options-第29章

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　the　captain　of　the　whaler　who　tried　to　make　a　sailor　say　his　　prayers？'　says　I。

〃'It　occurs　to　me　that　I　have　never　been　so　fortunate；'　says　the　　colonel。

〃So　I　told　it　to　him。　　Laugh！　　I　was　wishing　to　myself　that　he　was　a　　customer。　　What　a　bill　of　glass　I'd　sell　him！　　And　then　he　says：

〃'The　relating　of　anecdotes　and　humorous　occurrences　has　always　seemed　　to　me；　Mr。　　Pescud；　to　be　a　particularly　agreeable　way　of　promoting　　and　perpetuating　amenities　between　friends。　　With　your　permission；　I　　will　relate　to　you　a　fox…hunting　story　with　which　I　was　personally　　connected；　and　which　may　furnish　you　some　amusement。'

So　he　tells　it。　　It　takes　forty　minutes　by　the　watch。　　Did　I　laugh？　　　Well；　say！　　When　I　got　my　face　straight　he　calls　in　old　Pete；　the　　super…annuated　darky；　and　sends　him　down　to　the　hotel　to　bring　up　my　　valise。　　It　was　Elmcroft　for　me　while　I　was　in　the　town。

〃Two　evenings　later　I　got　a　chance　to　speak　a　word　with　Miss　Jessie　　alone　on　the　porch　while　the　colonel　was　thinking　up　another　story。

〃'It's　going　to　be　a　fine　evening；'　says　I。

〃'He's　coming；'　says　she。　　'He's　going　to　tell　you；　this　time；　the　　story　about　the　old　negro　and　the　green　watermelons。　　It　always　comes　　after　the　one　about　the　Yankees　and　the　game　rooster。　　There　was　　another　time；'　she　goes　on；　'that　you　nearly　got　leftit　was　at　　Pulaski　City。'

〃'Yes；'　says　I；　'I　remember。　　My　foot　slipped　as　I　was　jumping　on　the　　step；　and　I　nearly　tumbled　off。'

〃'I　know；'　says　she。　　'Andand　II　was　afraid　you　had；　John　A。　　I　　was　afraid　you　had。'

〃And　then　she　skips　into　the　house　through　one　of　the　big　windows。〃


IV


〃Coketown！〃　droned　the　porter；　making　his　way　through　the　slowing　car。

Pescud　gathered　his　hat　and　baggage　with　the　leisurely　promptness　of　　an　old　traveller。

〃I　married　her　a　year　ago；〃　said　John。　　〃I　told　you　I　built　a　house　in　　the　East　End。　　The　beltedI　mean　the　colonelis　there；　too。　　I　find　　him　waiting　at　the　gate　whenever　I　get　back　from　a　trip　to　hear　any　　new　story　I　might　have　picked　up　on　the　road。〃

I　glanced　out　of　the　window。　　Coketown　was　nothing　more　than　a　ragged　　hillside　dotted　with　a　score　of　black　dismal　huts　propped　up　against　　dreary　mounds　of　slag　and　clinkers。　　It　rained　in　slanting　torrents；　　too；　and　the　rills　foamed　and　splashed　down　through　the　black　mud　to　　the　railroad…tracks。

〃You　won't　sell　much　plate…glass　here；　John；〃　said　I。　　〃Why　do　you　get　　off　at　this　end…o'…the…world？〃

〃Why；〃　said　Pescud；　〃the　other　day　I　took　Jessie　for　a　little　trip　to　　Philadelphia；　and　coming　back　she　thought　she　saw　some　petunias　in　a　　pot　in　one　of　those　windows　over　there　just　like　some　she　used　to　　raise　down　in　the　old　Virginia　home。　　So　I　thought　I'd　drop　off　here　　for　the　night；　and　see　if　I　could　dig　up　some　of　the　cuttings　or　　blossoms　for　her。　　Here　we　are。　　Good…night；　old　man。　　I　gave　you　the　　address。　　Come　out　and　see　us　when　you　have　time。〃

The　train　moved　forward。　　One　of　the　dotted　brown　ladies　insisted　on　　having　windows　raised；　now　that　the　rain　beat　against　them。　　The　　porter　came　along　with　his　mysterious　wand　and　began　to　light　the　car。

I　glanced　downward　and　saw　the　best…seller。　　I　picked　it　up　and　set　it　　carefully　farther　along　on　the　floor　of　the　car；　where　the　rain…drops　　would　not　fall　upon　it。　　And　then；　suddenly；　I　smiled；　and　seemed　to　　see　that　life　has　no　geographical　metes　and　bounds。

〃Good…luck　to　you；　Trevelyan；〃　I　said。　　〃And　may　you　get　the　petunias　　for　your　princess！〃



RUS　IN　URBE



Considering　men　in　relation　to　money；　there　are　three　kinds　whom　I　　dislike：　men　who　have　more　money　than　they　can　spend；　men　who　have　　more　money　than　they　do　spend；　and　men　who　spend　more　money　than　they　　have。　　Of　the　three　varieties；　I　believe　I　have　the　least　liking　for　　the　first。　　But；　as　a　man；　I　liked　Spencer　Grenville　North　pretty　　well；　although　he　had　something　like　two　or　ten　or　thirty　millions　I've　forgotten　exactly　how　many。

