the dark flower-第18章

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that　flat；　kindly　lady；　who　talked　so　pleasantly　throughout　dinner；
saying　things　that　he　had　to　answer　without　knowing　what　they
signified。　　He　realized；　with　a　sense　of　shock；　that　he　was
deprived　of　all　interests　in　life　but　one；　not　even　his　work　had
any　meaning　apart　from　HER。　　It　lit　no　fire　within　him　to　hear　Mrs。
Ercott　praise　certain　execrable　pictures　in　the　Royal　Academy；
which　she　had　religiously　visited　the　day　before　leaving　home。　　And
as　the　interminable　meal　wore　on；　he　began　even　to　feel　grief　and
wonder　that　Olive　could　be　so　smiling；　so　gay；　and　calm；　so；　as　it
seemed　to　him；　indifferent　to　this　intolerable　impossibility　of
exchanging　even　one　look　of　love。　　Did　she　really　love　himcould
she　love　him；　and　show　not　one　little　sign　of　it？　　And　suddenly　he
felt　her　foot　touch　his　own。　　It　was　the　faintest　sidelong；
supplicating　pressure；　withdrawn　at　once；　but　it　said：　'I　know　what
you　are　suffering；　I；　too；　but　I　love　you。'　　Characteristically；　he
felt　that　it　cost　her　dear　to　make　use　of　that　little　primitive
device　of　common　loves；　the　touch　awoke　within　him　only　chivalry。
He　would　burn　for　ever　sooner　than　cause　her　the　pain　of　thinking
that　he　was　not　happy。

After　dinner；　they　sat　out　on　a　balcony。　　The　stars　glowed　above
the　palms；　a　frog　was　croaking。　　He　managed　to　draw　his　chair　so
that　he　could　look　at　her　unseen。　　How　deep；　and　softly　dark　her
eyes；　when　for　a　second　they　rested　on　his！　　A　moth　settled　on　her
kneea　cunning　little　creature；　with　its　hooded；　horned　owl's
face；　and　tiny　black　slits　of　eyes！　　Would　it　have　come　so
confidingly　to　anyone　but　her？　　The　Colonel　knew　its　namehe　had
collected　it。　　Very　common；　he　said。　　The　interest　in　it　passed；
but　Lennan　stayed；　bent　forward；　gazing　at　that　silk…covered　knee。

The　voice　of　Mrs。　Ercott；　sharper　than　its　wont；　said：　〃What　day
does　Robert　say　he　wants　you　back；　my　dear？〃

He　managed　to　remain　gazing　at　the　moth；　even　to　take　it　gently
from　her　knee；　while　he　listened　to　her　calm　answer。

〃Tuesday；　I　believe。〃

Then　he　got　up；　and　let　the　moth　fly　into　the　darkness；　his　hands
and　lips　were　trembling；　and　he　was　afraid　of　their　being　seen。　　He
had　never　known；　had　not　dreamed；　of　such　a　violent；　sick　feeling。
That　this　man　could　thus　hale　her　home　at　will！　　It　was　grotesque；
fantastic；　awful；　butit　was　true！　　Next　Tuesday　she　would　journey
back　away　from　him　to　be　again　at　the　mercy　of　her　Fate！　　The　pain
of　this　thought　made　him　grip　the　railing；　and　grit　his　teeth；　to
keep　himself　from　crying　out。　　And　another　thought　came　to　him：　I
shall　have　to　go　about　with　this　feeling；　day　and　night；　and　keep
it　secret。

They　were　saying　good…night；　and　he　had　to　smirk　and　smile；　and
pretendto　her　above　allthat　he　was　happy；　and　he　could　see　that
she　knew　it　was　pretence。

Then　he　was　alone；　with　the　feeling　that　he　had　failed　her　at　the
first　shot；　torn；　too；　between　horror　of　what　he　suddenly　saw
before　him；　and　longing　to　be　back　in　her　presence　at　any　cost。　。　。　。
And　all　this　on　the　day　of　that　first　kiss　which　had　seemed　to
him　to　make　her　so　utterly　his　own。

He　sat　down　on　a　bench　facing　the　Casino。　　Neither　the　lights；　nor
the　people　passing　in　and　out；　not　even　the　gipsy　bandsmen's　music；
distracted　his　thoughts　for　a　second。　　Could　it　be　less　than
twenty…four　hours　since　he　had　picked　up　her　handkerchief；　not
thirty　yards　away？　　In　that　twenty…four　hours　he　seemed　to　have
known　every　emotion　that　man　could　feel。　　And　in　all　the　world
there　was　now　not　one　soul　to　whom　he　could　speak　his　real
thoughtsnot　even　to　her；　because　from　her；　beyond　all；　he　must
keep　at　any　cost　all　knowledge　of　his　unhappiness。　　So　this　was
illicit　loveas　it　was　called！　　Loneliness；　and　torture！　　Not
jealousyfor　her　heart　was　his；　but　amazement；　outrage；　fear。
Endless　lonely　suffering！　　And　nobody；　if　they　knew；　would　care；　or
pity　him　one　jot！

