屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第18章
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death；thatfaithfulfriendofthewretched；ise：nothideousandwithmockery；assuperstitionrepresents；butbeautiful；smiling；andcrownedwithstars！thegentlephantomstoopstothebeggar；itspalelipsmurmurafewairywords；whichannouncetohertheendofherlabors；apeacefuljoyesovertheagedbeggarwoman；and；leaningontheshoulderofthegreatdeliverer；shehaspassedunconsciouslyfromherlastearthlysleeptohereternalrest。
liethere；thoupoorway…weariedwoman！theleaveswillservetheeforawinding…sheet。nightwillshedhertearsofdewoverthee；andthebirdswillsingsweetlybythyremains。thyvisitherebelowwillnothaveleftmoretracethantheirflightthroughtheair；thynameisalreadyforgotten；andtheonlylegacythouhasttoleaveisthehawthornsticklyingforgottenatthyfeet！
well！someonewilltakeitup鈥斺�攕omesoldierofthatgreathumanhostwhichisscatteredabroadbymiseryorbyvice；forthouartnotanexception；thouartaninstance；andunderthesamesunwhichshinessopleasantlyuponall；inthemidstofthesefloweringvineyards；thisripecorn；andthesewealthycities；entiregenerationssuffer；succeedeachother；andstillbequeathtoeachthebeggarsstick！
thesightofthissadpictureshallmakememoregratefulforwhatgodhasgivenme；andmorepassionateforthosewhomhehastreatedwithlessindulgence；itshallbealessonandasubjectforreflectionforme。
ah！ifwewouldwatchforeverythingthatmightimproveandinstructus；ifthearrangementsofourdailylifeweresodisposedastobeaconstantschoolforourminds！butoftenestwetakenoheedofthem。
manisaneternalmysterytohimself；hisownpersonisahouseintowhichheneverenters；andofwhichhestudiestheoutsidealone。eachofusneedhavecontinuallybeforehimthefamousinscriptionwhichonceinstructedsocrates；andwhichwasengravedonthewallsofdelphibyanunknownhand：
knowthyself。
CHAPTER XII
theendoftheyear
december30th；p。m。
iwasinbed；andhardlyrecoveredfromthedeliriousfeverwhichhadkeptmeforsolongbetweenlifeanddeath。myweakenedbrainwasmakingeffortstorecoveritsactivity；mythoughts；likeraysoflightstrugglingthroughtheclouds；werestillconfusedandimperfect；attimesifeltareturnofthedizzinesswhichmadeachaosofallmyideas；andifloated；sotospeak；betweenalternatefitsofmentalwanderingandconsciousness。
sometimeseverythingseemedplaintome；liketheprospectwhich；fromthetopofsomehighmountain；opensbeforeusinclearweather。wedistinguishwater；woods；villages；cattle；eventhecottageperchedontheedgeoftheravine；thensuddenlythereesagustofwindladenwithmist；andallisconfusedandindistinct。
thus；yieldingtotheoscillationsofahalf…recoveredreason；iallowedmymindtofollowitsvariousimpulseswithouttroublingmyselftoseparatetherealfromtheimaginary；iglidedsoftlyfromonetotheother；andmydreamsandwakingthoughtssucceededcloselyupononeanother。
now；whilemymindiswanderinginthisunsettledstate；see；underneaththeclockwhichmeasuresthehourswithitsloudticking；afemalefigureappearsbeforeme！
atfirstsightisawenoughtosatisfymethatshewasnotadaughterofeve。inhereyewasthelastflashofanexpiringstar；andherfacehadthepallorofanheroicdeath…struggle。shewasdressedinadraperyofathousandchangingcolorsofthebrightestandthemostsombrehues；andheldawitheredgarlandinherhand。
afterhavingcontemplatedherforsomemoments；iaskedhername；andwhatbroughtherintomyattic。hereyes；whichwerefollowingthemovementsoftheclock；turnedtowardme；andshereplied：
〃youseeinmetheyearwhichisjustdrawingtoitsend；ietoreceiveyourthanksandyourfarewell。〃
iraisedmyselfonmyelbowinsurprise；whichsoongaveplacetobitterresentment。
〃ah！youwantthanks；〃criedi；〃butfirstletmeknowwhatfor？
〃wheniweledyouring；iwasstillyoungandvigorous：youhavetakenfrommeeachdaysomelittleofmystrength；andyouhaveendedbyinflictinganillnessuponme；already；thankstoyou；mybloodislesswarm；mymuscleslessfirm；andmyfeetlessagilethanbefore！youhaveplantedthegermsofinfirmityinmybosom；there；wherethesummerflowersoflifeweregrowing；youhavewickedlysownthenettlesofoldage！