I　did　not　leave　town　that　summer。　　I　usually　went　down　to　a　village　on　　the　south　shore　of　Long　Island。　　The　place　was　surrounded　by　duck…　farms；　and　the　ducks　and　dogs　and　whippoorwills　and　rusty　windmills　　made　so　much　noise　that　I　could　sleep　as　peacefully　as　if　I　were　in　my　　own　flat　six　doors　from　the　elevated　railroad　in　New　York。　　But　that　　summer　I　did　not　go。　　Remember　that。　　One　of　my　friends　asked　me　why　I　　did　not。　　I　replied：

〃Because；　old　man；　New　York　is　the　finest　summer　resort　in　the　world。〃　　　You　have　heard　that　phrase　before。　　But　that　is　what　I　told　him。

I　was　press…agent　that　year　for　Binkly　&　Bing；　the　theatrical　managers　　and　producers。　　Of　course　you　know　what　a　press…agent　is。　　Well；　he　is　　not。　　That　is　the　secret　of　being　one。

Binkly　was　touring　France　in　his　new　C。　　&　N。　　Williamson　car；　and　　Bing　had　gone　to　Scotland　to　learn　curling；　which　he　seemed　to　　associate　in　his　mind　with　hot　tongs　rather　than　with　ice。　　Before　　they　left　they　gave　me　June　and　July；　on　salary；　for　my　vacation；　　which　act　was　in　accord　with　their　large　spirit　of　liberality。　　But　I　　remained　in　New　York；　which　I　had　decided　was　the　finest　summer　resort　　in

But　I　said　that　before。　　

On　July　the　10th；　North　came　to　town　from　his　camp　in　the　Adirondacks。　　　Try　to　imagine　a　camp　with　sixteen　rooms；　plumbing；　eiderdown　quilts；　　a　butler；　a　garage；　solid　silver　plate；　and　a　long…distance　telephone。　　　Of　course　it　was　in　the　woodsif　Mr。　　Pinchot　wants　to　preserve　the　　forests　let　him　give　every　citizen　two　or　ten　or　thirty　million　　dollars；　and　the　trees　will　all　gather　around　the　summer　camps；　as　the　　Birnam　woods　came　to　Dunsinane；　and　be　preserved。

North　came　to　see　me　in　my　three　rooms　and　bath；　extra　charge　for　　light　when　used　extravagantly　or　all　night。　　He　slapped　me　on　the　back　　（I　would　rather　have　my　shins　kicked　any　day）；　and　greeted　me　with　　out…door　obstreperousness　and　revolting　good　spirits。　　He　was　　insolently　brown　and　healthy…looking；　and　offensively　well　dressed。

〃Just　ran　down　for　a　few　days；〃　said　he；　〃to　sign　some　papers　and　　stuff　like　that。　　My　lawyer　wired　me　to　come。　　Well；　you　indolent　　cockney；　what　are　you　doing　in　town？　　I　took　a　chance　and　telephoned；　　and　they　said　you　were　here。　　What's　the　matter　with　that　Utopia　on　　Long　Island　where　you　used　to　take　your　typewriter　and　your　villanous　　temper　every　summer？　　Anything　wrong　with　theerswans；　weren't　　they；　that　used　to　sing　on　the　farms　at　night？〃

〃Ducks；〃　said　I。　　〃The　songs　of　swans　are　for　luckier　ears。　　They　swim　　and　curve　their　necks　in　artificial　lakes　on　the　estates　of　the　　wealthy　to　delight　the　eyes　of　the　favorites　of　Fortune。〃

〃Also　in　Central　Park；〃　said　North；　〃to　delight　the　eyes　of　immigrants　　and　bummers。　　I've　seen　em　there　lots　of　times。　　But　why　are　you　in　　the　city　so　late　in　the　summer？〃

〃New　York　City；〃　I　began　to　recite；　〃is　the　finest　sum〃

〃No；　you　don't；〃　said　North；　emphatically。　　〃You　don't　spring　that　old　　one　on　me。　　I　know　you　know　better。　　Man；　you　ought　to　have　gone　up　　with　us　this　summer。　　The　Prestons　are　there；　and　Tom　Volney　and　the　　Monroes　and　Lulu　Stanford　and　the　Miss　Kennedy　and　her　aunt　that　you　　liked　so　well。〃