Was　there　really；　then；　as　the　ancients　thought；　a　Daemon　that
liked　to　play　with　men；　as　men　liked　to　stir　an　earwig　and　turn　it
over　and　put　a　foot　on　it　in　the　end？

He　got　up　and　made　his　way　towards　the　railway…station。　　There　was
the　bench　where　she　had　been　sitting　when　he　came　on　her　that　very
morning。　　The　stars　in　their　courses　had　seemed　to　fight　for　them
then；　but　whether　for　joy　he　no　longer　knew。　　And　there　on　the　seat
were　still　the　pepper　berries　she　had　crushed　and　strewn。　　He　broke
off　another　bunch　and　bruised　them。　　That　scent　was　the　ghost　of
sacred　minutes　when　her　hand　lay　against　his　own。　　The　stars　in
their　coursesfor　joy　or　sorrow！


VII


There　was　no　peace　now　for　Colonel　and　Mrs。　Ercott。　　They　felt
themselves　conspirators；　and　of　conspiracy　they　had　never　had　the
habit。　　Yet　how　could　they　openly　deal　with　anxieties　which　had
arisen　solely　from　what　they　had　chanced　secretly　to　see？　　What　was
not　intended　for　one's　eyes　and　ears　did　not　exist；　no　canon　of
conduct　could　be　quite　so　sacred。　　As　well　defend　the　opening　of
another　person's　letters　as　admit　the　possibility　of　making　use　of
adventitious　knowledge。　　So　far　tradition；　and　indeed　character；
made　them　feel　at　one；　and　conspire　freely。　　But　they　diverged　on　a
deeper　plane。　　Mrs。　Ercott　had　SAID；　indeed；　that　here　was
something　which　could　not　be　controlled；　the　Colonel　had　FELT　ita
very　different　thing！　　Less　tolerant　in　theory；　he　was　touched　at
heart；　Mrs。　Ercott；　in　theory　almost　approvingshe　read　that
dangerous　authoress；　George　Eliotat　heart　felt　cold　towards　her
husband's　niece。　　For　these　reasons　they　could　not　in　fact　conspire
without；　in　the　end；　saying　suddenly：　〃Well；　it's　no　good　talking
about　it！〃　and　almost　at　once　beginning　to　talk　about　it　again。

In　proposing　to　her　that　mule；　the　Colonel　had　not　had　time；　or；
rather；　not　quite　conviction　enough　as　to　his　line　of　action；　to
explain　so　immediately　the　new　need　for　her　to　sit　upon　it。　　It　was
only　when；　to　his　somewhat　strange　relief；　she　had　refused　the
expedition；　and　Olive　had　started　without　them；　that　he　told　her　of
the　meeting　in　the　Gardens；　of　which　he　had　been　witness。　　She　then
said　at　once　that　if　she　had　known　she　would；　of　course；　have　put
up　with　anything　in　order　to　go；　not　because　she　approved　of
interfering；　but　because　they　must　think　of　Robert！　　And　the
Colonel　had　said：　〃Dn　the　fellow！〃　　And　there　the　matter　had
rested　for　the　moment；　for　both　of　them　were；　wondering　a　little
which　fellow　it　was　that　he　had　damned。　　That　indeed　was　the
trouble。　　If　the　Colonel　had　not　cared　so　much　about　his　niece；　and
had　liked；　instead　of　rather　disliking　Cramier；　if　Mrs。　Ercott　had
not　found　Mark　Lennan　a　'nice　boy；'　and　had　not　secretly　felt　her
husband's　niece　rather　dangerous　to　her　peace　of　mind；　if；　in　few
words；　those　three　had　been　puppets　made　of　wood　and　worked　by　law；
it　would　have　been　so　much　simpler　for　all　concerned。　　It　was　the
discovery　that　there　was　a　personal　equation　in　such　matters；
instead　of　just　a　simple　rule　of　three；　which　disorganized　the
Colonel　and　made　him　almost　angry；　which　depressed　Mrs。　Ercott　and
made　her　almost　silent。　。　。　。　　These　two　good　souls　had　stumbled　on
a　problem　which　has　divided　the　world　from　birth。　　Shall　cases　be
decided　on　their　individual　merits；　or　according　to　formal　codes？

Beneath　an　appearance　and　a　vocabulary　more　orthodox　than　ever；　the
Colonel's　allegiance　to　Authority　and　the　laws　of　Form　was　really
shaken；　he　simply　could　not　get　out　of　his　head　the　sight　of　those
two　young　people　sitting　side　by　side；　nor　the　tone　of　Olive's
voice；　when　she　had　repeated　his　regrettable　words　about　happiness
at　home。