〃and；asifitwerenotenoughtoweakenmybody；youhavealsodiminishedthepowersofmysoul；youhaveextinguishedherenthusiasm；sheisbeemoresluggishandmoretimid。formerlyhereyestookinthewholeofmankindintheirgeneroussurvey；butyouhavemadehernearsighted；andnowshehardlyseesbeyondherself！〃thatiswhatyouhavedoneformyspiritualbeing：thenastomyoutwardexistence；seetowhatgrief；neglect；andmiseryyouhavereducedit！〃forthemanydaysthatthefeverhaskeptmechainedtothisbed；whohastakencareofthishomeinwhichiplacedallmyjoy？shallinotfindmyclosetsempty；mybookcase；stripped；allmypoortreasureslostthroughnegligenceordishonesty？wherearetheplantsicultivated；thebirdsifed？allaregone！myatticisdespoiled；silentandsolitary！〃asitisonlyforthelastfewmomentsthatihavereturnedtoaconsciousnessofwhatsurroundsme；iamevenignorantwhohasnursedmeduringmylongillness！doubtlesssomehireling；whowillleavewhenallmymeansofrepenseareexhausted！〃andwhatwillmymasters；forwhomiamboundtowork；havesaidtomyabsence？atthistimeoftheyear；whenbusinessismostpressing；cantheyhavedonewithoutme；willtheyevenhavetriedtodoso？perhapsiamalreadysupersededinthehumblesituationbywhichiearnedmydailybread！anditisthou…thoualone；wickeddaughteroftime鈥斺�攚hohastbroughtallthesemisfortunesuponme：
strength；health；fort；work鈥斺�攖houhasttakenallfromme。ihaveonlyreceivedoutrageandlossfromthee；andyetthoudaresttoclaimmygratitude！
〃ah！diethen；sincethydayise；butdiedespisedandcursed；andmayiwriteonthytombtheepitaphthearabianpoetinscribeduponthatofaking：
〃rejoice；thoupasser…by：hewhomwehaveburiedherecannotliveagain。〃
iwaswakenedbyahandtakingmine；andopeningmyeyes；irecognizedthedoctor。
afterhavingfeltmypulse；henoddedhishead；satdownatthefootofthebed；andlookedatme；rubbinghisnosewithhissnuffbox。ihavesincelearnedthatthiswasasignofsatisfactionwiththedoctor。
〃well！sowewantedoldsnub…nosetocarryusoff？〃saidm。lambert；inhishalf…joking；half…scoldingway。〃whatthedeuceofahurrywewerein！itwasnecessarytoholdyoubackwithbotharmsatleast！〃
〃thenyouhadgivenmeup；doctor？〃askedi；ratheralarmed。
〃notatall；〃repliedtheoldphysician。〃wecantgiveupwhatwehavenotgot；andimakeitarulenevertohaveanyhope。wearebutinstrumentsinthehandsofprovidence；andeachofusshouldsay；withambroisepare：itendhim；godcureshim！〃
〃mayhebeblessedthen；aswellasyou；〃criedi；〃andmaymyhealthebackwiththenewyear！〃
m。lambertshruggedhisshoulders。
〃beginbyaskingyourselfforit；〃resumedhe；bluntly。〃godhasgivenityou；anditisyourownsense；andnotchance；thatmustkeepitforyou。onewouldthink；tohearpeopletalk；thatsicknessesuponusliketherainorthesunshine；withoutonehavingawordtosayinthematter。beforeweplainofbeingillweshouldprovethatwedeservetobewell。〃
iwasabouttosmile；butthedoctorlookedangry。
〃ah！youthinkthatiamjoking；〃resumedhe；raisinghisvoice；〃buttellme；then；whichofusgiveshishealththesameattentionthathegivestohisbusiness？doyoueconomizeyourstrengthasyoueconomizeyourmoney？doyouavoidexcessandimprudenceintheonecasewiththesamecareasextravaganceorfoolishspeculationsintheother？doyoukeepasregularaccountsofyourmodeoflivingasyoudoofyourine？
doyouconsidereveryeveningwhathasbeenwholesomeorunwholesomeforyou；withthesamecarethatyoubringtotheexaminationofyourexpenditure？youmaysmile；buthaveyounotbroughtthisillnessonyourselfbyathousandindiscretions？〃
ibegantoprotestagainstthis；andaskedhimtopointouttheseindiscretions。theolddoctorspreadouthisfingers；andbegantoreckonuponthemonebyone。
〃primo；〃criedhe；〃wantofexercise。youliveherelikeamouseinacheese；withoutair；motion；orchangensequently；thebloodcirculatesbadly；thefluidsthicken；themuscles；beinginactive；donotclaimtheirshareofnutrition；thestomachflags；andthebraingrowsweary。
