dream days-第4章

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wandered　up　there　one　day；　searching　（as　usual）　for　something　I

never　found；　and　had　been　taken　in　by　them　and　treated　as　friend

and　comrade。　　They　had　made　me　free　of　their　ideal　little　rooms；

full　of　books　and　pictures；　and　clean　of　the　antimacassar　taint；

they　had　shown　me　their　chapel；　high；　hushed；　and　faintly

scented；　beautiful　with　a　strange　new　beauty　born　both　of　what　it

had　and　what　it　had　notthat　too　familiar　dowdiness　of　common

places　of　worship。　　They　had　also　fed　me　in　their　dining…hall；

where　a　long　table　stood　on　trestles　plain　to　view；　and　all　the

woodwork　was　natural；　unpainted；　healthily　scrubbed；　and

redolent　of　the　forest　it　came　from。　　I　brought　away　from　that

visit；　and　kept　by　me　for　many　days；　a　sense　of　cleanness；　of　the

freshness　that　pricks　the　sensesthe　freshness　of　cool　spring

water；　and　the　large　swept　spaces　of　the　rooms；　the　red　tiles；

and　the　oaken　settles；　suggested　a　comfort　that　had　no　connexion

with　padded　upholstery。



On　this　particular　morning　I　was　in　much　too　unsociable　a　mind

for　paying　friendly　calls。　　Still；　something　in　the　aspect　of　the

place　harmonised　with　my　humour；　and　I　worked　my　way　round　to　the

back；　where　the　ground；　after　affording　level　enough　for　a

kitchen…garden；　broke　steeply　away。　　Both　the　word　Gothic　and　the

thing　itself　were　still　unknown　to　me；　yet　doubtless　the

architecture　of　the　place；　consistent　throughout；　accounted　for

its　sense　of　comradeship　in　my　hour　of　disheartenment。　　As　I

mused　there；　with　the　low；　grey；　purposeful…looking　building

before　me；　and　thought　of　my　pleasant　friends　within；　and　what

good　times　they　always　seemed　to　be　having；　and　how　they　larked

with　the　Irish　terrier；　whose　footing　was　one　of　a　perfect

equality；　I　thought　of　a　certain　look　in　their　faces；　as　if　they

had　a　common　purpose　and　a　business；　and　were　acting　under　orders

thoroughly　recognised　and　understood。　　I　remembered；　too；

something　that　Martha　had　told　me；　about　these　same　fellows　doing

〃a　power　o'　good；〃　and　other　hints　I　had　collected　vaguely；　of

renouncements；　rules；　self…denials；　and　the　like。　　Thereupon；　out

of　the　depths　of　my　morbid　soul　swam　up　a　new　and　fascinating

idea；　and　at　once　the　career　of　arms　seemed　over…acted　and　stale；

and　piracy；　as　a　profession；　flat　and　unprofitable。　　This；　then；

or　something　like　it；　should　be　my　vocation　and　my　revenge。　

A　severer　line　of　business；　perhaps；　such　as　I　had　read　of；

something　that　included　black　bread　and　a　hair…shirt。　　There

should　be　vows；　tooirrevocable；　blood　curdling　vows；　and　an

iron　grating。　　This　iron　grating　was　the　most　necessary　feature

of　all；　for　I　intended　that　on　the　other　side　of　it　my　relations

should　range　themselvesI　mentally　ran　over　the　catalogue；　and

saw　that　the　whole　gang　was　present；　all　in　their　proper　places

a　sad…eyed　row；　combined　in　tristful　appeal。　　〃We　see　our　error

now；〃　they　would　say；　〃we　were　always　dull　dogs；　slow　to　catch

especially　in　those　akin　to　usthe　finer　qualities　of　soul！　　We

misunderstood　you；　misappreciated　you；　and　we　own　up　to　it。　　And

now〃　　〃Alas；　my　dear　friends；〃　I　would　strike　in　here；　waving

towards　them　an　ascetic　handone　of　the　emaciated　sort；　that

lets　the　light　shine　through　at　the　finger…tips〃Alas；　you

come　too　late！　　This　conduct　is　fitting　and　meritorious　on　your

part；　and　indeed　I　always　expected　it　of　you；　sooner　or　later；

but　the　die　is　cast；　and　you　may　go　home　again　and　bewail　at　your

leisure　this　too　tardy　repentance　of　yours。　　For　me；　I　am　vowed

and　dedicated；　and　my　relations　henceforth　are　austerity　and　holy

