worldly ways and byways(世俗之路)-第40章
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a dusky potentate judged the moment appropriate to scrub the cabin floors。
So； aided by a couple of subordinates； he proceeded to deluge the entire
place in floods of water； obliging us to sit with our feet tucked up under us；
splashing the ladies' skirts and our wraps and belongings。
Such treatment of the public would have raised a riot anywhere but in
this land of freedom。 Do you suppose any one murmured？ Not at all。 The
well…trained public had the air of being in church。 My neighbors appeared
astonished at my impatience； and informed me that they were often
detained in that way； as the company was short of boats； but they hoped to
have a new one in a year or two。 This detail did not prevent that
corporation advertising our train to arrive in New York at three…thirteen；
instead of which we landed at four o'clock。 If a similar breach of contract
had happened in England； a dozen letters would have appeared in the
〃Times；〃 and the grievance been well aired。
Another infliction to which all who travel in America are subjected is
the brushing atrocity。 Twenty minutes before a train arrives at its
destination； the despot who has taken no notice of any one up to this
moment； except to snub them； becomes suspiciously attentive and insists
on brushing everybody。 The dirt one traveller has been accumulating is
sent in clouds into the faces of his neighbors。 When he is polished off and
has paid his 〃quarter〃 of tribute； the next man gets up； and the dirt is then
brushed back on to number one； with number two's collection added。
Labiche begins one of his plays with two servants at work in a salon。
〃Dusting；〃 says one of them； 〃is the art of sending the dirt from the chair
on the right over to the sofa on the left。〃 I always think of that remark
when I see the process performed in a parlor car； for when it is over we are
all exactly where we began。 If a man should shampoo his hair； or have his
boots cleaned in a salon； he would be ejected as a boor； yet the idea
apparently never enters the heads of those who soil and choke their fellow…
passengers that the brushing might be done in the vestibule。
On the subject of fresh air and heat we are also in the hands of officials；
dozens of passengers being made to suffer for the caprices of one of their
number； or the taste of some captious invalid。 In other lands the rights of
minorities are often ignored。 With us it is the contrary。 One sniffling
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school…girl who prefers a temperature of 80 degrees can force a car full of
people to swelter in an atmosphere that is death to them； because she
refuses either to put on her wraps or to have a window opened。
Street railways are torture…chambers where we slaves are made to
suffer in another way。 You must begin to reel and plunge towards the door
at least two blocks before your destination； so as to leap to the ground
when the car slows up； otherwise the conductor will be offended with you；
and carry you several squares too far； or with a jocose 〃Step lively；〃 will
grasp your elbow and shoot you out。 Any one who should sit quietly in his
place until the vehicle had come to a full stop； would be regarded by the
slave…driver and his cargo as a POSEUR who was assuming airs。
The idea that cars and boats exist for the convenience of the public
was exploded long ago。 We are made； dozens of times a day； to feel that
this is no longer the case。 It is； on the contrary； brought vividly home to us
that such conveyances are money making machines in the possession of
powerful corporations （to whom we； in our debasement； have handed over
the freedom of our streets and rivers）； and are run in the interest and at the
discretion of their owners。
It is not only before the great and the powerful that we bow in
submission。 The shop…girl is another tyrant who has planted her foot
firmly on the neck of the nation。 She respects neither sex nor age。
Ensconced behind the bulwark of her counter； she scorns to notice humble
aspirants until they have performed a preliminary penance； a time she fills
up in cheerful conversation addressed to other young tyrants； only
deciding to notice customers when she sees their last grain of patience is
exhausted。 She is often of a merry mood； and if anything about your
appearance or manner strikes her critical sense as amusing； will laugh
gayly with her companions at your expense。
A French gentleman who speaks our language correctly but with some
accent； told me that he found it impossible to get served in our stores； the
shop…girls bursting with laughter before he could make his wants known。
