dream days-第20章
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fellow like the spotty horse; ready to step in at critical
moments and take up just the part required of him。
In moments of mental depression; nothing is quite so
consoling as the honest smell of a painted animal; and
mechanically I turned towards the shelf that had been so long the
Ararat of our weather…beaten Ark。 The shelf was empty; the Ark
had cast off moorings and sailed away to Poplar; and had taken
with it its haunting smell; as well as that pleasant sense of
disorder that the best conducted Ark is always able to impart。
The sliding roof had rarely been known to close entirely。 There
was always a pair of giraffe…legs sticking out; or an elephant…
trunk; taking from the stiffness of its outline; and reminding us
that our motley crowd of friends inside were uncomfortably
cramped for room and only too ready to leap in a cascade on the
floor and browse and gallop; flutter and bellow and neigh; and be
their natural selves again。 I think that none of us ever really
thought very much of Ham and Shem and Japhet。 They were only
there because they were in the story; but nobody really
wanted them。 The Ark was built for the animals; of course
animals with tails; and trunks; and horns; and at least three
legs apiece; though some unfortunates had been unable to retain
even that number。 And in the animals were of course included the
birdsthe dove; for instance; grey with black wings; and the
red…crested woodpeckeror was it a hoo…poe?and the insects;
for there was a dear beetle; about the same size as the dove;
that held its own with any of the mammalia。
Of the doll…department Charlotte had naturally been sole chief
for a long time; if the staff were not in their places to…day; it
was not I who had any official right to take notice。 And yet one
may have been member of a Club for many a year without ever
exactly understanding the use and object of the other members;
until one enters; some Christmas day or other holiday; and;
surveying the deserted armchairs; the untenanted sofas; the
barren hat…pegs; realizes; with depression; that those other
fellows had their allotted functions; after all。 Where was old
Jerry? Where were Eugenie; Rosa; Sophy; Esmeralda? We had long
drifted apart; it was true; we spoke but rarely; perhaps;
absorbed in new ambitions; new achievements; I had even come to
look down on these conservative; unprogressive members who were
so clearly content to remain simply what they were。 And now that
their corners were unfilled; their chairs unoccupiedwell; my
eyes were opened and I wanted 'em back!
However; it was no business of mine。 If grievances were the
question; I hadn't a leg to stand upon。 Though my catapults were
officially confiscated; I knew the drawer in which they were
incarcerated; and where the key of it was hidden; and I
could make life a burden; if I chose; to every living thing
within a square…mile radius; so long as the catapult was restored
to its drawer in due and decent time。 But I wondered how the
others were taking it。 The edict hit them more severely。 They
should have my moral countenance at any rate; if not more; in any
protest or countermine they might be planning。 And; indeed;
something seemed possible; from the dogged; sullen air with which
the two of them had trotted off in the direction of the
raspberry…canes。 Certain spots always had their insensible
attraction for certain moods。 In love; one sought the orchard。
Weary of discipline; sick of convention; impassioned for the
road; the mining camp; the land across the border; one made for
the big meadow。 Mutinous; sulky; charged with plots and
conspiracies; one always got behind the shelter of the
raspberry…canes。
。 。 。 。 。 。 。
〃You can come too if you like;〃 said Harold; in a subdued sort of
way; as soon as he was aware that I was sitting up in bed
watching him。 〃We didn't think you'd care; 'cos you've got to
catapults。 But we're goin' to do what we've settled to do; so
it's no good sayin' we hadn't ought and that sort of thing; 'cos
we're goin' to!〃
The day had passed in an ominous peacefulness。 Charlotte and
Harold had kept out of my way; as well as out of everybody
else's; in a purposeful manner that ought to have bred suspicion。
In the evening we had read books; or fitfully drawn ships and
battles on fly…leaves; apart; in separate corners; void of
conversation or criticism; oppressed by the lowering tidiness of
the universe; till bedtime came; and disrobement; and
prayers even more mechanical than usual; and lastly bed itself
without so much as a giraffe under the pillow。 Harold had
grunted himself between the sheets with an ostentatious pretence
of overpowering fatigue; but I noticed that he pulled his pillow
forward and propped his head against the brass bars of his crib;
and; as I was acquainted with most of his tricks and subterfuges;
it was easy for me to gather that a painful wakefulness was his
aim that night。
I had dozed off; however; and Harold was out and on his feet;
poking under the bed for his shoes; when I sat up and grimly
regarded him。 Just as he said I could come if I liked; Charlotte
slipped in; her face rigid and set。 And then it was borne in
upon me that I was not on in this scene。 These youngsters had
planned it all out; the piece was their own; and the