〃secundo。irregularfood。capriceisyourcook；yourstomachaslavewhomustacceptwhatyougiveit；butwhopresentlytakesasullenrevenge；likeallslaves。
〃tertio。sittinguplate。insteadofusingthenightforsleep；youspenditinreading；yourbedsteadisabookcase；yourpillowsadesk！
atthetimewhentheweariedbrainasksforrest；youleaditthroughthesenocturnalorgies；andyouaresurprisedtofindittheworseforthemthenextday。
〃quarto。luxurioushabits。shutupinyourattic；youinsensiblysurroundyourselfwithathousandeffeminateindulgences。youmusthavelistforyourdoor；ablindforyourwindow；acarpetforyourfeet；aneasy…chairstuffedwithwoolforyourback；yourfirelitatthefirstsignofcold；andashadetoyourlamp；andthankstoalltheseprecautions；theleastdraughtmakesyoucatchcold；monchairsgiveyounorest；andyoumustwearspectaclestosupportthelightofday。
youhavethoughtyouwereacquiringforts；andyouhaveonlycontractedinfirmities。
〃quinto〃
〃ah！enough；enough；doctor！〃criedi。〃pray；donotcarryyourexaminationfarther；donotattachasenseofremorsetoeachofmypleasures。〃
theolddoctorrubbedhisnosewithhissnuffbox。
〃yousee；〃saidhe；moregently；andrisingatthesametime；〃youwouldescapefromthetruth。youshrinkfrominquiry鈥斺�攁proofthatyouareguilty。habemusconfitentemreum！butatleast；myfriend；donotgoonlayingtheblameontime；likeanoldwoman。〃
thereuponheagainfeltmypulse；andtookhisleave；declaringthathisfunctionwasatanend；andthattherestdependeduponmyself。
whenthedoctorwasgone；isetaboutreflectinguponwhathehadsaid。
althoughhiswordsweretoosweeping；theywerenotthelesstrueinthemain。howoftenweaccusechanceofanillness；theoriginofwhichweshouldseekinourselves！perhapsitwouldhavebeenwisertolethimfinishtheexaminationhehadbegun。
butistherenotanotherofmoreimportance鈥斺�攖hatwhichconcernsthehealthofthesoul？amisosureofhavingneglectednomeansofpreservingthatduringtheyearwhichisnowending？havei；asoneofgodssoldiersuponearth；keptmycourageandmyarmsefficient？shallibereadyforthegreatreviewofsoulswhichmustpassbeforehimwhoisinthedarkvalleyofjehoshaphat？
darestthouexaminethyself；omysoul！andseehowoftenthouhasterred？
first；thouhasterredthroughpride！forihavenotdulyvaluedthelowly。ihavedrunktoodeeplyoftheintoxicatingwinesofgenius；andhavefoundnorelishinpurewater。ihavedisdainedthosewordswhichhadnootherbeautythantheirsincerity；ihaveceasedtolovemensolelybecausetheyaremen鈥斺�攊havelovedthemfortheirendowments；ihavecontractedtheworldwithinthenarrowpassofapantheon；andmysympathyhasbeenawakenedbyadmirationonly。thevulgarcrowd；whichioughttohavefollowedwithafriendlyeyebecauseitisposedofmybrothersinhopeorgrief；ihaveletpassbywithasmuchindifferenceasifitwereaflockofsheep。iamindignantwithhimwhorollsinrichesanddespisesthemanpoorinworldlywealth；andyet；vainofmytriflingknowledge；idespisehimwhoispoorinmind鈥斺�攊scornthepovertyofintellectasothersdothatofdress；itakecreditforagiftwhichididnotbestowonmyself；andturnthefavoroffortuneintoaweaponwithwhichtoattackothers。
ah！if；intheworstdaysofrevolutions；ignorancehasrevoltedandraisedacryofhatredagainstgenius；thefaultisnotaloneintheenviousmaliceofignorance；butesinpart；too；fromthecontemptuousprideofknowledge。
alas！ihavetoopletelyforgottenthefableofthetwosonsofthemagicianofbagdad。
oneofthem；struckbyanirrevocabledecreeofdestiny；wasbornblind；whiletheotherenjoyedallthedelightsofsight。thelatter；proudofhisownadvantages；laughedathisbrothersblindness；anddisdainedhimasapanion。onemorningtheblindboywishedtogooutwithhim。
〃towhatpurpose；〃saidhe；〃sincethegodshaveputnothinginmonbetweenus？formecreationisastage；whereathousandcharmingscenesandwonderfulactorsappearinsuccession；foryouitisonlyanobscureabyss；atthebottomofwhichyouheartheconfusedmurmurofaninvisibleworldntinuethenaloneinyourdarkness；andleavethepleasuresoflighttothoseuponwhomtheday…starshines。〃
withthesewordshewentaway；andhisbrother；leftalone；begantocrybitterl