Not long ago I was at the Compagnie Lyonnaise in Paris with a stout
American lady； who insisted on tipping her chair forward on its front legs
as she selected some laces。 Suddenly the chair flew from under her； and
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she sat violently on the polished floor in an attitude so supremely comic
that the rest of her party were inwardly convulsed。 Not a muscle moved in
the faces of the well… trained clerks。 The proprietor assisted her to rise as
gravely as if he were bowing us to our carriage。
In restaurants American citizens are treated even worse than in the
shops。 You will see cowed customers who are anxious to get away to their
business or pleasure sitting mutely patient； until a waiter happens to
remember their orders。 I do not know a single establishment in this city
where the waiters take any notice of their customers' arrival； or where the
proprietor comes； toward the end of the meal； to inquire if the dishes have
been cooked to their taste。 The interest so general on the Continent or in
England is replaced here by the same air of being disturbed from more
important occupations； that characterizes the shop…girl and elevator boy。
Numbers of our people live apparently in awe of their servants and the
opinion of the tradespeople。 One middle…aged lady whom I occasionally
take to the theatre； insists when we arrive at her door on my accompanying
her to the elevator； in order that the youth who presides therein may see
that she has an escort； the opinion of this subordinate apparently being of
supreme importance to her。 One of our 〃gilded youths〃 recently told me of
a thrilling adventure in which he had figured。 At the moment he was
passing under an awning on his way to a reception； a gust of wind sent his
hat gambolling down the block。 〃Think what a situation；〃 he exclaimed。
〃There stood a group of my friends' footmen watching me。 But I was equal
to the situation and entered the house as if nothing had happened！〃 Sir
Walter Raleigh sacrificed a cloak to please a queen。 This youth abandoned
a new hat； fearing the laughter of a half…dozen servants。
One of the reasons why we have become so weak in the presence of
our paid masters is that nowhere is the individual allowed to protest。 The
other night a friend who was with me at a theatre considered the acting
inferior； and expressed his opinion by hissing。 He was promptly ejected by
a policeman。 The man next me was； on the contrary； so pleased with the
piece that he encored every song。 I had paid to see the piece once； and
rebelled at being obliged to see it twice to suit my neighbor。 On referring
the matter to the box…office； the caliph in charge informed me that the
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slaves he allowed to enter his establishment （like those who in other days
formed the court of Louis XIV。） were permitted to praise； but were
suppressed if they murmured dissent。 In his MEMOIRES； Dumas； PERE；
tells of a 〃first night〃 when three thousand people applauded a play of his
and one spectator hissed。 〃He was the only one I respected；〃 said Dumas；
〃for the piece was bad； and that criticism spurred me on to improve it。〃
How can we hope for any improvement in the standard of our
entertainments； the manners of our servants or the ways of corporations
when no one complains？ We are too much in a hurry to follow up a
grievance and have it righted。 〃It doesn't pay；〃 〃I haven't got the time；〃 are
phrases with which all such subjects are dismissed。 We will sit in over…
heated cars； eat vilely cooked food； put up with insolence from
subordinates； because it is too much trouble to assert our rights。 Is the
spirit that prompted the first shots on Lexington Common becoming
extinct？ Have the floods of emigration so diluted our Anglo…Saxon blood
that we no longer care to fight for liberty？ Will no patriot arise and lead a
revolt against our tyrants？
I am prepared to follow such a leader； and have already marked my
prey。 First； I will slay a certain miscreant who sits at the receipt of customs
in the box…office of an up…town theatre。 For years I have tried to propitiate
that satrap with modest politeness and feeble little jokes。 He has never
been softened by either； but continues to 〃chuck〃 the worst places out to
me （no matter how early I arrive； the best have always been given to the
speculators）； and to frown down my attempts at self…assertion。
When I have seen this enemy at my feet； I shall start down town
（stopping on the way to brain the teller at my bank； who is perennially
paring his nails； and refuses to see me until that operation is performed）； to
the office of a night…boat line； where the clerk has so often forced me； with
hundreds of other weary vict
