the dark flower-第6章

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think　him　man　enough！　　Did　she　think　that　he　could　not　climb　what
her　husbandcould？　　And　if　it　were　dangerous　SHE　ought　not　to　be
going；　leaving　him　behindthat　was　simply　cruel！　　But　she　only
smiled；　and　he　flung　away　from　her；　not　having　seen　that　all　this
grief　of　his　only　made　her　happy。

And　that　afternoon　they　went　off　without　him。　　What　deep；　dark
thoughts　he　had　then！　　What　passionate　hatred　of　his　own　youth！
What　schemes　he　wove；　by　which　she　might　come　back；　and　find　him
gone…up　some　mountain　far　more　dangerous　and　fatiguing！　　If　people
did　not　think　him　fit　to　climb　with；　he　would　climb　by　himself。
That；　anyway；　everyone　admitted；　was　dangerous。　　And　it　would　be
her　fault。　　She　would　be　sorry　then。　　He　would　get　up；　and　be　off
before　dawn；　he　put　his　things　out　ready；　and　filled　his　flask。
The　moonlight　that　evening　was　more　wonderful　than　ever；　the
mountains　like　great　ghosts　of　themselves。　　And　she　was　up　there　at
the　hut；　among　them！　　It　was　very　long　before　he　went　to　sleep；
brooding　over　his　injuriesintending　not　to　sleep　at　all；　so　as　to
be　ready　to　be　off　at　three　o'clock。　　At　NINE　o'clock　he　woke。　　His
wrath　was　gone；　he　only　felt　restless　and　ashamed。　　If；　instead　of
flying　out；　he　had　made　the　best　of　it；　he　could　have　gone　with
them　as　far　as　the　hut；　could　have　stayed　the　night　there。　　And　now
he　cursed　himself　for　being　such　a　fool　and　idiot。　　Some　little　of
that　idiocy　he　could；　perhaps；　retrieve。　　If　he　started　for　the　hut
at　once；　he　might　still　be　in　time　to　meet　them　coming　down；　and
accompany　them　home。　　He　swallowed　his　coffee；　and　set　off。　　He
knew　the　way　at　first；　then　in　woods　lost　it；　recovered　the　right
track　again　at　last；　but　did　not　reach　the　hut　till　nearly　two
o'clock。　　Yes；　the　party　had　made　the　ascent　that　morningthey　had
been　seen；　been　heard　jodelling　on　the　top。　　Gewiss！　　Gewiss！　　But
they　would　not　come　down　the　same　way。　　Oh；　no！　　They　would　be
going　home　down　to　the　West　and　over　the　other　pass。　　They　would　be
back　in　house　before　the　young　Herr　himself。

He　heard　this；　oddly；　almost　with　relief。　　Was　it　the　long　walk
alone；　or　being　up　there　so　high？　　Or　simply　that　he　was　very
hungry？　　Or　just　these　nice　friendly　folk　in　the　hut；　and　their
young　daughter　with　her　fresh　face；　queer　little　black　cloth　sailor
hat　with　long　ribbons；　velvet　bodice；　and　perfect　simple　manners；
or　the　sight　of　the　little　silvery…dun　cows；　thrusting　their　broad
black　noses　against　her　hand？　　What　was　it　that　had　taken　away　from
him　all　his　restless　feeling；　made　him　happy　and　content？　。　。　。　　He
did　not　know　that　the　newest　thing　always　fascinates　the　puppy　in
its　gambols！　。　。　。　　He　sat　a　long　while　after　lunch；　trying　to　draw
the　little　cows；　watching　the　sun　on　the　cheek　of　that　pretty
maiden；　trying　to　talk　to　her　in　German。　　And　when　at　last　he　said：
〃Adieu！〃　and　she　murmured　〃Kuss　die　Hand。　　Adieu！〃　there　was　quite
a　little　pang　in　his　heart。　。　。　。　　Wonderful　and　queer　is　the　heart
of　a　man！　。　。　。　　For　all　that；　as　he　neared　home　he　hastened；　till
he　was　actually　running。　　Why　had　he　stayed　so　long　up　there？　　She
would　be　backshe　would　expect　to　see　him；　and　that　young　beast　of
a　violinist　would　be　with　her；　perhaps；　instead！　　He　reached　the
hotel　just　in　time　to　rush　up　and　dress；　and　rush　down　to　dinner。
Ah！　　They　were　tired；　no　doubtwere　resting　in　their　rooms。　　He
sat　through　dinner　as　best　he　could；　got　away　before　dessert；　and
flew　upstairs。　　For　a　minute　he　stood　there　doubtful；　on　which　door
should　he　knock？　　Then　timidly　he　tapped　on　hers。　　No　answer！　　He
knocked　loud　on　his　tutor's　door。　　No　answer！　　They　were　not　back；
then。　　Not　back？　　What　could　that　mean？　　Or　could　it　be　that　they
were　both　asleep？　　Once　more　he　knocked　on　her　door；　then
desperately　turned　the　handle；　and　took　a　flying　glance。　　Empty；
tidy；　untouched！　　Not　back！　　He　turned　and　ran　downstairs　again。
All　the　guests　were　streaming　out　from　dinner；　and　he　became
entangled　with　a　group　of　'English　Grundys'　discussing　a　climbing
accident　which　had　occurred　in　Switzerland。　　He　listened；　feeling
suddenly　quite　sick。　　One　of　them；　the　short　grey…bearded　Grundy
with　the　rather　whispering　voice；　said　to　him：　〃All　alone　again　to…
night？　　The　Stormers　not　back？〃　　Lennan　did　his　best　to　answer；　but
something　had　closed　his　throat；　he　could　only　shake　his　head。

