in　fear　of　the　spike。　Never　let　him　slow　up　on　it。　　Never　let　him　forget　it。　　If　you　lay　off　any　time　for　a　few　days；　rehearse　him　with　the　spike　a　couple　of　times　just　before　you　begin　again；　or　else　he　might　forget　it　and　queer　the　turn　by　ambling　around　with　the　first　outside　rube　that　mounts　him。

〃And　just　suppose　some　rube；　all　hooks　of　arms　and　legs　and　hands；　is　managing　to　stick　on　anyway；　and　the　minute　is　getting　near　up。　Just　have　Sam　here；　or　any　of　your　three；　slide　in　and　spike　him　from　the　palm。　　That'll　be　good　night　for　Mr。　Rube。　　You　can't　lose；　and　the　audience'll　laugh　its　fool　head　off。

〃Now　for　the　climax！　　Watch！　　This　always　brings　the　house　down。　Get　busy　you　two！Sam！　　Ready！〃

While　the　white　boys　threatened　to　mount　Barney　from　either　side　and　kept　his　attention　engaged；　Sam；　from　outside；　in　a　sudden　fit　of　rage　and　desperation；　made　a　flying　dive　across　the　ropes　and　from　in　front　locked　arms　and　legs　about　Barney's　neck；　tucking　his　own　head　close　against　Barney's　head。　　And　Barney　reared　up　on　his　hind　legs；　as　he　had　long　since　learned　from　the　many　palm…　spikings　he　had　received　on　head　and　neck。

〃It's　a　corker；〃　Collins　announced；　as　Barney；　on　his　hind　legs；　striking　vainly　with　his　fore；　struggled　about　the　ring。　　〃There's　no　danger。　　He'll　never　fall　over　backwards。　　He's　a　mule；　and　he's　too　wise。　　Besides；　even　if　he　does；　all　Sam　has　to　do　is　let　go　and　fall　clear。〃

The　turn　over；　Barney　gladly　accepted　the　halter　and　was　led　out　of　the　square　ring　and　up　to　the　Frenchman。

〃Long　life　therelook　him　over；〃　Collins　continued　to　sell。　〃It's　a　full　turn；　including　yourself；　four　performers；　besides　the　mule；　and　besides　any　suckers　from　the　audience。　　It's　all　ready　to　put　on　the　boards；　and　dirt　cheap　at　five　thousand。〃

The　Frenchman　winced　at　the　sum。

〃Listen　to　arithmetic；〃　Collins　went　on。　　〃You　can　sell　at　twelve　hundred　a　week　at　least；　and　you　can　net　eight　hundred　certain。　Six　weeks　of　the　net　pays　for　the　turn；　and　you　can　book　a　hundred　weeks　right　off　the　bat　and　have　them　yelling　for　more。　　Wish　I　was　young　and　footloose。　　I'd　take　it　out　on　the　road　myself　and　coin　a　fortune。〃

And　Barney　was　sold；　and　passed　out　of　the　Cedarwild　Animal　School　to　the　slavery　of　the　spike　and　to　be　provocative　of　much　joy　and　laughter　in　the　pleasure…theatre　of　the　world。



CHAPTER　XXVII



〃The　thing　is；　Johnny；　you　can't　love　dogs　into　doing　professional　tricks；　which　is　the　difference　between　dogs　and　women；〃　Collins　told　his　assistant。　　〃You　know　how　it　is　with　any　dog。　　You　love　it　up　into　lying　down　and　rolling　over　and　playing　dead　and　all　such　dub　tricks。　　And　then　one　day　you　show　him　off　to　your　friends；　and　the　conditions　are　changed；　and　he　gets　all　excited　and　foolish；　and　you　can't　get　him　to　do　a　thing。　　Children　are　like　that。　　Lose　their　heads　in　company；　forget　all　their　training；　and　throw　you　down。〃

〃Now　on　the　stage；　they　got　real　tricks　to　do；　tricks　they　don't　do；　tricks　they　hate。　　And　they　mightn't　be　feeling　goodgot　a　touch　of　cold；　or　mange；　or　are　sour…balled。　　What　are　you　going　to　do？　　Apologize　to　the　audience？　　Besides；　on　the　stage；　the　programme　runs　like　clockwork。　　Got　to　start　performing　on　the　tick　of　the　clock；　and　anywhere　from　one　to　seven　turns　a　day；　all　depending　what　kind　of　time　you've　got。　　The　point　is；　your　dogs　have　got　to　get　right　up　and　perform。　　No　loving　them；　no　begging　them；　no　wai