If　only　the　thing　had　not　been　so　human！　　If　only　she　had　been
someone　else's　niece；　it　would　clearly　have　been　her　duty　to　remain
unhappy。　　As　it　was；　the　more　he　thought；　the　less　he　knew　what　to
think。　　A　man　who　had　never　had　any　balance　to　speak　of　at　his
bank；　and　from　the　nomadic　condition　of　his　life　had　no　exaggerated
feeling　for　a　settled　social　statusdeeming　Society　in　fact　rather
a　borehe　did　not　unduly　exaggerate　the　worldly　dangers　of　this
affair；　neither　did　he　honestly　believe　that　she　would　burn　in
everlasting　torment　if　she　did　not　succeed　in　remaining　true　to
'that　great　black　chap；'　as　he　secretly　called　Cramier。　　His
feeling　was　simply　that　it　was　an　awful　pity；　a　sort　of　unhappy
conviction　that　it　was　not　like　the　women　of　his　family　to　fall
upon　such　ways；　that　his　dead　brother　would　turn　in　his　grave；　in
two　words　that　it　was　'not　done。'　　Yet　he　was　by　no　means　of　those
who；　giving　latitude　to　women　in　general；　fall　with　whips　on　those
of　their　own　family　who　take　it。　　On　the　contrary；　believing　that
'Woman　in　general'　should　be　stainless　to　the　world's　eye；　he　was
inclined　to　make　allowance　for　any　individual　woman　that　he　knew
and　loved。　　A　suspicion　he　had　always　entertained；　that　Cramier　was
not　by　breeding　'quite　the　clean　potato'　may　insensibly　have
influenced　him　just　a　little。　　He　had　heard　indeed　that　he　was　not
even　entitled　to　the　name　of　Cramier；　but　had　been　adopted　by　a
childless　man；　who　had　brought　him　up　and　left　him　a　lot　of　money。
There　was　something　in　this　that　went　against　the　grain　of　the
childless　Colonel。　　He　had　never　adopted；　nor　been　adopted　by
anyone　himself。　　There　was　a　certain　lack　about　a　man　who　had　been
adopted；　of　reasonable　guaranteehe　was　like　a　non…vintage　wine；
or　a　horse　without　a　pedigree；　you　could　not　quite　rely　on　what　he
might　do；　having　no　tradition　in　his　blood。　　His　appearance；　too；
and　manner　somehow　lent　colour　to　this　distrust。　　A　touch　of　the
tar…brush　somewhere；　and　a　stubborn；　silent；　pushing　fellow。　　Why
on　earth　had　Olive　ever　married　him！　　But　then　women　were　such
kittle　cattle；　poor　things！　and　old　Lindsay；　with　his　vestments　and
his　views　on　obedience；　must　have　been　a　Tartar　as　a　father；　poor
old　chap！　　Besides；　Cramier；　no　doubt；　was　what　most　women　would
call　good…looking；　more　taking　to　the　eye　than　such　a　quiet　fellow
as　young　Lennan；　whose　features　were　rather　anyhow；　though　pleasant
enough；　and　with　a　nice　smilethe　sort　of　young　man　one　could　not
help　liking；　and　who　certainly　would　never　hurt　a　fly！　　And
suddenly　there　came　the　thought：　Why　should　he　not　go　to　young
Lennan　and　put　it　to　him　straight？　　That　he　was　in　love　with　Olive？
Not　quitebut　the　way　to　do　it　would　come　to　him。　　He　brooded　long
over　this　idea；　and　spoke　of　it　to　Mrs。　Ercott；　while　shaving；　the
next　morning。　　Her　answer：　〃My　dear　John；　bosh！〃　removed　his　last
doubt。

Without　saying　where　he　was　going；　he　strolled　out　the　moment　after
breakfastand　took　a　train　to　Beaulieu。　　At　the　young　man's　hotel
he　sent　in　his　card；　and　was　told　that　this　Monsieur　had　already
gone　out　for　the　day。　　His　mood　of　marching　straight　up　to　the　guns
thus　checked；　he　was　left　pensive　and　distraught。　　Not　having　seen
Beaulieu　（they　spoke　of　it　then　as　a　coming　place）；　he　made　his　way
up　an　incline。　　That　whole　hillside　was　covered　with　rose…trees。
Thousands　of　these　flowers　were　starring　the　lower　air；　and　the
strewn　petals　of　blown　and　fallen　roses　covered　the　light　soil。
The　Colonel　put　his　nose　to　blossoms　here　and　there；　but　they　had
little　scent；　as　if　they　knew　that　the　season　was　already　over。　　A
few