〃They　had　a　guide；　I　think？〃　said　the　'English　Grundy。'

This　time　Lennan　managed　to　get　out：　〃Yes；　sir。〃

〃Stormer；　I　fancy；　is　quite　an　expert！〃　and　turning　to　the　lady
whom　the　young　'Grundys'　addressed　as　'Madre'　he　added：

〃To　me　the　great　charm　of　mountain…climbing　was　always　the　freedom
from　peoplethe　remoteness。〃

The　mother　of　the　young　'Grundys；'　looking　at　Lennan　with　her　half…
closed　eyes；　answered：

〃That；　to　me；　would　be　the　disadvantage；　I　always　like　to　be　mixing
with　my　own　kind。〃

The　grey…bearded　'Grundy'　murmured　in　a　muffled　voice：

〃Dangerous　thing；　that；　to　sayin　an　hotel！〃

And　they　went　on　talking；　but　of　what　Lennan　no　longer　knew；　lost
in　this　sudden　feeling　of　sick　fear。　　In　the　presence　of　these
'English　Grundys；'　so　superior　to　all　vulgar　sensations；　he　could
not　give　vent　to　his　alarm；　already　they　viewed　him　as　unsound　for
having　fainted。　　Then　he　grasped　that　there　had　begun　all　round　him
a　sort　of　luxurious　speculation　on　what　might　have　happened　to　the
Stormers。　　The　descent　was　very　nasty；　there　was　a　particularly　bad
traverse。　　The　'Grundy；'　whose　collar　was　not　now　crumpled；　said　he
did　not　believe　in　women　climbing。　　It　was　one　of　the　signs　of　the
times　that　he　most　deplored。　　The　mother　of　the　young　'Grundys'
countered　him　at　once：　In　practice　she　agreed　that　they　were　out　of
place；　but　theoretically　she　could　not　see　why　they　should　not
climb。　　An　American　standing　near　threw　all　into　confusion　by
saying　he　guessed　that　it　might　be　liable　to　develop　their
understandings。　　Lennan　made　for　the　front　door。　　The　moon　had　just
come　up　over　in　the　South；　and　exactly　under　it　he　could　see　their
mountain。　　What　visions　he　had　then！　　He　saw　her　lying　dead；　saw
himself　climbing　down　in　the　moonlight　and　raising　her　still…
living；　but　half…frozen；　form　from　some　perilous　ledge。　　Even　that
was　almost　better　than　this　actuality　of　not　knowing　where　she　was；
or　what　had　happened。　　People　passed　out　into　the　moonlight；
looking　curiously　at　his　set　face　staring　so　fixedly。　　One　or　two
asked　him　if　he　were　anxious；　and　he　answered：　〃Oh　no；　thanks！〃
Soon　there　would　have　to　be　a　search　party。　　How　soon？　　He　would；
he　must　be；　of　it！　　They　should　not　stop　him　this　time。　　And
suddenly　he　thought：　Ah；　it　is　all　because　I　stayed　up　there　this
afternoon　talking　to　that　girl；　all　because　I　forgot　HER！

And　then　he　heard　a　stir　behind　him。　　There　they　were；　coming　down
the　passage　from　a　side　doorshe　in　front　with　her　alpenstock　and
rucksacksmiling。　　Instinctively　he　recoiled　behind　some　plants。
They　passed。　　Her　sunburned　face；　with　its　high　cheek…bones　and　its
deep…set　eyes；　looked　so　happy；　smiling；　tired；　triumphant。
Somehow　he　could　not　bear　it；　and　when　they　were　gone　by　he　stole
out　into　the　wood　and　threw　himself　down　in　shadow；　burying　his
face；　and　choking　back　a　horrible　dry　sobbing　that　would　keep
rising　in　his　throat。


IX


Next　day　he　was　happy；　for　all　the　afternoon　he　lay　out　in　the
shade　of　that　same　wood　at　her　feet；　gazing　up　through　larch…
boughs。　　It　was　so　wonderful；　with　nobody　but　Nature　near。　　Nature
so　alive；　and　busy；　and　so　big！