〃I　never　liked　Miss　Kennedy's　aunt；〃　I　said。

〃I　didn't　say　you　did；〃　said　North。　　〃We　are　having　the　greatest　time　　we've　ever　had。　　The　pickerel　and　trout　are　so　ravenous　that　I　believe　　they　would　swallow　your　hook　with　a　Montana　copper…mine　prospectus　　fastened　on　it。　　And　we've　a　couple　of　electric　launches；　and　I'll　　tell　you　what　we　do　every　night　or　twowe　tow　a　rowboat　behind　each　　one　with　a　big　phonograph　and　a　boy　to　change　the　discs　in　'em。　　On　　the　water；　and　twenty　yards　behind　you；　they　are　not　so　bad。　　And　　there　are　passably　good　roads　through　the　woods　where　we　go　motoring。　　　I　shipped　two　cars　up　there。　　And　the　Pinecliff　Inn　is　only　three　　miles　away。　　You　know　the　Pinecliff。　　Some　good　people　are　there　this　　season；　and　we　run　over　to　the　dances　twice　a　week。　　Can't　you　go　back　　with　me　for　a　week；　old　man？〃

I　laughed。　　〃Northy；〃　said　I〃if　I　may　be　so　familiar　with　a　　millionaire；　because　I　hate　both　the　names　Spencer　and　Grenvilleyour　　invitation　is　meant　kindly；　butthe　city　in　the　summer…time　for　me。　　　Here；　while　the　bourgeoisie　is　away；　I　can　live　as　Nero　lived…barring；　　thank　heaven；　the　fiddling…while　the　city　burns　at　ninety　in　the　　shade。　　The　tropics　and　the　zones　wait　upon　me　like　handmaidens。　　I　　sit　under　Florida　palms　and　eat　pomegranates　while　Boreas　himself；　　electrically　conjured　up；　blows　upon　me　his　Arctic　breath。　　As　for　　trout；　you　know；　yourself；　that　Jean；　at　Maurice's；　cooks　them　better　　than　any　one　else　in　the　world。〃

〃Be　advised；〃　said　North。　　〃My　chef　has　pinched　the　blue　ribbon　from　　the　lot。　　He　lays　some　slices　of　bacon　inside　the　trout；　wraps　it　all　　in　corn…husksthe　husks　of　green　corn；　you　knowburies　them　in　hot　　ashes　and　covers　them　with　live　coals。　　We　build　fires　on　the　bank　of　　the　lake　and　have　fish　suppers。〃

〃I　know；〃　said　I。　　〃And　the　servants　bring　down　tables　and　chairs　and　　damask　cloths；　and　you　eat　with　silver　forks。　　I　know　the　kind　of　　camps　that　you　millionaires　have。　　And　therc　are　champagne　pails　set　　about；　disgracing　the　wild　flowers；　and；　no　doubt；　Madame　Tetrazzini　　to　sing　in　the　boat　pavilion　after　the　trout。〃

〃Oh　no；〃　said　North；　concernedly；　〃we　were　never　as　bad　as　that。　　We　　did　have　a　variety　troupe　up　from　the　city　three　or　four　nights；　but　　they　weren't　stars　by　as　far　as　light　can　travel　in　the　same　length　of　　time。　　I　always　like　a　few　home　comforts　even　when　I'm　roughing　it。　　　But　don't　tell　me　you　prefer　to　stay　in　the　city　during　summer。　　I　　don't　believe　it。　　If　you　do；　why　did　you　spend　your　summers　there　for　　the　last　four　years；　even　sneaking　away　from　town　on　a　night　train；　　and　refusing　to　tell　your　friends　where　this　Arcadian　village　was？〃

〃Because；〃　said　I；　〃they　might　have　followed　me　and　discovered　it。　　　But　since　then　I　have　learned　that　Amaryllis　has　come　to　town。　　The　　coolest　things；　the　freshest；　the　brightest；　the　choicest；　are　to　be　　found　in　the　city。　　If　you've　nothing　on　hand　this　evening　I　will　show　　you。〃

〃I'm　free；〃　said　North；　〃and　I　have　my　light　car　outside。　　I　suppose；　　since　you've　been　converted　to　the　town；　that　your　idea　of　rural　sport　　is　to　have　a　little　whirl　between　bicycle　cops　in　Central　Park　and　　then　a　mug　of　sticky　ale　in　some　stuffy　rathskeller　under　a　fan　that　　can't　stir　up　as　many　revolutions　in　a　week　as　Nicaragua　can　in　a　　day。〃

〃We'll　begin　with　the　spin　through　the　Park；　anyhow；〃　I　said。　　I　was　　choking　with　the　hot；　stale　air　of　my　little　apartment；　and　I　wanted　　that　breath　of　the　cool　to　brace　me　for　the　task　of　proving　to　my　　friend　that　New　York　was　the　greatestand　so　forth。

〃Where　can　you　find　air　any　fresher　or　purer　than　this？〃　I　asked；　as　　we　sped　into　Central's　boskiest　dell。

〃Air！〃　said　North；　contemptuously。　　〃Do　you　call　this　air？this　muggy　　vapor；　smelling　of　garbage　and　gasoline　smoke。　　Man；　I　wish　you　could　　get　one　sniff　of　the　real　Adirondack　article　in　the　pine　woods　at　　daylight。〃

〃I　have　heard　of　it；〃　said　I。　　〃But　for　fragrance　and　tang　and　a　joy　　in　the　nostrils　I　would　not　give　one　puff　of　sea　breeze　across　the　　bay；　down　on　my　little　boat　dock　on　Long　Island；　for　ten　of