mounting; and the cast。 My sceptre had fallen; my rule had
ceased。 In this magic hour of the summer night laws went for
nothing; codes were cancelled; and those who were most in touch
with the moonlight and the warm June spirit and the topsy…
turvydom that reigns when the clock strikes ten; were the true
lords and lawmakers。
Humbly; almost timidly; I followed without a protest in the wake
of these two remorseless; purposeful young persons; who were
marching straight for the schoolroom。 Here in the moonlight the
grim big box stood visiblethe box in which so large a portion
of our past and our personality lay entombed; cold; swathed in
paper; awaiting the carrier of the morning who should speed them
forth to the strange; cold; distant Children's Hospital; where
their little failings would all be misunderstood and no one
would make allowances。 A dreamy spectator; I stood idly by
while Harold propped up the lid and the two plunged in their arms
and probed and felt and grappled。
〃Here's Rosa;〃 said Harold; suddenly。 〃I know the feel of her
hair。 Will you have Rosa out?〃
〃Oh; give me Rosa!〃 cried Charlotte with a sort of gasp。 And
when Rosa had been dragged forth; quite unmoved apparently;
placid as ever in her moonfaced contemplation of this comedy…
world with its ups and downs; Charlotte retired with her to the
window…seat; and there in the moonlight the two exchanged their
private confidences; leaving Harold to his exploration alone。
〃Here's something with sharp corners;〃 said Harold; presently。
〃Must be Leotard; I think。 Better let HIM go。〃
〃Oh; yes; we can't save Leotard;〃 assented Charlotte;
limply。
Poor old Leotard! I said nothing; of course; I was not on in
this piece。 But; surely; had Leotard heard and rightly
understood all that was going on above him; he must have sent up
one feeble; strangled cry; one faint appeal to be rescued from
unfamiliar little Annies and retained for an audience certain to
appreciate and never unduly critical。
〃Now I've got to the Noah's Ark;〃 panted Harold; still groping
blindly。
〃Try and shove the lid back a bit;〃 said Charlotte; 〃and pull out
a dove or a zebra or a giraffe if there's one handy。〃
Harold toiled on with grunts and contortions; and presently
produced in triumph a small grey elephant and a large beetle with
a red stomach。
〃They're jammed in too tight;〃 he complained。 〃Can't get any
more out。 But as I came up I'm sure I felt Potiphar!〃 And down
he dived again。
Potiphar was a finely modelled bull with a suede skin; rough
and comfortable and warm in bed。 He was my own special joy and
pride; and I thrilled with honest emotion when Potiphar emerged
to light once more; stout…necked and stalwart as ever。
〃That'll have to do;〃 said Charlotte; getting up。 〃We dursn't
take any more; 'cos we'll be found out if we do。 Make the box
all right; and bring 'em along。〃
Harold rammed down the wads of paper and twists of straw he had
disturbed; replaced the lid squarely and innocently; and picked
up his small salvage; and we sneaked off for the window most
generally in use for prison…breakings and nocturnal escapades。 A
few seconds later and we were hurrying silently in single file
along the dark edge of the lawn。
Oh; the riot; the clamour; the crowding chorus; of all silent
things that spoke by scent and colour and budding thrust and
foison; that moonlit night of June! Under the laurel…shade all
was still ghostly enough; brigand…haunted; crackling; whispering
of night and all its possibilities of terror。 But the open
garden; when once we were in ithow it turned a glad new face to
welcome us; glad as of old when the sunlight raked and searched
it; new with the unfamiliar night…aspect that yet welcomed us as
guests to a hall where the horns blew up to a new; strange
banquet! Was this the same grass; could these be the same
familiar flower…beds; alleys; clumps of verdure; patches of
sward? At least this full white light that was flooding them was
new; and accounted for all。 It was Moonlight Land; and Past…Ten…
o'clock Land; and we were in it and of it; and all its other
denizens fully understood; and; tongue…free and awakened at last;
responded and comprehended and knew。 The other two; doubtless;
hurrying forward full of their mission; noted little of all
this。 I; who was only a super; had leisure to take it all in;
and; though the language and the message of the land were not all
clear to me then; long afterwards I remembered and understood。
Under the farthest hedge; at the loose end of things; where the
outer world began with the paddock; there was darkness once
againnot the blackness that crouched so solidly under the
crowding laurels; but a duskiness hung from far…spread arms of
high…standing elms。 There; where the small grave made a darker
spot on the grey; I overtook them; only just in time to see Rosa
laid stiffly out; her cherry cheeks pale in the moonlight; but
her brave smile triumphant and undaunted as ever。 It was a tiny
grave and a shallow one; to hold so very much。 Rosa once in;
Potiphar; who had hitherto stood erect; stout…necked; through so
many days and such various weather; must needs bow his head
and lie down meekly on his side。 The elephant and the beetle;
equal now in a silent land where a vertebra and a red circulation
counted for nothing; had to snuggle down where best they might;
only a little less crowded than in their native Ark。
The eart