a treatise on parents and children(父母与子女专题研究)-第4章
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of it altogether on more or less hypocritical pretences） and keeping it
continually at home。 Most working folk today either send their children
to day schools or turn them out of doors。 This solves the problem for the
parents。 It does not solve it for the children； any more than the tethering
of a goat in a field or the chasing of an unlicensed dog into the streets
solves it for the goat or the dog； but it shews that in no class are people
willing to endure the society of their children； and consequently that it is
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an error to believe that the family provides children with edifying adult
society； or that the family is a social unit。 The family is in that； as in so
many other respects； a humbug。 Old people and young people cannot
walk at the same pace without distress and final loss of health to one of the
parties。 When they are sitting indoors they cannot endure the same
degrees of temperature and the same supplies of fresh air。 Even if the
main factors of noise； restlessness； and inquisitiveness are left out of
account； children can stand with indifference sights； sounds； smells； and
disorders that would make an adult of fifty utterly miserable； whilst on the
other hand such adults find a tranquil happiness in conditions which to
children mean unspeakable boredom。 And since our system is nevertheless
to pack them all into the same house and pretend that they are happy； and
that this particular sort of happiness is the foundation of virtue； it is found
that in discussing family life we never speak of actual adults or actual
children； or of realities of any sort； but always of ideals such as The Home；
a Mother's Influence； a Father's Care； Filial Piety； Duty； Affection； Family
Life； etc。 etc。； which are no doubt very comforting phrases； but which beg
the question of what a home and a mother's influence and a father's care
and so forth really come to in practice。 How many hours a week of the
time when his children are out of bed does the ordinary bread…winning
father spend in the company of his children or even in the same building
with them？ The home may be a thieves' kitchen； the mother a procuress；
the father a violent drunkard； or the mother and father may be fashionable
people who see their children three or four times a year during the
holidays； and then not oftener than they can help； living meanwhile in
daily and intimate contact with their valets and lady's…maids； whose
influence and care are often dominant in the household。 Affection； as
distinguished from simple kindliness； may or may not exist： when it
does it either depends on qualities in the parties that would produce it
equally if they were of no kin to one another； or it is a more or less morbid
survival of the nursing passion； for affection between adults （if they are
really adult in mind and not merely grown…up children） and creatures so
relatively selfish and cruel as children necessarily are without knowing it
or meaning it； cannot be called natural： in fact the evidence shews that it
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is easier to love the company of a dog than of a commonplace child
between the ages of six and the beginnings of controlled maturity； for
women who cannot bear to be separated from their pet dogs send their
children to boarding schools cheerfully。 They may say and even believe
that in allowing their children to leave home they are sacrificing
themselves for their children's good； but there are very few pet dogs who
would not be the better for a month or two spent elsewhere than in a lady's
lap or roasting on a drawingroom hearthrug。 Besides； to allege that
children are better continually away from home is to give up the whole
popular sentimental theory of the family； yet the dogs are kept and the
children are banished。
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Child Fanciers
There is； however； a good deal of spurious family affection。 There is
the clannishness that will make a dozen brothers and sisters who quarrel
furiously among themselves close up their ranks and make common cause
against a brother…in…law or a sister…in…law。 And there is a strong sense of
property in children； which often makes mothers and fathers bitterly
jealous of allowing anyone else to interfere with their children； whom they
may none the less treat very badly。 And there is an extremely dangerous
craze for children which leads certain people to establish orphanages and
baby farms and schools； seizing any pretext for filling their houses with
children exactly as some eccentric old ladies and gentlemen fill theirs with
cats。 In such places the children are the victims of all the caprices of
doting affection and all the excesses of lascivious cruelty。 Yet the people
who have this morbid craze seldom have any difficulty in finding victims。
Parents and guardians are so worried by children and so anxious to get rid
of them that anyone who is willing to take them off their hands is
welcomed and whitewashed。 The very people who read with indignation
of Squeers and Creakle in the novels of Dickens are quite ready to hand
over their own children to Squeers and Creakle； and to pretend that
Squeers and Creakle are monsters of the past。 But read the
autobiography of Stanley the traveller； or sit in the company of men
talking about their school…days； and you will soon find that fiction； which
must； if it is to be sold and read； stop short of being positively sickening；
dare not tell the whole truth about the people to whom children are handed
over on educational pretexts。 Not very long ago a schoolmaster in
Ireland was murdered by his boys； and for reasons which were never made
public it was at first decided not to prosecute the murderers。 Yet all these
flogging schoolmasters and orphanage fiends and baby farmers are 〃lovers
of children。〃 They are really child fanciers （like bird fanciers or dog
fanciers） by irresistible natural predilection； never happy unless they are
surrounded by their victims； and always certain to make their living by
accepting the custody of children； no matter how many alternative
occupations may be available。 And bear in mind that they are only the
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extreme instances of what is commonly called natural affection；
apparently because it is obviously unnatural。
The really natural feeling of adults for children in the long prosaic
intervals between the moments of affectionate impulse is just that feeling
that leads them to avoid their care and constant company as a burden
beyond bearing； and to pretend that the places they send them to are well
conducted； beneficial； and indispensable to the success of the children in
after life。 The true cry of the kind mother after her little rosary of kisses
is 〃Run away； darling。〃 It is nicer than 〃Hold your noise； you young
devil； or it will be the worse for you〃； but fundamentally it means the
same thing： that if you compel an adult and a child to live in one
another's company either the adult or the child will be miserable。 There
is nothing whatever unnatural or wrong or shocking in this fact； and there
is no harm in it if only it be sensibly faced and provided for。 The
mischief that it does at present is produced by our efforts to ignore it； or to
smother it under a heap of sentimental lies and false pretences。
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Childhood as a State of Sin
Unfortunately all this nonsense tends to accumulate as we become
more sympathetic。 In many families it is still the custom to treat
childhood frankly as a state of sin； and impudently proclaim the monstrous
principle that little children should be seen and not heard； and to enforce a
set of prison rules designed solely to make cohabitation with children as
convenient as possible for adults without the smallest regard for the
interests； either remote or immediate； of the children。 This system tends
to produce a tough； rather brutal； stupid； unscrupulous class； with a fixed
idea that all enjoyment consists in undetected sinning； and in certain
phases of civilization people of this kind are apt to get the upper hand of
more amiable and conscientious races and classes。 They have the
ferocity of a chained dog； and are proud of it。 But the end of it is that
they are always in chains； even at the height of their military or political
success： they win everything on condition that they are afraid to enjoy it。
Their civilizations rest on intimidation； which is so necessary to them that
when they cannot find anybody brave enough to intimidate them they
intimidate themselves and live in a continual moral and political panic。
In the end they get found out and bullied。 But that is not the point that
concerns us here； which is； that they are in some respects better brought up
than the children of sentimental people