works。　　Once　a　month；　should　you　wish　it；　it　shall　be　your

privilege　to　come　and　gaze　at　me　through　this　very　solid　grating；

but〃　　WHACK！



A　well…aimed　clod　of　garden　soil；　whizzing　just　past　my　ear；

starred　on　a　tree…trunk　behind；　spattering　me　with　dirt。　　The

present　came　back　to　me　in　a　flash；　and　I　nimbly　took　cover

behind　the　trees；　realising　that　the　enemy　was　up　and　abroad；

with　ambuscades；　alarms；　and　thrilling　sallies。　　It　was　the

gardener's　boy；　I　knew　well　enough；　a　red　proletariat；　who　hated

me　just　because　I　was　a　gentleman。　　Hastily　picking　up　a　nice

sticky　clod　in　one　hand；　with　the　other　I　delicately　projected　my

hat　beyond　the　shelter　of　the　tree…trunk。　　I　had　not　fought　with

Red…skins　all　these　years　for　nothing。



As　I　had　expected；　another　clod；　of　the　first　class　for　size　and

stickiness；　took　my　poor　hat　full　in　the　centre。　　Then；　Ajax…

like；　shouting　terribly；　I　issued　from　shelter　and　discharged　my

ammunition。　　Woe　then　for　the　gardener's　boy；　who；　unprepared；

skipping　in　premature　triumph；　took　the　clod　full　in　his　stomach！



He；　the　foolish　one；　witless　on　whose　side　the　gods　were　fighting

that　day；　discharged　yet　other　missiles；　wavering　and　wide　of　the

mark；　for　his　wind　had　been　taken　with　the　first　clod；　and　he

shot　wildly；　as　one　already　desperate　and　in　flight。　　I　got

another　clod　in　at　short　range；　we　clinched　on　the　brow　of　the

hill；　and　rolled　down　to　the　bottom　together。　　When　he　had

shaken　himself　free　and　regained　his　legs；　he　trotted　smartly　off

in　the　direction　of　his　mother's　cottage；　but　over　his　shoulder

he　discharged　at　me　both　imprecation　and　deprecation；　menace

mixed　up　with　an　under…current　of　tears。



But　as　for　me；　I　made　off　smartly　for　the　road；　my　frame

tingling；　my　head　high；　with　never　a　backward　look　at　the

Settlement　of　suggestive　aspect；　or　at　my　well…planned　future

which　lay　in　fragments　around　it。　　Life　had　its　jollities；　then；

life　was　action；　contest；　victory！　　The　present　was　rosy　once

more；　surprises　lurked　on　every　side；　and　I　was　beginning　to　feel

villainously　hungry。



Just　as　I　gained　the　road　a　cart　came　rattling　by；　and　I　rushed

for　it；　caught　the　chain　that　hung　below；　and　swung　thrillingly

between　the　dizzy　wheels；　choked　and　blinded　with　delicious…

smelling　dust；　the　world　slipping　by　me　like　a　streaky　ribbon

below；　till　the　driver　licked　at　me　with　his　whip；　and　I　had　to

descend　to　earth　again。　　Abandoning　the　beaten　track；　I　then

struck　homewards　through　the　fields；　not　that　the　way　was　very

much　shorter；　but　rather　because　on　that　route　one　avoided　the

bridge；　and　had　to　splash　through　the　stream　and　get　refreshingly

wet。　　Bridges　were　made　for　narrow　folk；　for　people　with　aims　and

vocations　which　compelled　abandonment　of　many　of　life's　highest

pleasures。　　Truly　wise　men　called　on　each　element　alike　to

minister　to　their　joy；　and　while　the　touch　of　sun…bathed　air；　the

fragrance　of　garden　soil；　the　ductible　qualities　of　mud；　and　the

spark…whirling　rapture　of　playing　with　fire；　had　each　their

special　charm；　they　did　not　overlook　the　bliss　of　getting　their

feet　wet。　　As　I　came　forth　on　the　common　Harold　broke　out　of　an

adjoining　copse　and　ran　to　meet　me；　the　morning　rain…clouds

all　blown　away　from　his　face。　　He　had　made　a　new　squirrel…stick；

it　seemed。　　Made　it　all　himself；　melted　the　lead　and　everything！　

I　examined　the　instrument　critically；　and　pronounced　it

absolutely　magnificent。　　As　we　passed　in　at　our　gate　the　girls

were　distantly　visible；　gardening　with　a　zeal　in　cheerful

contrast　to　their　heartsick　lassitude　of　the　morning。　　〃There's

bin　another　letter　come　to…day；〃　Harold　explained；　〃and　the