Coming　down　from　the　hut　the　day　before；　he　had　seen　a　peak　that
looked　exactly　like　the　figure　of　a　woman　with　a　garment　over　her
head；　the　biggest　statue　in　the　world；　from　further　down　it　had
become　the　figure　of　a　bearded　man；　with　his　arm　bent　over　his
eyes。　　Had　she　seen　it？　　Had　she　noticed　how　all　the　mountains　in
moonlight　or　very　early　morning　took　the　shape　of　beasts？　　What　he
wanted　most　in　life　was　to　be　able　to　make　images　of　beasts　and
creatures　of　all　sorts；　that　were　likethat　hadthat　gave　out　the
spirit　ofNature；　so　that　by　just　looking　at　them　one　could　have
all　those　jolly　feelings　one　had　when　one　was　watching　trees；　and
beasts；　and　rocks；　and　even　some　sorts　of　menbut　not　'English
Grundys。'

So　he　was　quite　determined　to　study　Art？

Oh　yes；　of　course！

He　would　want　to　leaveOxford；　then！

No；　oh　no！　　Only　some　day　he　would　have　to。

She　answered：　〃Some　never　get　away！〃

And　he　said　quickly：　〃Of　course；　I　shall　never　want　to　leave　Oxford
while　you　are　there。〃

He　heard　her　draw　her　breath　in　sharply。

〃Oh　yes；　you　will！　　Now　help　me　up！〃　　And　she　led　the　way　back　to
the　hotel。

He　stayed　out　on　the　terrace　when　she　had　gone　in；　restless　and
unhappy　the　moment　he　was　away　from　her。　　A　voice　close　by　said：

〃Well；　friend　Lennanbrown　study；　or　blue　devils；　which？〃

There；　in　one　of　those　high　wicker　chairs　that　insulate　their
occupants　from　the　world；　he　saw　his　tutor　leaning　back；　head　a
little　to　one　side；　and　tips　of　fingers　pressed　together。　　He
looked　like　an　idol　sitting　there　inert；　and　yetyesterday　he　had
gone　up　that　mountain！

〃Cheer　up！　　You　will　break　your　neck　yet！　　When　I　was　your　age；　I
remember　feeling　it　deeply　that　I　was　not　allowed　to　risk　the　lives
of　others。〃

Lennan　stammered　out：

〃I　didn't　think　of　that；　but　I　thought　where　Mrs。　Stormer　could　go；
I　could。〃

〃Ah！　　For　all　our　admiration　we　cannot　quite　admitcan　we；　when　it
comes　to　the　point？〃

The　boy's　loyalty　broke　into　flame：

〃It's　not　that。　　I　think　Mrs。　Stormer　as　good　as　any　manonly
only〃

〃Not　quite　so　good　as　you；　eh？〃

〃A　hundred　times　better；　sir。〃

Stormer　smiled。　　Ironic　beast！

〃Lennan；〃　he　said；　〃distrust　hyperbole。〃

〃Of　course；　I　know　I'm　no　good　at　climbing；〃　the　boy　broke　out
again；　〃butbutI　thought　where　she　was　allowed　to　risk　her　life；
I　ought　to　be！〃

〃Good！　　I　like　that。〃　　It　was　said　so　entirely　without　irony　for
once；　that　the　boy　was　disconcerted。

〃You　are　young；　Brother　Lennan；〃　his　tutor　went　on。　　〃Now；　at　what
age　do　you　consider　men　develop　discretion？　　Because；　there　is　just
one　thing　always　worth　rememberingwomen　have　none　of　that　better
part　of　valour。〃

〃I　think　women　are　the　best　things　in　the　world；〃　the　boy　blurted
out。

〃May　you　long　have　that　opinion！〃　　His　tutor　had　risen；　and　was
ironically　surveying　his　knees。　　〃A　bit　stiff！〃　he　said。　　〃Let　me
know　when　you　change　your　views！〃

〃I　never　shall；　sir。〃

〃Ah；　ah！　　Never　is　a　long　word；　Lennan。　　I　am　going　to　have　some
tea；〃　and　gingerly　he　walked　away；　quizzing；　as　it　were；　with　a
smile；　his　own　stiffness。

Lennan　remained　where　he　was；　with　burning　cheeks。　　His　tutor's
words　again　had　seemed　directed　against　her。　　How　could　a　man　say
such　things　about　women！　　If　they　were　true；　he　did　not　want　to
know；　if　they　were　not　true；　it　was　wicked　to　say　them。　　It　must　be
awful　never　to　have　generous　feelings；　always　to　have　to　be
satirical。　　Dreadful　to　be　like　the　'English　Grundys'；　only
different；　of　course；　because；　after　all；　old　Stormer　was　much　more
interesting　and　intelligentever　so　much　more；　only；　just　as
'superior。'　　〃Some　never　get　away！〃　　Had　she　meantfrom　that
superiority？　　Just　down　below　were　a　family