hamper　got　joggled　about　on　the　journey；　and　the　presents　worked

down　into　the　straw　and　all　over　the　place。　　One　of　'em　turned

up　inside　the　cold　duck。　　And　that's　why　they　weren't　found　at

first。　　And　Edward　said；　Thanks　AWFULLY〃

I　did　not　see　Martha　again　until　we　were　all　re…assembled　at　tea…

time；　when　she　seemed　red…eyed　and　strangely　silent；　neither

scolding　nor　finding　fault　with　anything。　　Instead；　she　was　very

kind　and　thoughtful　with　jams　and　things；　feverishly　pressing

unwonted　delicacies　on　us；　who　wanted　little　pressing　enough。　

Then　suddenly；　when　I　was　busiest；　she　disappeared；　and　Charlotte

whispered　me　presently　that　she　had　heard　her　go　to　her　room　and

lock　herself　in。　　This　struck　me　as　a　funny　sort　of

proceeding。









MUTABILE　SEMPER



She　stood　on　the　other　side　of　the　garden　fence；　and　regarded　me

gravely　as　I　came　down　the　road。　　Then　she　said；　〃Hi…o！〃　and　I

responded；　〃Hullo！〃　and　pulled　up　somewhat　nervously。



To　tell　the　truth；　the　encounter　was　not　entirely　unexpected　on

my　part。　　The　previous　Sunday　I　had　seen　her　in　church；　and　after

service　it　had　transpired　who　she　was；　this　new…comer；　and　what

aunt　she　was　staying　with。　　That　morning　a　volunteer　had　been

called　for；　to　take　a　note　to　the　Parsonage；　and　rather　to　my　own

surprise　I　had　found　myself　stepping　forward　with　alacrity；　while

the　others　had　become　suddenly　absorbed　in　various　pursuits；

or　had　sneaked　unobtrusively　out　of　view。　　Certainly　I　had　not

yet　formed　any　deliberate　plan　of　action；　yet　I　suppose　I

recollected　that　the　road　to　the　Parsonage　led　past　her　aunt's

garden。



She　began　the　conversation；　while　I　hopped　backwards　and　forwards

over　the　ditch；　feigning　a　careless　ease。



〃Saw　you　in　church　on　Sunday；〃　she　said；　〃only　you　looked

different　then。　　All　dressed　up；　and　your　hair　quite　smooth；　and

brushed　up　at　the　sides；　and　oh；　so　shiny！　　What　do　they　put　on

it　to　make　it　shine　like　that？　　Don't　you　hate　having　your　hair

brushed？〃　she　ran　on；　without　waiting　for　an　answer。　　〃How　your

boots　squeaked　when　you　came　down　the　aisle！　　When　mine　squeak；　I

walk　in　all　the　puddles　till　they　stop。　　Think　I'll　get　over　the

fence。〃



This　she　proceeded　to　do　in　a　businesslike　way；　while；　with

my　hands　deep　in　my　pockets；　I　regarded　her　movements　with　silent

interest；　as　those　of　some　strange　new　animal。



〃I've　been　gardening；〃　she　explained；　when　she　had　joined　me；

〃but　I　didn't　like　it。　　There's　so　many　worms　about　to…day。　　I

hate　worms。　　Wish　they'd　keep　out　of　the　way　when　I'm　digging。〃



〃Oh；　I　like　worms　when　I'm　digging；〃　I　replied　heartily；　〃seem　to

make　things　more　lively；　don't　they？〃



She　reflected。　　〃Shouldn't　mind　'em　so　much　if　they　were　warm　and

DRY；〃　she　said；　〃but〃　here　she　shivered；　and　somehow　I　liked

her　for　it；　though　if　it　had　been　my　own　flesh　and　blood　hoots　of

derision　would　have　instantly　assailed　her。



From　worms　we　passed；　naturally　enough；　to　frogs；　and　thence　to

pigs；　aunts；　gardeners；　rocking…horses；　and　other　fellow…citizens

of　our　common　kingdom。　　In　five　minutes　we　had　each　other's

confidences；　and　I　seemed　to　have　known　her　for　a　lifetime。　

Somehow；　on　the　subject　of　one's　self　it　was　easier　to　be　frank

and　communicative　with　her　than　with　one's　female　kin。　　It　must

be；　I　supposed；　because　she　was　less　familiar　with　one's　faulty；

tattered　past。



〃I　was　watching　you　as　you　came　along　the　road；〃　she　said

presently；　〃and　you　had　your　head　down　and　your　hands　in　your

pockets；　and　you　weren't　throwing　stones　at　anything；　or

whistling；　or　jumping　over　things；　and　I　thought　perhaps　you'd

bin　scolded；　or　got